Eriel Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 I'm afraid my sister has an addiction to watching porn online. I never knew that woman could have this addiction but my sister is living proof. She broke our main computer due to viruses and porn etc. and now she is watching porn on my lap top. I confronted her and she said she would get help but as soon as I turn away, I know she will continue to do it and I know her well enough to know that she would do such things. Shes a compulsive liar and part of that is why I don't ever believe her. She was molested when we were younger so I'm not sure if that has to do with anything psychologically. Can someone please give me some advice on this situation? Or has anyone ever dealt with this similar situation? Link to comment
Snowy Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Install BlueCoat on your laptop. Link to comment
PaintWithLight Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Only your sister can agree to get some help with her situation. You may think she has an addiction but it also seems like she upsets you with other kinds of behavior. Why do you call her a compulsive liar? How old is she? Is there a rivalry between you? You have the right to protect your computer from dangerous use and exposure to viruses. Tell her that your laptop is off limits and put a password on it to block her use. I assume that you are both adults and sharing an apartment together? Perhaps you need to think of other living arrangments? Link to comment
Dani_California Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Install BlueCoat on your laptop. This doesn't fix the problem. It just stops such activities but doesnt stop the NEED/WANT to watch it. If she's resourceful, she'll find some other way to watch it. A porn addiction is just like every other addiction. If she isnt ready for help then she wont do it and if shes forced to do it she will just relapse. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Doesn't your laptop have a password? Just lock it. But if she is an adult, it's not really your business how much porn she watches. You are not in a relationship with her. Is it affecting her life in a significant way? Does she work, socialize, date? If not, then you really can't say that it's an issue. Do you live together as roommates or with your parents? Link to comment
Snowy Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Well I think this is just like trying to quit smoking. If you deprive the smoker of cigarettes, it might be really really hard at first, but eventually they'll get used to not smoking and therefore snap out of the addiction. Link to comment
Eriel Posted January 22, 2011 Author Share Posted January 22, 2011 I'm only annoyed because she broke our last main computer and she knows my pw for my laptop which I will change but, she is a nice person. Its just that she watches porn all the time, like everyday...is that even normal? I know that she is stress because of med school and all but, she lies constantly I mean she lies about even the smallest things. She is living with me and I'm helping her through med school so I don't want to just kick her out of my house but, I feel like she needs help. Don't they have support groups for porn addicts? I know that she is an adult because she is 29 years old but her addiction to porn is annoying me. Its like all she does is goes to school and watches porn and she even admitted that she needs help but I don't think shes willing to change it for now. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Viruses are terrible. Think of yourself first and CHANGE THE PW and never tell her it again. Seriously, those viruses can get at your personal info. She can get her own darn computer. Never let her use yours, no matter how nice she is. I'd send her an email with links to some support sites, and tell her that you love her and you just want her to get help. She will not finish med school at this rate, sorry to say. I don't see her being able to learn everything and being able to pass those tests if she's watching porn nearly 24/7. After you do that, back off. If she flunks out, she has no one but herself to blame. All you can do is extend your hand but she has to reach back. you can't pull her out of this yourself. She's an adult and when/if she wants help, she will then know where to go. Link to comment
rosephase Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Why do you assume she is addicted? I look at porn almost every day. It's really not a big deal and getting off is a great way to relax and relieve pressure which it sounds like she has. Maybe you could help direct her towards more safe porn sites so that she doesn't screw up your computers and teach her how to clear the history so you don't have to see what she is seeing. Masturbating and watching porn are perfectly healthy normal activities. She might have a higher then average sex drive but that really isn't that big of a deal. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 rosephase, I agree with you. When I was much younger, I used to look at porn everyday. I enjoyed it. It was normal and fine. I think the key words here that Eiriel used aren't "every day" but rather "all the time". If someone is watching porn ALL the time and they aren't editing it for their job, then yes, that's a problem. Link to comment
rosephase Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 rosephase, I agree with you. When I was much younger, I used to look at porn everyday. I enjoyed it. It was normal and fine. I think the key words here that Eiriel used aren't "every day" but rather "all the time". If someone is watching porn ALL the time and they aren't editing it for their job, then yes, that's a problem. I guess I was assuming if she was in med school that "all the time" was an exaggeration. OP how is she doing in school? In life? Link to comment
