SapphireNoir10 Posted February 28, 2011 Author Share Posted February 28, 2011 Thats the thing. Not a lot. He is genuinley laid back, never has a bad word to say, we never argue in person. My only complaint is he can sometimes be thoughtless. I can never imagine him being angry or abusive, just thoughtless in some ways. But I dont think he does it to be mean. I just think hes clueless as he's never really had a proper girlfriend before. He said the other day he's the happiest he's been in 2 years cos of me. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted February 28, 2011 Author Share Posted February 28, 2011 I have tried hard not to repeat patterns. I know I can be happy alone and if that this doesnt work out I will be ok in my own company and by myself. I've sorted out a good job for myself, got some good hobbies, got a new circle of friends. Im genuinley really happy in my life for the first time in a long time. Im working hard on not being insecure. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 What does that mean Batya? I may be a bit clueless lol, I mean, Im not clingy with him, Im the type of person I'll send him a quick text or reply to his texts calls but i tend to leave him alone cos i know hes 'busy' Oh I don't mean you are being clingy but I would change how you interact given how distant/short he's been with you. I would tell him on the phone -not text -that since he's so busy you two probably should catch up when he has time for a phone conversation and that the texting back and forth doesn't seem to be working well for either of you.Then when he calls keep the conversation as light and breezy as possible -fun - for 10-15 minutes, then say you have things to do and you're looking forward to catching up more when you see him. Call him only to make or confirm plans and keep it short or return his call quickly if it's urgent or it's about a plan you have and within a day if it's not. I would stop all the facebook nonsense -stop checking his page or commenting on it. That way you two will have good quality time when you talk or are together in person and when you're not he has plenty of breathing room and opportunity to miss you and see what daily life is like without your presence all the time through texts and FB comments. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted February 28, 2011 Author Share Posted February 28, 2011 Thank you Batya. Thats solid advice and I will definatley be following it. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 Many young people put up with all kinds of crap from their BFs/GFs in the name of not being clingy, like it's the plague or something. The truth is we all should have healthy boundaries of what is appropriate behavior and not, and whether crossing that boundary is OK or not. So if you are his GF and text him a couple times a day or want one short/reasonable phone call a day, that is by no means clingy. But if you text him every hour and demand a one hour phone call every day, that is crossing a boundary. And expecting a response to one or two texts a day is not clingy. And expecting him not to disappear for days on end with no contact is not clingy. Your mistake here is trying to have a serious conversation about him not responding to you in a text message. And letting jealousy be the prime driver (of the other girl) rather than focusing instead on a discussion about what your reasonable expectations are (ie.., a text or two a day, him not flirting with other girls and calling them love while he's with you, him going on FB while ignoring you). So focus on getting what you want from the relationship rather than on just your emotions. And if you find yourself getting all worked up, calm down before you talk to him, and analyze what you really want from him before you talk to him, and negotiate with him to get it. So in discussions, you would tell him that you'd like to hear from him within a reasonable amount of time after texting, and it makes you wonder if he has time to get on FB and then blames work when he ignores you. And that it makes you nervous when he calls girls he knows are after him 'love', when he is supposed to be your BF. Perhaps you really need a discussion about whether you are exclusive or not, because perhaps he doesn't want that (and has avoided the subject so you won't dump him over it). Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted February 28, 2011 Author Share Posted February 28, 2011 I know we are certainly exclusive. We've been friends for quite a long time, and dated a bit before he asked me to be exclusive. I've dropped it now, and decided to just wait and see, play it cool, and just see how it goes. If it carries on or happens again I will bring it up as you have suggested. I will admit to having being driven by jealous and getting angry. Now i've calmed down and relaxed I feel a lot better and can appreciate he is a good boyfriend for the most part and I will have to see how things go. All the advice here has been brilliant as usual. I will keep my eyes peeled. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 I think she can tell him she'd like to hear from him within a reasonable time after texting if the text has a timing issue - if it's just to say hi does she really want him to comply out of some sort of obligation? Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted February 28, 2011 Author Share Posted February 28, 2011 I dont. I want him to miss me naturally and want to speak to me. hence I agree with backing off and letting him have a chance to miss me. I dont text often and don't ever call and never really comment on his fb, not worth the drama lol Im going to follow the advice of backing off and just see how it goes. I dont want to have to bring it up again. I hope following your advice will help the situation resolve itself. Fingers crossed it'll just work out naturally. Link to comment
Blue Spiral Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 If you're feeling this way after just a month, you may need more attention than he can/knows how to give. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted February 28, 2011 Author Share Posted February 28, 2011 Maybe. I think its worth finding out for sure. Like I said sometimes hes brilliant others hes not. Link to comment
diamond78 Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 If he is this inattentive during the first month of dating, I can almost guarantee it will get worse through time. Usually in the first few months, guys try to be on their best behavior. I mean you two haven't even been on a proper date yet. I'm not feeling this new guy at all...He reminds me of the last 2 guys you were involved with where they put in minimal effort just to keep your attention. Unfortunately, I think you may be going down the same path again. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted February 28, 2011 Author Share Posted February 28, 2011 Eugh I hope not. He's so lovely in person, and when hes home he always makes plans to see me etc. Or wants to see me. Link to comment
Karma20 Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 Honestly, I don't see things picking up with him because in the beginning is when you are doing stuff to prove you like them or trying to win them over. After time goes on and the newness wears off all that simpers down a bit. If you're complaining now then honestly I wouldn't waste anymore time. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted February 28, 2011 Author Share Posted February 28, 2011 Thanks for the advice. I'll keep you updated!! I hope it works out well, he seems to be getting better Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted March 9, 2011 Author Share Posted March 9, 2011 Since I posted this thing have been great. Hes been contacting me non stop now lol! Link to comment
raziel1687 Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 He sounds fishy to me, get rid of him! Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted March 10, 2011 Author Share Posted March 10, 2011 Hes not fishy at all lol. He works away a lot. something he told me when we first met. Hes started being really lovely, making more effort, taking me out, buying little gifts, he wants to see me all the time and always is calling, texting or speaking to me on msn. Link to comment
Heartaches Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 It's good to hear things are better. I just want to give you a bit of advice. Some men are shopping on Facebook, and there is actually a dating area on there. I have been to hell and back with my bf because of FB. He treated me very well in person. I was dumb enough to put up with it for two years. Don't waste two years of your life like I did. If they're flirting on there, they'll do it in real life also. Do not worry about being clingy. Worry more about knowing the truth. Listen to his actions, not his words. Any man who plays on FB has time to pick up the phone and call you. It's about choices. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted March 19, 2011 Author Share Posted March 19, 2011 Thank you. We've been together just over two months now. We see eachother a LOT more and he is constantly either calling me or texting me. He very rarely uses his facebook. And funnily enough the girl I was worried about we saw in the pub last night and I could quite clearly see its one of those...she likes him but hes not intersted as he was all over me, civil to her, but to him shes a friend. So I realise I was being silly, and also that he calls everyone love!! He has made the effort to take me out more, has bought me little suprises, wants to pay for everything and has told me that he loves me. Im really happy and I've not had a worry since. I think I was just being overly suspicious/stpid. Link to comment
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