Tryptophan Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 You know there's the thread for telling your Ex what you want to say so you don't contact him. Well I've done a great job at not contacting him since we broke up but I keep catching myself checking his FaceBook, MySpace, Twitter, and AIM status at least once an hour. My stomach churns every time I see him talking to another woman, it hurts, it burns, it's killing me but I CANNOT stop checking it. I know it requires control, willpower, all that but I'm finding it so hard. It's gotten better with time, I "only" check his status every 6 hours now, from the beginning from when it was constantly, that's a big improvement. I still lose control and do it more often than every 6 hours. However, I keep seeing the same stuff that makes my heart ache, other women. And I KNOW he has to move on, I want him to but it still hurts. How the hell do I control myself? I have to be on the computer for work and I keep postponing my work JUST to check on him. I also have an application for all the social networks he's on so it's that easily available as well. Sometimes I even wake up in the middle of the night to check on his status to see if he's up talking to other women. What the hell is wrong with me?! I need someone to give me an inspirational quote, advice, or reprimanding words that keep me on my toes PLEASE. And most of all, has anyone else gone through this? It's making me feel like a stalker, and I probably am. It's sickening! I think I am a masochist, it hurts and yet I keep doing it. I was the one who did the break up so you would think I would be moving on fine but I am not. I just want to know he misses me but he clearly doesn't so what the hell is wrong with me? Link to comment
happyfrank Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 Nothing is wrong with you. You just care too much. Don't go on the internet at home. Just turn off the computer at home and unplug the internet. At work just focus. You don't want to get fired and find job in this economy. My ex stalked me for a few years. I had to change my number and delete my e-mail and aim. He doesn't want you anymore. Give yourself heal time and enjoy being single. St patricks day is on Thursday so it's good time to party and enjoy. Link to comment
confused24 Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 Ugh, I feel for you! I was the dumpee but check my exes a lot too. It's obsessive behavior. But I think in time it will get better. If you meet someone new, you will find you'll start checking his instead. Wish I had some words of wisdom, but the reality is time will heal! Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted March 15, 2011 Author Share Posted March 15, 2011 It's hard because I'm the one that did the breaking up and I'm dwelling on what he's doing with other women. I'm going insane. The more I think about it, the more I check. Link to comment
iBroken Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 You need to delete and block him from all social networks. The amount of "checking up" on him is not healthy or conducive to your healing. If you block and delete him, then it becomes out of sight, out of mind. You will think about checking up on him but then realize that you dont have the means to. Things will start to get better and you will think less and less of it. Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted March 15, 2011 Author Share Posted March 15, 2011 You need to delete and block him from all social networks. The amount of "checking up" on him is not healthy or conducive to your healing. If you block and delete him, then it becomes out of sight, out of mind. You will think about checking up on him but then realize that you dont have the means to. Things will start to get better and you will think less and less of it. I deleted some and went back and make another profile just to check on him. It's really getting out of control. Link to comment
NeonLight Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 i too passes same phase that you're in now. Once every hour.. then once every few hrs.. then once a day.. i felt I was doing well until one day I went crazy and out of nowhere started looking into every inches of her fb profile just to see something (I dont know what honestly).. I n the process I found some of the pics she had with the GIGS guy (older photos though).. and just felt I could not take it. I realized what a big mistake I have made.. really checking her fb was not taking me anywhere and it was just pulling me back. I immediately defrended her and never looked back to check in with her profile anymore. My intention was to just help myself and get healed. So I strictly went to NC as it's all recomended here. Big realization was - when you continiously check ex's profiles and updates, you're nowhere close to NC. NC requires total blocking of ex's thoughts from phone, web and more importantly - ur every moment's thoughts. Link to comment
Love1336 Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Chances are you are going to get a lot of crap for this, because I have. Lol. What stop me was that crappy stomach churns feeling, i got tired feeling like crap! I got tired crying after seeing his page! It really is about self-control. I know its easier said then done, believe meeeeeee. One time i went whole month without viewing his page, but then all suddenly i got the urge to check it. I know why you do it, its something you can't help. But deleted all the social networks that's he has. Hell even ask him to block you so makes impossible for you to check his page. Then again, he'll get all happy because then he knows you are checking up on him. Why did you break up with him? Remember whyy, and remember you are wonderful person inside and out and you don't need him. I am sorry i couldn't give better speech, but you'll be okay. Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted March 15, 2011 Author Share Posted March 15, 2011 Yeah, what I meant by no contact in my case was basically not talking to him but I still check on him like a fiend giving up drugs but still checking to make sure the stash of drugs is there. It hurts to do this so I'm not sure why I'm still doing it. When I'm doing things with other people, it stays off my mind but when I'm at work or doing something that requires my utter dedication and concentration (alone) then it just starts again, I start checking on him constantly. Thanks NeonLight and Love. I just need support to stay strong. Link to comment
twitchyfingers Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 It's a really hard habit to break! Just so you don't feel alone and crazy, a LOT of people have this problem. Damn social networking sites are like crack in normal circumstances, but add in the post-breakup obsessive thinking, and ai yai yai. If you can't cold-turkey it, set yourself smaller, attainable goals, and stick to them. Make sure the goals are easy at first so you KNOW you can handle it -- "I won't check any of the sites for 10 minutes." Then, ramp it up to 15, 20, whatever. However, you might want to set on hard-and-fast rule to do ZERO social networking and personal email from work. Save the peek-a-boo stuff for at home. Find other sites you can goof off on if your work is slow -- the internet is a big and interesting place. Remember, any info he posts will still be there an hour from now, or a day from now, or a week from now...you get the idea. It's not like you are trading stocks and need up-to-to-the-second info. ;-) Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted March 15, 2011 Author Share Posted March 15, 2011 The internet is a great place but also very harmful. I've managed not to check for 3 hours but I've been on here. All of my work is getting neglected. It's horrible. I cannot concentrate on my work when I know I haven't checked on him yet. What the hell? Link to comment
