Men - what makes you fall in love?

[Minx2012]

I am not a man, but I believe ( from observation, experience, careful consideration etc ), I believe that these are the things that make MOST men fall in love :

 

1) A positive, optimistic, happy-go-lucky, easy-going personality

2) Humour ( sharp wit, with the ability to go slapstick when need be )

3) The " maternal " talent : Having the ability to whip up all his favourite meals, keep a beautiful home, take care of his children, be his " mother comforting " figure when he needs it the most.

4) The " * * * * ty " talent : In addition to above, she should also be able to look and conduct herself like a classy lady .....and yet f*ck like a * * * * * in the bedroom with all the fine stuff that he loves.

5) Good head on shoulder

6) Preferably educated, well-traveled, worldly and successful in career

7) Gutsy, brave and a ball-buster at the right time

8) Be able to give him the independence, freedom he needs with his friends and hobbies

9) Ability to know when he needs to be approached / smothered with affection....and the ability to know when he wants to be left alone

10) Healthy, athletic, active

11) Hot.. come on now.

12) Has that " mysterious ", " je ne sais quoi ", " unique " quality to her that he can never pinpoint. It's what keeps him around to know more and more about her, despite knowing her or being with her for years.

13) Adventurous...not just about hobbies, but in life in general. Has a zest, passion for life.

14) Graceful...has the ability to walk into a room and have men and women respect her.

15) A perfect social butterfly...but knows her boundaries when she gets too " friendly " with men. In other words, she has to be the type of social butterfly that would make him look good, but not overshadow or " ridicule " him.

16) So secure with herself, her body, her status and everything about her.....but yet, still has the knack to make sure that HE " outshines " her.

17) Doesn't nag.

18) Has her own life...but can drop it once he needs her.

19) Interestingly enough...she also has to have the FIRE to check him, put him in place when he specifically knows that he is overstepping his boundaries. A strong woman who can make him question his own thoughts and actions, FOR THE BETTER.

[Lonewing]

Not to be a dolt but when it comes to making a guy laugh, is teasing the best way? Or when you say "makes me laugh" are you thinking about a woman who can tell funny stories. Or what??

 

I'm thinking about a girl who makes me facepalm and then immediately out does herself in the next instant... or has a good sense of humor pointing things out when i do them wrong.

 

You either have it or you don't - some are atrocious, others are as annoying as kittens...perpetually cute.

[Pkittie]

Boheme, I like your post. You described a perfect woman & where does she exist??? Just like the perfect man- IN YOUR DREAMS.........ha ha ha

[BriarRose]

Boheme, I disagree that most men want an educated, well-traveled woman (although some might). I think those things would be low on the list for most men. I think they want someone they are blissfully sexually attracted to, who doesn't nag, who makes them feel loved, sexy and appreciated - and who is FUN. But then again, what do I know, lol!

[Stilgard]

I think it is impossible to find out what makes one person fall in love... that is why you can fall in love with completely opposite people. Love just happens... it hits you and you are either doomed or saved, depending if the person you fell in love with also loves you... or even if you two can be together or not.

[Lonewing]

Boheme, I disagree that most men want an educated, well-traveled woman (although some might). I think those things would be low on the list for most men. I think they want someone they are blissfully sexually attracted to, who doesn't nag, who makes them feel loved, sexy and appreciated - and who is FUN. But then again, what do I know, lol!

 

That's honestly sounds perfect. PERFECT. But you have to throw in educated, though, and you have it down. Because I find it hot to have a woman who's made it through the glass ceiling!!

 

That whole travel thing, or well travelled, or especially wanderlust, is one of the most undesireable traits possible. There is nothing more expensive than pleasure travelling. Yes, I know, it's only like 4-5 grand to up and leave for a week and go see something like Paris, but it's not going to do anything for me. Every place I have seen has been essentially the same - yes, there's little difference in architecture, language, and cultures, but it's really not THAT much different from our own. Instead of sitting in their country and an interloper watching people live life, I'd rather be like them - in my home region, living life!! And then I need a vacation from the vacation when I get home!! If we mention a person who ups and goes to a new place every two months...Ugh, NO THANKS!!! Not enough time in a life to go do that, unless one is independently wealthy to the point that one doesn't have to work. Otherwise, My breaks are spent taking a breather and catching up on the homefront!

 

"I like to travel" is the quickest elimination line I know...

[Celadon]

I think it is impossible to find out what makes one person fall in love... that is why you can fall in love with completely opposite people. Love just happens... it hits you and you are either doomed or saved, depending if the person you fell in love with also loves you... or even if you two can be together or not.

Word. (Even though I am the OP. lol.)

[sunday2010]

Has her own life...but can drop it once he needs her.

 

 

Well you must be kidding me..... no way. I have my own life and you better fit in or don't let the door hit you on the way out...

 

this just left me incredulous...I don't just drop my life for a man.....learnt that the hard way...

