Kjv1611ad Posted January 20, 2011 Author Share Posted January 20, 2011 He asked me for space, yet he's text me every day. And he will tomorrow, I bet. I'm half tempted to tell him, you asked for space, I think it's a good idea for both of us, I have things I need to think about as well. I think it's best if we actually take this time to do just that. I feel like I'm getting thrust into friend zone. Am I over analyzing this? We've been together 2 1/2 years. I wouldn't think it would happen that fast, yet I do feel like he doesn't have the passion for me that he once did. And he's calling all the shots, why, I am not sure. Maybe this is what we both need to decide if he still loves me, and if I can deal with his communication style. Because right now I'm at my wits end. It's stupid to be doing this to someone that you love. Am I jumping the gun here?? Maybe he just needs to miss me. I haven't been initiating contact, he has, but still. I'm not sure how to proceed..... Link to comment
Kjv1611ad Posted January 20, 2011 Author Share Posted January 20, 2011 Jumped the gun, thinking I would hear from him today, I havent yet. Booo. Well, I would think a week would be enough time to think? What do you think? Link to comment
SethSLC Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 Jumped the gun, thinking I would hear from him today, I havent yet. Booo. Well, I would think a week would be enough time to think? What do you think? If you have to ask if its the right amount of time then its not. You'll know when its the right amount when you feel it. Just let it happen Link to comment
Kjv1611ad Posted January 20, 2011 Author Share Posted January 20, 2011 He still contacts me every day. Not trying to get myself put into the friend zone either. Link to comment
Kjv1611ad Posted January 20, 2011 Author Share Posted January 20, 2011 Twice today, already. Link to comment
DN Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 Answer the texts briefly but friendly but do not instigate anything. Link to comment
Kjv1611ad Posted January 21, 2011 Author Share Posted January 21, 2011 ok so we decided last night to "try" to see if we can stop the fighting. So thats a step forward. No, though, I am just unsure how to proceed. I think I may continue doing what I am ding, if he wants to talk to me, or see me, then he can, I a not going to pressure him bout anything, and have no expectations I guess, just see where it goes. I just feel like when this happens, nothing ever gets resolved on my end. Why cant some of my needs get met, he just shuts down. I try communicating in an effective manner, but my feelings on a subject just get met with his feeling about the particular issue, and nothing ever gets resolved. He doesnt listen, or try to change. I guess maybe on day next week we could sit down and just listen to each other ad the other person has no input what so ever, but I doubt that will help. Link to comment
Kjv1611ad Posted January 24, 2011 Author Share Posted January 24, 2011 So he said he doesnt want space anymore, didnt push him to talk more than 15 minutes, I guess what is going to happen is that we STILL dont resolve anything and we end up here again two months from now. So i guess I am just going to play the role of I dont care anymore and if he ever wants to make things work between us he is going to have to put in some friggin effort. I dont think I am asking or expecting too much. Link to comment
Kjv1611ad Posted February 13, 2011 Author Share Posted February 13, 2011 I broke up with him. It took a week of fighting, sadness, and now I think no contact? He has treated me bad for too long. I told him it was over, I had no choice, he pushed me into a corner and I had to do what is best for me. I also told him that in the future maybe things could be worked out but I'd have to see a huge change on his part in the way he treats me. I said I can't do any more right now. He asked if he could still call me and I said sure. I told him the fix was simple, on his part, and he can choose to try to fix things but I won't do any more. He said it wasn't that easy. I said fine. He said maybe in a few days he (he actually said we, but I don't have anything to think about) will realize it was simple and we maybe can work things out. I just said maybe. He asked if in a few days we could go to lunch. I said I don't know, I guess it depends on the situation, because I am thinking I am not wasting any more time on him if he doesn't change his ways. I want to be able to move on. He then said I could call him anytime too. I said I know, and I have no intention whatsoever of calling him. I am planning (started) NC yesterday. He said again, maybe in a few days "we" will realize it was simple to fix. I just said maybe. Then I said goodbye. So.....not sure where to go from here. I dot want to keep in contact with him unless he makes an obvious effort to try to show me this is important to him. So do I ignore phone calls and text messages from him? I didn't tell him I was going NC I decided that for myself. But if there is an option for reconciliation in the future, I want to be open to the idea? I guess? What if he texts me on valentines? Or calls? Do I respond or answer? I'm thinking I shouldn't? I gave this man plenty of chances over the last week, last chances before it was finally over last night and he didn't do a thing, IMO. He seemed upset but not willing to say anything to give me any confidence about anything. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted February 13, 2011 Share Posted February 13, 2011 There's zero power in your breakup if you're willing to stay in contact. I'd explain that you need to be left alone for a few months, and if he's still interested in a reconciliation then he can call--but no sooner. Using a breakup you don't mean just to manipulate someone to change never works. Either you're clear about what you're doing, or you're not. If you blur those lines, you're just setting yourself up for more of the same. Link to comment
Kjv1611ad Posted February 13, 2011 Author Share Posted February 13, 2011 So I guess what you are saying is if he does call or text I either ignore it completely or tell him I need time and if he is interested in fixing things down the road to let me know? Link to comment
