Help with my Dating profile!

[Dougie_D]

So hold on...if I contact a girl on OKC and she finds me on ENA she may or may not decide to respond back or even want to go on a date?

[JewelCat]

So hold on...if I contact a girl on OKC and she finds me on ENA she may or may not decide to respond back or even want to go on a date?

 

Yes. If she goes on ENA and looks through your posts, and sees a thread you started called, "Done trying, just SEX please," she could run for the hills. You don't want to reveal so much personal info to someone you barely know.

[Miss Firecracker]

Dougie, I love all your photos except #1. That background is depressing and so is the old dirty t-shirt. lol

 

And I like the goatee myself.

[WockaWocka]

So hold on...if I contact a girl on OKC and she finds me on ENA she may or may not decide to respond back or even want to go on a date?

 

Yes. Didn't you have a thread a while back about wanting to pay for sex in NV just to lose your virginity? (I'm on my mobile phone so it's a bit difficult to research, but I'm pretty sure that was you). If a woman finds out your a virgin after dating you it might seem sweet and vulnerable, whereas if she read a thread about how you thought about resorting to a professional she would probably be turned off. Plus you've written stuff here about old dates and girls you've had crushes on. Nobody needs that much detail about Exs. Women (and people in general) want to feel like they were chosen from among many possible options because they're special, not that they're "good enough" because you've had trouble getting out of the friend zone.

 

And I always google stuff about prospective online dates too, including handles. I don't consider it stalking, but rather a basic concern for my safety and also so that I don't waste his or my time.

 

Since you use your photo as your avatar on ENA, there's no question it's you. I might PM a mod to change your username here if I were you, I think you're allowed to do that once.

[bulletproof]

So hold on...if I contact a girl on OKC and she finds me on ENA she may or may not decide to respond back or even want to go on a date?

 

She will likely decline a date if she reads some posts you have on here. Nobody wants that much personal info before even meeting you- at least not that intimate type of info. Further, she might speculate that if you do date, it's going to be material for all your future posts.

 

Definitely change your user names!

[mfan]

Never ever use usernames on forums that can identify you in real life. Especially relationship, sex and drug forums.

 

For a matter of fact you shouldn't even have any part of your name as part of your username unless its fake.

 

Google cahe websites, meaning posts you made that are even deleted can be viewed.

 

In addition, don't use the same photo on an online profile that you've used as an avatar or profile photo anywhere else. There are photo search engines now which can locate duplicates of the same picture on the web. So someone could copy your OKCupid thumbnail, plug it into the search engine, and find your eNotAlone account.

 

Probably cropping the photo slightly differently, or altering the brightness or contrast using a photo editor, would be enough to evade the search engine.

[Dougie_D]

Well...it's obvious that the reason why no girl has wanted to date me is because of my ENA posts. If all the girls knew previously, why has no one asked to change it before?

[frree]

Well...it's obvious that the reason why no girl has wanted to date me is because of my ENA posts. If all the girls knew previously, why has no one asked to change it before?

 

I assume that you don't tell girls you meet that you post on this website? As others have suggested, request a forum name change and take your picture down.

[Dougie_D]

No, I don't go around telling girls I'm on here...but it doesn't really matter, right?

 

Hmm...So, what I'm gathering is...EVERYTHING I have POSTED is a "dealbreaker" for girls. I might as well NOT talk at all.

 

I would assume that a girl is going to know a little more about me if we get involved, and she might/or not might decide to be with me after awhile.

 

I would rather save my time then waste my time.

 

Also, most people are going "ask more about them" anyways. If some girl knew my friends, she is going to ask. I would HAVE NO IDEA what they would say to that girl. That seems more RISKY to me than anything!

[frree]

If you reveal you post on here, then most women will be turned off. Because 1. You clearly lack confidence 2. You're a 30 year old virgin which is a turnoff to a lot of women 3. More then anything, it seems to me you're desperate for sex because you've never had it before. There's nothing wrong with that at all. But don't let a women know your desperate for it. She may think you're only interested in sex and won't give you a chance.

