Well its been 5 complete days of NC......

[craigblitz]

Come on kid hang in there..... 1 week isn't anything... that is whisky under the bridge. Look at it as a competition almost.. think of her wanting to contact you as much as you want to contact her..... refuse to lose.

 

Also, sounds like you are not real busy today.... Find something to do. Go the bookstore, go for a walk in the woods, go shopping... do anything at all.

 

Sorry you are going through this pain, and god I can not believe I am saying this, but things get better and since you are being strong and doing NC it will get better for you quicker.

[JustPlainSad]

I have tried to think of it as a competition, ya know seeing who can break down first. Its really rough. Yeah its only been one week but its been killer. When we were talking online through email and on the phone she was cold as can be and not relaly caring about my well being where as when i talked to her I was concerned about her well being. Yeah I know people do things when they're emotionally stressed and what not but the memory is there. I'm trying hard to just foret it but when times get roung I think of how she said move on, find someone else. Then its like is it relaly over? Its tought and I'm really trying. Its just a really bad day right now.

 

craig how long did you NC with your girl? What were some of the mean things she said to you?

[craigblitz]

Well, regardless of whether it is over or not you need to move on so I would take that advice and run. It is sooooo tough at this point but it can be done.

 

As far as NC for me.... I think the longest was 11 days or something. It was when she was dating another guy. In fact I called her on Friday, but the longest she went without calling me was like 14 days. So I am not the best to ask. ShockedandDismayed, MyJoy and others have gone weeks and even months... Yikes that is a sacry thought huh... but in reality it should not be. Becuase months of NC no matter what you will be stronger and healthier right....

 

At this point I wish there was something I could do to ease your pain. I know every thought and every minute is on her, but you need to try to put it behind you...Even if it is for 15 minutes every hour....

 

Hang in there man.. my heart goes out to toy

[JustPlainSad]

"my heart goes out to toy" well I'm glad your heart goes out to toy but what about me?

 

What were some of the things she said to you in the beginning? Such as leave me along, I hate you or the like.

 

Its only been one week for me and you were able to go two weeks. So I guess contact is something I have to slowly work my way into again. I dont want to ruin this but at the same time I have a fear of her forgetting (not loving) me. But that comes with confidence. I have to say "yeah I had my problems but you know what I am good for her and I am the best for her. Nobody can make her feel the way I made her feel. She's just in a confused state" I have changed. I just hope I get the chance to show her that and show her that I want to do anything for her. DAMN!!!!! this NC sucks!!!!!!

[Princess777]

People don't just "forget" about their past partners..... after you've shared special things together, special secrets, intimacy that you and she only know, and private jokes and funny sayings, there's no way someone can just "forget" you. So stop thinking that NC is going to cause that.... it doesn't work that way. Some guy off the street is not going to just walk into her life and pick up where you left off. You're already ahead of all of them, you got to her first, you had her last, and she knows that and right now that's all she knows and that's all that is on her mind, is the way you treated her, whether it be good, bad, or a mixture of both. Every guy that she meets, or already knew and is hanging around, is being compared to you right now.... you can BELIEVE THAT. Whether who broke up with who, it's the truth.

 

No matter how angry you made her, no matter how much you made her say things she didn't mean, she's still comparing. The thoughts of you don't just STOP like that.

 

Over time, you will heal, and she will too. You will both come to a point where you'll meet a crossroads and you will decide whether or not it is in your best interest to contact the other individual. Until then, it IS HARD.... it takes a LOT of willpower, a lot of tears, a lot of memories, and a lot of pain. No one is saying it's easy. I know it seems like your world is crashing down around you right now, but I assure you, it's not. At the very least, think about what you learned from this relationship, the reality of what is going on RIGHT NOW regarding the relationship (face the facts) and the fact that right now you can only do the best you can with what you have to work with.

 

We're all behind you, and you'll still have yourself at the end of all of this so take care of you.

[JustPlainSad]

By far the hardest thing I have ever had to undertake. Getting straight A's was easier than this. Everything everyone is saying is a tremendous help. It makes me relax when I'm going crazy and when I'm feeling down it picks me back up.

