stevef20 Posted March 29, 2011 Author Share Posted March 29, 2011 Im really sorry to hear that wildchild, that must have been very tough, i hope youre ok now ?? I think my councillor gave me something similar and youre right, it does seem to ring true. I sincerely hope that all this crying and heartache is actually me healing to, id hate to think that all of that is still to come. Im gonna look up on youre advice though. Thanks again Link to comment
WildChild Posted March 29, 2011 Share Posted March 29, 2011 Oh thanks, I am doing o.k. Miss him like crazy, and have placed him on an extended fishing trip. Some will say it's denial, but ya know, it's what keeps me going. It may seem like your wheel is just spinning and you're not getting anywhere, but you are. Just keep having faith in yourself, and telling yourself you have the strength do this, and that you aren't going to let anyone break you or give them that power. Link to comment
stevef20 Posted March 29, 2011 Author Share Posted March 29, 2011 Wildchild, Im glad youre ok albeit through denial Ive just had a look at a couple of the sites listing the grieving process and i think youre right, this sounds weird but i hope that im in the depression stage and not the denial stage, reason being is next bit looks like its on the up, can see me in both a little though so fingers crossed, really dont want to feel this low anymore. Thanks as always Link to comment
im_the_undead Posted March 29, 2011 Share Posted March 29, 2011 hang in there don't let her control your life especially since she's no longer there. do things to distract yourself... sprots, church, park outings, take up cooking.. something to get your mind off that person, and take control once again of your life! you will love again if you wish it. I've been told that you must be careful who you choose though, because you can fall in love with anyone! but once you're in love, it's difficult to forget those feelings... So be precautious best wishes!! Link to comment
stevef20 Posted March 29, 2011 Author Share Posted March 29, 2011 Thanks Im the undead, Some good points there and ones i will try to take on board, easier said than done at the moment but hopefully ill get there. Thanks again Link to comment
stevef20 Posted March 30, 2011 Author Share Posted March 30, 2011 I just wanted to post this morning a quick update on how things are going. I have had the worst 2 days so far, they wrere horrendous, i felt so alone and lost, the pain was unbearable and once again had those feelings of not wanting to wake up This may sound weird but i had a very long and very deep heartfelt cry yesterday where all i kept saying was shes gone shes gone, it was the worst i felt in all the months ive been upset but i think may have been the one i needed to have, i may be wrong and i sincerely hope not but i think that this was me finally accepting that she has gone. I usualy wake every morning and sob my heart out as mornings are always tough while the evenings are a little easier but this morning i have managed to distract myself and as of yet no tears, i know ill get iupset at some point and satrt to miss her again but for now i think ive taken a step forward, really hope this is not just a good day and tomorrow turns bad again so please keep those fingers crossed for me. Thanks to all who read my post and even more thanks to those offering words of advice and encouragement. Link to comment
WildChild Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 I'm so happy for you! You are making GREAT, GREAT progress. They might seem or feel like baby steps, but each time/step makes you stronger. I promise you that. I totally relate to the crying part. I've always said that crying cleanses the soul. It's amazing how much better I feel after a good cry. Link to comment
stevef20 Posted March 31, 2011 Author Share Posted March 31, 2011 Im soo hoping your right wildchild, have to see my councillor today which involves going to the town where we bought the house and im extremely anxious. Had my first tear free day yesterday although i got close a couple of times, today seems a little worse but i guess thats to be expected as im not nieve enough to think that this is just going to go away because of 1 good day. Link to comment
stevef20 Posted March 31, 2011 Author Share Posted March 31, 2011 Oh and yes wildchild I agree, as sad as it is, a good cry always seems to help Link to comment
Aether Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 I have found that Acupuncture is helping a great deal with my anxiety and depression, I'm also having counselling too, I don't have a lot of money for anything else lol but I don't really care if it keeps those feelings under control Link to comment
stevef20 Posted March 31, 2011 Author Share Posted March 31, 2011 If that works for you Aether then who am i to argue Been dry eyed since Tuesday evening now although weirdly enough i started thinking about her and hour or so ago and so feeling sad right now Cant get out of my head that she will meet someone else soon, i accept it but it tears me apart, thought we were forever, Oh hummm. Heres to us both getting through this. Thanks for your post Link to comment
stevef20 Posted March 31, 2011 Author Share Posted March 31, 2011 Evening all, Gutted !!! Had my first dried eyed yesterday for 3 months as previously mentioned, had a tougher day today but managed to hold it together until about an hour ago, dont know why but i then started sobbing like a baby, was thinking about how much i miss her and was wondering how shes moved on so quickly, even started to wonder if shes met anyone new yet, all bad i know, im so annoyed with myself as i really thought i had turned the corner. What can i say eh ?? Im trying. Link to comment