Dani_California Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Well I think this is just like trying to quit smoking. If you deprive the smoker of cigarettes, it might be really really hard at first, but eventually they'll get used to not smoking and therefore snap out of the addiction. False. I've had an addiction to porn and pills. It's like taking pills of valum a day, everyday, every week, every month, and then stopping. I watched porn every time I felt sad, mad, anything (which was almost all the time in my teen years). I dont do either anymore, but I still have both addictions. It's really hard to stop. For me it was like quitting pills. Link to comment
Battle Wounds Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Porn Addiction is less likely for women, but it can and does happen. In my opinion, if she can't stop watching and is disrespecting your house rules that you don't want it viewed on your PC's, that would be an indicator of addiction. With or without her admital. Some people can watch that stuff and not become addicted, but you would really be surprised at the research on porn addiction. It actually causes a change in chemicals in the brain, much like a heroin addict's brain is affected when they get their fix. It very well may be likely that her molestation opened the door for this. Some victims act out, and are overly sexual as a result- while others shy away from sex/intimacy. I would suggest she go to an SA meeting (sex addiction). SA encompasses everything, not just people that act out, but people plagued by porn and/or masterbation- really any sexual compulsion that becomes unhealthy. There is also a great website, if she is willing to look inside herself & do some healing, called link removed. They have healing workshops for free, that help addicts understand their behavior and suggestions on overcoming the urges & managing stress in a healthy way. It really is no different than drugs/alcohol, for those that are afflicted with this. I also second the notion & would put a new password on your PC. Even if she finds a new way of getting it, at least you can say you didn't enable her. Link to comment
Eriel Posted January 22, 2011 Author Share Posted January 22, 2011 I guess I was assuming if she was in med school that "all the time" was an exaggeration. OP how is she doing in school? In life? Well I'm calling her an addict because I can't get her out of the house to do anything. All she does is stays in her room and watches porn, I've caught her so many times. She is a very bright person, and doing very well in med school, the last time I checked her grades were all above average. Its just that all she does is school and watches porn. Even on her days off she refuses to do anything like shopping or family holiday gatherings because she would rather sit at home and watch porn. You advise me to tell her to use safer porn sites? Well how can I when I don't even know whats safe or not online these days??? My sister is all over the place when it comes to her history of porn....I've been told that any porn sites online are all bad. She might just be stressed and her only way of relieving stuff like med school (which is something I will never understand) is to watch porn. I'm frustrated and I just care about her that is all, and because she is living in my house. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 I know that she is an adult because she is 29 years old but her addiction to porn is annoying me. It sounds more like this is aggravating you than you are actually concerned she could have a problem. Maybe right now she is just focused on school and doesn't want to go out, with or without the porn. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Ohh...I wasn't aware about her grades and all. It sounds like she's doing fine and meeting her responsibilities. Med school is stressful and it sounds like this is what she is doing to cope with it. If she doesn't want to go out, then she shouldn't have to. I rarely go out and I'm in college! There's nothing wrong with it as long as she is happy and getting her work done. I'm sorry, I take back what I said. This isn't as bad as i thought it was. Link to comment
Eriel Posted January 22, 2011 Author Share Posted January 22, 2011 It sounds more like this is aggravating you than you are actually concerned she could have a problem. Maybe right now she is just focused on school and doesn't want to go out, with or without the porn. Its just that she locks herself from the world for days, weeks. Before porn ever came into her life she was a well balanced student with a social life and now she is like a hermit. I'm annoyed but really I am really concerned for her too. We talked about this and she says she want to stop porn but, she doesn't know how to stop anymore. Link to comment
Battle Wounds Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 This just doesn't sound healthy to me...sure her grades are fine, but porn seems to dictate her whole social life, or lack thereof. All her off time is spent on porn instead of interacting with society. It seems it dictates every aspect of her life, with the exception of school. I'm sure med school is terrifyingly stressful, but she needs to find another way to cope. If she was drinking everyday after school to relieve stress, would that be okay too? No, it's unhealthy. I would suggest maybe seeing if she would like to work out or go on walks with you. Dopamine released during exercise is a natural stress reliever. And since the same chemicals are released, she may start shying away from it. If school is stressful for her, imagine how it will be out in the field. What if she starts surfing for it when she is employed, because she never learned to cope, and her career is on the line? Link to comment
