ladyninja30 Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 Yes indeed 90, very relevant to the thread. I also like the one you have about the musicians. Link to comment
90_hour_sleep Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 Yes indeed 90, very relevant to the thread. I also like the one you have about the musicians. lol. of all the crap i've posted on this site...i get comments for that! that's why i like it here. curious why you think endy's siggy is relevant. maybe we're not on the same page. hate to assume. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 A lot of times the dumper doesn't admit they are seeing someone else. Why do you think that is? I would imagine because they feel guilty and don't want to look like a real jerk. Link to comment
mad rabbits Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 Wow Silver, I relate so much to what you have written here. Apart from the overweight and ugly part you have described my ex fiance and also my more recent ex to a T. The lies... the lies are all necessary to being able to perpetuate a life dedicated to selfishness, and somehow be alright with that, and somehow make other people be alright with that - at least until they figure out who you really are. What a sad and desperate way to live. I do not envy what they will go through on their deathbeds. Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 Hugs Badhabits! Well, I don't care what anyone else thinks about it. To me it DOES matter for a whole range of reasons - like maybe the dumpee can make wiser choices at a future time by learning from mistakes and gaining better discretion when choosing potential partner in future. 90 hour sleep, I'm a bit confused about your pic of the Dalai Lama. I am surprised by the pic as even the Dalai Lama says that budhism is about attraction rather than promotion. Link to comment
endy Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 such a common theme though. do you believe it doesn't matter...or are you placating me. I believe it doesn't matter. They made a choice, and that choice was not you. Anyone in this circumstance has no choice but to move on. All else causes more pain. People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar." - Thich Nhat Hanh this is great endy, mind if I steal it? Well I stole it, but I also study his teachings. The world would be a better place if everyone did. So go ahead if you like. Link to comment
nikkyreddy Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 Hey Guys i really found this thread interesting coz even my ex doent admit that he is seeing someone else i have this gut feeling that he is dating some NRI and might have dumped me for her after dating me for 2years i really wonder soon after a breakup he started seeing someone else does he really have a heart or he juss wants to play with women .I am really getting pissed off and even now he sometimes drops at my home to see me i feel like slapping me on his face and tell him not to show his face anymore Guys it would be really helpful if someone advises me on this .I dont want to see his face he is really hurting me constantly. Link to comment
endy Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 Tell him that. Tell him you can't keep seeing him because you need to move on for you. Tell him to please respect your wish and not contact you in any way during this time. Then block everything. link removed Read that and follow the last three steps. Link to comment
foolforlove Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 Funny, just yesterday my ex flat out denied cheating on me. To me, and others it was obvious she cheated and left me for a what I thought was a friend. They were clearly in am intimate emotional relationship before we broke up. I know she says she wasn't cheating because they didn't have sex until after she moved out. So apparently in her mind their relationship, which had been going on for a couple months prior, didn't exist until they had sex. I honestly was shocked at her denial because during the breakup his and her relationship was a constant issue of conversation, especially after I found out about a lunch date and other info through seeing some texts. Funny she was not denying it then. In her case I venture a guess that the denial is because she ready has low self esteem and is in a current battle with depression, so to admit what she has done would be devastating to her psychosis. Also, she is not a fool, and when the time comes that she admits what she has done she will have to face some deeper internal demons that she is avoiding. Link to comment
-Sanguine- Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 When my ex and I broke up, he accused me of seeing someone and I wasn't. He thought I was lying to him and I wasn't. So sometimes they don't admit it because they aren't. I would say this is a small percentage, though. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 I've been reading a ton of threads and notice this happens a lot (happened with my ex). A lot of times the dumper doesn't admit they are seeing someone else. Why do you think that is? Granted, I know the dumper does not owe anything to the dumpee, but I find it interesting regardless of the situation (dumper is cold or nice or amicable or goes NC, etc)... b/c oftentimes the dumper is in fact seeing someone else already. I think you are wrong there. I personally feel that the dumper does owe it to the dumpee to be truthful. I certainly think my ex-husband owed it to me to tell me the truth when he walked out on me, our 3 children and 11 years of marriage, especially as I asked if there was someone else. Of course he didnt tell me the truth which made it even worse when I eventually found out. I don't think he lied to me to save me from any more pain either. He was being cowardly and didn't want to face the repercussions. Link to comment
ladyninja30 Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 curious why you think endy's siggy is relevant. maybe we're not on the same page. hate to assume 90- you said it was relevant to the thread...maybe I just lost the sarcasm through the net? I was actually thinking of my situation with my ex leaving me for a lesser woman who treats him like crap. I think she is what he is used to. Link to comment
endy Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 90- you said it was relevant to the thread...maybe I just lost the sarcasm through the net? I was actually thinking of my situation with my ex leaving me for a lesser woman who treats him like crap. I think she is what he is used to. "People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar." Think about it. People that do not face the darkness in a break up (being with themselves). They run to something that is familiar and takes it away. Either back to an ex, or back to someone else making you happy briefly to avoid suffering. His teachings teach us to embrace all of our emotions which in buddhism are called seeds. When we embrace them and think of them mindfully this is where we can grow. He also teaches that avoiding suffering is the worst possible thing you can do for your mental health and stability. Without suffering, we do not love the correct way. Think about it, if there was no love could we suffer? Link to comment
endy Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 90- you said it was relevant to the thread...maybe I just lost the sarcasm through the net? I was actually thinking of my situation with my ex leaving me for a lesser woman who treats him like crap. I think she is what he is used to. sorry I think he miss-quote LN. Link to comment
blackhawks1287 Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 Think about it. People that do not face the darkness in a break up (being with themselves). They run to something that is familiar and takes it away. Either back to an ex, or back to someone else making you happy briefly to avoid suffering. His teachings teach us to embrace all of our emotions which in buddhism are called seeds. When we embrace them and think of them mindfully this is where we can grow. He also teaches that avoiding suffering is the worst possible thing you can do for your mental health and stability. Without suffering, we do not love the correct way. Think about it, if there was no love could we suffer? That is why I think that when people check themselves out, jump ship, leave for others in the end cheat themselves....this goes along with what I said in my pm to endy (or at least I think I said it.) How can you appreciate who you are if you can't even stand yourself when you're alone. Some people define themselves through their relationships, they rely on this person to fill that void in their life to make them happy, they are not happy by themselves. Link to comment
ladyninja30 Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 Oh it's cool, I'm not mad. Everyone has a different interpretation I'm sure. Link to comment
dramallama Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 To answer the original question - - because dumpers want to keep one hand on you, one hand on the new person they're seeing. Just in case it doesn't work out with the new person - seeing you move on would be uncomfortable to them because right now they have the power and they don't want to lose it - they don't want to lose a friend - they don't want to break the news to you and "hurt your feelings" - it's an ego boost to be dating someone while having an admirer on the side (you) Link to comment
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