do women realy get over an ex faster?

[ferna3069]

im not trying to sound sexes or anything believe me. but i read in different threads that women get over there ex faster. because guys are the ones that usualy take them out. or is it just the dumper who gets over an ex faster?

 

im wondering because my ex broke up with me a month and 19 days ago. after the break up she told me she did not love me any more. but i heard the usual i want to be friends thing. i told her no she got pissed of at me because i erased her of facebook. and because i told her im getting out her life. but then i told her that i need to go nc.i told her to give me a month and then we can be friends. but if she hasnt called now i know she wont later.

 

 

im not trying to sound sexes. but girls themselfs always tell me that. thats just how female are.

[whes]

Ha. No. We don't. At least, I don't. I don't think you can really generalize.. it just depends on the person and on the circumstance of the breakup.

[lukeb]

I think it is possible men and women deal with it differently but that doesn't mean they get over an ex faster.

[doiiiieeezie]

The common assumption is that a man will come back for more or wait until they found someone else, meanwhile when a female is done, she is done.

 

You need to look at your situation differently than what is said by others. She may still have feelings for you, but the focus should be on you to get your life back. If she happens to come back, then you can deal with it more appropriately then.

[JonasWaingaro]

Nope, I do not think that's true. Just look at eNA! It's more likely that dumpers (either gender) get over things faster than the dumped. Probably for a variety of reasons, although a common thread amongst dumpers is that they checked out long before pulling the break-up trigger. Again, read the threads here. Don't worry about friendship after only a month, heck don't worry about her at all. Focus on you.

[whes]

I think we often put on a show for our exes, whoever we are, so that they'll think we've moved on. It's a way of saving some dignity.

[luvsomeone333]

I think we often put on a show for our exes, whoever we are, so that they'll think we've moved on. It's a way of saving some dignity.

 

i totally agree with that...its almost seem like the power game...being the dumpee you need to regain which means to take control of your emotion and walk away from it all. No matter how desperate you are that you want your ex back or not.. its better to leave the relationship in dignity rather than making a fool at yourself doing things you will regret later on...

[stacy2]

I think a lot of it comes down to who the dumper/dumpee is and what the reason for the break-up was. As the dumpee, and a female, I know I'm having a hell of a time trying to get over my ex. Granted, it's only been a month... but I'm pretty sure he's moved on a lot more quickly than I have. It's not even a matter of having someone to move on to, I have met three guys since who in other circumstances I'm sure would be great matches for me, but I just can't feel anything for anyone else.

[Tryptophan]

No, I was the dumper (female), and he's already moved on to another girl. Just makes me glad I dumped him

[manicdogbert]

generally, it's not that women get over a break up faster, it's usually that the dumper is further into their healing process than the dumpee. by the time the break up happens, the dumper has usually already thought about the consequences of the break up and has already sought out support. depending on how long they have been thinking about breaking up, they could be several weeks or even months into healing. because the relationship is already "dead" to them. it's just a matter of just dropping the bomb. that's why some dumpers are so cold about it. they are already over the "shock" of the break up while the dumpee is left to endure the pain right then and there.

 

in a way, that's one of things i struggled with - the fact that my ex was steps ahead of me in his healing. it's not that he got over it faster, it's just that he got a headstart in healing.

[alot2learn]

i totally agree with the head start in healing theory..

i've asked myself many times how she could just turn the page so easily... but now looking back, i remember how a few months before the break up she started hanging out with her best friend alot more frequently when previously she wanted to spend all her time around me. even though we lived together... at the time i thought nothing of it. & was just glad to get some ME time.... but in hindsight things weren't going so great, and it was probably then that she started going through the process with the help of a close friend while i was left in the dark!!

so now, 8 months later...she just started dating a new guy, and im left feeling like crap...

but inner strength is what gets you through this... and im still trying to regain mine!

 

BTW.. if it helps, i just spoke to her a few days ago... and she assured me that it was nowhere near as easy on her as it seemed through my eyes. she dealt with alot of pain, doubt, and confusion.

[dissapointed75]

Once again alot2learn I could have written your paragraph word for word. Although my lady is not with anyone else. She claims she wants to be single at the moment. Yep thanks for that honey.

[manicdogbert]

yeah same here. it was only in retrospect that i saw that my ex became a different person and was spending less and less time with me. in the last few months that we were together, 2 of his friends had gotten married and he went to both weddings by himself. I never got invited. In the 6 years that we were together, 3 of my friends had gotten married and he was my date at each and every one of those weddings. at the time, i didn't even think twice about not being invited. (stupid me.)

 

i now realize that the new friends he was hanging out with were his "transition" people. the ones who he was probably confiding in about the relationship and they were probably the ones giving him confidence that breaking up with me was a good idea.

[ChellyV]

i am a female, and i think i am the dumper. i say i think cause i am not sure, due to the circumstances of our break up. he gave me the silent treatment for 5 days and i have had enough, wrote him a snail mail break up letter. gone NC after that.

 

i still have my crying bouts after a month of NC. i am trying to reacquaint myself with the meltdown point so i know what to do. but i really think its a dumper/dumpee more than female/male who can get over quickly. i have no idea how my ex is doing so i really don't know where he is at with his healing and so with my other ex's immediately after break up.