 

Princess you are so right sweetheart! I have been there and we have shared amazing moments together, AMAZING! We were both madly in love and thought about marriage the whole time. Even two weeks before all of this happened. What her and I shared will NEVER be matched, EVER! My confidence level must go up because of this. Its difficult right now because of the no contact that is going on. Hopefully if I see her soon and her body language is positive it will make my confidence skyrocket.

 

Craig I'm trying to think of this as a game. I really am. I can treat it as a game and I'm making an effort to do that. Since its complete NC its difficult. But I'm trying my hardest!

[craigblitz]

Keep hanging on we all know how hard it is. Picture this... ok you call her..then what. If you leave a message and she doesn't call back, or she talks and is really cold again and so on. Do you want that? Can you handle that?

 

Right now being a third party I would say no way. Seriously keep telling yourself this is the best for you regardless. When she does contact you will know for a fact it is becasue she wants to hear from you not because she feels like she has too.

[JustPlainSad]

Yeah it would be terrible if I called or email and she didnt respond. Also I want to know she's trying to get in touch with me. I'm gonna try and resist. Wow this is so hard. I wish I could go back to the beginning and correct certain mistakes. But we all wish that. I dont regret anything I did, its that I would do things differently.

 

Ugh I'm really missing her right now. I went to lunch with some friends (they dont know my girl and still think we're together) and they were talking about marriage and their girlfriends. UGH! It makes me miss her even more!!!!!

[trulyDee]

Gosh yes.....get yourself a new distraction! That ALWAYS works

[leftalone]

You're doing great!!!! One whole week - that's really something. Remember a week ago, when you thought how long and painful 7 DAYS would be without contacting her? Well, I'm sure it WAS long and it was definitely painful but guess what? The week passed.

 

When I was going through NC, which I did straight for three weeks, the first week was horrific. But after that, some days I almost got charged up by it - and I made sure to tell myself ANYTHING that would make it possible for me not to contact him. My favorite was "he thinks I've met someone else. I've moved on." And that is EXACTLY what he was thinking - that I was furious at him, and that I'd had it with putting myself out there, the rope I had given him for waffling had suddenly run out, and he needed to pick up the slack or risk losing me forever.

 

You not contacting her sends a very clear message, one that could never be sent if you were still laboring over occasional emails, IMs, phone calls, etc. - it says to her THIS IS WHAT IT IS LIKE WITHOUT ME IN YOUR LIFE...and that thought in her head is going to snowball during this time, the possibility that you are really and truly gone.

 

It was liberating for me (and sometimes horrible, the valleys were total panic) - but the liberation came in because instead of constantly going "should I send it? Should I wait? What if I call and he's not home? etc" I just found myself in this place where there was nothing I could do.

 

You're doing great!!!!! Seriously, just keep venting on here if you get crazy - we'll all keep checking on you, we're in this boat together!!!!!!!!!!!

[detox5]

i hope im allowed to comment, ive been at ur stage dude, i did like 3 sets of NC, all like 2 weeks then 3 weeks then 2 weeks again. i think im on my 4th NC, being 4 weeks. I dont think about her much, think of it as a totem pole, u are at stage 1 (week 1) the higher the level u go the stronger player u are, u move up the ladder evey week. My ex messaged me about 4 days ago, a silly random question.

she was on holiday and left it in her MSN name, to me she wanted me to message her, but the way i dealt with it was saying, look ur a st ranger it has nothing to do with u.

 

Few days after that, she messaged me a weird question, nothing about me or nothing at all, to me it was just gettin accross the name she had just just case i didnt see it. I didnt respond, and tbh I felt stronger after i saw that message i was like HAHAAH you loose, u gave in and messaged me, I won and AM winning.

 

I have ways of keeping strong and will share them if need be, I really hope i helped, get past week 2, the higher the lever u are at the better prizes u get, and ive prooved that!

[JustPlainSad]

Thanks left. I really appreciate it. Yeah I was complaining about the 7 days and yes they have passed. It was definitely long and hard some days then other days it was just fine. Its a rollercoaster. I hope she's in as much pain as I am in. So she can feel how it is to be completely away from each other. I hope it does snowball like you said it might. I put myself out there like you dod, begging, pleading. I just said "ya know what I poured out my heart and souel and it did nothing. I might as well do the opposite." She did drive by my area. Whether or not it was innocent I do not know.

