OMG Accidentally Call Ex - Cant Stop Crying

[Silverbirch]

I agree it is harder to call it if it isn't right there in your phone contacts. if you know it by heart then you make a conscious choice to sit there a dial it rather than accidently click it....it's odd I can't think of what his number is off hand but I feel like I would still know it if it suddenly appeared in a text on my phone...

 

Sorry Lady Ninja and anyone else. I didn't purposely mean to disregard anyone's post. Just missed some of them because I'm pretty upset right now. Thanks for all your kind wishes.

[Silverbirch]

Silver, keep that chin of yours up.

Picked up on something else - he didnt offer anything about himself in the convo, maybe cos there wasnt time, but if he was asking direct questions about you rest assured he IS thinking about you which you can use to feel good. I know as we are in a similar position, its easy to tell yourself they have a wonderful life now, free of feeling regret/pain/random wonders about us, but clearly he DOES still have you on his mind.

 

Hope you have a lovely time the morrow with the horses if drama is correct about the wonders of animals, might be time to invest and get me a horsey hehe

 

Hey thanks Kev, I'm just re-reading the posts here. Maybe he does think about me, but I have to be realistic - if he loved or wanted to be with me - HE WOULD HAVE CONTACTED ME. It could be that he sounded happy because he IS happy WITHOUT ME!

 

As you know, neither or my ponies are riding horses, but after being around Mac recently, it has made me wish I had my own horse for riding, and that is something I might do one of these days. I just know now what a big commitment they are. I'd love to get an old plodder - a retired work horse which is very calm and likes a lot of attention, especially grooming because that's one of the things I enjoy doing the most.

[ferna3069]

i think its a cool hobby that you have with horses silverbirch. everything will get better i know it hurts right now but u will see.

[Kev0s1983]

"If I ever went back to him and there was a repeat of what has happened, it would totally destroy me.."

 

That right there is EXACTLY what I know to be true for my case. My aunt and uncle even said as much the day after they found me unconcious and with vomit around me... Stark cold truth. I want you to know that you are not back to square one. IT just feels that way. You will feel better about things in a day or two. If not, I will eat my hat. You have come so far, done a lot of things conducive to healing and it will continue so long as you want it to continue. The botox thing shows how determined you are to make a change for the future. The future is something unknown. However, taking steps to put yourself in the best possible position to handle/deal with the future speaks volumes of your determination FOR the future.

 

It is hard right now. ITs ridiculously hard and this phone call is for sure what you didnt need. But its happened... It cant be undone, it cant be changed and you have to accept it has happened. You have said there wil be no more contact and this is just a simple honest mistake. Dont beat yourself up over it anymore. It will do zero to help you. Yea, its easy for me to say, but just contnue with how you have been handling things to date. You have a hell of a lot going for you with some wonderful future plans in the pipeline. Hold onto these plans and revel in them. Ensure they work themselves out as best as they possibly can and make some new memories you can treasure that will not/cannot be tainted by the company of someone else who later causes you pain.

 

Keep smiling missy and if your not, start smiling

[Tanzi]

Aww Silverbirch, it was genuine accident so stop being so hard on yourself. I'm sure he would have realised that too judging by your reluctance to chat so on that side of things you have nothing to worry about. As for wondering why he was being so nice ... I think you are over analysing. I mean, there you were on the other end of his phone, he knew that you had probably made a genuine mistake and he saw no reason NOT to be pleasant to you. By being nice he was saying "I know you made a mistake but, hey, its really OK". It would have been far worse had he been blunt and cut you short. You would probably have assumed the same thing ... that he had someone there and he couldn't talk to you.

 

You need to delete his number from your phone so that you don't make the same mistake again. What I have done in the past is to remember the last two digits of a number (or maybe something else that makes it significant, ie. a double or treble number). That way should a number come up on your phone you will instantly recognise it as being an ex (or someone else you don't wish to talk to) but at least you won't have the opportunity to make any more mistakes, or to be tempted to call it.

[RISK]

"She said that whilst the relationship is over right now, it is possible that later on, when we have both healed, we will come together as very different people."

 

Yes. you smarter for having ended it and he a different kinda jerk for making you leave.

[Silverbirch]

Hi Risk, it was actually him that ended it - a couple of days before he had his 50th birthday. He was very depressed. He didn't give me any options. I've been such a mess, I couldn't go back right now even if he wanted to because of how bad the breakup has been for me. The more I have been away though, the more I see. Yes, I have MAJOR regrets about things I did at the end of the relationship - not malicious things - mainly that I was so tired and stressed from work and that I didn't have enough time or energy to put into a relationship. He however, has done a couple of very selfish disrespectful things which I could no longer accept.

[lavenderdove]

>> it's horrible. I thought I was getting better,

 

You are getting better, but getting over a broken heart is similar to getting over a broken leg, it just takes time and doesn't heal as quickly as we'd like... It will be really tender and sore for a while and if you test it too soon the pain can come screaming back for a moment. So you are indeed getting better, just poked your broken heart so to speak by hearing his voice. You will feel much better in a day or two if you don't dwell on it and just get right back into your routine of healing and living your life.

 

I'd suggest taking his number off your phone so this doesn't happen again, or renaming it to put him at the end of your call list where you're less likely to have an accident like this. It's just too painful when you accidentally do something like this, so better to not risk it.

[Silverbirch]

Thanks Lavenerlove,

I had actually renamed it and filed it as B (illegitimate child). My friends name was right underneath it.

[justagr]

Is this the guy who cheated on you?