 

Most people who use this site will not reveal it to their partners, or even their friends. So don't feel guilty about that. Yes most of the things you post on here are dealbreakers, but you don't need to reveal them to someone you meet. That's your business, and do you honestly think a woman you meet is going to reveal 100% everything about herself to you? Not revealing you post on a realationship website is hardly a major skeleton in the closet.

[bulletproof]

No, I don't go around telling girls I'm on here...but it doesn't really matter, right?

 

Hmm...So, what I'm gathering is...EVERYTHING I have POSTED is a "dealbreaker" for girls. I might as well NOT talk at all.

 

I would assume that a girl is going to know a little more about me if we get involved, and she might/or not might decide to be with me after awhile.

 

I would rather save my time then waste my time.

 

Also, most people are going "ask more about them" anyways. If some girl knew my friends, she is going to ask. I would HAVE NO IDEA what they would say to that girl. That seems more RISKY to me than anything!

 

Your friends would hopefully use some discretion if they were asked any questions about you. And yes, a woman will get to know you after you date for awhile, but that means you'll be telling her your own story in your own way, as oppose to her reading it on the internet before she's even met you. Message boards lack tone, and if she sees your posts on here, she might not be as interested in getting to know you. I also doubt that this is why you haven't been getting dates- it could be one of the reasons, but I think overall your profile was a little rough before you made the changes.

 

Just change your name, no big deal.

[WockaWocka]

Just as a test, I googled "Dougie_D". ENA didn't appear until the 2nd page but the first thread that came up was about having trouble making friends and the second one was entltled "My dreams are useless." That statement alone would be a huge turnoff to a prospective date.

 

Also you have to think about prospective employers and colleagues who might google this handle you use on other social media sites. Would you want them to know this kind of info about you? I certainly wouldn't want to hire someone who publicly says their dreams are useless. Employers want someone who projects confidence and togetherness. So do dates. I don't mean arrogance, but people want someone who has a good sense of boundaries.

 

Given how easy it is for anyone who knows you on various social media sites to google the handle you use there and find your ENA account with your picture I would worry if I dated you that anything you write about our relationship could be pretty easily linked to me. What if you start writing stuff like "my girlfriend has a funky odor" or "Jane really likes kinky sex"? Even a stranger could piece together Jane's identity by cross-referencing your friends lists or followers on other social media platforms.

 

If I were you I'd change my ENA username and crop your photo in different ways as someone suggested or else use a different kind of avatar here if I were you.

[Dougie_D]

Well, I kind of have to believe that it's easier to find my profile name on the ENA search engine or adding ENA within a regular search engine...so if that's the case, the person wouldn't be interested in the beginning because they know of ENA.

 

I don't think key words like:sex, help, forum, relationship, dating, etc... would help to find my specific posts.

 

If they DID somehow figure out who I was and found my post...THAT's WAY too much effort. Most people don't have that much time unless THEY ARE VERY INTERESTED.

 

I have NEVER revealed my posts to other people. I still don't understand...ANYBODY can see any post.

 

SCENERIO: I start talking to a girl. Both of us are on ENA but we don't know it. Our AVATARS are not us. I start to read into posts and realize that a girl starts saying things that may sound like our relationship. So I dig more and follow her more on ENA.

 

Now, that would be weird right? How come people don't get freaked over that situation? That could actually happen!

 

Also... if my dealbreakers are 1: I lack confidence, 2: I'm a 30 year old virgin 3: I would like to have sex ... what's NOT STOPPING me by NOT PUTTING that on my OKC profile?

 

If that really IS the reason WHY no girl wants to be with me...THAN, I'm NOT BEING HONEST WITH MYSELF and that's a HUGE TURNOFF.

[bulletproof]

 

 

Also... if my dealbreakers are 1: I lack confidence, 2: I'm a 30 year old virgin 3: I would like to have sex ... what's NOT STOPPING me by NOT PUTTING that on my OKC profile?

 

If that really IS the reason WHY no girl wants to be with me...THAN, I'm NOT BEING HONEST WITH MYSELF and that's a HUGE TURNOFF.