[BriarRose]

Has her own life...but can drop it once he needs her.

 

 

Well you must be kidding me..... no way. I have my own life and you better fit in or don't let the door hit you on the way out...

 

this just left me incredulous...I don't just drop my life for a man.....learnt that the hard way...

 

I think maybe he meant he just wants someone who is going to be there for him?

[Minx2012]

Why would you automatically assume that traveling only falls under the following conditions :

a) " pleasure, luxurious " traveling as in resort ( yuck...I don't even personally consider this as traveling )

b) That you would have to pay for it ? ( ever heard of women who make more than 6-digit figures a year and can actually afford it themselves )

c) In terms of time and travel : Ironically, isn't this the reason that we should be seeing the whole, entire world...simply bc we don't have enough time?

[Stilgard]

Word. (Even though I am the OP. lol.)

 

Sorry to hear... If it makes you feel any better, I am on the "cannot be together" part, which also sucks.

[Celadon]

Sorry to hear... If it makes you feel any better, I am on the "cannot be together" part, which also sucks.

I'm just starting a relationship (I hope). It's exactly as you say ... you can't help but fall for someone, and it's kind of luck-of-the-draw as to whether you're compatible or not. I'm completely smitten with this guy, but we are different in some significant ways.

[theartofruin]

I'm not sure it's possible to list a reason because it really just happens over a long period of time. There is something about a girl, an aura. Suddenly you realise that every little thing she does makes you smile - the way she combs her hair, the way she makes a sandwich, the way she sneezes - and you love her for it.

 

But for those feelings to manifest, I'd say that first the girl would have to be fun to be around and we have great chemistry. We're never bored together. Similar interests to an extent, but not identical. Same sense of humour is a must. She is beautiful but probably doesn't realise just how much. I am completely comfortable with her, and completely myself, and she is the same. She has to have flaws; and unlike with infatuation, where you don't see those flaws, with love you realise that those flaws are part of who she is and part of the reason you care about her and think about her and never want to be with anybody else again.

[Lonewing]

Why would you automatically assume that traveling only falls under the following conditions :

a) " pleasure, luxurious " traveling as in resort ( yuck...I don't even personally consider this as traveling )

b) That you would have to pay for it ? ( ever heard of women who make more than 6-digit figures a year and can actually afford it themselves )

c) In terms of time and travel : Ironically, isn't this the reason that we should be seeing the whole, entire world...simply bc we don't have enough time?

 

a) I understand once in a while, but often? I prefer to have roots, to develop more long term relationships with those who are near my home, than meet a bunch of wonderful people every other night that I'll never see again. resort traveling is traveling, when you consider all the resorts there are around the world.

 

b) Well, if she earn six figures and she can pay for it herself, more power to her. I, however, make five figures and obviously a woman of her calibre and tastes will never be one to enjoy the simpler pursuits in life - afterall, she's used to going out and finding the most incredible places on earth and being there, rather than finding the delightful in the most mundane of places. Another case of Extrensic versus Intrensic happiness.

 

c) Quality time is different from wanderlust - simply seeing many places does not give one the sense of qulaity that one develops when they stay in one place and develop longterm relationships. There are friends of my parents who have known me and I've known them since I was half a foot tall. You do not develop those kinds of relationships moving around all the time. Seeing the world over is similar to studying everything in college but only to the 100 level. Yes, you have a wide scope of ideas, but none of that knowledge can even begin to go much deeper than simple awareness. A degree on general awareness, well, they call them "General Studies" may be all and well, but it's no where near the depth of knowledge found in a specialized engineering degree or a medical degree or a science degree or a psychology degree, degrees which makes our modern world go around.

 

Bascially, the human who is well traveled is like the 26 year old 'kid" who has been to ever single theme park and ridden every single roller coaster. Now ask him why he hasn't BUILT his own theme park - and you'll get a blank stare, of course!! But this is what happens when you stay in one place and devote your time to one property, to one group of people, to one regional identity - you end up with a place that is your own, with people who know you well, and with a cultural heritage. Culture does not survive unless people continue begretting it!

[razzle]

What made me fall in love? The girl I love was at first sight the most beautiful girl I had ever seen, she was so wonderful I can't explain with mere words, and as soon as we talked we had a connection, it was just unnatural, we had something beyond even a mental connection, it was just so deep. I could talk about things with her that I couldn't with anyone else, things I didn't even think anyone else thought about, I could be my total self around her. She pretty much was my mental image of the girl I'd always hoped I'd find. I loved every minute I spent with her, it was just all so perfect, sex was so passionate, we had the same fetishes, we could please each other immensely. It makes me smile and cry at the same time writing this stuff, because of the situation I'm in, but I know I'll always love this girl, it's unconditional, and I'll always want her to be happy. I feel like I need her in my life, and get so agitated when I can't. I feel like she's my soulmate, that's my perception of love, anyway.

