After 2 Years Apart, Do We Still Love Each Other?

[Rob1000]

I saw my ex-fiancée (5 years together, broke up suddenly) for only the second time in 2 years at a wedding this weekend, and it's clear to me, and quite a few others, that it's still there between us.

 

At the beginning I was fine with seeing her. There were no problems at all, as I expected, because I'm over the break-up. We had an awkward moment when we met, and we both quickly turned shyly away. Throughout the event I was always conscious of her presence, but as the the day wore on I found myself thinking about her more and keeping my eye out for her. I noticed the same things from her.

 

At the end of the night, when everyone was a little worse for wear, I was walking past where she was sitting and she turned and intentionally stared me down with what appeared to be a hurtful tear in her eye. Now that could've been the booze talking, I admit, but I know her well enough to know what was going on behind those eyes.

 

Here's the tricky part. We're both seeing other people, she's even living with someone for almost a year now, and I've just started dating someone. But she didn't look all that happy during the day, even when she was with her guy. Me, I was just having fun enjoying myself with my new date. But ever since I've been thinking about her a lot... and maybe, just maybe.

 

There's definitely something still there, and some mutual friends have been telling me they've noticed the same spark/tension between us too, and that I'm even the topic of conversation at other times. Do I do something? Do I tell her I still love her or just keep moving on with my life, especially as it will be a long, long time before we're likely to meet again?

 

Here's my story for anyone that would like to read it...

 

 

[Snowy]

Maybe you could start talking to her casually and feel her out a little bit first...

 

But if you're equally happy with how your life is without her, I wouldn't risk it.

[dateadvice]

Interesting situation. I'm curious to know why you guys broke up in the first place? Why was the break up so sudden? Also, I don't think you ever fully got over her otherwise you wouldn't have been "always conscious of her presence" at the wedding. Just pointing that out because I think you need to be truthful with yourself about your feelings for her. There's a reason why your relationship ended in the first place and that is something you need to explore. Has whatever the reason you guys broke up 2 years ago been fixed?

[Rob1000]

Interesting situation. I'm curious to know why you guys broke up in the first place? Why was the break up so sudden? Also, I don't think you ever fully got over her otherwise you wouldn't have been "always conscious of her presence" at the wedding. Just pointing that out because I think you need to be truthful with yourself about your feelings for her. There's a reason why your relationship ended in the first place and that is something you need to explore. Has whatever the reason you guys broke up 2 years ago been fixed?

I agree. I do still love her, but I've come to terms with it all. The break-up doesn't hurt at all, but I know I still have feelings for her. Regarding things being fixed, there was just so much hurt there, which for me, has gone. Here's my story if you want a read!

 

 

[Snowy]

Okay I just read your story.

 

On the wedding, maybe all the memories (5 years) rushed back into her mind and she was quite overwhelmed, so she started thinking about you.

 

That's the closest thing I can think of. There could be countless of other explanations though.

[Rob1000]

Okay I just read your story.

 

On the wedding, maybe all the memories (5 years) rushed back into her mind and she was quite overwhelmed, so she started thinking about you.

 

That's the closest thing I can think of. There could be countless of other explanations though.

I had never thought of that. Wow... we were at our friends wedding (she was a bridesmaid incidentally) together and she possibly started thinking about ours. Jeebus.. that's kinda weird that I didn't think of that.

[Carus]

Do I do something? Do I tell her I still love her or just keep moving on with my life, especially as it will be a long, long time before we're likely to meet again?

Well considering you are both seeing new people, do you want to perhaps open a pandoras box of dramas or do you want things to remain calm...?

 

Personally I would keep walkin' and see if she throws anything your way....

 

Regards

K2* 8)

[dateadvice]

Well my advice is this and keep in mind you get what you pay for and this is free advice from an armchair quarterback. But I think you need to move on with your life and let her go. If you two had separated over the common marital or premarital woes such as money, sex, chores, etc then I would say pursue her (again)! But your first post does not describe a healthy relationship. A woman who dates a married man has some personal issues she needs to resolve. And now she's living with a guy and possibly making eyes at you at the wedding. This does not sound like a stable or reliable woman to me. If you two were to start dating again I think it would end much in the way it did the first time around. The problems sound a lot deeper than just the trivial day-to-day stuff. Also, I think she was a damaging person for you to be around so I would not walk away from her, but I would run! I would also run into the first therapist's office I came to because I think she is that damaging of a person.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I agree. I think it is best to let this go. The fact that 5 minutes after your break up she was dating a married man says it all to me. Rebounds are one thing..but rebounding with a taken man is quite another story. Sounds to me like she would take any relationship, even one where she is unhappy, rather than being alone. She has a boyfriend so it would not be appropriate to pursue her.

[Rob1000]

I think you're right guys, both of you. Thanks. I might just add that she keeps blocking and un-blocking me from facebook!! This morning, I've just been un-blocked again!! I think we're both a bit nuts for eachother, but like you say, that doesn't mean we should be together.