 

 

There is a reason we are not 100% forthcoming with every thought in our heads at all times. It's called discretion, tact, using good judgment, etc. Sometimes it's done so that we don't hurt others' feelings. Sometimes it's to protect ourselves from giving away too much info too soon. The fact is, as adults we don't walk around all day spewing intimate thoughts to strangers, and telling people what we think about everything. And the people on internet dating sites are strangers.

 

What is the big deal about changing one of your profile names?

[WockaWocka]

Well, I kind of have to believe that it's easier to find my profile name on the ENA search engine or adding ENA within a regular search engine...so if that's the case, the person wouldn't be interested in the beginning because they know of ENA.

...

If they DID somehow figure out who I was and found my post...THAT's WAY too much effort. Most people don't have that much time unless THEY ARE VERY INTERESTED.

Just to be clear, when I did the google search I didn't add any terms, I simply used the handle "Dougie_D" from your OKC profile. Try it for yourself. All it took was scrolling to the 2nd page of search results to see the ENA postings. Compared to getting ready and going out on a date, scrolling to the second page of google search results is not a lot of effort. I agree with Bulletproof: what's the big deal about changing your ENA name?

[agatha]

Doug, I like the clean you better (though I dislike your messy hair, you have the 'nice guy' all written up. maybe you could use it on your favor, instead of trying to play bad guy), and the background of your kitchen is not flattering.

 

and as much as I hate games, I have to agree, ENA is like therapy - not everything you say or think in there will be applied in the 'real' world, and you are entitled to secrecy. many times your posts here have been misread, and the comments they generated were not nice. what we are advising here is for your own protection, so the girls searching for you won't find your weak points before they get to know your better sides.

[hers]

Be aware that if you change your name here, the name would still come up in posts you were quoted in beforae your name change, and Google still picks up on that.

[frree]

Because people with online dating are cautious and rightly so. A woman in particular will likely be wary of any man she has contact with online and would like to know as much info as she possibly can. If she does a google search of your name forget dating her unless she's a nutcase looking to exploit you. Because believe me, you've also left quite a lot of info about yourself that someone who's an online predator can prey upon.

 

There's one thing being honest to a person, but there's such a thing as not committing dating suicide. Tell any women you have confidence problems and she won't give you the time of day. No need to tell a woman you're a virgin unless she brings it up with you. Then you can tell her, but why bring it up in advance? There's nothing wrong in wanting to have sex. Don't make it too obvious though, otherwise a woman may think that's all you want, and you won't be getting anything, not even a kiss.

 

As someone else mentioned. This place is sorta like therapy. You don't talk to a date like you would a therapist. You don't disclose everything you've mentioned on this site to a date. Nobody else here would do that. Why shoot yourself in the foot?

[Iakasot]

No, I don't go around telling girls I'm on here...but it doesn't really matter, right?

 

Hmm...So, what I'm gathering is...EVERYTHING I have POSTED is a "dealbreaker" for girls. I might as well NOT talk at all.

 

I would assume that a girl is going to know a little more about me if we get involved, and she might/or not might decide to be with me after awhile.

 

I would rather save my time then waste my time.

 

Also, most people are going "ask more about them" anyways. If some girl knew my friends, she is going to ask. I would HAVE NO IDEA what they would say to that girl. That seems more RISKY to me than anything!

 

Every person is shallow on some level, and if you expect everyone to accept every little thing about you from the beginning, well that's naive, you're gonna be alone for the rest of your life. People naturally look out for themselves, so anything that might be a red flag to unhappiness in the future is going to be avoided in the early stages before they even get to know the real you. They're just looking out for themselves, and it's understandable that they'd reject someone whom they don't have an emotional connection to to protect themselves from potential red flags. What I'm trying to say is, that anyone who is successful in dating puts their best foot forward, so that at least a person can get a chance to like their positive traits, rather than rejecting them over the negative ones before that happens. You don't have to lie, but there is such a thing as curbing your flaws to improve your odds. A stranger doesn't need to know all your weaknesses, unless it's someone you're asking for help on ENA or a shrink. You gradually tell your weaknesses to them, as they tell you theirs, that's part of growing closer together in a relationship. Start with the weaknesses that are less likely to turn them off, obviously.

