Sad Conclusion

[putter65]

Well how many times have I come on here and said, 'she's not answered my text' or some other negative thing only to get the text the next day ?

 

With that cinema friend. Everytime I went with her (all 50 plus times), I thought she wouldn't turn up or she wouldn't ring up to arrange it. Everytime ! And I used to go thru this awfull time when I was expecting her to ring and waiting for a phone call.

 

It's just how I am. I can't help it !

[putter65]

Putter seems to have more invested in this woman than that, if you ask me!

..I have to be honest ..or he wouldn't be posting on here about her so much, if that wasn't the case.

 

I haven't got anything to talk about so that's why I talk about her.

[FrogIsFree]

I haven't got anything to talk about so that's why I talk about her.

 

Yet, you said you have female friends at work and you play golf.. so how is that?

Not trying to trip you up, just that you have said you have got friends after saying you rarely make friends and that you have nothing else going on in your life, but you have your gof which, by all accounts, you are very passionate about.. so you do have other things to talk about.. unless they aren't in your mind worth talking about, because as another poster said you have put this woman on a "pedestal", so she is all-consuming??

[bostonbruins44]

Yet, you said you have female friends at work and you play golf.. so how is that?

Not trying to trip you up, just that you have said you have got friends after saying you rarely make friends and that you have nothing else going on in your life, but you have your gof which, by all accounts, you are very passionate about.. so you do have other things to talk about.. unless they aren't in your mind worth talking about, because as another poster said you have put this woman on a "pedestal", so she is all-consuming??

I don't think it is necessarily a bad thing for putter to be all consumed with her if he is willing to take the risk [and understandably it is a big risk] and go after her romantically.In one full swoop everything he is thinking about [his romantic infatuation] will come crashing down if she doesn't reciprocate his feelings.Is there any way to find out about her current romantic status ,putter? Are you sure she is definitely single? It might bring some context to the situation,if you definitely know there isn't anyone else in the picture ,it obviously increases your chances.I don't see her current behaviour changing unless your behaviour changes.Personally, I don't like seeing you wasting your time on her if she isn't going to return your feelings but from what you have written ,she may be interested,I really don't know.It's too bad you didn't have another woman whom you are attracted to and think you have a chance with so it wouldn't put so much pressure on this situation.

[FrogIsFree]

It's too bad you didn't have another woman whom you are attracted to and think you have a chance with so it wouldn't put so much pressure on this situation.

 

I have to agree with this.

[putter65]

Yet, you said you have female friends at work and you play golf.. so how is that?

Not trying to trip you up, just that you have said you have got friends after saying you rarely make friends and that you have nothing else going on in your life, but you have your gof which, by all accounts, you are very passionate about.. so you do have other things to talk about.. unless they aren't in your mind worth talking about, because as another poster said you have put this woman on a "pedestal", so she is all-consuming??

 

I don't talk about golf on here because this forum is about dating / relationships. Golf is on my mind alot. I have friends at work but they are just work friends. I am facebook friends with them but I don't know there mobile numbers and I don't see them outside of work. There is nothing to discuss really. I talk about this woman alot because alot of things have happened that are worth discussing. The xmas present exchange, when she left, the golf thing. These things haven't really happened to me before. Yes I have a crush on this woman and I think about her a great deal. But 2 years ago it was someone else (my cinema friend) before that someone else.

[putter65]

I've no idea if she is single or not. I would think 'yes' after what she said a couple of weeks ago. I think all these guys who disappear from her facebook are blokes who ask her out / pester her for a date. When I worked with her she seemed very sensitive about this. (She once deleted her facebook because of one man)

 

I'm not really wasting my time that much. I write on here alot which could be seen as that but it's only a few minutes here and there. I can't see the 'golf thing' was a waste of time because I enjoyed it and I don't get to socialize much.

 

I like a couple of other women (customers) but they are both married.

[FrogIsFree]

I think all these guys who disappear from her facebook are blokes who ask her out / pester her for a date. When I worked with her she seemed very sensitive about this. (She once deleted her facebook because of one man)

 

It seems as if this is mostly what you are worried about that she will do with you.

 

On the other hand, it reinforces the idea she only wants you as a friend because she made it clear to you that she doesn't want a man (non-platonic) in her life at the moment - so from her perspective it must be great to have you as a male friend who doesn't pester her.

[bostonbruins44]

It seems as if this is mostly what you are worried about that she will do with you.

