I'm back!!!

[CMS]

Hey Jersey

 

Wow sounds like we all have been dating the same type of girl. my ex is the exactly the same, have all her emotion bottles up, brooding by herself till it reaches a breaking point. She would act like everything is going well and happy one day and decides to break up the next day saying the problem we have can not be fixed. I mean how the hell would I know we have problems if you never mentioned them or acted like something is bothering you?

 

Interestingly enough, my ex dropped the bomb 3 days after she came back from a 5 day NYC trip (work + visiting best friend), maybe she got a taste of singles life and decided that the comfortable, complacent stay at home stage of our relationships is not for her, its too comfortable for her that she lost the spark in our relationship.

 

Anyway day 11 of NC now and feeling good, started to hit the gym hard and slowly regaining my confidence. I mean I am not really trying to meet some new girls because I personally believe my emotion needs to take a break from dating.

 

All I am saying is, I will break NC later when I am ready to get my stuff back and or have a closure talk with her, but right now I am working on putting myself back together.

 

Hang in there man, whatever happens are all for a reason, we just dont see it yet

[chitown9]

I would say that you have seen a long pattern of her behavior and I am sure that you have expressed to her that she needs to stop bottling up her emotions. She has not responded to your input and therefore has not adjusted her behavior at all. You really have no choice but to put an end to this nonsense. What else can you really do? If you are looking for a lifetime partner do you really want to have a lifetime of breaking up and getting back together? Have you ever seen a marriage like that? I have, and the result is that the marriage ultimately ends in divorce. So, it is better to find this out now. At least you were not married with kids.

[TheJerseyKid]

Hey Jersey

 

 

Interestingly enough, my ex dropped the bomb 3 days after she came back from a 5 day NYC trip (work + visiting best friend), maybe she got a taste of singles life and decided that the comfortable, complacent stay at home stage of our relationships is not for her, its too comfortable for her that she lost the spark in our relationship.

 

Ironically, all 3 of our break ups happened within a week of her getting back from some sort of vacation with her friends and without me. I too think she gets a taste of the single life, or freedom, coupled with her friends who are single and miserable pushing (subconsciously jealous) push her toward these decisions. Sucks, but good to hear I'm not alone. It was like I almost knew this one was coming because she was going away.

[NCforME]

Ironically, all 3 of our break ups happened within a week of her getting back from some sort of vacation with her friends and without me. I too think she gets a taste of the single life, or freedom, coupled with her friends who are single and miserable pushing (subconsciously jealous) push her toward these decisions. Sucks, but good to hear I'm not alone. It was like I almost knew this one was coming because she was going away.

 

Yeah its funny, one of my ex's best friends is in a relationship and since she is actually a long time friend of mine as well, she told me she always tries to influence my ex for me. But, my other friend who is single I happen to know encourages her to go out partying more to talk to guys with her. She has been the only single one in our group of friends for a long time so I know she is happy to have another single friend. Maybe I should find her a guy, haha!

[TheJerseyKid]

38 Days since I've seen her, 37 days since we've broken up, 37 days of NC. Shes half jewish, so the fact that today is easter, is not really much of a big deal. My parents are out of town and I don't have much family in the general area. I'm heading to my brothers condo about 40 minutes away late this afternoon to have a nice dinner and catch up with him. A very small part of me is wondering if she'll break NC today to send a happy easter text, but I'm not too concerned with that, and realistically, I think its less than a 5% chance it'll happen.

 

These past 37 days have been textbook 100% no contact. I haven't heard a single peep, seen anything on facebook, haven't looked at a picture, read any old e-mails or texts, literally 0 contact in the truest sense of the word. The biggest thing helping me is I literally have no idea what she is up to or what shes been doing. I'm sure shes been getting drunk a lot lately, because that's how she deals with her depression and shes already a bit of an alcoholic to a degree. I'm dealing with my emotions head on and facing them as they come, not hiding behind the mask of alcohol. I see a lot of posters get caught up with looking into posts they've seen on facebook, or what does their ex mean by this or that. I haven't done any of that, and its helped tremendously. I have no new information about her, so I have nothing to guess or form an opinion on. Sure, sometimes I wonder for a few seconds if she is seeing anyone else, or what shes been up to, but I push those thoughts to the side pretty fast, as they don't matter, and no amount of thinking will give me the answer.

 

See I've been down the break up road before, and seen how much stronger I came out on the other side. I've done the endless sleepless nights tossing and turning and wondering where they are, or who they are with. I've let thoughts about an ex rule and consume me for months before, and ever since that time some 4 years ago, I have vowed to never let it happen again. I hope wherever she is, whoever she's with, and whatever she's doing, shes fine. Other than that, I cant concern myself with anything else that's going on with her. I've got enough going on in my own life to worry and be concerned about.

