Heartaches Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 You are doing this because he was a big part of your life, and it's not easy to move on. I remember last time we split up, I felt the need to just see what he was up to. I never felt good afterwards. It actually made me sick to my stomach. Like acid churning deep down. It's an aweful feeling. I have not gone on FB in a week because I don't miss it, or the problems it caused in my relationship. 2 years down the drain because he is obsessed with FB. Link to comment
superfox Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 i had a short but intense relationship last year, we split (his choice really but it was more of a sulking fall out looking back!) his page was full of 'fun' statuses which really gnawed at me, after a week of nc i read his update as 'hook me up with a hot chick', with that i hid his feed off my wall, couldn't stand to see it anymore but because of the way he was i felt blocking him would be a 'win' for him. Sounds crazy but i knew how he worked. i got on with my life and resisted the urge to check, met someone, fell head over heels in love and got the 'i miss you' text off this ex. i looked on his wall out of curiosity and felt....nothing. not a thing! Me and new guy had a few fb boundaries agreed on including the 'ex' factor which i had no problem with. I deleted 'ex', sent him a message saying i was 'downsizing and have a great life', he means nothing to me at all. It will happen, it will take time but it will happen. Mine was fairly quick but in the early days i never thought i'd get there. Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted March 17, 2011 Author Share Posted March 17, 2011 Yeah, I still love him, that's why I still check on him. And he still loves me, which only makes it harder. Sometimes I wish I would have been dumped and blocked. Heartaches - I know the feeling of "acid churning deep down". That's the best way to put it. I couldn't find the right words for it but you took the words right out of my mouth. Link to comment
delicous Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 ~~~its not love~~~ I feel you there...I check his myspace but I unfriended him in the beginning of our breakup and ofcourse now regret it.... I don't have any inspriational quotes unfortunetly...I could prob look one up on google but do can you....You don't need me or anyone else to tell you not to check up on him...Its all you...And same goes for me... Try to stay away from the computer...I think that will do all of us who miss our ex some good....get back in the world... Im going to take my own advise...Im in love with someone else now...I just need to forget about my ex. Link to comment
apple89 Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 this happened to me, i had to ask my friend to change my Facebook password and to not give it to me until august at least.. it feels good, and its helping a lot! Link to comment
TiredOfGames Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 I also have an application for all the social networks he's on so it's that easily available as well. Do you still have this application installed? If so, delete it now!!! Link to comment
replytome Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 I second that. I had the same exact thing. And there is literally NOTHING good that can come out of it. Only seeing something that brings you back to square one. Link to comment
Oneironaut Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 Believe me, I understand this...when my boyfriend and I were broken up for 6.5 months, I stalked him on various places, also. One day, though, I was about to check something to see what he'd been doing, and suddenly I thought, "WHY? I'm not going to see anything that makes me happy...I'm not going to see some declaration of love, I'm ONLY going to see something that HURTS ME...so screw this." And I didn't do it. Granted, I still stalked him in one or two places for a while after that, but even those became fewer and further between. You'll stop doing it when you get tired of hurting from it. ](*,) Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted May 20, 2011 Author Share Posted May 20, 2011 Do you still have this application installed? If so, delete it now!!! I still have it and I can't help downloading it from time to time to check. It's way less than it used to be but it's still a big problem. I second that. I had the same exact thing. And there is literally NOTHING good that can come out of it. Only seeing something that brings you back to square one. I am okay with the thoughts now when I'm hanging out with friends and other guys I've been seeing but he still crosses my mind QUITE a lot. He also crosses my mind at work, in class, and in things that require heavy concentration. I used to meditate and I haven't gone 10 minutes with a completely clear mind. I honestly want nothing more than to stop but the social networks are so accessible that it has really become a major problem. It isn't just FaceBook. It's also AIM, Yahoo! Messenger, Live, Whoshere, Skype, Tumblr, LiveJournal, among others. We used to talk everywhere so I rarely talk to any other of my friends any more because of this. Believe me, I understand this...when my boyfriend and I were broken up for 6.5 months, I stalked him on various places, also. One day, though, I was about to check something to see what he'd been doing, and suddenly I thought, "WHY? I'm not going to see anything that makes me happy...I'm not going to see some declaration of love, I'm ONLY going to see something that HURTS ME...so screw this." And I didn't do it. Granted, I still stalked him in one or two places for a while after that, but even those became fewer and further between. You'll stop doing it when you get tired of hurting from it. ](*,) Did you do it for 6.5 months? It's been nearly 4 months since mine and I still check everyday. There have been very few days when I don't check his we broke up. Link to comment
