I'm one of those guys...

[LarsWB]

...who wants love. I want to give my love, and I want to receive love.

 

I'm addicted to affection, touching, kissing, holding hands, hugging, love notes, haikus, flowers, staring into each other's eyes, feeling her heartbeat....little thing, big things, listening to her....real, unconditional love.

 

I wonder if I'll ever find it again?

[Nerdyjock]

well you're cute and seem to have a great heart, I don't see why not

 

to give a more serious answer though...

 

You will! The light at the end of the tunnel seems so distant now. Al our situations are different... But I know I'm actually now to the point where I am actually grateful for my breakup. I have grown an immeasurable amount, and this change would have never happened if not for the catalyst that was once so heart-wrenching.

 

Try looking for the light throughout the darkness. It will come more an more easy. Until then, we all have to stick together =]

[lostgurl]

Do you want a partner who is into all these things as well? What other characteristics are you looking for in a partner? In my experience, the real, unconditional love comes with time. Unfortunately, in our society, people lack trust and without trust, real love is hard to come by...

[LarsWB]

Nerdy, I agree...I know one of these days things will be brighter, cause, well, they're brighter than they were a month ago...or two months ago! In a strange way, all of us here in this forum need each other. We might have friends and people in our daily lives, but to be here in a forum - among strangers - is somehow VERY therapeutic for me. I'm looking for light, and hoping to be a light for someone else who is in the dark that I was in months...weeks..ago.

Thanks for the compliment!

 

lostgurl, I don't know...not sure what I'm looking for right now. Of course I'd love to have that, but I agree with you that it sometimes has to be built and that takes time. Trust will be an issue for me...if I let it, simply because of what has happened to me recently. To think someone you loved so much, and 'thought' loved you the same, could do such a thing to you is unimaginable.

 

Thanks for the reply, both of you! I just had to get that off my chest this morning.

[WomanWriter]

I agree...you're cute. Some woman will be lucky to have you. I look for the same. Good luck!

[LarsWB]

well thanks to you all....I appreciate the kind and flattering words

 

 

they help...a little!

[Imprecision]

I'm addicted to affection, touching, kissing, holding hands, hugging, love notes, haikus, flowers, staring into each other's eyes, feeling her heartbeat....little thing, big things, listening to her....real, unconditional love.

 

Ah, buddy, here's my little piece of advice, man-to-man.

 

As I always say - Once a woman falls in love, you will realise how annoying women can be.

 

"Listening to her, holding hands, little things, big things" - Are you serious!

 

When I was a kid, I might have agreed with you. But no, not now...

[Melting]

...who wants love. I want to give my love, and I want to receive love.

 

I'm addicted to affection, touching, kissing, holding hands, hugging, love notes, haikus, flowers, staring into each other's eyes, feeling her heartbeat....little thing, big things, listening to her....real, unconditional love.

 

 

Wow the man of my dreams

 

OK where do guys like you hang out?

[LarsWB]

Ah, buddy, here's my little piece of advice, man-to-man.

 

As I always say - Once a woman falls in love, you will realise how annoying women can be.

 

"Listening to her, holding hands, little things, big things" - Are you serious!

 

When I was a kid, I might have agreed with you. But no, not now...

 

 

You're 22. You STILL ARE a kid.

[Imprecision]

You're 22. You STILL ARE a kid.

 

Well, in terms of life, I'm way ahead of a lot of thirty-year-olds.

 

But seriously, I think you're just love-starved.

 

Once you get yourself a new girlfriend - after a few months you will exactly the same way I do.

[The_Seeker]

Well, in terms of life, I'm way ahead of a lot of thirty-year-olds.

 

But seriously, I think you're just love-starved.

 

Once you get yourself a new girlfriend - after a few months you will exactly the same way I do.

 

Please do explain. Quite curious.

[Imprecision]

Please do explain. Quite curious.

 

About being ahead of people or about being more of a man?

 

Being ahead of people

 

1. clear life goals, values, visions, plans (e.g. I know who I am)

2. clear career plans (e.g. I know what I want)

3. clear preferences (e.g. I know what I like)

 

Such that in two, three years, I'll going to make more than most people at forty. I'm also starting my own company. I've seen more of the world than most people. Going to get married in one, two years. I'm into the traditional man-fighting-for-his-bread, woman-staying-at-home way of life.

 

By contrast, I see that most twenty-year-olds, even five, six years older than me, are just confused about life. I say that in western society, probably most thirty-year-olds are confused about life, too. Add to that, the bulk of fifty, sixty-year-olds who just mislead everyone.