[TheJerseyKid]

I'm in a weird mood today. I'm getting past the part where I know mentally, I don't need her. And I'm not even close to consuming my thoughts with her. Really, the most I think about her, is when I'm browsing these boards and comparing my stories to others or sharing what I have. Today though for some reason, I'm really missing her physical.. umm.. attributes if you will. It will sound really shallow, but I think I have a right to be shallow considering I'm still on this sight nearly 40 days into a breka up and 40 days NC. I miss her boobs for some reason, well some reason being they were like my ideal perfect set. I won't get into specific details, but I'm really starting to miss the physical things. I miss her petite sexy little body. I know I'll get over the physical part when I find someone else who I am attracted too. I don't have anything in the works yet female wise, I don't think I'm ready yet. But man what I would do for a few hours in a room alone with her...

[Live-N-Learn]

I understand how your feeling bro! I too miss the physical attributes of the ex. I try not to let myself think about it cuz it def does not help in my moving on. Try to do the same my friend. Your doing great!

[TheJerseyKid]

This is all I've got for today:

 

 

Not work safe, contains offensive lyrics.

[TheJerseyKid]

Day 40something. Almost 6 complete weeks NC/post BU. I actually have an internet first date tonight. She had messaged me online right around the time my ex and I had split it, we talked a bit, and looked like we were going to meet, but I just felt my heart wasn't in it, so I stopped initiating contact with her. Well almost a month later, today I get a text message from her asking how I'm doing. I say I'm doing well and etc, and to my surprise, she asks if I'm free tonight, and she wants to meet up for a quick drink. We'll see how it goes. I'm not looking to get anything concrete out of tonight, just a face to face meeting, make sure I'm actually attracted to her (pics can be decieving) and I'm sure she'd like to make sure the same of me.

 

Then last night I sent a FB message to an old HS friend of mine (female) who I haven't talked to that much or seen in quite a while. There was always sexual tension between us, but neither of us ever acted, or had the opportunity to act on it. I suggested we go check out the bar my brother DJ's at in the next few weekends, as it is in the town she just moved into. She responded basically with a "Hell yeah" and gave me her phone number, told me to call her/text her, and basically, gave the idea she was very into it.

 

Funny how I go from having no women on the radar to 2 "dates" scheduled in under a matter of hours. You know what that means don't you? It means my ex's 6th "vagina sense" is going to kick in, and it won't be long before she contacts me I'll bet, because there is something about me talking to other women and actually MOVING ON that always seems to make my ex's try and jump back in the picture. It's totally irrelevant, but will be interesting to see if this does prove true in the next few weeks. Of course, will keep you guys updated.

[MichaelJ732]

Whats up JerseyKid,

Bro, I have been reading your posts and threads and follow your story pretty closely. You and brock are my two fav posters. I've visited this forum a lot lately to read and get others perscpectives, just havent posted my story yet. We have a lot in common. I can't figure out how to PM here, there is no option on your name, can you send a PM on this forum?

Thanks for the great posts thus far and for keeping us in line with your story and progress. Day 40something is impressive and I agree, the ex is gonna come knockin soon now that your "dating". Hahaa, it ALWAYS works like that. Hit me up if you can, peace.

[CMS]

Dude you need to gain member status first before you can PM, I think you gain it in 7 days after you sign up.

[TheJerseyKid]

Whats up JerseyKid,

Bro, I have been reading your posts and threads and follow your story pretty closely. You and brock are my two fav posters. I've visited this forum a lot lately to read and get others perscpectives, just havent posted my story yet. We have a lot in common. I can't figure out how to PM here, there is no option on your name, can you send a PM on this forum?

Thanks for the great posts thus far and for keeping us in line with your story and progress. Day 40something is impressive and I agree, the ex is gonna come knockin soon now that your "dating". Hahaa, it ALWAYS works like that. Hit me up if you can, peace.

 

Thanks dude, means a lot to hear someone say I am one of their favorite posters. Brock is also one of my favorites too, I wish he would post more. You will be able to PM after a week of having a membership, so hang on tight for a few days and then shoot away.

 

As for the internet date last night, for a short meet-up, it went very well. For starters, she looked really cute in her pictures, but she looked even better in person. I could tell she was a little nervous, but it was kind of cute and endearing in a way. We just talked for about 1.5 hrs and had a few drinks, and had good conversation. She ended up suggesting another get together soon, she was making good eye contact, and playing with her hair and necklace a lot. These are all very good IOI's (indicators of interest) so that looks positive. If I don't hear from her by Saturday, I will probably shoot her a text to see how she is and if we can schedule another date soon.

