Any tips for online dating?

[sonicfan287]

Hey all,

 

Im a bit new to online dating and I'm not even sure if this is how I intend to find a potential girlfriend, but I am open to trying new things and am actually signed up on 2 dating websites, okcupid and plentyoffish. On each, I made my profile pretty straightforward, that I want a meaningful relationship without games or hassle (then again, who doesnt?) and I also mention some things about myself, my likes, dislikes and all that.

 

My problem is, how do you spark anyone's interest or even start a conversation besides "hey"? I go on several profiles who say they're looking for a relationship or at least looking for someone to talk to and I try to talk to them and never get a response, even though their profiles say they "reply often". I also never get any messages myself, and I guess I should be grateful that some whacko chick isn't messaging me, but still, I'm wondering how to get the ball rolling. I'll admit, a couple of my messages came on too strong, pretty much tellin a girl I don't even know that I think she's cute and would like to "get to know her better". I guess thats not the best way to do it. At the same time, simple messages like "hey whats up" dont get responses either, so what gives? Im not great at breaking the ice even in real life, so online is even harder.

 

Im wondering if anyone's had any success on these websites, even in meeting a new friend you can talk to online. Im not sure if Im ready for a long term relationship anyway, but I'd like to at least get started, get my feet wet, get to know some people, and Im not sure how to go about that. I can be pretty socially awkrard =p

[Flint_Wood]

"I made my profile pretty straightforward" = boring

 

Don't be boring. Boring is not a good first impression, boring is not a good conversation starter. "Hey" is boring, I've had women message me boring emails like that and even I couldn't bring myself to respond. I fear I've said boring too much...

 

Anyways, the best way to make a profile is to actually demonstrate your traits. It's not always easy what with being limited to only using words. But instead of saying you're adventurous, show a picture of you rock climbing. Instead of saying you're funny, be funny. A little self deprication can actually go a long way too.

[Russh]

Sparking conversation online should be a little easier than in real life. I honestly hate when ANYONE messages me and asks what's up but sometimes if it's the right person, that's the best way to start. I would maybe start a line off saying, "Hey, I'm a little new here and I was just looking for someone to share conversation." It's always good to start something off that isn't too plain, but you can also get an answer from them that will go somewhere.

[RedDress]

I hate generic "hey" or "want to chat" emails. They suck. Basically, the guy is putting the onus back on ME to find a topic of conversation. I mean... I have a profile! Lots of info there! Pick something to talk about!

 

I suggest you try to find something on her profile that strikes your interest - and talk about it. She says she owns a dog? Ask what kind of dog it is and his/her name. She says she likes movies? Ask her what the last movie she saw was...

 

If a guy actually takes the time to read my profile and talk about something we have in common? I will almost always respond.

 

Of course... that's just my opinion.

[caveman91]

o.k. I'm gonna try and help you out. I'm just did a search on POF and I'm gonna paraphraize a profile.

 

Here is so key info she gave.

1.) she like (is addicted according to her) coffee.

2.) she is directional retarded so road trips with her are a challenge.

3.) She detests shopping but loves bargain stores.

4.) She respects people who will call her out when she B.S. es

5.) she has hidden tattoos....nothing too scary she promises

6.) she loves football but doesn't care if you do or not....just leave her alone when a big game is on.

7.) you must not hate dogs or old people.

 

I would say this is about an average amount of information most women give you. Granted some profiles are very succint and tougher to go on. But I think this is about average.

 

So given all that information....what would you write? If all you can come up with is "hey,,,how's it going?" I can give you some ideas.

[sonicfan287]

Hmm, ok, well I probably wouldn't comment on multiple things out of all that but I may single something out if it's a common interest (such as football in this case)

 

"Hey,

 

Noticed you're into football as well. Im a big Giants fan, how about you?"

 

Maybe thats not the way to go about it. Honestly Im a horrible conversation starter. Once I get going Im usually pretty good but I can't seem to get anything out of my mind to talk about

[RedDress]

Hmm, ok, well I probably wouldn't comment on multiple things out of all that but I may single something out if it's a common interest (such as football in this case)

 

"Hey,

 

Noticed you're into football as well. Im a big Giants fan, how about you?"

