Why does it end in anger?

[Sadboy75]

Question : Why do relationships, once over, end in anger for?

 

Despite their being amicable reasons for the break-up, very little anger within the relationship itself, and heaps of beautiful moments, why now are my ex and I very angry with eachother. She is so angry she never ever wants to see me again.

 

Does this anger subside? Mind you I am now very angry too!

 

Kind of good in a way as the closure is there and I already feel better! A week ago I was in the depths of despair!

 

Can anger be created in order to enable one to move on. ie can it be false? Will this last though?

[if only]

There are several stages of breaking up that compare to grieving. Anger is one of them and can come and go throughout the break up.

 

I have been through the same emotions as you and your ex are going through and it is only now I realise that we broke up because we had to (we were together for 5 years).

 

I was angry then I even got to the point were I hated him, but I have now fully excepted it is over. I am not angry anymore I have treated it as an experience and am glad we were together.

 

You will have your ups and downs but trust me it gets better and easier!!!

[YNP8112]

My girlfriend and I of a little over two years broke up too. It was sort of amicable but then the depression and anger started to hit me. I'm slowly workin through it although it is hard. Just hang in there and maybe someday down the road you will be able to be friends again. I hope thats how it works out for us.

[Princess777]

I think anger is your defense system in order to survive through deep sadness and disappointment. I think mostly that the root of most anger is disappointment. You are disappointed that she didn't exhibit the behavior you wanted her to for an extended period of time, and vice versa.

 

People will always disappoint us. Try to become happy from within and the anger will change to feeling sorry for the other person.

 

You sound like you're partially on your way. Forgiveness will come next, then you'll probably feel sorry for her in a way.

[kungfumaster]

Hi Sadboy,

 

I don't think you have to try to create a feeling of anger. It will come naturally - hopefully. As Princess777, it will probably stem mostly from disappointment in her and yourself for not meeting each others "expectations". Do not try to bottle it up - try to let it out constructively, i.e., working out, etc. I have heard in some studies that bottled up anger - can lead to chronic problems such as back pain, and even depression.

 

In my experience, being angry has helped me sever the emotional attatchment I had with my ex. It has been 8 months for me now since we broke up, and I still feel that anger is a good thing. I know, one day it will subside and lead to forgiveness (as a matter of fact, in my good days, I feel I have reached that point, but the next week, it all changes - so its like a roller coaster). So, just take it one day at a time Sadboy. It will get better before you know it.

 

Take care.

Kung fu

[Scout]

I don't think I'll ever get over the anger I feel towards my ex, and I know he'll never be able to think of me again without remembering how angry I was when we spoke last.

 

It's terrible, but like Princess said, it stems from intense disappointment that the other person let you down so badly. I know that I was literally enraged the last day we spoke, and flipped out to the point where he said he was going to get a restraining order if I didn't stop calling. Pretty embarrassing to lose it over someone who obviously doesn't care. I have to live with that for a long time. But the fact that he didn't care is what made me so angry...sigh...

 

Well - I learned that in future relationships (if I ever get to have one again!), I will wait until I really know someone before I decide if they are someone I should love. I just really jumped feet first into this last relationship, and I never, ever should have. If I had been more reserved and cautious about having a relationship with him in the beginning, I never would have experienced the total loss of dignity and self-control on that fateful day...

[splendidlylost]

When my gf of 3 years and I broke up, we actually had our first yell/scream fight since we met. The anger eventually goes away, really. Now we're still very close, we hang out often, and I'm actually helping her move her stuff tomorrow...Ive been her designated moving guy since we met our frosh year of college

 

You'll be fine, just give it a few months. You may also find that dating other people (casually, at least) really helps out.