Boyfriend of two years said he was done last night we are both 30 help!!

[Kjv1611ad]

We have been fighting a lot and we took a break and were taking things slow. We went out Monday and had a great time. I spent the night. Called him Tuesday told him to come over he said no, which made me mad because supposedly this was a main issue of his, him not coming to my house enough. I said if you change tour mind let me know. In the meantime I got a call from a guy asking to go eat dinner. I'm thinking if he doest want to be with me then why shouldn't I go. Called him and said if you aren't coming then I am going to dinner. He asked with who and I was honest. He wasn't happy. I said look you know I want to be with you but if you don't want that then I am going to explore other options. Told him I would call if I changed my mind. I didn't go to dinner, but I didn't call him. I was still trying to figure out what I was going to do. Text him the next day telling him I didn't feel like doing anything tonight he said fine. I told him again if he didn't want to be with me I am going to see other people. He said he "couldn't be with someone that has one foot in and one out". I text back with * * * you are the one doing that not me. I then called him and told him I didn't go to dinner and he was pissed. Got off the phone and text me with "you're a liar f@ck your game. He was out at the bar with his friends and drunk. I said can you please call me when you leave I am not a liar. He never did. I got worried and called him over and over at 3am sent a text saying "guess this is how you are leavig things you didn't call it didn't have to be this way. He text the next day with hello. I asked what he needed. He said he wanted to apologize for not calling. I said"thru a text" and he said you are right I should of called can I call you later today I said that's fine. He called and apologized. I just said ok and got off the phone. I sent a text later saying how upset I was he said he was mad and that if I wanted to work on things with him I would of never considered dinner with someone else. I said you need to make a choice do you want to be with me and he said "I'm done" and I said ok bye. He text back with you have said the same in so many ways, goodbye. This morning I sent a text that said our conversation last night was through text and that was childish, we dated two years and that warrants a phone call and that I was going to call him today and when would he be free. Question is, should I not of sent that, what do I say to him when I call and do you think he is being serious or is he trying to prove a point. We have never gone more than a few days without talking. Thanks for reading and helping!

[Ms Darcy]

It sounds like you both need more mature ways to communicate. No, you should not get into heavy issues over text and you should not threaten to explore other options when you are working it out with a bf.

[DN]

I agree you need better ways to communicate but, of the two, I think you mishandled it the most.

 

Try asking him to talk face to face to sort out a better way to communicate about fixing the relationship without threats and game playing.

[Bastions Girl]

Well I definitely agree that all of the texting is childish.

 

And yes, you should call. And I think you both need to apologize. You need to see things form his perspective and he needs to see it from yours. I mean, how would you feel if you were under the impression that your boyfriend went out to dinner with another girl. And he needs to understand that he's being distant with you. But when you talk to him definitely make sure you let him know that you can understand why he's upset before you tell him why you are. Putting the other person first is always the best way to go in a relationship.

[petite]

Very obvious communication problem and top it off you both seem to want to get at each other and push buttons to see how far either one can go. You're both adults, it's time to step up and discuss your issues a little more seriously. Texting has never been a good solution to a problem and people often misunderstand what the other one is trying to say.

[JeckyllNHyde]

I definitely think that even though he has issues about not coming over enough, and any other issues you both have, you shouldn't have said you are going to explore other options... not so soon anyways and definitely not before you both are broken up.

 

I've noticed with most guys, if you're in the middle of an argument/disagreement/spat, they DON'T respond well to you saying at that time "I'm going out to dinner with another guy" (if that guy happens to be "some friend" doesn't really matter - in most cases).

 

Believe it or not when I was younger (a few years back I mean haha) my first bf and me where having issues too and we ended up breaking up soon after he thought I went out with a guy friend while we were having a spat. I learnt my "lesson" there after.

 

If you both want to have a second chance at this, maybe try calmly rationalizing and talking things thru face to face. This can be easier said then done, but is worth a try.

And try not to "work things out" over text or when you both are mad.

 

You're both making the classic mistake of going with your feelings and just saying the first thing that pops in your mind (e.g. ok fine, bye! then text the other to really say what was up AFTER thinking it thru). Next time he says something that makes you mad, try not to end the convo but keep it going and tell him what's up.