How Long and What Did It Take for You to Feel Attraction for Another

[Silverbirch]

It's still less than 3 months for me, and although I'm not looking for another relationship, I do feel a bit scared by the fact that I don't feel physical attraction to any other men - in fact, I don't think I even feel if for my ex anymore because of how he has treated me.

 

This sounds a bit icky, but I have even found myself standing at the train station, looking at men, to see if there are any I feel attracted to, and sadly, I don't.

 

Is this normal, and if so, how long did it take you and what did it take to feel attraction to new people.

 

Thanks in advance.

[Tryptophan]

It's been 4 months for me and even after trying with other guys, it doesn't work. I think it's normal to feel like this.

[Archtronics]

I'm less than 3 months also and I am finding that too, I see pretty girls etc but I don't feel any real attraction I think its only natural and maybe a way of letting you know when you will be ready emotionally.

[ladyninja30]

It's been almost a year since my ex left me and I still don't feel an attraction to anyone else....is that not scary?

[damagedatbest]

It's been almost a year since my ex left me and I still don't feel an attraction to anyone else....is that not scary?

 

Right there with ya, I'm at 11 months post breakup and still have not felt attracted or interested in anyone.

[hotnspicychikn]

2 months for me and it took me talking to someone then going on a date to feel an attraction. First 2 months I was just not interested at all in anyone. Then I decided what the heck I will try going on a date and it worked. We are all different though and go at our own pace. Be patient with yourself.

[Silverbirch]

Feels like I could go on a date with Vigo Mortensen who I have thought is hot for years, and I'm not sure I could even get excited about that. Mind you, would be okay if I could try that. LOL I definitely feel in "shut down" and probably that's a type of protective mechanism to help us heal. I hope so anyway.

[Oneironaut]

Honestly, it's OK to not feel attraction for anyone else indefinitely. I've seen people push Dumpees so hard to "get out there and date"...but really, that's not the cure for a broken heart for everyone.

 

In fact, in some cases, it's better NOT to jump back into the dating scene right away, because you're only going to set someone else up to be hurt if they actually fall for you, but your heart isn't in it.

 

Believe me, when you find yourself being attracted to someone else again, you'll know it...you won't have to ask.

[Silverbirch]

Thanks One. I think it's just that I feel very broken still, and wish there was some "normality" to my feelings.

[TiredOfGames]

It's only been four or so weeks for me, but still I've yet to see anyone anywhere that I feel physically attracted to. And I agree, it is scary, but it appears to be normal. I have my fingers and toes crossed for you Silverbirch. I'll even wish happy thoughts for you and Vigo to meet too!

[Silverbirch]

LOL, T.O.G., it's actually Vigo's mind I like although the packaging is very nice too, but most of all, not only is he a brilliant horseman, he has a very special CONNECTION with horses, hard to explain unless you love horses. Yeah, maybe I cold have a good time with Vigo.

[Silverbirch]

Hey T.O.G., click on my link, I guess the pic does show a type of connection.

[Bcom]

It's been over 5 months now and I really don't get all attracted as I once did in the past! I have a girl in my life now and she is very nice but I can not move forward at a mormal pace at all! It is so painfully slow! I find myself actually stopping me from moving forward! Things I would have done normally don't happen! I second and third guess myself constantly! At times the pain my ex left in my heart feels like she took half with her! Things are moving forward on most days! I think in due time you will be attacted again and you will be ok! There is no set time for moving on or when your heart heals! Wish you well!

[Silverbirch]

Thank you for the replies and support everyone. I think if in time I met a person who was GENUINELY something like the person I THOUGHT my ex was, I will feel attracted.

[heyyo10]

Today was challenging in several ways. I cried because I am realizing how little he thinks of me and what we had. He didn't love me the way I loved him. I made my big mistakes, but I am glad I am realizing them so I can make the next relationship the best! But now its weird getting used to being single again. Just the whole depending on someone whole heartedly has made it difficult for me to move past. I will never let him know how important he was to me again. That phase is over. Now its on to being ok bein alone and gearing up for my next endeavors.