Di84 Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 hey stevef20... you posted on my thread and I thought your advice was great, so I decided to read your thread and I am extremely sorry to hear of your situation. It amazes me to see how many people in this world are going through the exact same thing being heartbreak. Don't beat yourself for crying and feeling so miserable. Christmas and NYE was extremely difficult for me this year too. I cried on both occasions. Know that you are not alone in this world feeling this way. I worry all the time that my ex is with someone new and happy with that person. I wonder if he's already been intimate with someone else... is that normal thinking?? I should not even be wondering about these things!!! What I am doing for myself to get better is this: I do not pass by his house ever. If i need to go by there, I find a new route I don't ask about him or what he's doing, I don't want to know. I go for long walks with my dog... seriously, my dog has been my bf for the last 5 months ! Get a dog if you don't have one!!! they replaces exs so well and keep you busy! I eat! eating yummy food makes me happy... Really other than that there is NOTHING that will rid this pain you are feeling. I feel it daily also... it's so hard to move forward. But, I already see a significant difference from January to now. The only thing is I still think of him all day every day and all the memories. It's not healthy. Cry as much as you need to. Spend time with your family and your friends. Find new friends! Go to your local coffee shop and surf the net there... you will be distracted from cryin while you're writing your feelings and there are always potential mates at the coffee shop! lol..... watch a funny movie... go on vacation if you can... anything that will distract you! You know, when I was at my worst, I could not even leave my room. I couldn't do anything. Taking a shower was a difficult task for me to do as well. It was really brutal. I'm still not up to doing many thing...but im slowly finding myself again, and you will too. One day at a time ok? Onwards and upwards. Link to comment
stevef20 Posted March 31, 2011 Author Share Posted March 31, 2011 Di, Thanks so much for your advice, it is received with sincere thanks. Sound like 2 peas in a pod you and I, good luck to us both. Amazing site this, there I was feeling totally alone in the world and then here I stumbled. I'm so pleased I found this place, its been so helpful and its wonderful how caring and understanding everyone is, I guess were all here for the same reason. By far though what I love most is the way that different people of different sexes and ages come together, then of course there is the fact people are from different countries and even continents like you and I. If you ever want to speak I'm Steve as the name suggests. Thanks again. Link to comment
WildChild Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 Evening all, Gutted !!! Had my first dried eyed yesterday for 3 months as previously mentioned, had a tougher day today but managed to hold it together until about an hour ago, dont know why but i then started sobbing like a baby, was thinking about how much i miss her and was wondering how shes moved on so quickly, even started to wonder if shes met anyone new yet, all bad i know, im so annoyed with myself as i really thought i had turned the corner. What can i say eh ?? Im trying. Aww, don't be annoyed with yourself, you are doing sooooo good! Look at the positive, you had a day without tears! That is HUGE!!! Give yourself more credit, it helps keep the positive when the negative seems or feels like it's creeping in. Keep reading that article, it will keep reminding you not to become annoyed because you felt like you were making progress...because you are. Remember, it's like grieving the loss of a loved one. One step forward, two steps back one day, and the next two steps forward, and one step back. Eventually the tears and bad feelings will deminish, and life will look more and more pleasant. Link to comment
stevef20 Posted March 31, 2011 Author Share Posted March 31, 2011 Wildchild, You have been such a rock for me since I posted my page, always the voice of reason and always a supporting friend. Thank you so much for continually helping me to keep my chin up. Link to comment
Di84 Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 Di, Thanks so much for your advice, it is received with sincere thanks. Sound like 2 peas in a pod you and I, good luck to us both. Amazing site this, there I was feeling totally alone in the world and then here I stumbled. I'm so pleased I found this place, its been so helpful and its wonderful how caring and understanding everyone is, I guess were all here for the same reason. By far though what I love most is the way that different people of different sexes and ages come together, then of course there is the fact people are from different countries and even continents like you and I. If you ever want to speak I'm Steve as the name suggests. Thanks again. I am so happy I found this site also. If I ever have a friend that goes through such a miserable breakup, as I have, I will definitely suggest they become part of this site! It's so nice to see people come together and be supportive. There are many good people out there! I just noticed you like in the UK!!! If I lived in the UK, I'd never be miserable ! LOL Anyway, whenever you feel upset or like your world is ending again... come to this site. I've been spending way too much time on this site nowadays, but u know what? It's helping me and stopping me from wanting to contact him. I realized my friends were tired of listening to me talk about him...so this forum was honeslty the best thing that's happened to me in a while!!! (As pathetic as that sounds!) Link to comment
stevef20 Posted March 31, 2011 Author Share Posted March 31, 2011 Di, It doesn't sound pathetic at all, I agree with everything you have said, ditto ditto and ditto again. As for being happy living in the UK, you must be joking, we are the most miserable bugger in the world Link to comment
stevef20 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 Morning all, Seems I got a bit to excited to soon about my tear free day on Wednesday, really thought that was a turning point yet as mentioned I cried last night albeit for only 10 minutes. I've woken this morning with nothing but her on my mind and I actually remember having dreams about her last night. When does this nightmare end ? Am I expecting to much to soon ? Could it be that its the weekend nearly which used to be our time together And that this is why I'm dwelling so much ? Anyway, all thoughts as usual will be welcomed. Thanks my friends. Link to comment
