Need women's prospective on NC vs LC(how does your brain work!!)

[lovethyself]

I am curious to see what women think about when they break up with someone...if you really loved your ex and were like best friends, would you respect them more if they just left you completely alone(basically walked out of your life) while you experienced other love/feelings or would you much rather have contact with them still? Which do you think would have a better chance of reconciliation, still talking and knowing about each others lives (basically being friends) or going about life separately and maybe one day (about a year) you guys meet up and see what happens? I'm trying to figure out what women would respect more from a guy they broke up with...would it be more interesting and fun/exciting/mysterious to meet up with an old flame after a long period of time? several girl friends that I've asked have mixed feelings stating that walking completely away would throw them for a loop and possibly make it fun and mysterious later down the line...then the others with heavy hearts stated that it would be best to stay in contact especially since most girls are confused about what they want anyway...if you're around you remind them of why they fell in love with you and could possibly reconcile quicker...the only negative to that is being a "friend" while you're still deeply in love with them..any thoughts?

[confused2010]

Depends on the personality of your girl, but I would think everyone gets curious and the whole drop off the face of the earth would be intriguing to anyone, male or fm.

[emma34]

i think it would entirely depend on the personality and the circumstances surrounding the relationship and the breakup....

 

BUT - that being said, my experience has been that if I break up with someone, I am more likely to want them back, be curious about them, question the break up, and wonder wonder wonder...if i DONT hear from them.

[wheatgrass82]

This is a totally case by case question.... It totally depends on your chemistry. If you CAN stay away... do it.... It's much better in the long run for you both to be focused on your own lives.. meeting new people etc.... than still hanging around. My advice is to not be so rigid in your all or nothing approach too... No reason you have to be so dramatic. And truly...as cliche as it sounds...if you two are good together and right for each other you will definitely meet up again no matter what.. There is no clear cut answer to say... Do Ä and B will happen.... its honestly dependant on both of you and comes down to weather either of you meet anyone special in that time... Whatever will be will be... but as a general dating rule.. we all know that if you appear busy and unavailable ... that person will proly wonder a lot more

[bri427]

It really depends on the two of you...in my case, me ex fiance up an left me and 3 days later proceeded on to another female. we TRIED the contact thing and did what we could (more so, what I could) and it just made it all more worse. so eventually we put out the fire and just walked away, so to speak. although deep down im sure we both still love one another...being in eachothers life was hurtfull. i think bout him alll the time...but its much easier to work thru the pain and emotions from afar. then perhaps one day far from now haha we can try again in whatever way that will be. ask ure ex what she would like from you as far as being around OR letting her be. usually the only way to truly move forward...is while the other person is literally gone. but either way good luck!!! hope it works out better for u then it did for me haha.

[dreamygirl]

when I've been the dumper, I think if the other person, went no contact, I would be more inclined to be intrigued then if he did low contact. Low contact gives me the impression that he will always be available. I think initial no contact and low contact much later on , for example in 3 months or more would be more beneficial.

[luminousone]

I was the dumped, not the dumpee, but: I do think that NC is best. But really you are doing the NC for yourself, to enable better healing.

 

LC is so difficult, but in my case we have children together and I have no choice.

 

I would have healed sooooo much better if I did not have to deal with my ex a few times a week!

[stay_positive]

I was dumped and I find NC is the best.... When he gets ahold of me, it tears me apart and confuses me and I'm back at square one. He was like my best friend... But I just can't be around him till I have time to heal... NC is the only way... Unless you want them back, then LC can give them hope if ur the dumpee

[mrshuma]

all the NC literature states NC is to move on and heal

 

but what if you want your ex back? Wouldn't light LC contact to start be the way to get them interested again the same as when you first started dating?

 

With NC do they really ever come back or is it easier for both to move on?

 

It is very confusing..

[lovethyself]

all the NC literature states NC is to move on and heal

 

but what if you want your ex back? Wouldn't light LC contact to start be the way to get them interested again the same as when you first started dating?

 

With NC do they really ever come back or is it easier for both to move on?

 

It is very confusing..