[browneyedgirl36]

Ah, Silverbirch, I've done that myself -- called someone by accident that I shouldn't have called -- someone who I didn't want to ever talk to again; I did call my ex one time by accident, but we were still seeing each other (sort of -- argh!) at that point, so it wasn't painful for me. I actually took my ex's phone number out of my phone for several months because he had gotten back with a previous ex of his, and I was scared to death I'd accidentally call him and she'd freak out or something and start harassing me (apparently, I was right to do so -- according to my ex. she would have freaked out!) I did eventually put him back in my phone, though, once we became friends and I was able to hear from him without becoming a nervous wreck. I still worry, sometimes, because his name is pretty common, and from far away, it could be mistaken for three people (my sister, an aunt, and a friend) who all have the same name, which starts with the same letters as the ex's name! I'm afraid that I'll call him at a moment that I don't feel up to talking to him, or, worse, that I'll butt-dial/purse dial him and he'll hear me talking about him (or something personal) to someone else. The best thing to do is have a sense of humor about the whole thing. You had a decent talk with him, so no harm, no foul. It stirred up a few emotions, and that's OK. Hang in there!

[rapunzel]

BTW a suggestion. If you want to have his name in your phone so you know not to answer, put it under EX- DON'T ANSWER in caps, or something like that. A friend of mine did that with her ex (His name was John and she knew many john's so to stop herself from accidentally dialing him she did that.) I think it's a good idea. Just a thought.

 

I accidentally dialed my ex's phone number once, just absentmindedly. I was thinking about him (which I did, a LOT) and meant to dial someone else and I dialed him instead. I was mortified but luckily got his voicemail. He never said a word about it. Someone suggested putting his number under "X" (because no one else's name starts with X and it's unlikely I would misdial!) which I did. I kept his number in my phone because he calls me on occasion for business reasons and I also assigned a special tone to him so that I know it's him when he calls.

 

Having his number under "X" has prevented me from dialing it by mistake.

[Silverbirch]

Is this the guy who cheated on you?

 

No that was my ex ex. That relationship ended 5 years ago.

[TiredOfGames]

Hey Silver! Sorry to hear that this set you back a little. This is something very very easy for anyone to have done. An accident, pure and simple. My ex accidentally called my number, hmm, mid-last week at some point. I don't have her contact info in my phone but I recognised the number and didn't pick up. After a couple of rings it stopped (and no VM); I think she realised at that point. I hope you are feeling better now.

[Gimpyrks]

Hey silver. I checked out the photo of Mac and I had a big "awww" moment. I am a big horsey person too, though I don't own any of my own. My Aunt and Uncle also own alpacas so I have found two loves of my life. Max, an alpaca, had to be put down but I still talk to him (as silly as that sounds) And Ranger helped me get over one of my past ex's. I haven't seen him latley do to my job away from home and I don't think I'll be able to see him before he goes home this summer a state away. Animals are great sources of love.

 

link removed This is Max, this picture ended up being my senior picture.

 

Sorry I mainly replied to comment on your gorgeous picture

[Silverbirch]

Hey thanks guys. A bit teary and sad today. Hey Gyp, that is an adorable photo. I'm so sorry that Max had to be put down. You can tellhe must have been a real character. We have neighbours in our street with a herd of alpacas. Yes, they are lovely, especially ones that have been socialised with humans well.

 

I had a friend over yesterday and we spent a couple of hours with the ponies, took them for a LONG walk. She took lots of photos so once she sends them to me, I will put some up. It's always great meeting other people who love their furry families.

 

Thanks guys.

[RISK]

When Chris and I were together, I listed his name as "Still Breathing" -(one of my fav films) as things got progressively worse I renamed him "barely breathing", "Gasping for breath". Then just before he was about to become "Can't breathe." We went back. Not once, twice. This morning while I was lying in his arms. I said a little prayer." oh God thank you I am so happy and right here in his arms is where I want to be. But, just in case give me plenty to do with my own life, so I never have to feel the pain of that heartbreak again."

[Silverbirch]

Thanks Risk,

That small experience has been very unsettling for me, but it has made me realise how painful contact with him would be - at least for a long time. With that small amount of contact came full on overanalysing and obsessing, and today I ended up crying like a baby with grief. I too don't ever want to experience this again. I'm trying to work out how to let go of him and get on with my life. Right now, my confidence is so low, and I hate that I have given the power to another person to influence the way I am feeling about myself. I somehow feel that I won't be hearing from him, and in my heart, I know this is the best thing for me. The risk of me getting hurt badly again by him is high. He would have to get honest with himself and do quite a lot of work, and even if he did that, it would take a long time, and very likely I WILL have moved on by then. I do feel sort of dead still - like I'm in some sort of lifeless winter fog. Hanging out for some professional counselling and time to pass so I will have healed. Thanks.

[stevef20]

I've pm'd you hon

 

Hugzzzz

[Silverbirch]

Thanks Steve. xxx

[stevef20]

You'll always be welcome J.

 

Keep smiling

 

Steve x

[RISK]

I'm in some sort of lifeless winter fog. beautifully said.

 

I felt that pain the first time we broke up, the tears were new and ancient. I did come thru though. it didn't feel like progress until we went back. Then I realized every strong day away protected me from future pain. Would I survive it again?. (if i had too). This site, people like you, God. yes I would. Do I want to . No. But in the realm of possibilities?, I learned to love me more than him. and even if I give myself the larger slice of watermelon or the last of the dark honey, A reminder that in the pain I only had me and a lotta tears, I am the top dog. who loves a man. That pedestal I built for him. I can always take it down, and really Jo it doesn't matter, pulling back it seems easier on him too. He is just a whole lot more insecure. Wonder how the shoe fits.

[Silverbirch]

Hugs J - I'm going to love me more than him. And yes, when I think about it, he is a lot more insecure and needy than I am though he would never admit it, not likely even to himself.