 

also, the circumstances surrounding break ups can play a big role. being dumped for someone else is the most painful. me and my most recent ex's have had big nasty fights so uncharacteristic of us and so obviously we cannot get along. so i guess knowing that, its easier to move forward, rather than staying and endlessly having the same fights. im still in the grieving/healing process though.

[ferna3069]

maybe women dont get over it as easly. reading the post here. now that i think about it. my ex gave me mixed signals. got mad when i told her im getting out of her life. ot mad when i deleted her of facebook. i guess its more they put on a show.they let us go when there ready to move on. wanting to be friends. then when they say i had enough they leave.but then its probably just the dumper who does that. it probably has to do nothing with women.idk hard to really know

[twitchyfingers]

I sure as heck don't move on quickly. And I know other women who don't either. I did put on a good show of non-chalance, post-breakup, to save face, but I was in AGONY.

 

I have a close female friend who pined for an ex for 10 years. Wow! But happy ending to that story: she met the love of her life a few years ago, and they recently married (both are middle-aged). So, there's always hope, even when we feel like we are anchored to the past.

[maron]

what? i wish it were so!

 

no, not all of us get over our exes fast, dumped or dumper.

[dissapointed75]

Fact is I'm nowhere near getting over her. I still love her with all my heart and want her back. Too many memories.

 

Like alot2learn I'm bemused and hurt that she can seem to turn the page on so much. She turns things around when we talk, making it frustrating.

 

She has told me that she has had a very hard time, and her life is not all jolly as I may presume.

 

I miss her and the life we had together terribly. Yes I made some mistakes but I've learned from them. I have a void in my life which over the last 7 months I have not been able to fill.

[jonesyjakk]

Im gonna say its been nearly 5 months of b.u. with my ex now, and at first she looked like she'd moved on nicely, got a new bf, everything great....and i thought after nearly 9 years how can you do this to me? we have a kid so i see her every week, and 2 weeks ago i went away and my mum picked up my son only to say (and my ex has seen my mum once in 5 months) to me the other day my ex burst into tears was in bits and said she missed all my family.....where as i think that was only to manipulate my mum into not hating her....it could also be possible that even though she has a new guy, a new home, maybe....on some level it still hurts her....or is it just guilt? or is it that she is made of stone and couldn't hurt at all? fact is i dont know how she feels and really......i think to say women get over b.u. quicker is too much of a generalisation..there are so many things to consider...who left who, the circumstances everything!

[bungalo]

Ferna, I think you meant sexist not sexes...anyway, I don't think its good to generalize, I know some women and men who have a hard time and take longer after a breakup

[ferna3069]

yeah i mean im not trying to be sexit. sorry for my bad spelling lol. but i was wondering / i mean i dont put any sex higher then the other. im just wondering because of my ex. but then i thought about it. she was not over me. after a month she called me wanting to be friends suposibly. she got mad at me when i told her no.and she also got mad when i deleted her of facebook. but then she called agian. she was mean. so i told her i cant have this any more. she started to cry. i know i helped her threw alot in life but ii did not want her to manipulate me. i wasnt mean to her so i just told her to give me one more month. because i was her one true friend andher first ever bf.but she had some major issud to work out

[fire2therain]

Well it's good that you understand what her issues are. I think she just wants to keep you around just in case nothing works out for you. If you were her one true friend and first boyfriend she's ever had then she definitely counts on your for support..and she needs to learn that she needs to be able to handle that on her own. I commend you for telling her how you feel up front, but next time I think you shouldn't put a time limit on NC, and just go with the flow.

 

As for the question..no I don't think women get over an ex faster, I think it depends on each person. I know the stereotypes are that women face the problem head on so it takes them a little while to get over it but once they are, it's done for good. Then for men, they brush it off like it's no big deal then it hits them later. This is the stereotype I've always heard and again it obviously does not apply to everyone. Unfortunately there is no clear guidelines to heartbreak and people's emotions.

[GotMyLifeBack]

Although everyone is an individual and has his/her own individual experience, there are measureable trends. This is the abstract of a meta-analysis of how men and women respond to distress. A meta-analysis is an analysis based on many studies and therefore usually has a good foundation for its conclusions.

 

 

 

So if you believe the study, women engage in coping strategies more than men in times of distress. Whether the strategies are successful is a different question, but the study is saying that women tend to be more proactive than men when it comes to dealing with stressful events (e.g., a breakup).

 

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[ferna3069]

well for every one that read this thread. i realised women dont heal faster. its the dumper who heals faster

[mahipahl]

This happens more often than not, especially in long term relationships. ^ I totally agree with both posts. Had it happen to me several times and seen it happen to others. Woman usually will gather a support group to * * * * * about the relationship, feel good that they are making the right decision. Alot of times the woman will drop hints to you about what is concerning them, the mistake here is the dumpee does not know his/her answer to that concern will be taken back to the support group to be analized. More often than not the dumpee does not no the gravity or lack answer to her concerns may seal his fate.Finally it will be total aggreement nothing will change...then the ball is dropped. Dumpee has no chance now, thats why promises to change and that stuff will go on deaf ears.