 

I have learned from this time apart. If I didnt then I would be failing myself. I have learned a great deal. What things I should do differently and what I should keep the same. After the weeks I realized that there is not much I would change. Yes there are a few but for the most part I was GREAT to her. But I know what I need to work on and I'm currently doing that. Slowly but I'm doing it. Thats all i can do!

[detox5]

when u get ur next day of pain, i will message you and remind u of who u are and remind u of the strength that u now presently help! You will forget how to be strong, well i did anyways, i learned that some days i was strong and others i werent, that was only because I forgot how to be strong.

I know how to be strong and have to put it into practise each day to remember wat it is, if i forget 1 day, i have to go back and remind myself how to be strong again.

[craigblitz]

Yes there are a few but for the most part I was GREAT to her.

 

Buddy stop thinking it was you. She may have her own issues and when you were reallyl great to them and they break up talking to you is hard on them because there is doubt if they are doing the right thing.

 

Don't worry if she is missing you or hurting... you worry about yourself. Do everything for you... your thoughts, feelings, eotions should be on you not her.

[detox5]

lol is any 1 even read what i said, seem to be talked over.

[Princess777]

I don't think the goal here is to feel like you're "winning" and belittle the other person when they try to contact you, after all, you WANT them to contact you, you dont' want to scare them off by being pompous or high and mighty.....(usually) I mean there are people who don't WANT their ex back but usually they really do, right?) I thought the goal was to grow as a person during the NC and make yourself stronger so that, should it happen that she/he not call you back or come back into your life, that you will be a stronger person anyway.....right? So, inevitably, you "win" both ways, if they come back, you "win" and if they don't, you "win" because you're more equipped to deal with it than you were before you started NC.

 

Does that make sense?

[detox5]

Its just the way in which i deal with it, ive tried everything else that every 1 else has said. I do want her to call, but if im in that state where i want something from her, i tend to go after something i want, so i cant really go down that road, hope u understand,.

[k33]

Take it from me It's better to NC. I emailed and called, and haven't heard back and it is sooooo hard.... cause once you call once you can't really call again until they contact you.

 

The good thing about NC if you are looking for an angle is that you can contact... does that make sense? If you do contact and they don't contact back you have to wait...

 

Personal opinion.

 

You are doing great JPS...You the man darlin.

[JustPlainSad]

Today was one of the hardest since everything happened BUT I was able to resist any contact. Thank you for all of your support. If I didnt pm Princess or wait for craig, left and k33 to respond I would have gone nuts. Just waiting for a respons from all of you peeps was enough for me to get through this day. Thank you all again.

 

Tomorrow is another day. Hopefully I'll be better than today. I dont want her in any of my dreams. If they are good or bad it will make me feel down. So hopefully she wont be in there. Its only been a week and it feels like an eternity. But it should be easier with time. Sure as hell was not easier this week. I still miss her and I still want her in my life. As the days pass I realize that. Its not a need anymore its a want. Thats the way it should be. She should not need me either she should want me.

 

Time will tell. I just hope time will tell me soon.....

[k33]

I got some good news maybe. He called back and said sorry for not calling sooner (message) and maybe we could get together Friday, tomorrow, and he'll call tomorrow. I don't like the maybe but it is bettter than nothing i guess.

 

So I called back and told him I was free and would love to see him and to give me a call. So we are tentatively on for tomorrow... Ugh... in a good way Ugh.

 

Ack! I'm not sure what to do! Princess I know you've been responding to my other posts... whatcha think???

 

Here's the link for reference: link removed

 

JPS hang in there... you are doing great... I am so proud of you... She'll come around I know she will. She has to. You are the best! And don't you forget it. Keep going, I so know it is hard, I was in tears half of yesterday...

[JustPlainSad]

Well today I still feel weird. Like I'm nervous for some reason, its really weird. Well its been 8 days so far. I made it through yesterday. It was really rough. It was one of the lows of this situation but I read what all of you wrote and that was able to get me to squeek by. I didnt attempt contact in any fashion. I really hope I'm doing the right thing here. EVERYONE I talk to cant believe we're done. They all say "you two looked so happy and good together, she looked like the one." I'm so emotionally tired right now its crazy.

