OMG Accidentally Call Ex - Cant Stop Crying

[Silverbirch]

I know this is going to sound hard to believe, but I was using my mobile phone - I'm long-sighted and meant to call a female friend. Accidentally called the ex. Of course he likely knew it was me straight away. I just apologised and said I'd called the wrong number and was about to hang up. He was very friendly and upbeat. Hadn't heard him that way for a long time. Anyway, said it was really good to hear my voice and wanted to know what I was doing and when I was going overseas. I didn't get into any chatty details with him, said I hoped he was well and good-bye. I think he must have known it was a mistake on my part because I was honestly so shocked to hear his voice. He was so nice, I wondered if he had somebody there he was trying to make a good impression on. Just bawled and bawled when I got off the phone.

 

Originally, I had taken his telephone number out of my cell phone, but then changed my mind when he rang me close to the break-up. I had taken his number out and didn't know who it was. I decided then to put the number back so I wouldn't get caught out, and if he rang again, I could decide then whether or not to take the call.

 

With him having made so little contact, and earlier in the week when he returned my mail with no note or email or anything, it seemed weird to hear him be so friendly tonight which is why I really think there must have been somebody there.

 

I feel so stupid, but it was a reminder of what contact with him will do to me emotionally.

[ferna3069]

its ok things like this happens to every one. if you want to talk pm me. im here for you

[lia86]

Haha, I know the feeling. I recently went to pick up my stuff after nine whole months of NC and couldn't stop crying for the rest of the day b/c we got along so well. Thank God it eased the next day, it felt like we had just broken up!!

 

Hang in there, this is all very normal

[Silverbirch]

Thanks Ferna, I can't stop bawling. I thought I was getting better.

 

Thanks Lia.

[ferna3069]

your welcome and dont worry we are here to support you. it gets better trust me

[Kev0s1983]

Dont beat yourself up. I know thats easy to say but in fairness, everyone makes honest mistakes and judging by the reaction here, it would be pretty obvious that it indeed WAS a genuine mistake - he will pick up on that. This is just the initial shock and Im pretty sure you will feel a bit better after a couple of hours. Plus see it as a good thing in some ways - you know contact is bad and there is no question for you of that now. Dont try and question yourself too much asking questions you just wont know the sanwers to ie. "wondered if he had somebody there h was trying to make a good impression on." maybe yes? maybe no? it doesnt matter

[Silverbirch]

Kev, it's horrible. I thought I was getting better, and now with having heard his voice and him being nice, I'm over-analysing. Was he nice because somebody else was there? Was he nice because he is happy because he has met somebody else? Why so friendly when he just sent my mail onto me with no note or anything. The thing is that it shouldn't matter to me, but right now,it matters.

 

This is another stupid thing I have done. I went to the markets this morning, and there was a supposed psychic there. Stupidly, I thought it would be fun to have a reading. She told me personal things, including about the relationship. I wouldn't say that she gave me false hope, but she told me he was a very nice man who loves, me deeply, that he is depressed about other issues in his life, and has said things to me he does not mean, that he said them because he is not doing well in himself. She suggested that I ring him because she said he was finding it difficult to call me because he felt guilty because he knows he has hurt me a lot. I told her I would not be ringing him. She said that whilst the relationship is over right now, it is possible that later on, when we have both healed, we will come together as very different people.

 

I know this is likely all hocus pocus, and I would not recommend anyone do anything as silly as this again.

 

My girlfriends name on my phone is just one name below his and that's how I came to make the mistake.

 

I am meeting up with that gf in the morning for breakfast. She is a horsey friend - Mac's owner. Mac by the way was kicked in the head the day after those photos were taken. Just found out now. He is okay. Getting stitches out tomorrow.

[dramallama]

Everyone makes mistakes. Just remove his number from your phone so that it doesn't happen again. And keep it that way.

[LN1987]

What if you know their number off by heart, which is my issue, it is so annoying!

[ferna3069]

if you know there number by heart like i do. just delete it. and if they call u will know who it is anyways

[Silverbirch]

LN, if you know the number off by heart, you are less likely to call it. I just clicked on the wrong name.

[dramallama]

Nothing much you can do if you know it by heart. Just delete it and you will forget it eventually.

[LN1987]

I hope I'll forget it, 3 months of this sh"t and I still call

[dramallama]

You will stop calling when you've had enough of it. Not a second earlier.

[ferna3069]

its hard ln1987 but it gets better. its been three months for me and recently stopped talking to my ex.just remember this you tried your best

[LN1987]

thanks Ferna and hope you're feeling better SilverBirch.

[Silverbirch]

Hi Ln and Ferna, feeling very unsettled and upset, but hoping I will feel better tomorrow. Got to do my housework tonight and meet gf for breakfast, then we will have a couple of hours with the horses. I gave them a good grooming today and more attention they have had for a long time. They are very chilled and little one giving me almost like kisses when I was brushing the other one until I brushed her too.

