Am I Too Old?

[Kittengirl]

I feel a little weird writing this but I need advice. I am 35 and have never had a child, the notion has never entered my head but now I am engaged to a great guy who I can imagine myself having a child with someday. My only concern is that it could be difficult/dangerous. I don't want to rush into this but I am very aware of my age and realise that if I'm going to have a child I can't wait too long...or can I? I know it is common nowadays for women to wait to start a family but i'm still worried. Can anyone share their experiences with me.Thanks.

[RayKay]

Well, being older does increase the risks of problems (miscarriages) and of some "defects" such as Down's Syndrome - which they do test for now usually in pregnancies of women at greater risk. It is also harder for many women to conceive. HOWEVER, having said that, medicine is pretty great these days and many women do have children later on in life. My bosses wife just had her first child in December 2003 at the age of 41.

 

So yes, it is DEFINITELY possible, and as long as you take care and have a great ob/gyn, you can have beautiful babies.

[Beec]

My sister had her first child at 40 this past year.

 

ONe of the other difficulties you may encounter is getting pregnant. It does not become easier, but it should not be too late.

[Scout]

Have you ever thought about adoption? There's plenty of children out there that need a loving home, and for every couple who decides to have a their "own" birth child, that's one more child passed over in an orphanage.

[Meow18]

Scout has a good idea.

 

My cousin got married is now 37 & her husband is 43, they got married like 2 years ago. They were thinking the same thing as you, that maybe she was too old to have a child & it could be dangerous.

 

Anyways, they have been thinking about adopting for quite some time now & they actually going to be adopting a baby girl from China next summer. They are very excited about it.

 

Unless you really feel like you need to have your own baby, you should consider adopting. Its not like you won't be a mother to that child. Maybe you won't be the biological mother, but you will be the mother figure that they need in their life.

[Jamiegirl]

There are two things you can do in this situation if you really want to have children. One is you can go and try to have your own child with all the dangerous risks at this time. Allthough I have known many women that have had kids at 40 with no complications. The oldest woman to have a child was 64 I think and she was from asia(not sure which country). And she made it out ok. But then there is still that risk.

 

Two, you can adopt. There is no side effects to your body with this method except possible stress, but other than that you will be giving a child a home without putting your body through a crap load of trama. So many children out there need homes. So this would also be good.

 

But when that child does come from your own body there is more of a bond, and its more special.

 

I hope I have helped . Good Luck

[Scout]

But when that child does come from your own body there is more of a bond, and its more special.

 

Do we really know if this is true? I think that the minute any child becomes our responsibility, the bond is deep and special. Ok, so it comes from our body - is it more special because it's a little mini-replica of ourself? If so, I don't think that's a good reason to be a parent. My two cents, anyway.

[mercurydreams]

I have a friend, she was 43 when she had her first and 48 when she had her second. It was high risk, though.

[Jamiegirl]

I know you may differ, but the reason i think that the bond is more special isnt because of what you said. When I had my daughter I was so happy because I had carried her for 9 months in my own body. ANd then to let her free out of that wome is very special. Not sure if you have had any kids . But unless you have had any i dont think people should say what its they feel after a kid is born.

 

I dont think that its special because the child is now a responsiblity , And if people of there kid as a responsiblity than thats sad and they shouldnt have kids. People who want kids should have them and raise them to be good people. I also think that if you have a kid just so theres a little person that looks like you. Thats a plus and all but not a reason to have a kid.

[Scout]

Jamie, I realize that the main part of your post that I responded to actually put adoption in a favorable light. I should have pointed that out in my last post.

 

No, I've never had children of my own. I've never adopted either - have you? If you've both adopted and had biological children, than maybe you could say with certainty if one bond is stronger than the other.

 

I do think that the whole miracle of giving life is an amazing thing, but the fact is, that's only nine months out of a lifetime of bringing up and loving a child, and instilling he or she with your values and beliefs, which in my opinion, maybe not your's, is really more important than passing on your genes.

 

I have another controversial opinion, too: this world is incredibly overpopulated, to the point where we are causing the mass extinction of other species, creating global warming, etc., and adoption is a viable choice in light of these symptoms of an overcrowded planet.

 

However, if I got pregnant, I definitely could not have an abortion, so...I do understand our natural desire to have children.

[Jamiegirl]

All though no I have never adopted kids , My friend told me how special it was to her when she adopted her child. Because she couldnt have children of her own.

 

Basically In my opinion all i was saying is that having a child come from your own body could possibly have more meaning than adopting. But I promote both ideas of adoption and biologically carring a child. I know there both specail in there own ways.

[Kittengirl]

I suppose this post has become more about adoption than about my age! .Adoption is a great solution to a lot of things but due to my own personal experience it is not something I would consider. Any more stories from those who know of or who have had children later in life please tell me your experiences. Thanks.

[June4life]

The risks of your child having a birth defect or a serious illness is increased the older you are when pregnant.

 

It's all up to you, really. If you can handle having a child that may have Downs Syndrome or another serious illness, then go for it. Just know there are risks. Either way, I'm sure you'd love your child just the same.

[tricksta22150]

My mother had me when she was 35, I am an only child, this was 17 years ago by the way. I feel really awkward talking about myself in this context, but whatever I can do to help you I will.. Um, the doctors, I'm pretty sure, did not consider me to be a high risk pregnancy. However, both my mother and father's stature's were small.. (asians) but, I was.. quite big. I couldn't be "birthed" naturally, yes that big. I don't have anything like ADHD or anything like that. However, when was about 1-2 yrs. old I was diagnosed with an underactive thyroid (the gland located next to your asophogas(sp) that provides for growth at younger ages, and keep some sort of hormone that controls bodily fuctions balanced as one gets older). It's definitely not a big inconvenience, I just have to pop one tiny pill once a day, every day. But I know of people that have that same problem even when the mothers were much younger. Basically, ma'am (jk) it's up to you because it would depend on how well you took care of your body and how your health has been throughout life. Contemporary medicine is truly amazing, it will be there to back you up. =)

[Nastka]

I don't think you have anything to worry about. My mom's 38 and it has been 17 years since she was pregnant. So it was like a first time. Well anyway, my newborn sister is VERY healthy.

My mom's friend had a baby when she was 40 of even more, and the girl was healthy too.

My friend's mom had her at 40

 

well anyway, 35 is not old. It's just the first year when you are considered at high risk. but if you were say 33, then you wouldn't be at high risk? what could two years possibly do?

 

so don't worry about it. if you were "meant" to have an unhealthy baby, it could happen in your 20-s too.

 

 

--sorry for no caps, my keyboard's scrwed up, don't want to sound bad---

[writergurl]

My friend is in the same situation. She is 34 and never thought about having children but now she is married and whenever she sees a baby, i guess that biological clock starts ticking. LOL! She wants a child and has recently talked to a doctor and there are some risks but for the most part, if you are healthy, you should do just fine. It may take a little longer to get pregnant, particularly if you've been on birth control a long time, and depending on the type of birth control. Also if you are a smoker, your risks are high. The doctor suggested she go on prenatal vitamins as soon as she decided to start trying to get pregnant.

 

Best of luck to you!

[Kittengirl]

Thanks Guys, I'm getting married in July next year so we will get checked out and hopefully start trying then, wish us luck!