Advice please: Should I be feeling rejected?

[neklof]

There's this girl I know from an old class I had with her. Since the class was over we have only talked on the phone here and there, well I give her a call and I get no answer so I leave a msg, I never got a reply.

 

well about a month goes by and out of the blue she asks me to a sorority dinner, so I go, and have a good time. Well anyway I call about one week later and ask her out, she says yes, unfortunately it was finals week, so I planned on something two weeks from the time I called, which was the weekend after finals week and then unfortunately that weekend was graduation weekend.

 

So I call the wednesday before graduation weekend ( the weekend I set before hand) asking if she still had time, and I never got a call back.

 

So I wait till the following friday and call once more, I get no answer. five mins later I get a call back, she says she's sorry for not responding cause she was busy, graduation, family, minor surgery (which was mentioned at the dinner a month ago). I never brought up the not responding, she did. Said she just wanted to say hi and reply to my call but was tired and on medicine so the call ended early. I tell her I'll call her again in a couple days.

 

 

Well anyway I call again about five days later, no answer.

I call again the next day, which btw was yesterday, no answer.

 

All I want to do is go out on a date, I mean seriously how busy can 1 person be all the time? I'm not asking for much just a lunch or dinner out, to spend some time together, a part of me realizes I shouldnt be so silly, but I can't help but feel rejected. I mean if you like someone don't you usually make some time for them. I dont even know if I should bother calling again. I already called twice and she has those phones that show who calls and when, so she knows I called her. I just don't know what to do and its driving me crazy.

 

I'm thinking

a) shes not interested but doesnt want to hurt my feelings, which I was she would just say so.

 

b) I'm being strung along out of convenience for whatever reason.

 

c) for some ungodly reason she's actually really busy.

 

The odd thing is I've always felt something has been "off" when I had her in the class which was when I first met her and asked her out she said yes, but that next week which was the last week of that class she seemed like she was avoiding me, so I had second thoughts about going out and never called her to go out. But since then decided to stay in touch and call again and apologize for not calling. this was before the dinner.

[1Adam12]

I would say just wait it out..call her after graduation and ask her again if she wants to try and get together if she says yes then go ahead and make plans..If she doesn't answer or doesn't call you back I would just chalk it up to maybe she just doesn't know what she wants or doesn't want anything with you right now who knows..

 

But if she doesn't answer I wouldn't call her back again and if she doesn't call after a while I'd say its safe to assume she doesn't want anything...just go on and see it as her loss there..

 

Hope that helps

Phillip

[Trigve]

dude if I had to call someone so many times to get her to reply I'd be pretty pissed off and I wouldn't even bother anymore. if you left all those messages and she doesn't get back to you she either just doesn't care, or she's just one of those people who's just completely disorganized and doesn't kow what the hell she's doing.

 

If it's the latter case she'd have to be one of the worst too, do you really want to date idiots like that? (keep in mind it'll be something you'll constantly have to deal with if you guys go out, and it gets old REAL fast she'll be pissing you off left and right every second day)

[Scout]

It sounds like she's not interested at this time. I wouldn't pursue it anymore if I were you, and I wouldn't hold a grudge against her either. People have the right to like or not like someone romantically, and she doesn't owe you anything.

[neklof]

That's what I figured, oh well.

 

As far as people not having to like others romantically, yeh I realize that. The problem is I wish it was just more cut and dry, I feel like i'm being given just enough attention for me to maintain contact why would someone even bother if they aren't interested? That's just rediculous, if you don't like someone romantically then you either tell them or never respond to their calls. Not just decide you want to pop in here and there at your leisure. I'm not some toy in a box.

 

What she does owe me is some respect, I've been nothing but respectfull and patient back, I am tired of these games, this is the second time something like this has happened to me before, except it was with someone I was actually dating and much more extreme.

 

This makes it very difficult to not hold a grudge. But I will just suck it up and act nice.