Kjv1611ad Posted February 13, 2011 Author Share Posted February 13, 2011 I don't want to contact him just to tell him that. I'm feeling good and don't want to mess it up. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted February 13, 2011 Share Posted February 13, 2011 I don't want to contact him just to tell him that. I'm feeling good and don't want to mess it up. I agree that it makes to sense to contact someone to tell them you don't want contact. If he bugs you and you feel compelled to respond, then just clarify that you don't want him to continue contact. Don't get sucked into a second response, just leave it after that. Link to comment
Kjv1611ad Posted February 13, 2011 Author Share Posted February 13, 2011 But ignoring is acceptable, correct? Even though I didn't tell him I'm going NC, I just decided myself this is what is best? If he bugs me I can say it, but let's say, for example, a text that says, "happy v day" requires no response from me. He doesn't need to know I am doing this unless he starts bugging me? ( which he won't) Link to comment
catfeeder Posted February 13, 2011 Share Posted February 13, 2011 Correct. NC is the smartest and kindest in the long run, IMO. Link to comment
Kjv1611ad Posted February 13, 2011 Author Share Posted February 13, 2011 Even though I broke up with him. I had to. He justifies everything on the past, and when I say last I mean stuff from over a year ago, I can't deal?? How were we supposed to move forward. It's impossible. He had the upper hand through guilt for over a year. I couldnt continue letting myself be treated badly. I just don't know what to do. Link to comment
Kjv1611ad Posted February 14, 2011 Author Share Posted February 14, 2011 Still haven't heard from. Tonight will complete 3 days NC, but I haven't heard anything which sucks. Still trying to decide between NC or nic. ?? Link to comment
Kjv1611ad Posted February 14, 2011 Author Share Posted February 14, 2011 I got flowers today. With no name on the card. What do i do?!?!? Link to comment
1guygirl Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 no name no contact. i made mistake of think a v card was from my ex last year, and well, it wasnt...i jus looked like a game player and using it as an excuse to contact him to say thank you. and he got all paranoid that i had men chasing me while i was with him. if it is from him, he should have put a message on. otherwise leave it. theres something quite manipulative about blank cards on v day....dont buy into it Link to comment
Kjv1611ad Posted February 15, 2011 Author Share Posted February 15, 2011 They were from him I already asked. But now I dont know what to do. I said thank you. Am I to take this as a sign he wants to talk? I figured he would of called me. He never did. Do I call him? I text a thank you and happy valentines day. I do think I am over analyzing this but why would he buy me flowers if he wasnt interested in talking? Maybe he is just keeping me on the hook? Link to comment
rapunzel Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 Only he knows why he sent you flowers. You did your part by thanking him and now you do NOTHING. When in doubt, do nothing. Ball is in his court. Overanalysis leads to paralysis. Trust me, I know as I am the queen of overanalyzing. Just take a few deep breaths, smell the pretty flowers, do some yoga or meditation, go for a walk, smile at people you meet. Anything to keep your mind occupied and relaxed. Link to comment
Kjv1611ad Posted February 15, 2011 Author Share Posted February 15, 2011 Even though I broke up with him, right? I know I over think everything. I think I have done good for the most part....but I broke up with him, but I didnt WANT to, I HAD to, because he was being such a jerk, and talking got us NO WHERE. I have thought about what I would say to him if he wants to talk, so I am ready, when ever he is. I guess its just if he is ever ready to just pick up the phone and say lets talk? Or get lunch? I dont know...... Link to comment
Kjv1611ad Posted February 16, 2011 Author Share Posted February 16, 2011 I posted this in another thread as well. I need HELP Ok so I sent a text saying thank you for the flowers, they are beautiful, why did you do that? I should send you a picture. * Before you go to far, I know I messed up. * He text back with he ordered them earlier (before we broke up) and he was glad I liked them. I responded with, oh. Ya, flower deliveries for valentines day are hard to cancel last minute. Nice gesture though, thanks again. * He said he would never cancel them, and your welcome, hope they smell good. * I called. I said, when did you order the flowers? (I knew he was lying) why I felt the need to call him on it I dont know. He said he ordered them over the weekend. I didn't know what to say really after that. * It turned into him saying he didn't want me not to have flowers on valentines day, an he was thinking of me. * I said well that's nice of you, and somehow it turned into a talk it shouldn't of. * I again was more specific about things, and he was too. He was/is sick of the fighting (me too) I told him that he chose to let me leave. He disagrees. * I told him it was always me fixing things, blah blah blah. * He said a part of him wants to be with me and another part doesn't know because of all the fighting. He said he didn't have time to think about anything. * I told him sorry I called and I took his flowers as being something it wasn't. He didn't correct me. * I felt hurt. I was telling him that I felt t best not to talk to each other anymore unless he wanted to work on things (again) and yay included giving me flowers. * He then said sorry for sending the flowers. I told him again I was happy and thankful, and sorry I got the wrong idea. He got upset and said he didn't think it was fair that I said we couldn't talk. I told him that is what I needed, and how our conversation went. * He wasn't happy and started to get a little mad. I told him fine, we would compromise, we will go to dinner in two weeks, does he think that's enough time to think? He said yes. I said ok, I will text you the time and place. I told him I needed time to think during this time though, and I need him to respect that I ask him not to call, or text, or send any gifts. * I know I messed this up. How bad is it? What should I do at dinner? * * * * * * * Link to comment
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