 

One thing I'd like to make a note of. I've seen a lot of posters mention that after going on a date, when they got home they felt worse, or lonely, or missed their ex. I think this has had the exact opposite effect on me. The past 24 hours I've literally thought of my ex maybe a few times, and only for a few seconds. Today was a new milestone as she didn't even cross my mind until I had gotten to work. That's progress and while I might not be fully "over" her, I think the fact that the date didn't send me into a mental tailspin and that I didn't think about her until I had been awake for over an hour, are very encouraging signs. I think I'm getting close to the "point of no return" in my book, that's the point where, even if she decided to come back begging on hand and knee, I'd still have to shoot her down. It feels good.

[TheJerseyKid]

When it rains it pours right? Look just a few posts back.. what does it say.. no women on the radar right? Ok so some 48 hours later.. here's the situations.

 

Internet Girl - had first date last night, seemed to go very well, she suggested another get together, so we have that on the horizons.

 

Girl I used to work with - Just spoke to her tonight actually, she wants to get drinks and hang out Sat. Always been a ton of sexual tension there. We hooked up once about 6 years ago, but we were pressed for time so that was cut short. Basically shes DTF and I'm pretty sure its going to go down. We've wanted each other for a long time so it'll be a good fantasy to fuffill for both of us.

 

Girl I went to HS with - Just suggested I take her out to dinner and check out her new apt. Always been a lot of sexual tension there as well, but never worked out due to timing, relationships, distance, etc. Going out to dinner/drinks and "check out her place" next weekend. She's being pretty direct too so this looks promising as well.

 

God damn I feel like a pimp right now.

[Live-N-Learn]

I'm really happy for you Jersey! Keep it up..sounds like things are going in the right direction!

[TheJerseyKid]

Day 44? I say that with a question mark because I'm not positive, but I think it is. I set a record today. From the time I woke up 6am until just now, all of work, till 4pm, and now, I did not think of my ex, at all! Not even 2 months, I seriously didn't have a single thought about her at all. The indifference is really starting to settle in, I love it... In other news, I have date #2 lined up tonight with the girl I met on the internet. Going to grab a drink, see a movie, and possibly come back to my place to hang out (if all goes well, lol). I'm not trying to sleep with her, not yet. Shes not that type of woman, and honestly, if this is to be building toward possibly something legit, I don't want to rush into it. I've had relationships with chicks that I hopped into bed with rather quickly, and that always leaves some doubt in my mind. "Man, if she slept with me that easily/fast, she could easily do that with someone else." Nothing may come of this, but so far our personalities really click and we seem to get along great, so I think it's best to be taking steps in the right direction. Wish me luck tonight! I'm praying all of you can get to the point I have gotten to as fast as I did. Just remember NC, NC, NC.

[TheJerseyKid]

Amazing date last night... I won't go into details just yet, but I will say this TOTALLY has potential to be something. I need to be careful not to rush into anything though, because I want to make sure I'm not just on streak of good days, but I really think I *MIGHT* be almost totally over it. I just want to be 100% sure I'm over it, before I can give my heart away again, so I am going to proceed with caution in that area, but things with this new girl are simply phenomenal so far in the VERY early stages.

 

This song sums up my life to a T right now, literally almost word for word:

 

[CMS]

Good work man! I am happy for you. Hopefully my turn will come up soon too!

[May2011]

I've been following your story. give us some updates!!! good work on your healing.

[TheJerseyKid]

Hey all, been like a week since I posted last been finding less of a need to visit the site, because I am really truly moving on. Things are going very well with the new girl I met online. We've hung out 4 times now, and each time has been better at better. Last night we got dinner and had a few drinks, came back to my place, watched some TV, cuddled and made out a bunch. It all felt very "natural" and comfortable. We get along great, have very similar personalities.. shes a bit younger than I would normally go for (21) but she is exceptionally mature for her age due to her past. We're just entering the stage of really opening up to each other and telling each other about deep or important things that have happened in our lives. We're taking it pretty slow thus far, which is good for both of us, but I can feel were both starting to build up a lot of attraction and feelings for each other.

 

In terms of my ex, I'm not entirely sure of the exact day, but I know its been 7 weeks and 2 or 3 days of full NC. Still hasn't been a peep either way. I don't really think about her all that much, kind of just randomly through out the day, but never really have the painful thoughts or the questions or day dreaming I used to. Honestly if she called and neutrally asked to meet up for a coffee or a drink I'd have to politely turn her down. I really see there being a possible future with this new girl with what I know thus far and how I feel, and I've given my ex plenty of chances. I'm just now starting to realize the big personality differences and things that eventually drove us apart. I used to think we were almost as good as we could get for one another, but now I'm seeing a very different side of that fence.

