kinetic32 Posted September 17, 2010 Share Posted September 17, 2010 hello all i have posted a few times on here.. about my relationship for the past 2 years.. we had broken up 2 times... she is 28 i am 29. I had left the last 2 times because.. well she just has no consern for what i think or feel about things... we have been in a ldr this whole time, we see each other about 2 weeks out of the month. now we have talked about moving out of he state and starting new.. she has never asked me where i would like to go..she just finds a place that se will like and.. i have no say in how i would feel about moving there. she always has a bad outlook on being married.. always makes remarks and its obvious she is against it. she does not want kids. and the best part of the fighting is it talkin to a wall.. beause in her eyes she does no wrong. anyways the last straw for me was when i came home from work yesterday. i noticed there was a message on her phone... I had such a gut feeling about it.. i looked through it and it appears that while i was at work te night before she had been texting back and forth with this guy and had eventually asked him out for diner and drinks.. when i asked about it she said that it was her brothers friend from college... i had met him at her brothers wedding.. and she told me that this guy had wanted to be with her.. now she never goes out with guys...ever.. she has lots of guy friends but she barley talks to them and she never goes out for drinks.... she wont even split a bottle of wine with me at a nice dinner.. so claearly i was alarmed.. so blah blah blah.. im controlling, i have no right to tell her who she can be friends with is what she says... i say thats so inconsiderate of you to not tell me your going out for drinks and dinner with a guy i met once.. whom all of a sudden came out of the blue. so apparently according to her im the only guy or girl out there.. that would get upset over this... the final straw was she started laughing at me when i told her uncomfortable it made me and how all i wanted was for her to understand how i felt about it... and how it was wrong to just assume it would be ok to go out to dinner with a guy.. thats her friend but hasnt alked to him but once at the wedding and for about 4 years prior to that... so she laughed at me.. i siad you think thats funny.. its a joke to you. and i told her to get the F out. was i wrong for feeling like that? am i really being controlling? we are going to talk eventually and I dont know what to say.. 2 years and still not interest in moving in togethor we talk about moving out of the state togehor,, but she is doing nothing to make it happen.. i love this girl... but sadly she is just not the one for me. this is not the relationship i want. so now my head is thinking about what if its me thats messed up in thinking i want those things.. was i wrong to get mad about her having dinner or drnks with this guy? even tought he just very wel be just a friend.. is it wrong for me to feel hurt because she didnt care how it would make me feel? what if she wants to come back? should i take her back for the forth time now thinking maybe this time she actually changed? Link to comment
FrenchFries Posted September 17, 2010 Share Posted September 17, 2010 She does not respect you. Two years and she's not trying to make any solid plans for your future. She should have talked to you about the dinner and drinks with the guy. I think you know what you should do. Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted September 17, 2010 Share Posted September 17, 2010 She lives by her own rules and you either accept them or tough turds. Id walk. You have been more than flexible, but relationships only work when both people are flexible. She isn't. Link to comment
DN Posted September 17, 2010 Share Posted September 17, 2010 I woould stick by your decision to tell her to get out - and stay out. This is not the woman for you. Link to comment
ToF Posted September 17, 2010 Share Posted September 17, 2010 we had broken up 2 times... she is 28 i am 29 ... she just has no consern for what i think or feel about things... she has never asked me where i would like to go.. i have no say in how i would feel about moving there... she always has a bad outlook on being married... always makes remarks and its obvious she is against it. she does not want kids... beause in her eyes she does no wrong. Does this sound like a girl that you want to be with? I know you love her on some level, and you will miss her. But let that chapter in your life end, okay? She is not the right person for you, and you are not happy with her. Don't text her, don't try to "bust" her ... just let it go. You're 29 years old ... That's old enough to be making decisions for yourself. Don't let this person control you any longer. Consider it a good thing that she's gone now. Link to comment
kinetic32 Posted September 17, 2010 Author Share Posted September 17, 2010 im trying so hard to deny and not believe it.. but I know she isnt the girl for me.. i just dont know what to do now I guess.. well eventually talk, and its gonna killl me to have to tell her i dont want to be with her and she isnt the one.. cause i know its going to crush her... she always meant well... she doesnt doesnt get things.. she doesnt understand.. and I dont know what im going to do when the time comes... i know itll be in like a week. Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted September 17, 2010 Share Posted September 17, 2010 im trying so hard to deny and not believe it.. but I know she isnt the girl for me.. i just dont know what to do now I guess.. well eventually talk, and its gonna killl me to have to tell her i dont want to be with her and she isnt the one.. cause i know its going to crush her... she always meant well... she doesnt doesnt get things.. she doesnt understand.. and I dont know what im going to do when the time comes... i know itll be in like a week. Maybe this will do her a favor, it will help her to get things. To get that it takes 2 and each has a stake. Maybe your doing her a big favor in teaching her there is no room for selfishness and not having consideration for your partners feelings. Whether you agree with them or not, they are valid and deserve consideration Link to comment
DN Posted September 17, 2010 Share Posted September 17, 2010 im trying so hard to deny and not believe it.. but I know she isnt the girl for me.. i just dont know what to do now I guess.. well eventually talk, and its gonna killl me to have to tell her i dont want to be with her and she isnt the one.. cause i know its going to crush her... she always meant well... she doesnt doesnt get things.. she doesnt understand.. and I dont know what im going to do when the time comes... i know itll be in like a week.Why in a week? Link to comment
kinetic32 Posted September 17, 2010 Author Share Posted September 17, 2010 a week because thas usually the time it takes for her to drop her pride and realize shes being a * * * * * * * and want to talk and fix things.. Link to comment
DN Posted September 17, 2010 Share Posted September 17, 2010 You don't have to wait until she contacts you to dump her. Link to comment
ToF Posted September 18, 2010 Share Posted September 18, 2010 You don't have to wait until she contacts you to dump her. Agreed. Why not just do it? Link to comment
kinetic32 Posted September 18, 2010 Author Share Posted September 18, 2010 i did already.. i told her how i felt... that we werent going anywhere... that i felt she had no respect for or this relationship by thinking it was ok to go have dinner and drinks with another guy whom i dont know without seeing how i would feel about it... i went on to say that i would never do anything like that without consulting her emotions first weather it be a firned she knows a co worker or anyone... i told her goodbye and goodluck all in an email.... because and this is the other problem.. she never is there to talk and work any problems out.. she wont answer she is just unresponsive.... so she knows how i feel... when i say a week its because out of habit this is the time she akes to procsess what i say.. think about it.. understand where she went wrong and then want to talk about it.... and like every time i just give in and think she is sincere and genuine... and then the cycle repeats all over again... and its going to be so hard this time cause i really do love and care about her... but this is where that phrase sometimes love isnt enough comes ito play... and this was the third try... and i told myself 3 strikes thats it.. there wont be a 4th.. and im so afraid that if we talk again... im going to be compassionate and believe in her. and get on a path to working things out... Link to comment
ToF Posted September 18, 2010 Share Posted September 18, 2010 This might be really hard for you to do ... But when she does come around to talk about it, you shouldn't talk to her. You've given her all the explanation she needs/deserves, and you guys have broken up before for the same reasons. So if/when she comes to you for discussion, tell her that you already gave her all your reasons and that you are done. Leave it at that. The only reason I suggest this, is because you're going to have a very hard time maintaining your resolve if you talk with her. Like you already said, it will be very easy for you to be enticed back into the relationship by her pretty words and empty promises. I know you are strong, but you need to eliminate any chance of being "compassionate and believing in her", as you said. Link to comment
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