This is really bothering me, am I right?

[soporcogitavi]

Ive been with my girlfriend for almost 1 year now, we got engaged last month, and honestly the relationship is amazing, I could not think of a better partner. There is an issue that is bothering me though, and part of it is my fault.

 

I have this stupid urge to check the internet browsing history and I know its dumb, and yes if you look you will find things. Anyways I noticed last Thursday that she checked some album that a guy she dated for a month posted on facebook, I guess it came up on a feed and she was curious, which I have no problem with. Then on friday she checked his profile, and i dont know if this is a coincidence and it probably is she changed her profile picture from a pic of the 2 of us to a pick of just her (like I said probably a coincidence), she's changed her pic before, these are the only 2 things she did on facebook that day.

 

Saturday and Sunday nothing, then monday she checked a Females profile who had just become friends with this guy, i guess she saw this through the news feed as well, again the only thing she did on facebook. I dont understand the obsession with this? Ive checked browsing history before and she hadnt checked his profile before to my knowledge, now shes checked 3 times in 5 days.

 

Is this normal? Should I be concerned about this? Does she have feelings for this guy? I feel horrible for looking at the internet history and I know that was pretty stupid also.

 

Please give me insight

[AmericanHuney]

Although you shouldn't have been looking, it would make me want to be cautious is all. You can't bring it up and you shouldn't let it worry you but still be cautious as you always should in any relationship.

[Madamdiva007]

I wouldn't worry about it too much. I've checked my ex's profile page before while I have been with someone else and had no interest getting back with him. She probably saw that he put up new pics, and became friends with her friend and she got curious as to what he has been up to. There are nights when I'm really bored and I will look at me ex's page, their ex's page, etc. just to feed my curiosity. I agree with AmericanHuney that maybe you should tread a little more cautiously, but don't linger on it too much, and DON'T bring it up to her. Has she given you any other reason to be suspicious?

[ToF]

I look at my ex's facebook all the time, and we dated for two years. I have no desire to get back together with him, plus we both are in relationships.

 

She's checked three times. Stop checking the internet history and start having some trust in your girlfriend. If she's done nothing to betray you, you have no reason to be doing this. It's a big invasion of privacy and I would be pretty ticked if I were her.

[SpottiOtti]

1. What is the real reason you feel the need to check the browsing history?

 

2. From what you wrote here, you are reading waaaaay too much into this, IMO. Although as someone with trust issues, I understand how innocent things can be twisted in your mind to fit whatever you are really looking for.

 

3. I maintain my assertion that Facebook is no good for relationships.

[WindowTo]

I practically went to school for social media and I can tell you that there is scientific evidence (lol) that Facebook is a huge relationship destroyer. Mainly because all the things that we do that are part of our human nature that our spouses are not supposed to know about are now exposed on the internet. If you are asking if people are still attracted to other people when they are in relationships then the answer is .... obviously yes. However, her actions do not mean that she would ever be anything but loyal to you. Do yourself a favor, don't snoop. If you want the truth ask her for it. Give her the benefit of assuming she is trustworthy and that she will not lie to you if you REALLY want the truth.

[soporcogitavi]

I know that the reason im checking is a part of my own insecurities and I realize that, I dont have facebook, and I refuse to have it for the crap and misery that I see it brings to people, I dont care how many people say that if your confident or secure it shouldnt bother you, its BS. In my opinion she's just as guilty for snooping on this guy as I am for looking at the internet history.

 

The fact that she changed her profile pic from the 2 of us to just her on the same day she looked at his profile is also bothering, should I not let that bother me?

[capilot]

. ... she checked some album that a guy she dated for a month ... she checked a Females profile who had just become friends with this guy ....

 

Is this normal?

 

This sounds like perfectly normal keeping up with the latest gossip. I think your insecurities are the only real issue here.

 

Man, if you ask me, people should be 21 and take some sort of psych test before they're allowed on facebook.