[dali]

Also... if my dealbreakers are 1: I lack confidence, 2: I'm a 30 year old virgin 3: I would like to have sex ... what's NOT STOPPING me by NOT PUTTING that on my OKC profile?

 

If that really IS the reason WHY no girl wants to be with me...THAN, I'm NOT BEING HONEST WITH MYSELF and that's a HUGE TURNOFF.

 

To tell the truth that would be exactly the reason no girl looking at your profile would want to be with you, why would you put such negatives on your profile. Sorry to say If they will say they will honestly say "loser....this guys got issues next". Balance being true to yourself and reality. There's really such a "thing as too much information' too soon. People are not necessarily shallow but first impressions count, you present your good qualities not your bad to the world.

 

I know you really need help with women so listen to the advice fellow ENA, present your positives. Do you have any other adult experiences you can draw on or positive that you can put on your profile.

[Brig]

Isn't that the purpose of a dating site? Someone who has a hard time getting a date?

 

No.. not in the slightest. I do it cuz I was interested in meeting some new women from a different city nearby. And I do it cuz it's convenient. Having a profile can be doing work for me while I may not be physically available to do the work my own.

[jumbrella]

My 2 centavos:

 

-Make that picture of you with the guitar your main pic. Got a bigger version of it? If so use it. You need more pics like that. Stuff that shows you're fun, or shows that you got skills, or have some deep passion.

-Lose the picture of you on the brick planter, and the one of bowling.

-Get to the gym, get in a bit better shape. You're not a bad looking guy at all, but the bit of pudge hides it a bit.

 

Also you seem to lack confidence. Don't under estimate the effects of getting in shape. It will do wonders for you. You get that testosterone boost, which will make you a bit more, caveman-ish, for lack of a better word. But you'll know you're a sexy beast too, and that will give you a much needed ego boost. It all starts to create a feedback loop of awesomeness

 

-You are a straight male on OKCupid. The game is already stacked against you.

 

Women tend to treat dating websites like shopping in the mall. They're just browsing, and have no investment in you. They will find any number of reasons to skip you, and keep on shopping for a better deal.

 

They also have a large amount of men sending messages to them. Even less than stellar women will have a good amount of choice, and feel entitled.

 

You have to stand out, and stand out in a GOOD WAY.

 

Unless you're the chiseled adonis, with pictures of you sipping champagne on your yacht, its a mostly uphill battle.

 

My biggest piece of advice would be that you don't invest too much into online dating. Put your effort towards real life. Its much, much better in my experience

[WockaWocka]

 

-Make that picture of you with the guitar your main pic. Got a bigger version of it? If so use it. You need more pics like that. Stuff that shows you're fun, or shows that you got skills, or have some deep passion.

-Lose the picture of you on the brick planter, and the one of bowling.

I agree - the planter picture is unflattering. The picture of you in the orange button-down is my favorite. The guitar picture is great too. I'm really not a fan of the surprised picture. I'd at least make it small and toward the bottom if you decide to use it.

 

but jumbrella is right, dating online can be difficult for straight guys. As a straight woman sometimes the sheer volume of correspondence means that even a guy I'd normally consider in real life has to meet a somewhat higher standard. But mostly that's because a lot of guys seem to browse the photos and send the exact same message to any woman they find attractive enough to date. Anything you can do to stand out, like personalize your message to show you've actually read their profile, can help a lot.

 

Cheers.

[Dougie_D]

Most of my messages are directly towards something they say or something in their picture. Sometimes I'll get a message back but when I respond with a "you want to get a drink or something" They don't respond back. Not even a "not really". I think girls on dating sites just want to "chat" to whoever- and if they want a guy they'll make it happen. I've emailed all my "90% or above" matches...None have responded. Not even responded!!!!

[hers]

Never ever comment on the pictures. It just shows that you haveabt read their profile and are interested only in their looks. And give it a few messages back and forth before you ask to meet up. Otherwise you can come off as desperate and creepy.