"I guess I'll call you." - Kiss of death?

[tattoobunnie]

Normally, I can read a person pretty well, or date pretty forward / aggressive guys. Then there's this new guy. Our first date was awesome and fun. Then, while he wrote or text me on a weekly basis, I figured, eh, someone to not get too hyped about. And after a month of the same thing, I get a beat-it mentality, so I stuck it to him instead of beating around the bush, if he wanted to get together again. He agreed happily, and arranged a second date.

 

For the 2nd date, we were both exhausted from crazy work weeks. And, I couldn't meet him till late because of work...It was nice, but no fireworks or anything. Simple, under three hours, some food and drinks. He started apologizing for how tired and lame he was being. At the end, walks me to my car, kinda hovers around like he's too shy for the kill, he gives me a small kiss, I hug goodbye...now this is where I've heard is the kiss of death...he said, "I guess I'll call you." And while he hasn't called, we've exchanged a text/email, here and there...both initiated by me, over something small.

 

Is that line the kiss of death?

 

I mean, I think he is really sweet, and nice, and HOT...and we have a lot in common...date #2 was boring, I think I started bragging from all the tiredness.

 

What do you think? I mean, I could go, "He's just not that Into you," he's just super polite and courteous, and be done with it. I mean...he is very different from anyone I've ever dated, like by 2nd date, all other guys would have been trying to get it on with me, or attempting to. One friend of mine said, "some want to start out as friends..." Then another said, "it's cuz he's a virgo, and wants to move slow..." whatever that means...

[april15]

"I guess I'll call you" is a bad sign. I would never say that to someone I am interested in. If the date was really dull, but he did like you, it would be worth a third date. Maybe you could text him how tired you were on that last date and how you would like to give it a better shot. Ask him to give you a call if he feels the same. Then the ball is in his court.

[savignon]

This doesn't sound very promising, especially as *you* didn't enjoy the second date. It would be another story if you thought he was fabulous and just loved spending time with him. Saying "I guess I'll call you" and then not calling ...plus the fact that the only communication has been responding to your texts......meeahhh....I would say forget about this guy.

[tattoobunnie]

Yeah...I mean...it should be that simple. I keep thinking, eh, just right him off, then he fires off long messages...so I'm not sure if he's being super polite to me, or just takes things really slowly. He hasn't been in a relationship for over two years (long story, not really, but screams, he takes caution).

 

Now...after all that...I'm just flat out curious...more like an experiment. Probably cuz he's super hot. I mean, the date wasn't stinky...just not as dynamic as the first.

 

I'd been running on 4 hours a sleep/night trying to get this project finished...and it still needs all the bugs tweaked out. And the same with him.

 

I think I'll take one last stab at it, and see how it goes.

[Batya33]

I've asked men out for second dates in similar situations - probably 3-4 times. Each time they agreed with enthusiasm and each time it was the same as you described - pleasant, relatively short date, kind of a fade out finish. That's been true of my friends' experiences too, over the years. Obviously no harm done in having asked him out for a second date - sounds like you had a nice time - but I don't think he is that into you and that frees you up to find someone who is!

[tattoobunnie]

Nah...the 2nd date was just nice, normal. That's why I'm not sweating over it too much. Still on the fence about asking him out for a third. Just looking for feedback other than a polly-anna response from friends who can be lovingly overenthusiastic.

 

I don't have too much to compare to when dating guys who take things slow, as I've only gone with aggressive men that turned into relationships really quickly, too quickly, that sucked up too much of my life (ha!). He's so sweet and courteous, or perhaps just non-confrontational. We don't know each other well enough to go gaga. It's nice to just be courted without feeling pressured to jump in with them.

 

I've had fun dates, and sucky dates, and nothing panned out, but we could tell right away. This guy...he seems different. I don't know...maybe I'm only seeing what I wanna see, and wind up making a fool out of myself. I'm just flat out curious.

[SpottiOtti]

Hey bunnie,

 

If he was really into you, he would have asked you out again after the first date. The fact that a month went by and he didn't and you had to be the one to do it tells me that you are not a priority for him. Could be he's busy with work, or could be that he's involved with someone else, etc. He doesn't dislike you, so he hasn't blown you off, and when you initiate contact he responds. But if he liked you enough to want to know you better, he would be the one initiating contact. Even the shy guys know how to convey interest to a girl they've been out on two dates with.

 

Just my two cents, and I speak from personal experience.

 

Spotti

[tattoobunnie]

I know! I even stuck it him about that whole month thing...aiming to blow him off, cuz he would keep cotacting me (but wasn't asking me out), and he apologized with that it wasn't his intention...then listed all this work that's been grueling, the tetanus, whooping cough, diphtheria combo shot that pretty much gave him the flu, that he was still kinda ill from on our date, that he had to get after cutting his foot open...pretty much the whole shebang. Could have thrown the dog ate my homework excuse. I thought sticking it to him would be enough to get him to get lost, but then he just asked me out again.

 

So he is perplexing to me. I can definitely cut my losses. He offered to reschedule cuz he knew I was tired, and I found out he was tired at the date, and apologized about it.

 

Anyway, I got nothing to lose. We're still at square whatever. Ha!

[Puddincup]

Some people are just slower than others. He might be like that. At the beginning, my current bf would say at the end of dates or phone calls "I'll talk to you soon", and I'd be thinking "soon??? what the hell does that mean???" But then he would call a few days later. Since you've initiated contact the last couple of times, you might want to see if he picks up the slack and calls you. If you're not interested in anything serious though, then I'd say there's no harm in contacting. There are pros and cons to pursuing but best if you are in a "who cares" kind of mood.

[LightbulbSun]

Yeah, that's not good. He definitely wasn't feeling the second date.

[Sports Fan]

He's definitely not interested. If he was, he would definitely call and would be upfront about it. Saying "I'll guess I'll call you" is a coward's way of saying I'm not interested in you, but I'm trying to spare your feelings. Like I said, it is cowardly, but he's not interested in anything further.