[Madamdiva007]

In my opinion she's just as guilty for snooping on this guy as I am for looking at the internet history.

 

But she isn't in a relationship with this guy, so how can you consider that "snooping"? It's completely different. The relationship is between you two, she shouldn't have to worry that her own bf is checking up on what she does online. I don't think you can justify your snooping by comparing it to her looking at her ex's FB page. That just doesn't make sense.

 

And I really don't think you should let the picture thing bother you. My bf and I don't even have pics of each other on our pages. My profile pic is just of me, his is of an RC truck. Doesn't mean I'm interested in other guys, or him other girls.

[soporcogitavi]

I understand your point Madamdiva and I know im being insecure, but the fact is she only dated this guy for a month at most, why should she be so concerned about this, and whats the need to check on 3 separate occasions shouldnt once suffice?

[SpottiOtti]

It really just sounds like simple human curiosity to me. "Facebook stalking" or whatever is really common. As far as the pic thing, from an outsider's perspective the most obvious answer is that she was fiddling around with her profile and decided to change it up, just for variety. I mean, it's not like she changed her status to "single", right?

 

Maybe these insecurities are rearing up because you are about to take such a huge step? Have you ever talked to her about them? If she loves you she will be understanding and work with you to help ease them, trust me.

[soporcogitavi]

to be honest a similar situation came up about 3 months into the relationship andI brought it up, and she told me it was just curiosity, she didnt have any feelings, couldnt imagine being with anyone else. I feel like im in a catch 22 because if i bring it up again she'll think there's a definite lack of trust and if I dont it will bug me.

 

I guess the whole thing is just odd to me, because I know im not like that at all and i couldnt care less about my ex's

[SpottiOtti]

She deserves to know if she's about to marry someone who doesn't trust her and feels the need to check up on her.

[Snny]

I know that the reason im checking is a part of my own insecurities and I realize that, I dont have facebook, and I refuse to have it for the crap and misery that I see it brings to people, I dont care how many people say that if your confident or secure it shouldnt bother you, its BS.

I don't mean to attack... but here are the plain simple facts:

 

1. If you are insecure about your fiancee at all, this is NOT a good sign of being ready for marriage. Call off the engagement until you get those issues resolved. Marriage will not magically erase your insecurity issues. In fact it might even cause you to become more possessive.

 

2. Facebook is a very fun communication tool. It all depends on how you use it and what kind of self information you expose. I use it to stay in contact with former classmates who live all over the world or are in the military. Just because she spots an ex's profile page doesn't always mean XYZ.

 

3. I'm all up for people using profile pictures that do NOT include their SO or whatever. The purpose of an on-line profile is about YOU. Not your friend, not your girlfriend or whoever. YOU. I get so sick of people trying to tell others how or what to put up on their pages.

 

Also, I think you owe it to your girlfriend the truth about you checking up on web history, especially if she is marrying you. If you feel you cannot trust her, you either need to learn how do deal with your own insecurities or confront it. Anytime you snoop can lead to misconceptions or trouble.

[RedDress]

- Right click on Internet explorer.

- Go to "Properties"

- Under "Browsing history" check the box that says "Delete browsing history on exit".

 

Tada! Now it's MUCH harder to snoop. You snoop, you find issues. I mean... that's why you're in there, right? To find issues?

[ToF]

In my opinion she's just as guilty for snooping on this guy as I am for looking at the internet history.

 

I don't agree with this. You are guilty of invading her privacy, whereas she was checking her ex's facebook profile. You are purely speculating as to the reason why she was checking it. So right now, she is guilty until proven innocent.

 

Not fair, IMO.

[Madamdiva007]

I think you really need to sit down with her and talk about your insecurities in this relationship. If you go into marriage with this woman already having these insecurities and feelings that you need to snoop, things are just going to get progressively worse, and maybe even spiral out of control. It just seems like there has to be some things that need to get sorted out before you take the next step.