[dramallama]

Animals are always fantastic during break-ups. You can cuddle and cry to them and they won't ever complain or reject you. They also have a calming effect. I hope you have a fun and relaxing time with your horses, Silverbirch. I'm sure it will keep your mind off your ex.

[rkw]

I believe you when you say it was an accident. I very nearly sent a text by accident to my ex a few weeks ago, and I was shook up just by the idea of contacting him through writing! So I'm not surprised by your reaction to talking to him.

 

Don't beat yourself up for seeing the psychic either. I have never believed in horoscopes, but in the weeks after BU, I was reading mine and his and they would play in my mind for days. On morning TV the other day, they were talking about palmistry, love lines, how to tell if you will have kids. I had to stop myself from reading my own palm, since if it said I'd never fall in love again or have children I would have been devastated. I hate how the mind starts believing in things that our pre-BU old selves would have laughed at or taken with a grain of salt.

 

I think you did really well by avoiding any personal conversation, and you handled the situation better than I would have.

[Silverbirch]

Thanks RKW. I'm glad I didn't get too drawn into conversation. He wanted to know what I was doing and when I am going overseas, but didn't offer any info about himself. Just need to keep reminding myself that just because he was nice, doesn't mean he cares about me in any way. If he had cared about me in any way, he would not have treated me the way he did and ended the relationship.

[ladyninja30]

I agree it is harder to call it if it isn't right there in your phone contacts. if you know it by heart then you make a conscious choice to sit there a dial it rather than accidently click it....it's odd I can't think of what his number is off hand but I feel like I would still know it if it suddenly appeared in a text on my phone...

[Kev0s1983]

Silver, keep that chin of yours up. Its an honest mistake, let him believe whatever he wants to believe. You cant alter the way he percieves interactions with you now or in the future if there is anymore - in the far off future . The psychic - I havent ever bought into that stuff and it seems like it was probably not helpful, but agreed - its jus hocus pocus

 

Picked up on something else - he didnt offer anything about himself in the convo, maybe cos there wasnt time, but if he was asking direct questions about you rest assured he IS thinking about you which you can use to feel good. I know as we are in a similar position, its easy to tell yourself they have a wonderful life now, free of feeling regret/pain/random wonders about us, but clearly he DOES still have you on his mind.

 

Hope you have a lovely time the morrow with the horses if drama is correct about the wonders of animals, might be time to invest and get me a horsey hehe

[Robin2904]

Aww sweetie BIG HUGS!!! That's a horrible accident to have happen! Unfortunately for me (Or fortunately depending on how you look at it) my exes number is etched into my memory so there is no getting away from it. I don't have him in my phone, but when he texts me I know its him. I wish there was an 'erase' button for my mind lol.

 

This was an honest mistake- but as bad as it is it's no SO bad. You didn't say anything bad, it was a short abrupt conversation. But I know how it is- ANY contact after not having any for so long is a shock to the system and absolutely devastating- believe me I know. But you handled things very well. DON'T think 'oh he was probably nice because he was with someone' think of it this way- he was fine with you, you were able to be civil, no screaming, yelling- it was just okay. You can leave things there with that thought- no more contact and be DONE with it. Just stay way now which I'm sure you will.

 

The initial contact after such a long time apart is always rough, but at least you know that you have to go back to NC. I'm sure you were doing great, DON'T let this be the determining factor on your progress. You still ARE doing well. Everytime I have contact with the ex (Which has been waaaay too much recently for me) it's made me think 'GOSH I was doing so good, I thought I was okay, but this is going to put me back' but I think you have an advantage. DON'T let it put you back! A 30 second phone call is not worth letting go of all the progress. You will have a few days where youll feel crappy, but it will pass. It's just the shock of it- it will wear off and you will be okay.

 

hugs

[Robin2904]

BTW a suggestion. If you want to have his name in your phone so you know not to answer, put it under EX- DON'T ANSWER in caps, or something like that. A friend of mine did that with her ex (His name was John and she knew many john's so to stop herself from accidentally dialing him she did that.) I think it's a good idea. Just a thought.

 

I hope you have a great day with Mac (beautiful horse by the way!) and I hope seeing your friend makes you feel better some. hugs

[Silverbirch]

Thanks Kev andd Robin. I hate to say this, but I feel like I am back to square one - wanting us to be back together, and very unaccepting of the breakup. I KNOW I wont make contact and definitely not see him. I feel like such crap and hate my appearance right now. I feel the breakup has really taken a toll on my appearance even though I take care with it. I know this is a big thing to blab about online, but I decided to have Botox in a couple of weeks because all the crying has definitely taken a toll. Since the call, I'm now holding on hope that one day we will be back together - definitely not under the same circumstances because I know now too that I could not live with some of the things I felt I had to accept. I know now that they are not unreasonable things to want. I will go out with other people eventually and try to get on with things. I can hardly believe I'm so heartbroken that I've cried a LOT over these last 3 months. If I ever went back to him and there was a repeat of what has happened, it would totally destroy me..