 

On the other hand, it reinforces the idea she only wants you as a friend because she made it clear to you that she doesn't want a man (non-platonic) in her life at the moment - so from her perspective it must be great to have you as a male friend who doesn't pester her.

I am not sure if she literally means she doesn't want a man in her life.She probably doesn't want a man like the previous ones she's had.I don't think she is going to delete you from facebook putter if you made your feelings known.She may back off for awhile but personally I think you can handle it.You were brave enough to ask her out in the first place.Why not let her do some initiating for awhile?Let her contact you and see what happens if you don't make yourself so available.

[FrogIsFree]

Why not let her do some initiating for awhile?Let her contact you and see what happens if you don't make yourself so available.

 

I think this is great advice BB..

Have confidence Putter..

[putter65]

It seems as if this is mostly what you are worried about that she will do with you.

 

On the other hand, it reinforces the idea she only wants you as a friend because she made it clear to you that she doesn't want a man (non-platonic) in her life at the moment - so from her perspective it must be great to have you as a male friend who doesn't pester her.

 

I am worried that she will stop all contact. Never answer my texts. Delete me from Facebook. That is my biggest concern. I guess that's why I don't do anything.

[putter65]

I am not sure if she literally means she doesn't want a man in her life.She probably doesn't want a man like the previous ones she's had.I don't think she is going to delete you from facebook putter if you made your feelings known.She may back off for awhile but personally I think you can handle it.You were brave enough to ask her out in the first place.Why not let her do some initiating for awhile?Let her contact you and see what happens if you don't make yourself so available.

 

What she mostly does is answer my texts. (Not always on the same day !) She has hardly ever sent me one herself. That is what suprized about the golf thing. She suddenly started sending messages on facebook and sending texts and answering straight away. I am planning on going back to my one text a week.

[putter65]

I think this is great advice BB..

Have confidence Putter..

 

I was talking to a woman today who has shown an interest. She seemed surprized about the golf caddy thing, she remarked a golf course is the last place you expect a woman to be. When I mentioned she sent a text on Monday to remind me to send a text on Wednesday, she interupted me and said 'she's definitely interested'

 

I also went back to work today and I told one of my better friends about it. She seemed suprized but then looked really happy for me, quite thrilled really.

[putter65]

I am not sure if she literally means she doesn't want a man in her life.She probably doesn't want a man like the previous ones she's had.I don't think she is going to delete you from facebook putter if you made your feelings known.She may back off for awhile but personally I think you can handle it.You were brave enough to ask her out in the first place.Why not let her do some initiating for awhile?Let her contact you and see what happens if you don't make yourself so available.

 

I thought after the golf event things would step up a bit. But it doesn't look like it's going to be like that. Still best to look on the postive side. She enjoyed it and she mentioned future meetings. I still think, the only success I've had with women is not when I've directly asked them anywhere but just suggested it. Like 'we'll have to do blah, blah one day' - then you wait and the woman decides she wants to do it and mentions it. I just think that's how it works. Women choose who they want to be with and what they want to do. Men just go along with it. Everything she does seems to come out the blue. When I'm least expecting it. Hopefully that will happen again !

[putter65]

My best friend at work, well she has stopped answering my message on Facebook completely. I mean how long does it take to type a few lines ? She and that woman I like went out last Friday. I wonder if that's got anything to do with it ? I doubt it. I just think women, they are either all over you or they ignore you. This best friend sometimes sends me really nice messages. Now I'm getting bugger all. Women are just like that. I bet she hardly speaks to me tomorrow. Who invented women anyway ? lol !

[dramallama]

I am worried that she will stop all contact. Never answer my texts. Delete me from Facebook. That is my biggest concern. I guess that's why I don't do anything.

But this shows that you are not confident enough to let someone else initiate. Just LET GO. Seriously. I can guarentee you pretty much that she WILL get curious and come to you if you pull back the attention a bit. Or you can go the other way and ask her to your house for dinner. But either way you can't just be available to her as a friend if you want more.

 

In this world, men ask women out. You have the expectation that people, women and platonic friends, will come to YOU for social outings, but you have to put yourself out there. If what you are doing hasn't worked, then try a different approach.

[dramallama]

I've done a few things in the last couple of months to change things.

 

I attended the xmas party. I've not done that for 8 years.

I've got a woman's mobile number and started texting her etc.

Started to chat with this other woman on facebook (I worked with her 10 years ago)

And I think Thursday at golf was important. I didn't act nervous or shy. I felt confident. I should help me with future meetings with any woman.

