Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties

[tinkerbellkj]

What is everyone's thoughts on this? My FI likes to get crazy with his friends, and is naturally very excited for this event! I have no problem with them, and he has gone to several since we have been together.

 

He said that he was planning on doing a cruise for his bachelor party (mind you he just came back from a 5 days cruise with his friends) for about 3 days. I suggested that we do a joint one on a cruise, and then said that if wanted to go out on the town for the night before the wedding (ie. another bachelor party), he should do that too.

 

He completely shot my idea down saying that he did not want a joint party. I told him that I suggested it because I thought it'd be a nice way for everyone to get to know each other, but that we could totally separate at least one of the nights on the boat, and then like I said, he could do another night (something smaller, less money) before the wedding with only the guys.

 

He said that wasn't the point of a bachelor party, to do it jointly, and that he feels bad, but we can do a couples cruise (never my intention, both he and I have single friends and I would want them to be involved as well) some other time. I pointed out that we really cannot do that because we are paying for a wedding etc, and the point was for everyone to get to know each other.

 

 

I have never discouraged him from going out with friends, and he does often and always tells me how awesome I am for not smothering him, I just feel like this bachelor party was supposed to be a one night thing and is now turning into a week affair. I've completely dropped the subject with him, because I don't want to fight over something that is a year away, but it just got me thinking.

 

Now I just feel slightly annoyed, because I am scrimping every way possible for this wedding, cutting corners, and even putting off a honeymoon. I'm not going to lie, I do feel annoyed that he may be going on a bachelor cruise, and we can't even have a honeymoon. I'm sorry I'm rambling, but am I being completely unreasonable? Please tell me if I am.

[FathomFear]

I don't think either of you are being unreasonable. He likely wants to close out his singlehood with a bang, and you want to be economical and prioritize a honeymoon.

 

Personally, I'd try to remember that you're planning on spending your life with him. You'll have many trips in front of you as a couple. Assuming you can make it work financially, I'd be inclined to let him go through with it.

[Firiel]

I think the concept of a bachelor's cruise is just fine, as long as you trust him (which you seem to). I do agree with him that the bachelor/bachelorette parties should happen separately... that is their whole purpose! However, I think that a three day cruise (especially when he just got back from one) is extravagant. If you were filthy rich and could afford it, it would be no problem. But if you cannot even afford a honeymoon and he wants to spend the money on a guy-only cruise, I would say his priorities are a little skewed.

[alli]

At the end of your post you say that it's the finances that you are concerned about and you feel it is unfair that he gets to have such an awesome bachelor party when you don't even have much money for the wedding/honeymoon, however the rest of your post was you suggesting a joint bachelor/bachelorette party, which costs even more money.

 

In my opinion, a joint party kind of defeats the purpose of the whole bachelor/bachelorette thing, because it's supposed to be time with the guys for him, or time with the girls for you. If you are there together, then it's just a regular party. So my vote is no on the joint party. You could even do a cruise yourself like the week before or after him.

 

If it's the money, then tell him that is your concern. I do agree that its not really fair he gets such an expensive party while you are having financial difficulties paying for the wedding.

[tinkerbellkj]

I get extremely concerned about the money. Maybe more so than I should, I just keep seeing dollar signs every where I look!

 

And it does annoy me that he'd take a cruise and we would not do a honeymoon. However, I know at the end of the day if this important to him he should do it, and I won't complain or put a damper on his party, because he DOES deserve to have a rockin' bachelor party because he is a wonderful person!

 

I just stress, because in my mind we could have killed two birds with one stone (bachelor/bachelorette party/not feeling jipped out of a honeymoon!). As soon as I typed it I started to feel guilty because I know he'd do anything for me and I should not stop him from his dream night even if it does last for 3 days!

[OptomisticGirl]

I can see where you would be upset, him going on a three day cruise and no honeymoon. If it really bothers you point that out to him, if you can't talk to your future husband who else cam you? Yes the important thing is you are spending your life together, but it still doesn't have to be lopsided.

[Circe]

And it does annoy me that he'd take a cruise and we would not do a honeymoon.

 

That's ridiculous. I can't believe he'd pay for a cruise and forgoe a honeymoon? But I thought that with bachelor parties, the bucks goes for free and the others make up the cost?

 

Anyway - if you feel unhappy about it you should just tell him.. you're getting married you should be able to talk about everything..

[tinkerbellkj]

Yeah, well that is what I'm now being told, about the money. He said that his friends pay for him, and when I said it seemed like kind of a lot of money for them to shell out he reminded me that he is pretty much the last to get married, so he's paid for his share of many bachelor parties, and that this is what they all want to do and the guys have all agreed to pay.

 

I think I'm just gonna drop it, he's not asking for much wedding wise, so if this is what he wants, and we don't have to pay for it seems like a win win!

[Batya33]

I'd be concerned about his values here. Are you comfortable with him needing an extravagant bachelor party? Why does he need to particiapte in an extravagant event whose purpose is "this is my last time to be single before I am tied down so I have to get all the partying and drinking as a single man out of my system because who knows when I will be able to celebrate like this again". I don't know, particularly given your financial situation, sounds pretty immature and misguided to me.

 

As far as the honeymoon, that is your choice - you both decided it was more miportant to have a larger party to celebrate your marriage than to spend $ on a honeymoon - it wasn't clear to me whether he was against the idea of taking a honeymoon. And, maybe you can afford to go away locally for a weekend?

[tinkerbellkj]

We probably will go away locally for a weekend or so, money is not so much tight, as this wedding is costing us out of pocket around 17,000. We can afford it, however, we just need to be very thrifty in the meantime!

 

I guess when I thought about it, I can't complain too much, as my dress alone is almost 1,000.00 of which he is paying for. In fact, since my job is not really very high paying AT ALL, it's his money that is going towards the wedding.

 

He does a lot for me, and at the end of the day, I think he does deserve something extravagant. I'm getting a lot of things, so he should too.

[Batya33]

Yes, it sounds like you two are on the same wavelength as far as what material things and entertainment are important to you and how best to spend your $ so that's great news!

[Circe]

In fact, since my job is not really very high paying AT ALL, it's his money that is going towards the wedding.

 

He does a lot for me, and at the end of the day, I think he does deserve something extravagant. I'm getting a lot of things, so he should too.

 

I think that's a very appropriate way to see it in this situation. (And I've always heard its tradition that the bucks doesn't pay so I'm sure he's got that correct.. I know it will suck a bit to "miss out" on a great holiday but I think you have the right attitude about it - you are getting a lot of stuff wedding wise that is really more about you and less about him (like the dress!))

 

Good luck with it all