soul_soother Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 Hello again ENA it's been a while since I've started a thread here, lets see if I can make it short. I started dating an old good friend back in February and we started in a LDR. Seeing each other is incredibly difficult as she is going to college and I'm Active Duty on the east coast getting ready to deploy. Between her schooling and my exercises we never have time to see each other. We have both fell head over heals for each other. She came this Thursday and spent the long memorial weekend with me (our first real time together since we started) and when she left this afternoon I have been completely miserable. She broke down in tears multiple times last night and this afternoon. I shed a couple tears myself, these are all completely new feelings for both of us. I've been in multiple relationships prior but I've never felt so natural with someone before. My question is how do you live with saying goodbye and not knowing when you'll see the person next? Does it get easier or is it always so hard to the point you just lay in bed all day? What do you do to stay happy?? I just miss her so much and there is nothing we can do for another year and I don't know what to do or how to feel. Any advice would be great and appreciated ENA. Thanks again Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 You live with saying good bye because it's what you have to do to say hello again. For my fiance and I we always know when we will see each other next (3-4 months inbetween visits) so that is never an issue. It never gets easier. Ever. You get better at dealing with it and it doesn't take as long to go back to functiong ability but it never gets easier. The first day after my fiance leaves I'm always a mess and I let it happen - it's the healing process of being apart. After a day I'm ready to look forward to the next visit. So staying positive is how I stay happy. Link to comment
stormie Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 I don't have much advise to give you, but I'd like to comment that I think that is so sweet and I really hope it works out for you both. Also, we appreciate your work overseas - Happy Memorial Day Link to comment
soul_soother Posted May 31, 2011 Author Share Posted May 31, 2011 Thank you Opto - It's difficult and I guess I should have to get used to it but, it's a crappy feeling to get used to. On a flip side I'm actually happy that I finally found someone worth feeling miserable over though. Stormie - Thank you very much and it's an honor to do it! Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 It's hard but when you find someone worth that crappy feeling, it's not so bad. Do you guys know when the LDR aspect will be over? Link to comment
soul_soother Posted May 31, 2011 Author Share Posted May 31, 2011 Around this time next year she'll move near me and then it'll just be the usual military leavings. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 So you have a year. Are both of you comfotable with that time frame? Link to comment
soul_soother Posted May 31, 2011 Author Share Posted May 31, 2011 She finishes college a couple weeks after I get back from deployment so it works out perfectly, She gets a year here with me doing a student teaching job in which after that time we will have been together for 2 years and if things continue marriage will be there. I'll have a new place to travel and she'll travel with me. Lots of future type plans but nothing scripted for too serious. But, we both know its at least till next year May and we are understanding of it, rather than comfortable. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 Exacty, and that's all you can be. That's one of the things I stress about LDRs - they have to have an end date. Some can work without one but most of the time LDRs don't work because there is no end date, nothing to look forward to the distaqnce ending. It can tear at a relationship when there is no 'end'. Link to comment
soul_soother Posted May 31, 2011 Author Share Posted May 31, 2011 So do you think if she didn't come out here for another year on top of that it probably wouldn't work out well? Im just worried the military lifestyle will take a toll on her. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 You mean 2 years instead of 1? It all depends on her. My fiance and I are 4,000 miles apart (he's in England, I"m here) and we were suppose to get married in Feb. An accident caused him to miss his flight so when he flies over in Oct. it will have been over a year since I saw him. It can be done, it's just all about how much two people want to be together and if each of them can handle the time and distance. This year has been the strongest test of our LDR by far and we are over half way done. There are days it starts to get to you, you think the year will never end and the days just go on and on - but then you look at the calandar and realize it's one more day closer to them. Just keep talking to her, make sure she's on the same page as far as the time frame and ask her. As far as military life - it takes it's toll on every girlfriend/wife, but if she wants it to work she will learn to deal with it as best as she can. Link to comment
Stay_home Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 Long distance relationships are not for everybody, to each his own, but it sounds like you both really like each other and want to make it work. Link to comment
piruru Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 My boyfriend and I got together just as he was going for training too. It was also an LDR right from the start. I did fly up to see him for 5 days when he had leave, but now he has been deployed overseas and well, it's hard. It doesn't get really get much easier. I miss him every single day. We're lucky that we still manage to communicate at least once a day, and that helps a lot, but it's not the same. When we have our issues, as most couples do, we have to filter out a lot of stuff. A lot of things can't be discussed until he gets back in August, because it will just make both of us unhappy when there's nothing we can do about it. There are days where I get anxious and feel really needy but there's nothing he can do to help it when he's so far away. Some days are really painful, some days are hell, but most days are okay. I try to keep in mind that he's always out there working hard, and if he had the chance to contact me, he already would have. If he had a choice, he wouldn't be away from me right now. How do you live with saying goodbye and not knowing when you'll see the person next? Well, in your case you do have a time frame of sorts, right? Something to look forward to? It is really important. On bad days, it's all you can count on. It doesn't get easier as such, but you just learn how to deal with it. Lying around is unproductive and makes time go by so slowly so you keep yourself busy instead. You try not to think about things too much. The problem with this is that when you get too adjusted to being busy and not having someone "there" for you, you get used to it. And then you figure that you don't really need the person and that being with them makes things much more painful than they should be. So IDK, it's hard to strike a balance between being independent, and still wanting to be in a relationship with this person. I still struggle and it has been 3 months. Luckily for me, my boyfriend is a guy who is worth going through all this for. Hopefully it is the same for you and your girlfriend. Think of this time as a test for your relationship. A test of how strong your relationship is and how it can withstand all odds. If you're still together at the end of all this, then you'll know. Link to comment
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