 

Being more of a man

 

All the stuff Lars mentioned could potentially be nice. After the first few months into a relationship, however - and especially if the girl is really in love with you - then you will start finding her annoying at times, because she'll want to be doing all these stuff with you all the time. As a man, you will want to go hanging out with friends, read, or get some alone time, etc.

 

See, this is why relationships are commitment, because you commit to a woman even if after a few months, the glitter wears off, and you wake up to the reality of life as it is.

[The_Seeker]

I think it depends on the individual. I already know who I am, what I want to be, and what I can do. Should I put love on hold? I don't think so.

 

I think relationship is what you make of it. I think you expect it to come naturally without any hard-work putting into it. Hence, the glitter wears off.

 

Woman staying-at-home life? Sounds very Asian right there. LOL Maybe you need an independent woman who doesn't need you but wants you.

[Imprecision]

I think it depends on the individual. I already know who I am, what I want to be, and what I can do. Should I put love on hold? I don't think so.

 

I think relationship is what you make of it. I think you expect it to come naturally without any hard-work putting into it. Hence, the glitter wears off.

 

Woman staying-at-home life? Sounds very Asian right there. LOL Maybe you need an independent woman who doesn't need you but wants you.

 

Well, I'm not telling you to put love on hold. I'm a proponent of young love and young marriage.

 

I believe, however, that relationships are predominantly not "haiku and holding hands," as the OP suggested.

 

Woman-staying-at-home...I would say it's typical of Japan and, in some circles, Hong Kong, but not mainland China and Taiwan.

 

Above all it depends on the circle you belong to. People think "woman-staying-at-home" is a cultural thing. Actually, in large parts it's economics. Back in the 50s, a man in the US could support a family by his salary alone. These days, even both persons working is often not enough. In mainland China, if the husband is wealthy, then a lot of times the wife would stay at home. If the husband is an average salary-worker making 3000 renminbi per month, then the wife probably needs to contribute as well.

[The_Seeker]

Well, I'm not telling you to put love on hold. I'm a proponent of young love and young marriage.

 

I believe, however, that relationships are predominantly not "haiku and holding hands," as the OP suggested.

 

Woman-staying-at-home...I would say it's typical of Japan and, in some circles, Hong Kong, but not mainland China and Taiwan.

 

Above all it depends on the circle you belong to. People think "woman-staying-at-home" is a cultural thing. Actually, in large parts it's economics. Back in the 50s, a man in the US could support a family by his salary alone. These days, even both persons working is often not enough. In mainland China, if the husband is wealthy, then a lot of times the wife would stay at home. If the husband is an average salary-worker making 3000 renminbi per month, then the wife probably needs to contribute as well.

 

Then what do you think relationship is all about then? You got me curious again.

[Imprecision]

Then what do you think relationship is all about then? You got me curious again.

 

On the man's side of the equation, it's about commitment.

 

Sometimes, it's about knowledge. One of the main reasons couples break up is because the man expects the woman to act like a man, and the woman expects the man to act like a woman. If there's knowledge, then these misunderstandings will not happen. The man would know what the woman needs and wants from him, and the woman would know what the man needs or wants from her.

 

Some men don't know what they are doing. Therefore, in any relationship, they're bound to fail.

 

Some men know what they are doing. In this case, what it takes is commitment.

[The_Seeker]

On the man's side of the equation, it's about commitment.

 

Sometimes, it's about knowledge. One of the main reasons couples break up is because the man expects the woman to act like a man, and the woman expects the man to act like a woman. If there's knowledge, then these misunderstandings will not happen. The man would know what the woman needs and wants from him, and the woman would know what the man needs or wants from her.

 

Some men don't know what they are doing. Therefore, in any relationship, they're bound to fail.

 

Some men know what they are doing. In this case, what it takes is commitment.

 

Very interesting and true indeed. I like your perspective.

 

What if someone is in a committed relationship and ends up saying "I don't feel like the same you feel about me. I'm confused. We need a break" type deal. How would you answer to that?

[Imprecision]

Very interesting and true indeed. I like your perspective.

 

What if someone is in a committed relationship and ends up saying "I don't feel like the same you feel about me. I'm confused. We need a break" type deal. How would you answer to that?

 

In general, how the man acts determines how the woman reacts. Sometimes, if a man doesn't know what he's doing, then the woman might perceive him as weak or low-value. If the woman loses interest in the man in a long-term relationship, this is typically what has happened.

