what should I do???

[candjoct2001]

I am totally confused, I will try to make a long story short. My husband says very hurtfull things to my like example is: I had a baby 6 months ago. I gained 79 pounds of course I feel like crap but I have taken off 50 so far. I quit smoking cold turkey when I found out I was pregnant so that has some to do with it. Well I told him you could at least encurage me and tell me I am doing good or I'm starting to look good. His reply is well should I lie to you. Just the other day he said I had no brains. Well it hurts me bad and he expects me to brush it off. I can't any more. But you see here is the funny part if I get mad or take offense to what he says he gets mad at me. What is is problem?? I don't really want my daughter to see how her daddy treats her mommy or she is going to think it is ok. Than on top of it all if I get mad he uses the silent treatment and it last for days. It is pretty inmature. I am 29 he is 38. Ok I thought marriage was a two way street and you treat each other with respect why do I feel like this marrage has failed. I'm not finnished. I understand the he goes to work everyday but when he gets home he is glued to the tv and no time to talk to his family. Every day it is like that. I'm very loneny. I don't want a marrige like this. I feel like I am going crazy!! I want to leave but I said for better or worst. How bad does it have to get.

[Lisa216]

 

 

Hi there.

 

Well, that would really hurt my feelings if my boyfriend said that to me. I am overweight and I know I would have probablly reacted a lot worse than you did.

 

When you are talking about a life commitment, both persons involved are going to go through changes on how they look. Looks shouldn't have anything to do with a life commitment.

 

Maybe he was just joking around but I think you should make it clear that you are sensitive to your weight right now and it hurts when he says things like that.

 

It could even be that he is insecure about his own looks and tries to pick on you to feel better about himself.

I'm not sure.

 

Although, I don't think anyone can advise you on wheather or not to stay in a marriage. That is a very important decision that only you can decide. However, if it has come to point that you feel no more joy and only pain in a relationship. I think that is the time to get out of it.

[Lightingbird]

The problem that the two of you are having is communication.

 

You both need to seek out counseling. You need to get your communicaton skill sets up and running.

 

Mention a counseler, find one, set a date and tell him that you both are going. Don't wait on this. Lack of communication can destroy a marriage overnight.

 

Another tactic would be to write a letter, detailing all of your views and problems, photo copy it and while hes asleep post it all over your home.

 

But either please seek out marriage counseling.