Great! Now don't stop there. Continue with this new trend of taking risks. Don't let it stall. Make 2011 a year of safe risks and the year of creating the life that you want.

[FrogIsFree]

Great! Now don't stop there. Continue with this new trend of taking risks. Don't let it stall. Make 2011 a year of safe risks and the year of creating the life that you want.

 

I agree with DramaLlama - keep up the good work!

This is a great list of accomplishments..

[putter65]

But this shows that you are not confident enough to let someone else initiate. Just LET GO. Seriously. I can guarentee you pretty much that she WILL get curious and come to you if you pull back the attention a bit. Or you can go the other way and ask her to your house for dinner. But either way you can't just be available to her as a friend if you want more.

 

In this world, men ask women out. You have the expectation that people, women and platonic friends, will come to YOU for social outings, but you have to put yourself out there. If what you are doing hasn't worked, then try a different approach.

 

I did try and pull back the attention a bit. 2 or 3 days. Now I've sent her a text which she hasn't answered yet. I am confident I can ask her somewhere. She did mention a few possible things to do. I'm just waiting for the right time. The way I see it at the moment is we are friends who are going to catch up with other every few weeks or so. I'll wait a couple of weeks and then ask her somewhere.

[putter65]

But this shows that you are not confident enough to let someone else initiate. Just LET GO. Seriously. I can guarentee you pretty much that she WILL get curious and come to you if you pull back the attention a bit. Or you can go the other way and ask her to your house for dinner. But either way you can't just be available to her as a friend if you want more.

 

In this world, men ask women out. You have the expectation that people, women and platonic friends, will come to YOU for social outings, but you have to put yourself out there. If what you are doing hasn't worked, then try a different approach.

 

How should I word my text ?

 

Is : 'Do you want a meet up ?' any good ?

 

Or should I say 'do you want to blah, blah on such a day ?'

 

Thanks !

[dramallama]

Try to be as specific as possible so there is no room for interpretation. Ask her in person!

[galaxy71]

I did try and pull back the attention a bit. 2 or 3 days. Now I've sent her a text which she hasn't answered yet. I am confident I can ask her somewhere. She did mention a few possible things to do. I'm just waiting for the right time. The way I see it at the moment is we are friends who are going to catch up with other every few weeks or so. I'll wait a couple of weeks and then ask her somewhere.

 

It is insanity to do the same thing over and over again and expect different results. You are depriving yourself of the experience of showing romantic interest to a woman, whether it's verbal flirting or touching. As somebody else said, the woman sees you as that nice guy that she does not have to worry about pestering her for sex.

[putter65]

It is insanity to do the same thing over and over again and expect different results. You are depriving yourself of the experience of showing romantic interest to a woman, whether it's verbal flirting or touching. As somebody else said, the woman sees you as that nice guy that she does not have to worry about pestering her for sex.

 

Why should I think she is interested when she can't be bothered to answer my texts ?

[putter65]

I did try and pull back the attention a bit. 2 or 3 days. Now I've sent her a text which she hasn't answered yet. I am confident I can ask her somewhere. She did mention a few possible things to do. I'm just waiting for the right time. The way I see it at the moment is we are friends who are going to catch up with other every few weeks or so. I'll wait a couple of weeks and then ask her somewhere.

 

Still no answer to my text. I suppose there is no point in worrying about it. If she gets in touch again she does. I will have to be patient. I know it's probably not personel because she seems to go from friend to friend a bit. I mean I never did anything wrong at golf. I acted like the perfect gent. I was funny, I didn't act nervous or shy or grumpy. I talked, listened, told her how much I enjoyed it. I didn't bombard her with texts after or get the wrong idea and think it was a date. It's less than a week ago and I feel I'm at my lowest ebb with her.

 

On another subject my best friend at work invited me to swimming today. She's never done anything like that before, invited me anywhere with her. Even though I've known her for 10 years. She is friends with the woman I like and wonder if a bit of jealously has come into it. I said I would go because I can't go complaining I don't get invited anywhere and then turn down invites. I can't swim and haven't tried for over 30 years !

 

Oh and I got ribbed at work alot about the golf thing. Most people knew and I had jokes like 'did she chase your balls ?' - rubbish like that. I don't know if I have mentioned on here but when we worked together I got ribbed about her something rotten. An endless stream of jokes, most of said in front of both of us. She never did react to them. Neither of us did.

[bostonbruins44]

Go swimming,putter!!