MrEnigma Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 Pretty much you got to cut off all connections that trigger your memories or thoughts about him. I talked to dramallama about the social network stuff and shes right. You have to block them from Facebook, MySpace, etc. There only going to trigger thoughts and emotions. I did the same thing you did. Check the Facebook every hour or see if they logged on this site or that. I saw the flirtation with others on Facebook. It feel like a low blow every time. I know how you feel and its gut wrenching. Also you need to get a distraction, once your distracted it will help you not think about going on and checking his Facebook or anything else. So far I've done that and have been do other activities and its helping little by little. Only issue I still have is, shes my best friends sister. We hang out every chance we get and shes there. So I end up torturing myself when I go over his house haha As for the random thoughts, I get the same. You have to focus on flushing them out. I know its hard, im doing the same thing. As soon as he pops in your head think of something else that you can focus on. Like for example he pops in your head, think about if your clothes are clean, oh wait there not. Then it creates a chain, you think washer, detergent, and so on and so forth. Distracts the thought about him. Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted May 22, 2011 Author Share Posted May 22, 2011 I deactivated my FB, and MySpace, but there are still the other messengers we used to use that I still have and sometimes I'll check to see if he's online. Also, we used to have the same friends and everything so sometimes my friends will be on FB talking about people and pass over the phone so I can check out other people's pictures, and sometimes I'll go to his because I know they have him as a friend and I just feel like I HAVE to look. I have so many things to do, I've filled up my schedule with things that I can barely take on (volunteering, reading, gym, shopping, asked for extra tasks at work, taking more classes, been 'dating' one guy, hanging out with friends, cleaned my room over and over, puzzles, brain teasers, math problems) but at the end of the day, him is what I think about. And then I go and check. Once my head hits the pillow, it's over. I can't rest until I've checked at least one of the places where we used to talk. It sucks, I'm thinking of going to a counselor to deal with it because it's honestly become too much. It's gotten better, from 16x a day to only 1x or 2x a day but my goal is 0 and never again. Sometimes I feel like I don't want to, I don't need to, the need goes away but then I just feel like I can't go on if I don't check. Link to comment
Coconut Twin Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 Hell even ask him to block you so makes impossible for you to check his page. Then again, he'll get all happy because then he knows you are checking up on him. couldn't help laughing at this bit... Link to comment
MrEnigma Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 I'm sort of in the same boat as you. My ex is my best friend's sister. I get that urge too, you get the computer or the phone for 5 secs and you want to satisfy your curiosity. You got to try and not do it, I have the same issue myself. Same here, every thing I do and accomplish, she's on my mind at the end of the day. If you believe a counselor will help, go to one. If your telling yourself its too much, go and talk to one. The best advice I can give is, go to counseling. Not because its an opinion, its because your thinking of it and you should go with your gut. Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted May 22, 2011 Author Share Posted May 22, 2011 I'm sort of in the same boat as you. My ex is my best friend's sister. I get that urge too, you get the computer or the phone for 5 secs and you want to satisfy your curiosity. You got to try and not do it, I have the same issue myself. Same here, every thing I do and accomplish, she's on my mind at the end of the day. If you believe a counselor will help, go to one. If your telling yourself its too much, go and talk to one. The best advice I can give is, go to counseling. Not because its an opinion, its because your thinking of it and you should go with your gut. You should be my BA (Breakup Anonymous) 'sponsor' and I'll be yours! I made this little Excel chart for 30 Days and that's my new goal. I plan to stick to it no matter what. I printed it out, I'm carrying it everywhere and I can't let myself down. If that doesn't work then I'm DEFINITELY going to a counselor. I want to try this chart for 30 days, it's like a contract with myself, and if that doesn't help then I'm calling it a psychiatric case and going to a professional. I just realized how silly it is to let this stop me from moving on and I'm determined. I get these "strong" days when I realize this, though, and in a moment of weakness, I let it all go. It's happened before. I went a week without it, and then I went back. Then I went another week without it, and I went back. Maybe the third time IS a charm, and I can stick with it this time. I know it'll hurt but I'm making a list of the alternatives and we'll see how that goes. Good luck to everyone else who's going through the same. Trust me, I know your pain. Link to comment