 

The solution, then, is to understand why women act the way they do, and what women need and want from their men.

 

If a man loses interest in a woman, typically this is a part of his natural instinct, because nature intended man to mate and procreate with many mates. This way, his genes can be spread more widely. In this case, apart from knowledge - which cuts down misunderstandings - what is required is commitment.

[Starrgrl]

^ You sound pretty damn mature for somebody that's 22.

I'm turning 21 lol and from what I have encountered... Most guys under the age of 23-4 are immature and don't know what they want.

 

I don't think I can handle just being a housewife. I'm independent, I'm capable and I would rather work and earn a salary to suppor the family too. I'm not like those gold digger girls who marry money just so they're made for the rest of their life. I have more self respect than that lol and frankly I would like my husbund to respect me for my intelligence and competence too.

[Sparkly Eyes]

lol, knowing what you want would NOT make you a mature person. There are so many people who just believe in something and follow some goals (sometimes like you said the traditional goals or goals that seem "good" to other people). Does it mean they are mature? No. It might mean that they just follow what other people have followed or found the best before. Confusion about life doesn't also mean immaturity. Many philosophers, artists and all types of smart people have been confused, simply because they refused to believe in good old traditions and were trying to find themselves and the world around them out, in a new creative way.

 

OP, don't listen to what a 22 year old says, no matter how "mature" he claims he is. Many women would love an affectionate guy and i hope you find one.

[Amore]

So being "more of a man" means you can't like "listening to her, holding hands, little things, big things, etc"? That if you're a real man, those "things girls like" are supposed to annoy you?

 

A giant LOL at that and that's all I have to say, I'm not going to get into a gender roles debate over the interwebs. Not a very mature standpoint, imo.

[AndiD]

Being more of a man

 

All the stuff Lars mentioned could potentially be nice. After the first few months into a relationship, however - and especially if the girl is really in love with you - then you will start finding her annoying at times, because she'll want to be doing all these stuff with you all the time. As a man, you will want to go hanging out with friends, read, or get some alone time, etc.

 

See, this is why relationships are commitment, because you commit to a woman even if after a few months, the glitter wears off, and you wake up to the reality of life as it is.

 

 

 

This is completely adorable. Don't worry, a lot of us thought we knew it all and thought we were ahead of the game at 22. When your plans and theories don't pan out the way you think they will, don't feel alone. Theory and reality so rarely merge. in your case, that's a good thing. May you find the woman whose glitter does not wear off.

 

 

Lars, I think you sound charming, and you're definitely good looking. I would totally set you up with one of my single friends, and I'd even skip the crazy ones and set you up with one of the good ones.

[LarsWB]

wow - I forgot about this thread! Lot of good opinions and points. Since the original post I've met more women than I thought I ever would in such a short time, mostly at art events...a few dates, some fun, and made a few more female friends..and I like it this way right now. I can tell my heart has closed up a little, I guess I don't 'crave' love like I did when I wrote the OP...or miss it...but when it comes to me again someday I'll be ready for it. Man, I've healed quite a bit since writing the OP, reading it almost cracks me up.

I'm healing from the heartbreak my wife caused me and beginning to feel it. Better each day, with a lot to look forward to. Probably not ready for a real relationship yet but that's cool with me, don't mind the way things are right now

I remember exactly how I was feeling the day I wrote the OP...bummed as all hell, missing my wife (or at least my 'image' of what she represented) depressed, and omg do things feel different today...even in this short period of time.

I still am an affectionate, passionate person...so it still stands true.

AndiD - sweet of you Love, your compliments are awesome - and the crazy ones are fun sometimes

I remember being 22...I was a starving artist living California, and I had no less than 3 'girlfriends' at any given time. Didn't know what love was or meant, immature as one could be, and no real feelings for anyone...well, except 'physical'. Have a learned a lot since then lol!

[VinnieMarlboro]

Wow the man of my dreams

 

OK where do guys like you hang out?

 

Generally at home now!!!!!

 

I want(and pine for) those things too - really miss them. But I am not gonna take 2nd best to get em'.

 

I'm an Aussie aswell - maybe we could hook up?

[LarsWB]

Generally at home now!!!!!

 

I want(and pine for) those things too - really miss them. But I am not gonna take 2nd best to get em'.

 

I'm an Aussie aswell - maybe we could hook up?

 

Same here Vinnie, I've decided that at this point, I don't have to accept less than what I WANT, and I don't have to accept 2nd best anymore. Good to hear from ya!