 

Wish me luck!

[90_hour_sleep]

Thank you for the replies and support everyone. I think if in time I met a person who was GENUINELY something like the person I THOUGHT my ex was, I will feel attracted.

 

word to the wise...

 

people are NEVER who we think they are...EVER.

[RISK]

Yes I agree Vigo could definitely take the sting outta heartbreak. He is amazing, "A walk on the moon" my fav

[Silverbirch]

word to the wise...

 

people are NEVER who we think they are...EVER.

 

Yes, that's true 90. They say that everybody wears a mask, but some people's masks hide a lot more than others, or what some people are hiding is a lot uglier than others.

[Silverbirch]

Hey Risk, I thought in the Lordof the Rings 1 and also Hildago, he was just beautiful.

[90_hour_sleep]

Yes, that's true 90. They say that everybody wears a mask, but some people's masks hide a lot more than others, or what some people are hiding is a lot uglier than others.

 

masks. no argument there. masks allow us to feel immune to vulnerability.

 

i think my statement comes from a slightly different place though. what i mean is that even when a person who is completely open to you about who they are...genuine, sincere, true, etc...even then there will be always an element of how we see that person that is entirely our own creation. part of that relates to the old adage that we see what we want to see. even when we love another person...it has more to do with our own idea of who that person is than who that person actually is. we're in love with our own notions of the other person. no surprise that as soon as that notion is put into question...there's a part of us that sees that as ''i don't love this person anymore''.

 

i see what you're saying though. sometimes there are things we are incapable of seeing in others...and it's easy to feel as though we're being taken advantage of in that regard.

[staying strong]

I've tried going out several times since the BU and it doesn't feel 'right'. I have fun..somewhat..but it's just not the same. I still keep thinking about my ex and how much fun we had when we went out together.

 

I'm not ready yet. I thought I was, but i'm not. Maybe in a few months....

[rkw]

.

 

This sounds a bit icky, but I have even found myself standing at the train station, looking at men, to see if there are any I feel attracted to, and sadly, I don't.

QUOTE]

 

I was out with friends last night, and also did the looking at guys, seeing if I felt that fluttery "I'm sooo attracted to you!" feeling. But I didn't get that spark, even though I saw lots of nice looking guys. All of my friend's were excited that I was single, and while I'm not against meeting someone new, I just wasn't attracted enough to anyone to pursue them. I felt a bit broken and glum about it. It's so reassuring to know this is normal.

 

Although, there's one guy who comes into my work every Monday, and *all* the girls swoon a little when he comes in. He has a great voice and smells amazing. But I think I'm attracted to Hugo Boss or whoever he's wearing rather than him (especially as guys with longer hair normally don't do it for me). I've been told since I'm leaving the shop soon, and tomorrow's my last shift, it is my responsibility to find out what aftershave he's wearing. We'll see...

[Silverbirch]

LOL rkw, I think I might be attracted to Hugo Boss too.

[RISK]

Silverbirch you are a real inspiration for me. I volunteer at a stable (local) help Autisic children with lessons. Always loved horses, have a barn on my property but, never filled it. my eldest daughter was a Blue ribbon rider, and my Dad too a horse man. I lost them both several years ago. I love the majestic beauty of the animal. I saw Vigo in a film called "The Road" he was scary, as he was in History of violence, in Eastern Promises, there is a disappointing shower scene with our treasured hunk.

[Silverbirch]

Hi Risk, I'm sorry to hear about your losses of your daughter and father. You must have been proud of them both. It's always great meeting other horse lovers.

 

I saw that disappointing shower scene you refer to! LOL

 

Funny you should mention working with children who have autism. I currently work with young men (all aged in their 20's) who are affected by autism.

 

There's an amazing American woman. I wonder if you have heard of her. Her name is Temple Grandin. Last year, there was a movie about her starring Claire Danes. She has autism, has written on it, and is a very successful agricultural scientist. She has a web site and there are many articles on her. I have several of her books. She is also an amazing horse and animal handler. Monty Roberts, the famous horse handler says she is the only other person he will allow in a round pen with him.