Cheetarah Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Just break up with him. You started to let the dancing thing go, now you're onto the next thing. It's like you're worried if you're not worrying. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 You have no idea why he was on there. He could have been checking an email that he got through the site. He could have been looking at someone's profile that one of his friends is dating. He could have been canceling his membership. You don't know. So either stop looking for reasons to be upset, or break it off. And this is totally unrelated to the dancing, btw- it doesn't prove that your insecurity regarding the dancing is accurate. It's a completely separate issue. Link to comment
GrowingUp Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 He has logged on numerous time though, not just once. He's obviously playing games and I'm just gonna end it. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 I don't know if after two months of dating I would necessarily stop checking a profile (that is likely already paid for, whether it's for six months or a year), but suit yourself. I think it's best if you end it no matter what, because you need to be alone and figure out your stuff. Link to comment
hers Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 WHy wouldn't he look? His girlfriend doesn't trust him. What's the point for him? If you keep believeing your assumptions, then we're all wasting our time here. Even you. Link to comment
GrowingUp Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 WHy wouldn't he look? His girlfriend doesn't trust him. What's the point for him? If you keep believeing your assumptions, then we're all wasting our time here. Even you. thats a reason to start looking for other girls? we are exclusive...he shouldn't be looking he should be breaking up with me. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 thats a reason to start looking for other girls? we are exclusive...he shouldn't be looking he should be breaking up with me. But you don't know if he's looking for other girls. Either way, it doesn't matter. He is tried and convicted no matter what. Definitely break it off. Link to comment
orchidrose Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Please end this relationship now, and look into therapy. I truly believe that you will not have a healthy relationship until you can explore your insecurities and work on the damage that your last abusive relationship has caused with a professional. Link to comment
hers Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Until you fix yourself, he'll never do anything right. He'll always be doomed. And so will your relationship. For his sake, end it and please seek professional help. Link to comment
DN Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 What is going to happen is this: having convinced yourself that he is cheating or will cheat, you are going to break it off. You will probably do it quite harshly and make a number of accusations that he isn't trustworthy and has a low character. After a few hours, maybe a few days, you will wonder why he hasn't tried to contact you in order to win you back. This will make you angry. After a little more time has passed you will start to regret having broken up with him - probably because you will read over this thread and realise that what most people are saying on here is correct. After some agonising and hesitation and lots of posting on here, you will finally contact him and apologise. At that point he will either tell you to get lost and never contact you again or he will give you a second chance. If he gives you a second chance you will go out on a few dates with him, probably sleep with him and then he won't call at the exact time he said he would, or he will cancel a date because he has to work or is sick. You will then assume that he is cheating and you will post on here asking if you should break up with him. Most people will say no, of course not, but one or two may validate your belief that he is cheating and you will listen to them rather than the majority. You will finally, after a number of pages on the thread, break up with him, probably making a number of accusations about his low character. After a few days you will wonder why he hasn't called to get you back. After a few more days you will contact him and ask him to talk about getting back together. He will then do one of two things - he will ....... Link to comment
hers Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 And thus continues the vicious cycle that can be tamed quite easily. Link to comment
Windycitygal Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 OP, you're making a lot of excuses. The reality of the situation is this: 1) He has invited you dancing before, so obviously he must not be doing something wrong if he invites you to go with him. 2) You have not been to the club so you don't know what kind of atmosphere it is. By the way, if you were really interested in making any changes or nipping your problems in the bud, you would have made time on a weekend to go dancing with him. Relationships are about getting to know your partner's interests and finding somewhat of a common ground but you've made no effort. I don't know if he has invited you since your first date, though, so if he hasn't invited you again he has made no effort on that front either. 3) You've made repeated threads here about your insecurities in a relationship both with your ex and with the current boyfriend. Why don't you want to change? Why don't you find low cost psychologists in your area? Many work on a sliding scale pay system and some even work for free in clinics. 4) He hasn't even been to the club yet in the whole time you're dating! So it's really kind of a moot point at this moment in time. 5) Again, why not go with him once or twice? I wish I could go dancing with my boyfriend regularly! It could become a cute couple thing that you do together... Link to comment