90_hour_sleep Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 I'm afraid my sister has an addiction to watching porn online. I never knew that woman could have this addiction but my sister is living proof. She broke our main computer due to viruses and porn etc. and now she is watching porn on my lap top. I confronted her and she said she would get help but as soon as I turn away, I know she will continue to do it and I know her well enough to know that she would do such things. Shes a compulsive liar and part of that is why I don't ever believe her. She was molested when we were younger so I'm not sure if that has to do with anything psychologically. Can someone please give me some advice on this situation? Or has anyone ever dealt with this similar situation? if this is more of an obsession...and not something that would be considered normal, or casual...then it most definitely IS related to the sexual abuse. the abuse could also offer an explanation to the lying. in the majority of sexual abuse cases, the abuse itself doesn't end up being the problem. the problem is that the proper support systems were not in place to help your sister when it happened (and this is fairly common...considering most cases involving abuse, the abuser is a family member or a closer family friend...potentially embarassing and destructive to the family if it's not kept a 'secret'). or...if they were...she wasn't getting the necessary feedback/help. without that support...the tendency is to develop coping strategies. they're often dysfunctional...and really only serve to keep pain away. get burned once...throw up your walls so it doesn't happen again. lying is a very common strategy. a dysfuncional perspective on sexuality is also very common. if your sister never properly healed from the experience (because it IS possible to heal) she's likely continuing to strenghen her patterns of coping by engaging in these behaviours. even though (in some cases) it may seem that the abuse is no longer relevent (as in the memory...the emotional side)...these behaviors are the traces of that experience. there are therapists out there that deal specifically in sexual abuse...if your sister is at all open to that. obviously...it would have to be her decision. she might not be in a place where she wants to reopen an old wound. this could help her come to terms with what happened to her...and learn to understand some of the ways in which she deals with things as a result of that. there are also some good websites...forums like this one...that deal specifically with abuse. 'pandora's aquarium' is one that i know of. sounds like you're interested in getting to the root of her want/need...as opposed to just sweeping under the rug...and eliminating the symptoms. are the two of you close? Link to comment
In the Dark Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Seriously I have never acquired a virus for watching or going to a porn site and from the very start of being a tech I have found the highest source of viruses are from downloading music from limewire or frostwire & social networking like facebook. To me saying porn is the source of the viruses is like saying that everyone who smokes cigarettes is going to get cancer. The truth is anyone can get cancer and there are many people out there who chuff on cigarettes in to a ripe old age. On the main part of the topic I do see her as most likely having an addiction. Due to the need of watching porn on family PCs. If there wasn't an addiction she would most likely feel an amount of shame due to the likely hood of people in the family knowing she watches porn on a regular basis. In this case she appears she does not. I know there are many women who do watch porn on a regular basis but lie to the rest of the World saying it is gross and nasty or I only watch it when my partner does.... In my opinion I think she should get her own PC and watch porn until she finds it is the same old. This should at the very least slowdown her interest in it and reduce the amount of time watching it. I remember when I first came accross porn I was watching it a fair bit until it felt like I had been watching the same thing. It just stopped being so interesting. Link to comment
EmotionalCreature Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Nothing new, I know many female friends that love watching porn and have a mind boggling collection of sex toys. Everyone is different even if it is so slightly, let her have her freedom. Install programs like NOD32 or AVG for antivirus and there are a few free spyware and malware protection software available on the Internet. Link to comment
generaldiscord Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Hmmm.... I wonder why your sister lies about watching porn... MAYBE BECAUSE ITS EMBARRASSING? I know you mean well, but stop hovering and trying to control her. You can't psychoanalise your sister. Not even the best psychoanalist can diagnose their own kith and kin. Don't even try. Just put a password on your computer and don't let her use it. It's that easy. Link to comment
LightbulbSun Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 There's nothing wrong with porn, for men or women. The only issue I'd have is that she was using your computer, not hers. So she's causing viruses to come up on your computer. However, she isn't broken, and there's nothing to fix. Link to comment
LightbulbSun Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 Oh, and she's 29. She's an adult. She's allowed to watch adult films if she wants to. Link to comment
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