[Scout]

It sounds like you only had one or two dates with her...so I don't think she owes you any kind of cut and dried explanation for why she doesn't want to go out again. I thought the general unspoken rule in dating was, if you don't hear from someone again after two calls placed to them and if you only went out on a few dates, the other person isn't obliged to give an explanation, and thereforeeee an awkward situation is avoided. If they don't call you back after a couple of calls - than take the hint. Don't keep calling and than get mad when they don't call back. They "told" you already in an indirect way they're not interested, with the intention of not wanting to hurt your feelings. What is she supposed to do, call you back specifically to say I don't want to go out on another date with you?

 

I don't mean to be harsh, but it sounds like you're taking this rejection waaaay too personally. I'm sure you've blown off at least one person before in the past because you were too embarrassed to tell them that you weren't interested. If it happens after just a date or two, I don't see why anyone should be offended.

[Trigve]

it doesn't feel good to be rejected, but remember it doesn't feel good to reject someone either. I wouldn't directly tell someone off unless I absolutely have to. maybe she doesn't want to be involved romantically but it seems like she still wants to be friends. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. There this girl that likes me and asks me to hang out all the time, and I do agree sometimes and although I'm not attracted to her we still both have a good time when we hang out. you could have the same thing with her, you guys can casually hang out as friends and who knows maybe that'll be just as fulfilling as going out as a couple and less complicated.

[neklof]

If they don't call you back after a couple of calls - than take the hint. Don't keep calling and than get mad when they don't call back. They "told" you already in an indirect way they're not interested, with the intention of not wanting to hurt your feelings.

 

Well first of all She's the one who called me and invited me to a dinner after not responding to a msg I left one month ago. See, I took the hint there and never planned to call her.

 

And if she's been so gracious as too give me these hints then why did after this dinner and I asked if she'd like to go out sometime did she say yes?

 

Then I call once more to confirm the date to only get no reply.

Then I call one more and get no answer.

 

See I would have taken the hint there also, I didnt plan on calling again

 

BUT if again she's so gracious as to give me these subtle hints as to not hurt my feelings then why did she bother calling me and give me excuses as to why she was so busy and couldnt reply to the previous calls.

 

and now just recently I call again, and we are back to square one with no replies.

 

See? this is what makes me mad. I feel like I'm playing red light, green light.

 

btw when I call and there's no answer I dont leave msg's seeing as how she has a phone that keeps track of what numbers called.

 

 

 

 

What is she supposed to do, call you back specifically to say I don't want to go out on another date with you?

 

 

No but how about being somewhat consistent so I know whether or not I'm wasting my time here.

 

 

And yes I have blown someone off myself, but I either tell them i'm not interested or I don't contact them at all.

 

And btw all I wanted was some reassuring advice, I already planned on not calling her again. What I didn't ask was someone on some holy female crusade telling me how it's ok to act in such a way.

 

 

I once dated a girl years and years ago ( for about a month) that while we were dating was trying to get back with her EX, by screwing him. She eventually suceeded only to have him dump her again. All through that time she insisted we keep in touch cause she still "liked" me.

 

I guess by your strange code of dating ethics that since were weren't actually together or married, she didn't owe me the respect to tell me what was going on either huh?

 

 

and to the other replies, thank you very much good advice and insightful.

[Scout]

All I can say is I'm sorry my advice isn't what you wanted to hear. I understand what you mean about consistency - it's frustrating when someone isn't. But if you detest it so much, than have nothing else to do with her, and quit obsessing about not having the proper "respect" shown to you. I hope you don't take that kind of testiness with you in a real relationship, because frankly, this is a pretty small problem - in real relationships, much bigger issues come up, and you're gonna need to check your ego at the door to deal with them constructively.

 

The crack about a "female crusade" was uncalled for, by the way. I took time out of my day to answer your post, and even if it wasn't what you wanted to hear, you were pretty ungracious yourself by zinging an insult like that. Sounds like you have a little anger in general right now towards females, so I'll just chalk it up to that. You probably have a nice side somewhere.

[avman]

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