[bella1975]

Be smart what are you doing young man!

[prettymommy]

Hey Rob- Glad to see you are well and handled things in good form over the weekend.

 

I would tend to agree with everyone else.... continue on, and don't say or do anything. Its very possible you are reading far more into her actions (really, perhaps non-actions) than anything. For all you know, the "tears", if that is what they really were, had nothing to do with you. Or they did, but it was the booze talking, and under normal circumstances, you would not get a similar reaction. Yes, you know her well.... the peson she was two or more years ago now. Just as you have changed, dont forget she has changed as well, and you don't know her as well as you used to anymore...

 

Lastly, as you know, if she really is thinking of you, she will track you down and find you. If you track her down insteaad, and tell her you still love her, well.... you may very well come off looking like a sap whose stilling pinning after her and unable to move on after all this time. I know that is not the truth, and you've done a lot of work to move on to a new and better life. And its natural that when we see people who were a big part of our lives at one point in time to have feelings; happens to me whenever I see or encounter an ex. But it doesn't mean that its anything more than that, and if we don't acknowledge those feelings for what they are- nostalgia and perhaps a bit of wistfulness-, or misappropriate them for something else, it can very possibly alter our perceptions of events to one that is not necessarily aligned with reality.

 

Best of luck to you my friend,

 

PM

[Rob1000]

Spot on PM, and just what I needed to hear. I definitely noticed something, but as you say, it's only natural to feel things when you encounter an ex and it's possible that the fact we were at a wedding together brought some of it back too. But that's not to say anything should be done about it, just like I mistakenly did the first time we met.

 

I came off well, she definitely noticed the lovely new girl I'm dating, and my ego got stroked a little bit, but after the kicking I've had from her, I think I deserve to feel good about how it all went. And now I can know she sees me a little differently now that she's seen me with someone else. I'll take that, enjoy it for a few days and then move on with my life.

 

If something was to happen in the future, then it will have to come from her. She's had more than enough opportunities to reconcile with me, and there's no way I'm giving her another.

 

Thanks all.

[Hobbes]

Agree with this - weird was thinking about you the other day, wondering how you were getting along as I followed your story closely. Great to hear you are so upbeat and in control of your emotions. I would not do a thing and carry on as you have been. If she reaches out, then see but remember there is someone else in the picture with you now - not sure how serious it is but, well you know..

 

Good stuff Rob!

[twitchyfingers]

Weddings tend to stir up a LOT of emotion. Throw in a little alcohol, and all sorts of feelings get churned up.

 

It sounds like you handled the situation like a champ, and are doing great with your life, post-breakup. It's always encouraging to hear the follow-up to the original story of a heartache. Glad you posted.

[Rob1000]

Agree with this - weird was thinking about you the other day, wondering how you were getting along as I followed your story closely. Great to hear you are so upbeat and in control of your emotions. I would not do a thing and carry on as you have been. If she reaches out, then see but remember there is someone else in the picture with you now - not sure how serious it is but, well you know..

 

Good stuff Rob!

Hey buddy, how you been?

 

Yeah it was great. I was handed a prayer to say at the Altar just 2 minutes before the ceremony, so I learnt it off by heart, walked up with my shoulders back, looked up at the crowd and spoke like I was the president himself. She definitely noticed that!!

 

It's been a lot easier of late and I was dreading seeing her and it putting me back again. To be honest, seeing her hardly affected me at all, and I wasn't bothered around her, but now it's all done and dusted and the way it all went down, she's been on my mind a lot, especially with the things our mutual friends have said to me. But as you say there's someone else now, so why not give it a chance instead of going back papering over the past.

[jaylh25]

Hey Rob,

 

Hows it going.. some old timers on this thread last few days!

 

Good to hear things are going good for you.

 

Its tough letting go and fully moving on and for sure, your ex must have gone through a lot of emotion that day. Seeing you there doing so well with a new date on your arm would of no doubt got her attention and thinking of what she had with you... but if the connection and sparks still there then what do you do about it? Play it safe and just ignore it? Its obviously got to you so much that your here again and knowing you, I doubt it will go away.

 

I'll get shouted down for this but anyway, your over the initial break up, and i dont think you will look like a sap if you initiated a move nor it devastate you if any move didnt turn out how you planned. Her playing on Fb is obviously a sign something is going on with her - lets face it when you say she will have to make a first move she isnt going to send you "i screwed up, lets meet" message in case u reject her...she will reach out in a subtle way and maybe the fb thing is what she's doing.

 

Sometimes you just gotta go with your gut feeling and follow your heart. If you still love her, still think there could be something then for me I'd say do something about it or you'll always have that what ifs... at least if it didn't pan out then you would be able to draw a firm line under it...

 

I'm in a very similar position, my ex came on to me yesterday online and told me she misses me and still loves me.. these exes sure know how to throw a curve ball at your day! ](*,)