[Glowguy]

This is very encouraging! Nice job Jersey. I hope things go well with the new girl. I just went on my first date since the BU and it went really well too. I've definitely been thinking about the ex less since then. I'm gonna take it slow and see what happens.

[TheJerseyKid]

Dating can be a double edge sword, especially at the point I'm at in healing. When it goes well (like it is for me now) I hardly think of my ex at all, I spend my time that I would normally spend missing her, thinking about all the new possiblities, excitement, and doing things with the new girl I'm seeing.. well call her 'J' from now on. However, as I know from previous break ups, I know if the dates go bad, they can really leave you craving for your ex even more. I didn't go out actively seeking a mate. I actually stayed away from dating, and was learning to be happy keeping to myself, I said I'm not going to try to persue anything unless it falls into my lap. Sure enough, I was contacted randomly by someone who wanted to hang out... 5 dates later, and the butterflies are starting to settle in. If it ends, I'll be a bit disappointed, but certainly won't be anything near like I was with my ex or any full on relationship, I am however a bit worried it will cause me to think about the ex more, but I think this will only happen if I allow it to, which I don't plan on.

 

The odd thing is, its not even 2 full months for me (about another week to go on that) but it feels much longer, like it's been 4-6 months for me. Might have something to do with the fact we've had 100% 0-contact whatsoever. No facebook stalking, no texts, Im's, bbms, no social networking I have to see her on, no mutual friends, literally 0 new info or whispers about her since the very last time we spoke and broke-up. This has been hugely beneficial in many ways.

[mhowe]

Keep up the 100% NC -- the time warp factor decreases as it goes on (next thing you know, you'll think "it's been 3 months, and it's really been 4!). Once the emotion leaks out (around 8 weeks), it's easier to look at the whole relationship with more objectiviity, and easier to just get on with life. Congrats!

[TheJerseyKid]

8 Weeks should be coming up this friday. I'd say most of the emotion has leaked out, even a few weeks ago, and I've been looking at things way more objectively, which is why like I said a few posts above... that even if some how she came crawling back (not going to happen) I'd have to politely turn her down, in favor of persuing (albeit, a very uncertain future) with this new girl. I'd honestly rather give someone new a shot to earn my love than just give it away to someone who doesn't know how to appreciate a damn good thing if it falls in their lap.

[TheJerseyKid]

Houston, we have contact.

 

I think it's been 2 months and 2 days, idk, it's been over 60 days of NC, not sure of the exact number. Anyway, at 4:49 local time (EST, GMT-5) I heard my phone buzz. For the first 30-40 days post BU, my heart nearly skipped a beat every time my phone went off, thinking, hoping, it was possibly my ex.... it never was. I had all but given up hope, and started to REALLY move on. I began dating and starting seeing people. I've had a few good connections and have had a few good times. Eventually as I became involved with dating and talking to new girls, I stopped hoping it would be my ex every time my phone went off. I hung out with one of the new girls last night, who's been acting a bit distant the past week, so I've decided to pull away a bit also to see if that makes her come around. So I wasn't going to contact her today (we've been in contact every day for the past 3 weeks or so), and when I just heard my phone buzz, I was assuming it was her. I open my messages, and realize it's not a number I have saved in my phone. So I take a closer look at it, and I think for a second, and I realize.. "hey, I know this number". The message read : "So I don't know what you're up to tomorrow I have off from work....If you wanna grab a drink I'll be around... Otherwise working til I get back from Europe"... it was her. Now I know it's only been a little over 2 months since the BU and NC, but for the past few weeks I've finally been at a place where It hasn't been painful at all. I honestly barely thought about her, wasn't hoping we'd get back together, basically I was truly in the last stage of loss, acceptance. Since I feel like I'm in a place where I can think clearly, be indifferent, and stand proud and tall all on my own, I have decided I am going to go.

 

I've made up my mind, I am going. I am not going with the hopes that this leads, or in some way opens the door towards reconciliation. In fact, that thought is not even on my radar at this point. I am looking at this as meeting an old friend for a drink, just to catch up briefly, and continue moving along. She's going to be going away to Europe for a month or two in the next week or two, so I feel it's safe to go as there will be minimal subsequent contact after this, and there will be even more time apart. I plan to keep it brief, no longer than say an hour and fifteen mins. You don't have to tell me how to act, or what to say or not to say, I already know the routine. It should be interesting none the less.

 

Btw I have not responded to that text, I will do so in a few hours, and it will not look as if I am going out of my way to meet her, as I will already be in her area tomorrow night anyway.

[mhowe]

Good job man, you've got the right mindset. Isn't it weird, the 8 week thing????!!!!!