[Stay_home]

On another thread, a guy said that men don't look for love. Love finds them. He also drew a distinction between men wanting sex and men wanting love.

 

I want to ask what it is that would lead a man to LOVE a woman, not just find her attractive and want to have sex with her? I'm interested in knowing what men's experience has been with falling in love or loving a woman. Why did you love her? Was it compatibility or common interests or admiration for her personality/character/qualities? Did you go out looking for love, or did it sneak up on you?

 

There are a lot of us women who would like to know how men fall in love so that we know whether or not we're in a real relationship or one of convenience that's leading nowhere.

 

The last woman I loved was a sweet, tender woman who (in the beginning) made sacrifices for our relationship and would rescue me if I tripped and fell into hell. Well, maybe not hell exactly, but you get the message. As the relationship went on in time those instincts changed and so did our relationship. Other things as well as others opinions began to take priority over the relationship and that's what ultimately caused the love to fade between us...

 

But before then, I had never felt that way about anybody in my life.

[civilservant]

I think it is impossible to find out what makes one person fall in love... that is why you can fall in love with completely opposite people. Love just happens... it hits you and you are either doomed or saved, depending if the person you fell in love with also loves you... or even if you two can be together or not.

 

I completley agree with this. I could try to put into words the reasons I have loved and the reason I love now, but none of it would be terribly accurate because it simply cant be explained. You just, DO....

[Minx2012]

On your point a) For some people, resort is traveling. For me, it's not....simply because I know that money ( very little of it too! ) and time can show you the most wonderful, amazing things in this world. But then again, I am the " off-the-beaten-path " type of traveller and I travel to photograph, write, learn from my surroundings to bring about aspects of self-discovery or discovery of other " truths ".

 

On your point b) Having a six-figure salary does not mean that the person will be above anyone in class and in " tastes ". It just means that the person can afford " mundane " things in interesting parts of the world, that can just as be appreciated in your local part of the town. Money does not always mean that you seek for something materialistically " finer " in terms of travel. A dollar bill can afford you a chocolate bar at your local convenience store.....and it can also afford you a chocolate bar on top of Mt. Sinai in Egypt, from a Bedouin who sells it at his rickety shack of a shop, tucked away on the side of the mountain. But to me, what matters is where the money is going. I don't know but I would rather that the money goes to a Bedouin tribesman who makes a meagre living off the side of a mountain ( with his full time job, herding wild goats through the desert and back )....than the money going to a CEO of a chain of convenient stores. Conversely, 6-figure salaries can afford you the most glam vacation in exclusive parts of the Bahamas....OR...it can bring you the deepest parts of the desert in Libya to gaze upon ancient cave paintings that tell you volumes about how the world used to be, when the deserts were once fertile with water bodies. People have preferences...but I would choose the types of experiences that are extraordinary.

 

On your point c) Have you ever heard of " third culture kids " ? Or adult " third culture kids " ? Guess what, due to their upbringing and their unique, sharp sense of awareness, they will be the inheritors of this globalised, extremely interdependent, ever changing world. I wouldn't necessarily consider that along the lines of a " 26 year old kid " who has ridden all the roller coaster rides there are in the park. Btw, most of these people are the professionals that make the globalised world go around ( doctors, lawyers, CEOs, engineers, diplomats ). So, I think you and I might actually be talking about " traveling " in definitely DIFFERENT terms....when I talk about " traveling ", I talk about staying in countries for extensive periods of time ( usually measured in years ) to use one's education to build or prosper in a host country. A lot of professionals have done this since the advent of the League of Nations ( at the very beginning of the 20th century ). It's only now in the " recent " years ( well, in the 1960s ) that formal academic studies have been made to study such types of people and even more so, with the election of President Obama who is a " third culture kid ".

 

Here are some facts about " third culture " people :

 

Education and career

- TCKs are 4 times as likely as non-TCKs to earn a bachelor's degree (81% vs 21%)[25]

- 40% earn an advanced degree (as compared to 5% of the non-TCK population.)[26]

- 45% of TCKs attended 3 universities before earning a degree.[26]

- 44% earned undergraduate degree after the age of 22.[26]

- Educators, medicine, professional positions, and self employment are the most common professions for TCKs.[26]

- TCKs are unlikely to work for big business, government, or follow their parents' career choices. "One won't find many TCKs in large corporations. Nor are there many in government ... they have not followed in parental footsteps".[26]

 

So that's when I say, you and I are talking about " traveling " in totally different terms.

 

In regards to your comment about not being able to " develop relationships " overtime, well, the interesting thing is that people who " travel " ( I am going to start putting quotations bc you and I differ with our viewpoints on the concept ), do establish strong relationships around the world. It's time to STOP thinking in the traditional sense that long-term relationships ( not in terms of romance but in general ) can ONLY develop when grounded in one place.....these relationships can develop in the time that there is, and with technology, keeping ties is easier now than it was over 20 yrs ago. Time to live in the globalised world, you know.