superfox Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 Stay here, start a journal and just talk random stuff or worries, I can talk crap all day long if you need distracting! Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted March 15, 2011 Author Share Posted March 15, 2011 I do need distracting. It's been 4 hours! Link to comment
Sjan Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 I completely understand you, I do/did the same, but I do it now once or twice a day, what is that with us? Are we addicted to the pain? Cause everytime we check we get the same feeling again... Just keep yourself focussed on YOUR life, fill your days, do something. It's easier said then done, but it really helps. In your case,try to less it in once a day, and then the next day one more little peek. And then tell yourself, ' no more!!' quotes "You really need to develop the mindset that: your ex is not a part of your life anymore. What she or he is doing or planning is none of your business. You need to focus on yourself and yourself only." "The more you think about, "Oh what should I do that'll make me forget about her", the more you'll think about her. But the more you think of, "I don't really care", the more independent you'll get." "I finally went on my euro trip that I always wanted to do, and I'm focusing on myself, and travelling, which is really helping.. Its like taking a huge break after a long long long long chapter of my life.." "Well, you got what you deserved for looking her up. Use that memory so that you are not tempted to search for her next time." "Get yourself busy and get into to shape. Focus on yourself and your goals. The past is gone and your future is ahead!!" "Cutting contact meant that I had only to deal with the pile of pain already on my plate. No new shocks to the system." Good luck, I hear ya! Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted March 16, 2011 Author Share Posted March 16, 2011 I managed to check once and didn't check for the rest of the night. I usually check at night when I'm missing him but I didn't! I'm so proud of myself. When I got to work, though, I had to check once. Now I'm only checking on him on some of the sites, and have stopped myself from checking the sites that hurt the most (when he flirts with girls. arg). Link to comment
superfox Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 I managed to check once and didn't check for the rest of the night. I usually check at night when I'm missing him but I didn't! I'm so proud of myself. When I got to work, though, I had to check once. Now I'm only checking on him on some of the sites, and have stopped myself from checking the sites that hurt the most (when he flirts with girls. arg). Well done! Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted March 16, 2011 Author Share Posted March 16, 2011 I'm getting the urge more often again. I'm demented. Link to comment
generaldiscord Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 You know what the problem is, and you know how to fix it. Nobody here will tell you to keep stalking him, but I for one will be happy to share some e-cake with you when you finally manage to delete him off your social networks. Three cheers for emotional stability! Hoorah for independance! Let's make a toast to willpower! Link to comment
Love1336 Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 =] Hey girlie if you ever get that itch talk to me. do you have AIM? or something? Link to comment
Sjan Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 try to make the decision not to check anymore... try to make it happen that you CAN'T check on him anymore, make it for your self that's it's un-able to check on him... I know for sure it will be a tough decision but you will be thankfull afterwards... Link to comment
Live-N-Learn Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 I was in your spot. Until I deleted and blocked her I had not peace. I was always fighting the urge to look and would eventually give in. Until you block the ex you will most likely not have victory. You are choosing to suffer by not deleting him. You are causing your own pain. Time to start caring more about your emotional health...best of luck. Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted March 16, 2011 Author Share Posted March 16, 2011 Yeah I've made the decision to stop myself. It's only making me burn inside and I need to end this situation. I need a date to do so. I'll make it as soon as I can. It's really doing me no good except satisfy my curiosity. I'll keep you guys posted. And love, no I don't. I used to but I deleted it because I kept the urge to IM him. It's gotten to the point where I cannot be part of the social networks myself because I feel the need to talk to him, or check on him. Live-N-Learn - You're right. Thanks for saying that, it got to me. It's my emotional health that I need to worry about first. Link to comment
Love1336 Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 Yeah I've made the decision to stop myself. It's only making me burn inside and I need to end this situation. I need a date to do so. I'll make it as soon as I can. It's really doing me no good except satisfy my curiosity. I'll keep you guys posted. And love, no I don't. I used to but I deleted it because I kept the urge to IM him. It's gotten to the point where I cannot be part of the social networks myself because I feel the need to talk to him, or check on him. Live-N-Learn - You're right. Thanks for saying that, it got to me. It's my emotional health that I need to worry about first. I totally did that myself. I couldn't help myself to check his page. SO I DELETED my OWN page! I completely destroy it. Because I had enough. I am bored now because i miss facebook.xP But it needed to be done! Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted March 16, 2011 Author Share Posted March 16, 2011 I totally did that myself. I couldn't help myself to check his page. SO I DELETED my OWN page! I completely destroy it. Because I had enough. I am bored now because i miss facebook.xP But it needed to be done! I kind of feel silly because he kept his stuff, he didn't need to do that to forget me so I guess it wasn't that hard for him. On the other hand, it makes me feel good because I was the one that initiated the whole "NC" thing with him. At least he'll feel a bit of pain because he's said he misses me before. I'm a bit cruel in this sense - I smiled when he said he missed me. But I never told him about the things he did to make me hurt so I guess he got his payback in a way. Link to comment
Heartaches Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 I feel your pain. My bf and I just broke up because of him adding ex gf's on his FB. I still want to look everyday, but I dont. We have blocked each other. He blocked me first. It's easier now. Link to comment
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