 

 

yes NC is great for the dumpee so that they can move on with their lives but it also gives them a sense of hope that if they move on and better themselves that one day MAYBE the ex will come back...what i just wanted to know was what girls (dumpers) would think if their ex suddenly went NC for an extended period of time...most of the replies here state that they would indeed be curious and wonder, which to me is a GOOD sign...the more girls wonder the more they start to question their choice, wonder who we're dating..also i think it would add a certain mystery/interest should you two meet up later down the line..if i was the dumper and knew what was going on with my ex i could kind of sit back and evaluate if i want that still which gives me the power ...in my opinion,meeting up later and not knowing can kind of take you to that feeling you had when you 1st started talking and enjoyed getting to know e/o (talking for hours, texting constantly)...it becomes a fun game again..once you're in the game, anyone can win..

..the point is getting back into the game in the first place though, i think solid NC gives you a better chance to play ball again

[wildestkabs]

Couple of quick questions for dreamygirl and Emma. This is related to the topic, so thought I'd post it here directly.

 

when I've been the dumper, I think if the other person, went no contact, I would be more inclined to be intrigued then if he did low contact. Low contact gives me the impression that he will always be available. I think initial no contact and low contact much later on , for example in 3 months or more would be more beneficial.

 

BUT - that being said, my experience has been that if I break up with someone, I am more likely to want them back, be curious about them, question the break up, and wonder wonder wonder...if i DONT hear from them.

 

Would you guys feel the same regardless of whether you were single, or dating someone else?

 

Also, would it matter if the guy just disappeared completely off of the face of the earth, or spoke with you and said that it was time to move on? I had started a thread called "Informed NC vs just disappearing" and was wondering what the ladies thought of it. I think it is better to let the dumper (female) know that you are moving on too, instead of just disappearing. What are your thoughts?

 

Here is the thread -

[marshmallito]

always best to just disappear. The only reason you would inform someone you were going NC would be so they would stop harassing you. Not that many dumpers seem to harass their exes.

[wildestkabs]

always best to just disappear. The only reason you would inform someone you were going NC would be so they would stop harassing you. Not that many dumpers seem to harass their exes.

 

Hmmm...Interesting. I do believe that letting an ex know that you are not interested in being friends or continuing a conversation is important. I also believe that an informed NC is a little more mature way to handle the situation, while just disappearing may cause the dumper to panic initially but then the dumper probably won't care and may dismiss this as immature. But I can see how just disappearing can be effective too.

 

That being said, honestly, I think either way, over the longer term, it really does not matter, how you chose to disappear, so long as you did. NC is what is important.

[dreamygirl]

Yes I would feel the same regardless of if I were single or dating someone else. I don't think that it would make much difference to me if it was informed or not informed no contact but according to breakup literature that I have read, its better to go via informed NC so that they won't think that you are being petty or sulking. I think that what matters most to any ex is that you appear strong, confident and happy, that can make them second guess their decision providing that the breakup circumstances were not too bad. If you go to this link, there are instructions on how to send a no contact message and why.

[Live-N-Learn]

When I went NC on my ex here is what I wrote. I think you should always take the high road...

 

Dear ex..It has been a lot of fun hanging out but I think we need some time apart. There are some goals I want to accomplish in my life and I did not want you to think I was being rude since I will not be in contact with you. I have thought a lot about the breakup and agree it was for the best. Who knows maybe in the future we will reconnect, but in the meantime, I wish you the best of happiness in your life.

[snoopydog]

Yes, in the situation where you are going nc I think you should let them know. Of course, since they have dumped you you owe them nothing but be nice, it pays. In any case, make your last contact a short positive message. When you are long gone they will inveitably think back to your last contact with them and whilst it may feel temporarily cathartic to say something bitter I think it serves your chances better to leave something positive to linger in their mind.

 

I wrote my ex a short little message with a smiley face at the end and she did eventually end up getting back in touch 10 weeks later and even told me she still loved me. Sadly no recon though, she was still mad about the reason for our split.

 

Not that many dumpers seem to harass their exes.

haha!

[stevyhope]

Hey guys!just a small question..what do you guys think is the best thing if your fell out of love with you and is confused? will LC push her away?

[marshmallito]

hee hee, let me qualify my statements a little.

To my way of thinking the dumper is saying they have spent enough time with you. So why do you need to tell them anything. I think ignoring the odd missed call or meaningless hi by text or Facebook or whatever is fine. However, if they are leaving messages for you that require a response or seeing you face to face, of course you have to be polite, answer any question. But you don't have to stop and chat.

I think informed NC is only necessary if they are asking you point blank why you haven't had time for them or won't leave you alone (harassment). If they won't give you space to heal.