penelope13 Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 thats a reason to start looking for other girls? we are exclusive...he shouldn't be looking he should be breaking up with me. being in a relationship doesn't mean it's your carte blanche to be totally insecure, all over the place, make false assumptions etc yet expect the guy to swallow all and continue to worship you. The reason he hasn't broken up with you is probably because he has more faith in you than you have yourself and he is hoping you can work past your insecurities etc. This is why it's recommended that after you have gone through a seriously bad relationship you shouldn't be dating anyone new anytime soon: even if you find a nice decent person, you are not even able to recognize it! You are just waiting for him to hurt you and to 'misbehave'. Your suspicions and accusations will drive any decent person with healthy boundaries away. Sure you can continue to play the victim and cry 'why are there no decent guys around'. However unless you recognize that it's your own doing nothing will change about this pattern. If you are soooo convinced that he is/will be cheating on you - why wait for it to happen. Just have the guts to break it off. How would you feel if he would think that you are not to be trusted, no matter what you say and do? If he would scrutinize every little word you say, every little gesture you do or don't do? What will he think if he would log onto link removed tomorrow and see that you have been active in the last 24hours? Due to your past experiences you seem to have quite a messed up definition of relationship and relationship dynamics. Until you start to replace this with a healthier one by working through your issues, preferably with professional help, you will never be happy since you will be constantly worrying about things that could go wrong, regardless of all the good things that are happening right in front of you. Link to comment
Windycitygal Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Wait, the OP is active on link removed? OP, *you* are the one who wants to have your cake and eat it too! (that expression never made sense to me because, I mean, you eat cake- but I digress...) Just break up with him now and work on your issues, because you really, really, really, really need to. Link to comment
GrowingUp Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 I regret talking to him about it now. We hung out everyday and since then I feel bad because now this week he only came over once and now I see him on match. I thought it was okay to talk to him about these things and now its like I pushed him away? I thought it was okay to talk, he even told me it was. So u guys think its no biggie he has been on match? I admit I do have trust issues. I really like the guy and I don't wanna run him off. I feel like its too late though. Link to comment
GrowingUp Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 No I'm not active on link removed I just searched his name anonymously.... Link to comment
penelope13 Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Maybe he did the same thing to check out if you are active or not ... Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 I am on link removed but I do not want to be on it because I like the guy that I am seeing, but he does not want to be in a relationship with me...so I keep looking. It is possible that your guy is keeping his options open because he feels like you may dump him, since you've said here that you were considering it. You can ask him about it and see what he says. Ask why he still has a profile up and see what he says to you about that. Link to comment
GrowingUp Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 maybe I guess, I guess I just assumed he was looking for other girls because he seems different this week because he ALWAYS wants to hang out. I don't know anymore. Link to comment
GrowingUp Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 I am on link removed but I do not want to be on it because I like the guy that I am seeing, but he does not want to be in a relationship with me...so I keep looking. It is possible that your guy is keeping his options open because he feels like you may dump him, since you've said here that you were considering it. You can ask him about it and see what he says. Ask why he still has a profile up and see what he says to you about that. His profile isn't up but his active status is changing from active within 1 week, to 1 hours...to 24 hours etcc etc.... When I click his profile it shows up as hidden, you can't view it. Its so weird. Link to comment
capuccino83 Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 I regret talking to him about it now. We hung out everyday and since then I feel bad because now this week he only came over once and now I see him on match. I thought it was okay to talk to him about these things and now its like I pushed him away? I thought it was okay to talk, he even told me it was. So u guys think its no biggie he has been on match? I admit I do have trust issues. I really like the guy and I don't wanna run him off. I feel like its too late though. You've only been dating for 2 months. No, you can't talk to him about these things. Although you should always be honest with the person you are dating, two months is really not enough time to start spilling out all of your likes, dislikes, insecurities and criticisms. This is something that is slowly revealed in a relationship five, six, seven months down the line. This is why it's a bad idea to spend so much time with a person early on. Even though you've only been dating for two months, you probably feel like it's been longer because of the false sense of intimacy from all of that time together and are more comfortable revealings things about yourself that you should not. Two months in should be your honeymoon period. You are getting to know this guy and he's getting to know you. If there is this much drama in the relationship already, I agree with the others that you really do need to read some books/see someone to learn how to develop proper and healthy relationships. Link to comment
GrowingUp Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 Oh okay I understand, yeah you're right. Link to comment
GrowingUp Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 So basically its pretty clear he is becoming distant, looking now because of our talk, so I shouldn't even bring up the link removed thing I should just break it off? Link to comment
hers Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Do you WANT to break it off? Why did you search him on Match in the first place? Link to comment
GrowingUp Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 I don't want to break it off no but I feel like maybe I'm already losing him since he is on match and not seeing me as much. I looked him up because I was curious on if he was still on the website. It was a stupid but I did it. I guess I was looking for something. I don't want to do anything else to mess this all up. But now that I know he's on the site I don't know what to think. Link to comment
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