 

Last night I thought about all of the bad things we went through. Stuff she did to me and stuff I did to her and I also read some of our emails. We were both idiots to each other sometimes. I dont know if that was natural or not. While reading the emails I saw how much we were in love. It was insane, as she put it one time. Reflecting on body language solidified that. We were just so gonzo in love. We had a bad month or three weeks. Then it was all gone..... There are outside influences that may have helped this relationship die. Not cheating, so don't think that. Just some selfish people who look out for THEIR own.

 

I'm very frustrated that this is done. I'm trying my hardest to keep my head up, a lot of the time its not working. But I have gone 8 days without contact. I just hope its the right thing to do. I have to keep my cool and confidence if I do see her at work soon. I have to show her that I'm doing just fine, even though I may not be doing fine everyday.

 

Thanks for all of your help peeps!

[craigblitz]

I just hope its the right thing to do......

 

Of course this is the right thing to do. How is it not?? I know you might be thinking what if I never talk toher again or she is forgetting about me and so, but trust me you know that is absurd. NC is the best thing for you so yes it is the right thing to do.

 

Good luck today bro

[leftalone]

Hi! Keep hanging in there...Fridays for some reason were very very hard for me. Even though I was thrilled that I didn't have to be at work and could just think and be alone, I would dread the looming two days when we normally would have spent all of our time together...even being at my own apartment on the weekends was awful, because we always spent them at his place.

 

It is a summer weekend, so you make sure you do something, even if it just taking the newspaper to a quiet park or coffee shop and pretending to read it. Or just get a coffee and stare into space, all day if necessary. But keep on with NC, at all costs - you can DO IT!!!!!!! You really can, and you'll be so glad that you did.

 

Not sure what the weather is like where you are, but here in NY the winter comes all too soon - so make sure you allow yourself to jog or put on music and open your windows or walk or be outside in the sun even if you feel terrible doing it. You're really doing so well - via your silence you're coming accross in this phase of your break-up as as a strong, confident, whole person (no matter how you feel on the inside)

 

Hang in there, you can DO THIS!!!!!!!!!

[Princess777]

k33, great news. At least he's communicating, right???? Just be yourself and try not to cater to him TOO much, you have been neglecting your own needs and you will soon tire of being his personal "people pleaser". I know he's your husband but he is not acting like one, is he? A marriage is only as good as its weakest link... and he's the weakest link. Remember that.

 

leftalone, I know EXACTLY what you mean about weekends. Before my husband went on this medication, I dreaded weekends but wanted the break from work.... it was AWFUL. I am so glad he went to the dr!!!! I thank the higher powers every day in my mind.

 

JustPlainSad, she'll call. Or she'll talk to you... just be patient. And even if she doesn't you'll be okay. I am really sorry this is tearing you apart. You have a LOT of support here. But you are a strong individual, I can tell. And once you're back up to your fullest potential, whether she's in your life or not, you'll be fine, I just know it. I know that some of her words prior to your breakup seem irrelevant now, but you did build that with her, and no one can just erase it. Remember it doesn't work that way.

[JustPlainSad]

Thanks again all!

 

left, I may have to start doing stuff on my own. Such as going to Satrbucks and just read to get me out of the house and just around people. I think I may start doing that. I'm already outside enough so that doesnt float my boat so much.

 

I hope to god you're right, Princess. I want her to contact me in some fashion before I go nuts!!!!! I try to get my confidence up but then it goes down. Its such a roller coaster. I was literally walking down the stairs and I felt like a million bucks then as I got to my desk it was back to feeling like poo. We did have an amazing relationship. Obviously my most important, exciting etc. She is it. She is definitely my it. I look back at the amazing times we've had together and they make me smile from ear to ear then reality sets in and says well you may never have that again. Its such a rollercoaster! I remember all of the amazing future plans we talked about, and i've NEVER talked future with any other woman. It seemed so right.

 

I'm gonna continue with the NC and see what happens. I've made it this far so I guess thats something to show me that I'm strong.