calisurfer Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Hey guys, First time poster here, so sorry it has to be about a break up. Well long story short my ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago (five days before x-mas). Long story short we were together (gay guy here so hope it doesn't wig anyone out) for close to two years lived with me the last 6 months. He literally left to go visit his brother, then called me up a few days later saying that he wasnt gay, loved me as a person but wasnt in love with me, but since he couldnt have a family with me he didnt want to be in a gay relationship. Well I find out the next day via a mutual friend that he just moved in with a girl he met a few weeks ago. I was crushed, felt used, abused, cheated on and lied to. I've never cheated on anyone and was just crushed beyond belief. I felt that my heart had been ripped out and my soul split in two. Been doing better the last week or so, some days I feel okay other days like today I feel so freaking lonely. Like I lost my best friend. Out of habit I still look at my cell phone to see if he texted me like he always use to do, or if he called to leave a silly message. It's a hard habit to break. He called me last week saying that he misses me and is having a hard time with his new gf since its a huge change going to a straight relationship from a gay one. Just what I needed to hear. I still don't know why he called. I wrote him an email that day saying to please leave me alone no contact for a while since I am deeply hurt and need time to heal and last thing I wanna here is how 'happy' he is with her. I just dont know what to do. Link to comment
RockinReynolds Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Yes it does hurt very bad and you have lost your best friend. You sound like you're on the right path. Good for you to say you wanted No Contact! Most of us would have jumped at an opportunity to hear from our ex and send many messages back. Be glad to know that he didn't stay with you and cheat with someone. You're good. It seems like you're in a better spot than he is. He is very confused and he does not know who he is. Can you imagine how bad this feels? You know exactly who you are and you're moving on. Good job!! Pm me if you need to! Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I felt lonely at first. It does hurt. But Im kinda used to being on my own now. You'll get to where I am too oneday. Stay strong. Link to comment
calisurfer Posted January 11, 2011 Author Share Posted January 11, 2011 Thanks guys. Been trying to stay busy, when we were together I really didn't surf much (I've been surfing since I was 12 and was sponsored in HS by Quicksilver) we are both skydivers so did a lot of jumping together. Started surfing again a few days ago, and it felt good. We both have a few items from each other that need to be exchanged, hopefully that will happen tomorrow. He's making it a bit hard to meet up. I still don't understand why he wants to keep in touch with me. He called again today to see if I could meet up on his own terms, ie, a time when he is free. WT! I really, really don't understand him. I told him after this meeting I want a clean break, I really don't want him to contact me. He couldn't understand why I would want such a thing. How can someone just drop a friendship and relationship so fast and be over it within three weeks is hurtful. Kindof, like I really didn't mean anything to him. RockinReynolds you mentioned how bad he feels. I dont know if he feels anything, thats what hurts. But the sooner I get over that the better I'll be. I'm trying to focus on me and really not think about him or his new relationship. It's hard, but I'm really trying. Link to comment
dean kaplan Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I you don't go into No Contact mode asap, it's going to take a long time to get over this guy. I'm not gay, but I appreciate you posting here, it's my first time (knowingly) advising someone on here about a gay relationship. The same rules apply, though. He's obviously moved on, so if you are holding onto hopes that he'll come back, or if you want to move on emotionally sooner rather than later, you must avoid any verbal, physical, etc., contact starting right now. It's going to hurt a lot for a while, but you must have faith that it will subside over time. Link to comment
Kaytie Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I'm sorry you're so lonely and so hurt - but not surprising since you were completely blindsided! The fact that he doesn't understand why you'd want a clean break is telling. Remain no contact for your own healing and sanity. You will heal and move on and eventually you will find a guy that truly deserves you. Good luck with exchanging items. I would try to keep it as brief as possible so it doesn't cause you too much trauma. Do you have friends/family that you can spend time with? That really helped me when I split with my ex. It was great support and a great distraction. I'm glad you are surfing again. Link to comment
calisurfer Posted January 12, 2011 Author Share Posted January 12, 2011 Thanks Katie, Dean and everyone. I've been strong with the NC, actually he's the one that's contacted me the last two times. One was a bogus excuse just to talk and the one today was to finally set a date to exchange our stuff. The only time I contacted him was that email which pretty much basically said please leave me alone. Him not understanding that I need time to heal is very telling and disturbing. Once we've exchanged our stuff I'm blocking his number on my phone. Not to sound childish but I really don't wanna hear from him. I don't think I could be friends with someone who treated me like that. He left me with a bunch of bills and I had to come up with the whole rent for Jan. So yeah I'm still angry and hurt. Not gonna lie about the latter. He was a huge part of my life the last 2 years. I know that I'm going through a huge adjustment. While knowing he already jumped into a relationship is painful and shocking. I don't know how he could just jump from one relationship to another. It's disturbing. I'm pretty much getting over the whole 'why did he leave me, whats going on with his sexuality' or trying to figure him out. Those are his own inner demons which he will have to exorcise himself. I have family and friends that are helping me out. Don't really want to talk about the break up all the time with em though. This forum has been a great help. I've replied to a few others who are going through the same heart ache and it does make me feel better giving others words of advice and encouragement. I've also signed up to volunteer at a Wild Life Sanctuary here in LA, so looking forward to that next week. Link to comment
hmmwhy Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 Hey guys, First time poster here, so sorry it has to be about a break up. Well long story short my ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago (five days before x-mas). Long story short we were together (gay guy here so hope it doesn't wig anyone out) for close to two years lived with me the last 6 months. He literally left to go visit his brother, then called me up a few days later saying that he wasnt gay, loved me as a person but wasnt in love with me, but since he couldnt have a family with me he didnt want to be in a gay relationship. Well I find out the next day via a mutual friend that he just moved in with a girl he met a few weeks ago. I was crushed, felt used, abused, cheated on and lied to. I've never cheated on anyone and was just crushed beyond belief. I felt that my heart had been ripped out and my soul split in two.Been doing better the last week or so, some days I feel okay other days like today I feel so freaking lonely. Like I lost my best friend. Out of habit I still look at my cell phone to see if he texted me like he always use to do, or if he called to leave a silly message. It's a hard habit to break. He called me last week saying that he misses me and is having a hard time with his new gf since its a huge change going to a straight relationship from a gay one. Just what I needed to hear. I still don't know why he called. I wrote him an email that day saying to please leave me alone no contact for a while since I am deeply hurt and need time to heal and last thing I wanna here is how 'happy' he is with her. I just dont know what to do.[/QUOTE] All the red bold wording is exactly how I am feeling with my situation at this very minute.. it is hard. I"m here listening if you ever need to talk.. Link to comment
hmmwhy Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 I just signed up to Volunteer with the Make a Wish foundation... i'm really looking forward to that as well. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.