Vanilla Sky Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 When you break up with someone, it can be for the best if the relationship isn't good for you. Thanks, this is something I have to keep on telling me!!! Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted May 23, 2011 Author Share Posted May 23, 2011 I am on Day 2 of No Stalking The EX. We'll see how this works out. I want those 30 days so bad. Link to comment
Gerda Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 Good work, itsnotlove. If you slip up, just get back on the horse, don't use it as an excuse to abandon your whole plan. I once obsessed over an ex for years. I honestly don't know if there was anything I could have done about it, I certainly didn't want to be crying over him for the hundredth time, and I never saw or talked to this guy so my ongoing devotion was completely inexplicable. It bothered me at the time because I thought I was going to be like that the rest of my life. But it passed. For me it passed when I found somebody better and realized that he was really and truly not as great as I thought he was, not by a long shot. I think that during that time he served as a sort of invisible boyfriend for me, thinking of him made me feel like I still had somebody special in my heart, and I needed that because there was nobody in my real life. I still check up on my latest ex in the way you do, but now it's easier to not do it and sort of a challenge to do it--because of the pain. I get nauseous every time I think about it, but sometimes I give in, do it, and feel like crap for the rest of the day, and then it strengthens my resolve to resist the temptation in the future. I also stay away from this site sometimes when I am feeling sort of weak and worry reading about heartache is only going to bring undesirable feelings to the forefront of my mind. Link to comment
Coconut Twin Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 I kind of feel silly because he kept his stuff, he didn't need to do that to forget me so I guess it wasn't that hard for him.. That's funny you say that, I thought the same until in one convo, he told me that he never looked at my page because guys were always trying to chat me up and it was uncomfortable. I was quite suprised he blurted that out, on the otherhand I could never tell him what I've done to avoid going pyscho billy on him.. So it is hard for both people after a break up. Maybe women are a little bit more drastic in trying to deal with it but some men find it hard too in their own subtle way IMO. Link to comment
Coconut Twin Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 I am on Day 2 of No Stalking The EX. We'll see how this works out. I want those 30 days so bad. 2 DAYS is a lot when healing from a break up so you Go Girl!! keep on keeping on, you can do it!! Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted May 24, 2011 Author Share Posted May 24, 2011 I have been so busy during the past few months that I shouldn't even be worried about love, romance, or even friendship. The problem comes in those early mornings, and late nights, when I wake up and I start to miss saying good morning to him. Or those nights, where I'd say goodnight to him and I could start my day (or finish it) happy. The other day I checked his FB, and I saw that his "best friend" (aka new girlfriend), and I saw her saying "Goodnight x", and then in the morning "Good morning sunshine! I'll text you x", and boy did that hurt. That was like 1 week after we broke up. It just consumes me. I really don't want to do it anymore. Right now I don't feel like I need to. Anything that I find is painful so what's even the point anymore. The challenge comes when I can stop myself when I WANT to check. We'll see. Thanks for your help I'm sure he's doing perfectly fine; I just know it. It doesn't matter anymore, really. At this point, he could be in hell burning to ashes and I would not care. That's what I feel in my heart and in my mind, but it needs to show through my actions (not check). I'm gonna do this ](*,) even if it hurts. Link to comment
twitchyfingers Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 For me it passed when I found somebody better and realized that he was really and truly not as great as I thought he was, not by a long shot. I think that during that time he served as a sort of invisible boyfriend for me, thinking of him made me feel like I still had somebody special in my heart, and I needed that because there was nobody in my real life. That statement really resonated with me. That's EXACTLY what I've felt with various exes (yep, more than one; it's a pattern I'm trying to break). itsnotlove: you're doing really well. I know how hard it is. Damn social networking--! Link to comment
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