I cant take anymore

[jakel]

I feel so down tonight i feel like I'm just going through the actions of being alive. Everything seems like an exercise in futility. I keep thinking about my ex and how she was able to just move on it hurts. I cant move on, I cant get happy, why wont this end? She moved to another coast and before I know it there she is on Fb 4 months later with some guy with his arm around her and her mom who I had met a year prior. I looked at the picture one time and haven't since. I have been nc around 20 days this time. When will this pain end ? I here the name of the city she moved to I get depressed. I hear about people in the army I think about how the guy she got with is in the army. I walk by the restaurant we ate at I get depressed. I hear the music we used to listen to I get depressed. I'm so so sick of this I have fear its not going to end. I am so god damn hurt and pissed off. I lived with this person for two years she begged me to marry her, she said she wanted to grow old with me, she said I was her best friend. Then she dumped me and moved accross the country and got with another guy. I am completely consumed with self loathing and comparisons I have fear I'm a ugly, creepy, weird, burdensome waste of air. I cant seem to blow sunshine up my own you know what that things are going to be better tomorrow. Just want to feel better. I'm Nc, I'm not talking to any of our mutual friends about her, I'm trying to get some exercise. Any suggestions ?

[MadxMythMadame]

To me, break-ups are about redefining ourselves because you know, you've been with someone for long enough to not remember what it was like to be an individual or loved being with her better than being single. But you're single now - which, believe me, sucks a**. Think about doing things that make you feel better about yourself. Something that you can do, walk away from, and just have a hint of bliss.

 

Honestly, you're going to keep thinking about her and it's going to suck, but maybe feeling like crap isn't so bad. I think you have to go through that because if you didn't, I think it would be hard to appreciate, or just feel human about anything else. Just get all these sh*tty feelings out of your system. It's going to take a long time, months even, but it's worth facing all that sh*t, face to face because well, what wouldn't kill you, makes you stronger.

 

People are going to tell you there are plenty of fish in the sea sh*t, but don't worry about that. Think about goals for you and execute them. Easier said than done, but it's about you now.

[catfeeder]

[...] I cant move on, I cant get happy, why wont this end? [...]

 

Grief is natural. One thing that helped me forward was recognizing the difference between the statement, "I can't" versus, "I won't". This clarified for me that it's a decision. It can be a slow decision, it can be gradual, but it's still an act of choosing. You'll make this decision when you're ready.

 

Head high.

[angelicandwise]

Interesting.... that's almost exactly how I am feeling . You know what? You seem really self aware and in touch with your feelings ... which is probably why you are in so much pain. I think it is easier to be in denial and acting out sexually with a new partner (like your ex). I think your reward in all this is that you are more evolved person than she is... unfortunately it hurts more. I think it is nice that you think so much about her and care about the restaurant, the music, etc... you obviously care so much and are grieving.... also a very genuine way to honour your feelings of loss. I am going through that , too ... it is the worst I have ever felt. My ex is in denial and acting out with someone else, and it is driving me pretty much nuts, too. I wish he was more like you to be honest. I really appreciate sincerity.

[jakel]

angelicandwise, Its good to hear you identifiy ,( sorry your hurting!) Thank you for your sweet kind words

[jakel]

People are going to tell you there are plenty of fish in the sea sh*t, but don't worry about that. Think about goals for you and execute them. Easier said than done, but it's about you now.

 

lol! tnx MadxMythMadame All I see in the sea presently is sharks!

[jakel]

Grief is natural. One thing that helped me forward was recognizing the difference between the statement, "I can't" versus, "I won't". This clarified for me that it's a decision. It can be a slow decision, it can be gradual, but it's still an act of choosing. You'll make this decision when you're ready.

 

Head high.

tnx I want to let go I swear I do

[trezeralietas]

I am so sorry you're going through this pain. You sound extremely sweet. I doubt your ex is as happy as she would have you believe. She is probably distracting herself with the new guy and not allowing herself to cope and grow. It sounds like you love her a lot.

 

 

Just try to relax, take good care of your health, spend time with friends, try to concentrate on the present moment. Do something nice for someone else. Be patient with yourself and when you think of her, send her light and love and let it go. You'll be okay. Breathe.

[jakel]

 

Just try to relax, take good care of your health, spend time with friends, try to concentrate on the present moment. Do something nice for someone else. Be patient with yourself and when you think of her, send her light and love and let it go. You'll be okay. Breathe.

 

Very helpful, I had begun to wonder whether I needed cognitive restructuring or hypnosis or something! Sending love light, let go and being more right here right now. Thank you