I Am No Longer Attracted to Men My Own Age - Need Advice

[Miss Firecracker]

Hi MissF,

I think you would have known by now if it was going to happen. As far as I know, none of bros-in-laws got it.

 

Well, one of our sons is bipolar but was diagnosed at age 23. It's pretty unusual to get to 50 before that breaks out. I hope my husband doesn't suddenly develop that, but I doubt he will since it is rampant in my family. His side has schizo, and my other son has that. We are so lucky, aren't we?

[Silverbirch]

Hi Miss Firecracker, sorry to hear about your sons. My ex ex who was diagnosed with bipolar at 50 (as far as I know, he had not been diagnosed with it earlier) did do something which raised some suspicions with me. Whe I first met him, he used to go to the gym once or twice a week. At around 49, he had become quite obsessed. He was also eating certain foods , having protein drinks and sending away for "vitamins" on the internet. He used to send away to America for what he called "natural steroids". I have been told from medical sources that use of steroids, such as cortisone long-term or abuse of steroids can trigger bipolar, but I would think a person would need to be genetically predisposed to it. He hadn't seen his own father since he was 4 and knew that his father had a mental illness, but he thought his father had schizophrenia not bipolar. As you likely know, with bipolar, a lot of the problems are caused through the fact that many sufferers are non-compliant with theire medications, particularly when they are in a state of hypermania. It was a horrible experience. I hope that you have lots of strong supports around you.

[Blue Spiral]

I don't think the "sudden behavior change around age 50" thing is medical, I think it's purely mental. A milestone thing. It happened to me when I was thirty: "I'm not doing X or Y anymore, it's not worth it--I'm doing A and B instead." My list of things were different than your fifty-year-olds' things, but even so, I think it's the same principle.

[twentiesgirl86]

I kind of have the same problem, except I only go for older men. Men my age or younger do not attract me anymore. There was a perfectly nice guy who is twenty-five and I did find him to be cute, but I wouldn't want to date him. I like men in their thirties. I am attracted to a 35 year old man right now. People in their twenties look too young for me, which is weird. I am 24, going on 25. There is even a 40 year old that I would rather date than someone my age... and that's probably wrong. I don't understand why I am like this. I've always gone for men my age and maybe a couple years older but now it's at least five years or more older.

[Silverbirch]

Hi Ashley,

Maybe your attraction has something to do with the fact that a 35 year old would likely be a lot more confident within himself than a 25 year old. I wouldn't think it would be a problem unless the person was 20 years or more older than you. Forty is okay, but if you are looking to settle, When you are 35, he would be 50!

[Miss Firecracker]

Oh, the steroids drove my first cousin insane. He was a body builder and his wife a nurse, so wasn't that convenient for him? That was many years ago though. That could certainly trigger mental illness, as in that wrestler back a few years ago that killed his family. Just be thankful you got away from that in time. You really hit the jackpot with two mental exes. Wow! Life is such a ride.

 

Yes, we have shrinks and lots of good meds. I am fortunately still married to their father, which is a miracle after all we've weathered. So for now, things are working.

[Silverbirch]

Hi MissFirecracker,

I'd say my ex ex developed a mental illness, but I wouldn't say the same of my most recent ex. I would say he is depressed, that he is going through midlife "what's it all about", that he can be very selfish and blame others, but that's all very different to a genuine mental illness. My most recent ex wasn't always like this as far as I know. He's definitely not "out of control" like my ex ex with the bipolar. One of the major things which attracted me to him was that he IS very different to the ex ex.

 

Despite my exes problems, I really genuinely loved and still do love him - not to say that I would go back to him, unless of course there were major changes and a reasonable period of time had elapsed for both of us to work on ourselves.

 

With my ex ex who had bipolar, that was very much like how I think it would be if a person's partner died. The person I knew for such a long time, simply went away, and as far as I know, didn't come back. I haven't obviously been with him for a couple of years, but in the last 2 years we were together, there was so much traum, he broke my heart over and over, that I would/have never even consider going back even if his bipolar did become stable.

 

It's good to hear that things are working with your husband, especially as you say, you have both been through so much together. Didn't hear about the wrestler who killed his family. I have taken a very short couse of Cortisone as I suffer from allergies which can trigger asthma for me. When I take it, I don't sleep, and I get a lot of housework done, but I hate it. I can see that some people would get off on it, but I'm not one of them and could only take it for the most essential period of time.

[Silverbirch]

Hi,

I just wanted to bring this thread back in the hope that it might help newer people to know that I know feel very differently after having had very low contact with the ex since the breakup. Only contact has been with regard to property.

 

I no longer want to be with my ex. I am no longer in love with him. I don't even like him much as a person anymore.

 

I have begun feeling attracted to a man close in age to me who has apparently liked me for quite a long time. I am not planning on entering a committed relationship with anyone right now, but I am so happy to see that I've made a lot of progress since I started this thread.

 

I'm actually happy and enjoying being single - as well as some attention from potential future interests.

 

Thank you very much to the people here at ENA who have helped me.