 

Maybe thats not the way to go about it. Honestly Im a horrible conversation starter. Once I get going Im usually pretty good but I can't seem to get anything out of my mind to talk about

 

Perfect! I'd reply to that...

 

Maybe something in your profile is turning them off? If you want to PM me your username, I can take a look. Actually, we can review each other! =) It's up to you.

 

Otherwise, guys just have a harder time than women from what I hear. Women get a decent amount of emails... sometimes it's not personal... they just can't get to them all.

 

Keep going. You will find one! It's a numbers game...

[Philos]

Unfortunately you're extremely unlikely to get anywhere on those websites. Apparently theres a million nameless guys out there that just send messages to girls with nudie pics in them or try to sleep with them after the 2nd message, so they just end up raising their standard astronomically and most delete your message without reading it, or even your profile sometimes.

 

If you pass the initial test and she looks at your profile and reads your message, you aren't even replied to most of the time since 99% of girls have certain exacting 'types'. Not that they'd care if you were asking them out in real life too much, but their 'types' come into play online big time.

 

If she replies (about a 3-7% chance), then you have to jump through multiple hurdles spanning at least a week in just trying to talk with them without coming accross as 'too interested' or weird.

 

So.... if you beat the odds and finally go out with someone, then thats just like the first date, and theres no guarentee that a relationship will spawn.

 

 

 

God I really want to get on a paysite.

[sonicfan287]

I believe ya, and am simultatenously frustrated that so many girls are on a "dating" site but not usually looking for dating. I feel like Im not going to go up to a bunch of random girls and ask them to date me in real life because the fact is, they may not be looking for dating, but on a DATING WEBSITE, youd think thats what most of the girls are looking for, but like you said, you gotta go through a ton of crap just to maybe get a first date. It might actually be EASIER to just ask out random girls in real life

[Philos]

I believe ya, and am simultatenously frustrated that so many girls are on a "dating" site but not usually looking for dating. I feel like Im not going to go up to a bunch of random girls and ask them to date me in real life because the fact is, they may not be looking for dating, but on a DATING WEBSITE, youd think thats what most of the girls are looking for, but like you said, you gotta go through a ton of crap just to maybe get a first date. It might actually be EASIER to just ask out random girls in real life

 

Ya... I actually made a thread about people who join dating websites looking for friends in a different sub-forum on ENA lol. Frustrates the heck out of me too.

 

It gives me more courage to try to meet someone in real life though, because I feel like I have a better chance in real life than online! Infact, I've only been turned down for a date 2-3 times and gone on dates 5-6 times... damn I should be hitting the girlies up in real life.

[wsim]

Online dating? Hmm.... don't expect much. It can work for some people but for every success story, there are many failures as well. I've been on a few sites for about a year now with no success. I don't always send boring messages as I will usually comment or ask questions related to common interests or things that the girl likes. Most never reply and the few that do stop messaging you after 1-2 replies to get your hopes up.

 

I have not ever reached the point where I even went on a date. A couple of girls stopped contact/replying after I casually asked them out (after some decent conversations, mind you).

 

Guys have it much harder than women when it comes to online dating as they have to complete with lots of other guys as there are way more men on these sites. Women have to sort out a lot of spam, weirdos and crap but can be very selective as well as receive confidence boosters through the attention that they get. I'm probably going to quit online dating next month if things continue like this and there are no leads.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

i think that for the most part, it's probably easier for a guy to get a date in real life than online. A guy can send out 20 messages and maybe get like 2 back... which may or may not even turn into a first date. If a guy approaches 20 women, I can almost guarantee that he will get more than 2 numbers and dates.

[Philos]

i think that for the most part, it's probably easier for a guy to get a date in real life than online. A guy can send out 20 messages and maybe get like 2 back... which may or may not even turn into a first date. If a guy approaches 20 women, I can almost guarantee that he will get more than 2 numbers and dates.

 

Definitely this.