stevef20 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 Morning all, Seems I got a bit to excited to soon about my tear free day on Wednesday, really thought that was a turning point yet as mentioned I cried last night albeit for only 10 minutes. I've woken this morning with nothing but her on my mind and I actually remember having dreams about her last night. When does this nightmare end ? Am I expecting to much to soon ? Could it be that its the weekend nearly which used to be our time together And that this is why I'm dwelling so much ? Anyway, all thoughts as usual will be welcomed. Thanks my friends. Link to comment
Di84 Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Hey Steve, I know exactly how you're feeling this morning. I woke up today feeling completely nauseous and I keep having dreams of him also. I often have difficulty in the morning when I wake up; is it like that for you too? Weekends were always hard for me especially satrday nights as I always imagine he is up to the worst (i.e. meeting new women). I really don't know what to say or how to get through this pain either sometimes... I guess the only thing we can do is feel the pain and move through it. My ex was leaving to go overseas and I can't remember if he was leaving yesterday evening or this evening. It's driving me absolutely crazy that I don't know where he is and what his plans are and that someone else now probably knows his schedule and he's calling that someone else to say "i'll miss you!". This is totally a * * * * feeling and we don't deserve it.... but maybe, and hopefully, something better is just around the corner for us. I really do hope so. And if you need to cry.... cry!!!! I think i've finally reached a point where I have no tears left and I think you will too...........but the pain remains, unfortunately. Link to comment
stevef20 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 Hey Di, What does all this mean eh ? sucks feeling like this doesnt it ? and yes the mornings are generally worse for me too, by the afternoon i have generally got sick to death of moping and have convinced myself that life will go on. As for weekends, well they suck to and for exactly the reasons you mention, i know she will meet someone at some point but id like to think how nieve that its to early after the split to be doing that right now, really doesnt stop me thinking about it though and yes i guess all we can do is get through the pain and keep the NC. It might be a good thing hes gone overseas hon, no bumping into him, no knowing where he is or with who, may be just what you need. the additional pain i have here is that she is currently living in the house We bought for Our future, the thought that someone else may be there now and getting cosy is killing me, getting upset now just thinking about it I truly hope something better will be there for us at some point, im not sure ill be ready for it being just round the corner but in time i may live to love and trust someone again, cant think like that right now as im sure you cant so once again Yes this is a totally **** feeling. Like you i have not cried today, infact only have for 10 minutes yesterday in the last 3 days, so maybe just maybe we are getting over things, yes the pain remains and the tears have dried up for the moment but im sure they will be back to get us soon, i guess we just have to accept its gonna happen and cope best we can. Always here for you Steve Link to comment
Di84 Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 well you see... my ex is only gone for a week. I actually wish it were for longer!!! Yes, it gives me one week of no stress wondering what hes doing in the city because let's face it... he won't be doing much of anything besides work in Bangladesh!!! I know how you feel about the whole house thing. My ex and I were searching for a place together for a yr before we broke up. Previously, he was living in a not so great place and he was really unhappy there. I remember him telling me "pls don't ever leave me while i live in this dump!"... he was joking, but partly serious. Then, back in october, just whn he bought this fantastic new beautiful place, he leaves me. Just at that moment he realized "hey i got myself this new place, now its time to make some changes and find a new girl". My ego has been completely shattered. All I think of is when he will move into that new place this May. I won't know where he will be anymore or what this new places looks like exactly....and the fact that a new girl will be in it KILLS me. I know the feeling--- trust me. Do you ever wonder to yourself: if we are so consumed with thoughts of them meeting someone else with every passing week, why can't we believe in ourselves to meet someone new with every passing week? Well i get it... emotionally, we are not ready for a new relationship. However, if someone really special comes along and adores us, i really doubt the feelings of loss of our ex will linger for so much longer....... We need to get out there and meet new people. Link to comment
stevef20 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 I dont think i wonder that yet !!!! i may do in time but not yet Im seeing the councillor at the moment to build my self esteem and confidence and so hopefully when that returns i may feel worthy enough to be loved, for now though as mentioned im not there at all, im not sure why i struggle with confidence either, its weird, been asked out twice since the break up (obviously said no) and im told every woman would love to have me, my mind though is that the one i want isnt interested and so neither will be anyone else even if i wanted to meet someone. I agree that if someone really special came along we might move on but at the moment i cant look at anyone with those eyes, sadly at the moment i have no interest what so ever in anyone but that Bloody woman that has broken my heart. Link to comment
sweetnsour231 Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Hi all.. Wow I feel for you guys.. Im pretty heartbroken aswell... The worst part is, its his birthday today... So thats all i can think of today, and I just keep thinking about what he has planned for tonight... I can`t wait for this day to be over lol. I miss him so much. I wont wish him a happy birthday. I dont want him to know i still think about him.. I am sick and tirred of looking like the pathetic one.. I am already embarrassed of have trying to keep contact with him, and he never did once.. Probably cause he knew that i would end up calling... How long have you guys been NC? Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.