She wants us to move in together just the two of us. I'm unsure...

[tuatara]

We have been going out just over 5 years now we are both 24. We have been living together with 3 other people.

 

Now she just wants to move into a place for the two of us. It scares me! It seems like it would be intense and isolating. Unneeded pressure on our relationship.

 

She wants things to progress and move forward with us. I'm happy how we are at the moment.

 

She basically wants me to choose: move in together or break up.

[rosephase]

If you don't feel comfortable living together just the two of you after five years... then maybe she is right. That isn't a lot of faith in the relationship.

 

What are you scared is going to happen?

[Jd1983]

Well I can totally understand where she's coming from, especially after a relationship of 5 years.

 

Do you see yourself settling down with her? You want to live in the moment, but she wants to look at the bigger picture.

 

If you don't see yourself with her for the long haul, then I think it's best to let her know, that way she doesn't invest in another 5 years with you knowing that nothing will change. Honestly 5 years is a good enough time frame to know whether or not you want to take the relationship to the next level. It doesn't have to be immediately, but you will have to ultimately decide.

[CatsMeeoow]

The interesting thing is that you have been together for over 5 years... How old are you and at what age did you get together?

 

I would think unless the answer is like you started dating at 16 then I would have to say at 5yr you should know if you want to be with someone. I think the fact you are hesitating is you are unsure of this - and there is nothing wrong with that but if she feels differently or wants something different then its best you let her go - she deserves to find what she is looking for.

 

Personally I would think it weird living with 3 other people while I was seriously dating one of the roomies... but that's just me.

 

I don't blame your gf for the way she feels but if you truly aren't at the same place she is then it is best to let her go.

 

Good Luck

[Stay_home]

Five years,

 

You're at the point now where you've been together for a while and now you need to figure out what you really want from this. I can't blame her for talking to you about that.

[tuatara]

The thing is i don't see myself settling down fullstop. I don't plan for the year. I don't even know where I will be next month.

 

Maybe I will change in a few years. But at this time I like to live in the moment.

 

I just like being young and relaxed. I'm not ready to do "adult" things. But I love being with her.

[Jd1983]

Have you told her these things? That you're only in it for the moment and just enjoy her company?

 

I think you owe her that much to let her know where she stands and let her decide where she wants to take the relationship.

 

I don't want to sound harsh, but eventually you're going to have to man up and start deciding what it is that you truly want.

[catfeeder]

As a couple of 5 years you either share the same vision of how you want to live together, or you don't. If not, the relationship has run it's course.

[lady00]

It sounds like she is more into you and more serious about the relationship than you are. That's OK but you have to let her go. You're not on the same page. You're not wrong, she's not wrong. You just want fundamentally different things.

[CRCfem]

It's ok to feel how you feel, I agree with the posts above though. Have you considered that you two will decide t take a break, she will get over you an meet someone who wants the same things as her, or not meet anyone buy she will see she is much better off without the turmoil of a relationship that's not synchronised well... And then you would have realised what good you missed and you'll want her back but no success? Undoubtedly you will miss her, as you have been together for 5 years and that's hard to erase, habits, feelings etc. There are one too many threads on this forum about guys initiating breakup but then at a loss on how to get back the only good thing that happened to them?

I feel if you take too radical a decision of either staying with her or letting her go, you will either feel resentful or regret it. Maybe you should have a month or so break from eachotjer, as thinking time, in which you don't spend time togejer, interract only as necessary (ignoring at point black will be childish and hurtful, but don't mention the moving thing at all). Then hopefully after seeing how life is apart as much as possible, u would have a much clearer idea about your intentions with her. Just be prepared though for the possibility of her being pissed off and realising she deserves actually much better.