I have a....friend...?

[renegade43]

Ok, I've had about enough. I have a friend who I have pretty much been inseperable with. I am not out to him, and he is not out to me, but our behavior around eachother is very suggestive, and there is a great deal of sexual tension between us.

 

If you havent figured out, I am deeply attracted to this guy, and he is someone I could truly see myself being with. The problem is that neither of us seem to have the courage to speak up.

 

I'm really scared that if I actually come out to him, that he will freak out and walk away from me. He is younger than me, and I know he doesnt have much relationship experience.

 

He stands firm saying hes straight and he hopes to get a girlfriend someday, yet he hugs me, practically cuddles with me sometimes, and nags at me like a boyfriend would

 

?!?!?!?! I dont even know what to ask...help?

[Shyguy20]

If I were you, I'd come out to him and tell him that you have somewhat of a crush on him. Pretty sure it may not be a good thing to od but do what you think would be best.

[renegade43]

I'm scared, I was "out" once, but after my mom died I went back in to everyone else Ive met, now im surrounded by people I love who im not out to, who would be devastated if they found out the truth. This kid was one of those people, and now I feel like I might love him, and that he might love me, i just wish something would happen that would push us together, make him see, ya know?

[Shyguy20]

Ya, I do. Why would they be devestated? That's just who you are. If you want someone to know you love them you need to come out dude. Don't be afraid to be yourself.

[renegade43]

My question is, is it normal for straight guys to cuddle with eachother, hug, occasional kiss on the cheek? Im not sure if its worth coming out, I dont really want to, I almost want to see if something mutual will click before i take the chance of ruining our friendship....

[Shyguy20]

Hugging. . .ok maybe if you know each other well enough, but then again no, not really

Cuddling. . . No, not normal for stright guys to do.

Occasional kiss where? On the cheek or the lips. . . even so, no it isn't normal for stright guys to do that neither.

 

So, your friend is doing all that to you, or are you doing that to your friend?

[Shyguy20]

If he's doing that to you. . . I think he might be gay.

 

If your doing that to him. . . does he pull away or anything?

[renegade43]

No, not at all, he gives me this look sometimes like "you know, you shouldnt do that" but doesnt usually say anything and doesnt back off or anything

[Shyguy20]

So he's ok with it. . . somewhat. . .

 

You kiss him on the cheek, hug him, and cuddle with him. . . I'm not that sure. Maybe he is, maybe he's not...I'm sorry I don't know. Does he do anything to you?

[renegade43]

But the main thing is the cuddling, while sitting on the couch, he will come and sit or lay down, leaning his back against me. We do this nearly every time he comes over and it seems totally normal. Often, I'll put my arm accross his chest so I dont have to stretch it out behind the couch.

[Shyguy20]

So, he cuddles with you. Does he kiss you at all? Do you mean he lays down on your legs or chest?

 

Or are you sitting there on the couch and he leans up against you on your arm?

 

That cuddling thing on the couch. . . stright friends don't even do that.

[NightLily]

How old are both of you? That could be part of it.. if the age difference is large it might make him more uncomfortable.

[renegade43]

I'm not really wanting to share the age, but let me just say he's legal, and it is quite a bit....

[Shyguy20]

. . .how old are you?

 

If you can't answer that. . . does he have a job? Is he old enough to have a job?

[renegade43]

He does have a job....im 27, hes 18

[Shyguy20]

. . . . . . Does he have family that he lives with?

[Shyguy20]

He maybe looking at you like a father figure. . . not sure...

[renegade43]

Well, his dad is a * * * * who wont participate in his life at all, and his mom is psychotic and maintains a steady negative atmosphere in their home

[Shyguy20]

So how many times is he over your house? It does sound like he thinks your a father figure to him because his parents don't really love him.

[renegade43]

He's at my house almost all the time, comes over after I get off work, then goes home before I go to bed, occasionally stays over on weekends. He has friends he sees once in a while, maybe once a month or so

[Shyguy20]

Ok. . . When your sitting on the couch, does he lay down on your legs, does he lean up against your arm? What does he do?

[NightLily]

Well as long as you aren't his teacher or boss there is nothing wrong with the age difference.

[annie24]

hi - reading what you've wrote, it sounds like he is into you too - but is maybe too afraid, or even too unsure of his own sexuality to make a move. from what i know of straight men, i rarely see them cuddling! sometimes they will hug to say hello or congratulations, especially european men. but i don't ever see straight guys 'cuddling' on the couch together. i suspect he has a thing for you as well.

 

i see two possibilities - you can make a move - like hold his hand during the movie and see how he reacts. if he freaks out, you can just apologize and tell him you won't do it again.

 

or you can just flat out tell him you have a crush on him and see what he says.

 

i guess you can also continue to kind of dance around the topic - like maybe bring up some gay issue and see what he says - like gays in the military, that's been in the news a lot, and ask for his opinion on the subject.

 

though i have to say - if you are feeling the 'gay' vibe from him - i bet he is. good luck

[Shyguy20]

Or maybe he's looking for a father figure. . . seeing his family is in somewhat of disarray. The op stated that the kids father doesn't pay attention and the mother is supposedly psychotic. . .

[annie24]

well.... 27 isn't THAT old! and most men don't cuddle with their fathers. especially not 18 year old men. when i was 18, i was dating a 24 year old man.