Birthday wishes

[Islandia]

It's been 6 months since she lied to me, cheated on me, and then broke up with me. I'm not even sure why I am asking this question, since I know the answer, but should I send her a birthday email or card?

 

Can't say that I'm 100% over her and nonchalant, but I've been pretty happy lately and for some time haven't really thought of trying to get back together with her. Really taken advantage of being single for the first time in years to get back into shape and pursue the hobbies that I gave up for her (especially Tango dancing). However, when we broke up, I did promise to be friends, and also to hold the ring for her in case she ever wanted to reclaim it - basically all those things that I hoped for, but am realistic enough to realize will never happen (and of course this is before I realized she was lying to me). I feel that to honor my promise, I should at least send her brief birthday wishes. I don't really know if it will set me back, and I'm pretty sure she won't respond, but nonetheless, it is bothering me enough to post and ask what the best thing to do would be. I was also considering a longer note to her just wishing her a happy life and that she found resolution for feeling like her life was at a stand still.

 

Clearly, I am going to be told not to do anything, but again it feels like I would be abridging my promise if I just completely ignored her, which is where the consternation comes in. I've pretty much moved on and am starting to date again so this message would not be intended as a form of reconciliation in any way, and yet that may well be the way she perceives it. Any thoughts?

 

Background is in this thread if you want the gory details:

 

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[xRoh]

Yep, you were right. Don't bother. You say you've moved on and back in the dating scene but if you aren't 100% over her, don't go down that road again! What do you think her reaction will be when she receives your card/note? There probably won't be one.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Why do you feel you need to honour a promise made to be friends with her when she deceived you, cheated on you, lied to you and basically disrespected you? Why do you feel you need to reach out to someone who did all that to you and who has moved on to someone else? That fact that you want to reach out only shows that you are not at all healed and are still deep down hoping for reconciliation. All the more reason NOT to send birthday greetings. If this was a former buddy of yours who stabbed you in the back would you be so eager to wish him a happy birthday? Let your conscience be clear...you are not obliged to go out of your way for smeone who treated you like garbage.

[HeartGoesOn]

That would be rewarding her for cheating on you. Why not show that you're the bigger person, by retaining your self respect? She made this choice, you didn't, and you owe her absolutely nothing.

[Islandia]

Thanks all - I think that was what I was trying to tell myself - that I don't owe her any sort of birthday contact, but... it's hard. I just have to make it past Sunday and I will not worry about it again - no one ever sends a belated birthday greeting. Oh and I have to turn off all these automated birthday reminders from Florists that show up in my Inbox. I guess I never wanted to forget any important dates, though post break up, those dates are etched more firmly in my memory than while we were in a relationship... pretty sad.

[msotaku]

I'm so glad you posted this! My ex's birthday is on Monday and I wanted to txt him to show him him I still care.

 

WHY WOULD I DO THAT?!?!?!?!??!??!?!?!?!? He broke my heart!!!!!!!! Why should I make his feel better!?!

 

It's good to know that I'm not the only one who thinks crazy things like this!Thank you!!!