I need some Love Triangle advice

[Sucker_4_love]

Let me just say first that my wife (of 10 years) and i have the best relationship ever, we never fight and she was my high school sweety and is my best friend.

 

About a year ago she wanted to do the girl on girl thing and mentioned a threesome. I never thought we would ever go there but it happened never the less. The crazy thing is that she wanted to do this with April, my old girl friend from school . This girl was actually my first love and first kiss and is very special to me I had never slept with her but I still had deep feelings for her. I was very excited to be intimate with the only two women that i have ever really loved. After several amazing sessions over 2 months, we all became very close. April confessed to me that she loved me but knew she could never have me to herself and did not want to hurt my marriage or hurt my wife who was her closest friend. We all agreed to end the three way relationship. Well stupid us ends up having an affair for about a month because we do love each other. The sex was the best ever for both of us but we felt very bad and ended it after a month. It was hard but we moved on and she now has a boyfriend who is like me that he is very romantic and treats her like a princess. The problem is we never fully got over each other. It has affected our sex lives because when she is with her boyfriend sexually she thinks of me and when I'm sleeping with my wife I think of her. The lovemaking was so good between us that We don't know how to block it out. Will it get better with time???? I really do love my wife more than anyone in this world and promised myself I will never be unfaithful to her again but I don't want to always be thinking of someone else when I'm making love to her. Will it ever be the way it was before or did we ruin it? Any advice would be very appreciated.

[Sorrento]

Unfortunately, it sounds like you need to make a choice. I can understand you're having feelings for both women. Funnily enough, I have been in a similar situation, my best friend "loved me and his girlfriend". At the end of the day, you need to decide which one and be COMPLETELY with the one you choose. As for thinking about the other woman when you're with your wife, did you think about your wife when you were with the other woman at all? I think the answer to that question should help you a little.

 

Sorry I can't give you all the answers. Sometimes life is inconvenient. The choice is ultimately yours. Do you still speak to the other woman?

[rosephase]

Why did you end the threeway relationship? Did you ever tell your wife that you and her friend had fallen in love? Does your wife know you cheated?

[Sanesoul]

It will never be the same again, especially if you keep this woman in your life. Threesomes have a habit of destroying relationships, even if everyone is on board, and it looks like that is what is happening here.

[Sucker_4_love]

I have already decided that my wife is the one. emotionally im very attached. I ended the sex with the other woman but we are still good friends and always will be as I grew up with her. I did think of my wife when with the other woman but in different way. I just want not to think about her when im with my wife. do i need counseling?

[rosephase]

You are just in love with two people. It happens.

 

Did you ever think to open your relationship? Did you ever tell your wife you had fallen in love with the other woman? Relationships like that can and do work. In fact I'm in one. minus the cheating. If it's not something you want I would say just give it time.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

So aside from sex what exactly does April have going for her that she has a place in your mind. Who is she today as a person, her likes, dislikes, character etc that makes you think of her...or is it just her hot body that you think about. Sure she is exciting...because you don't do chores with her, don't do the mundane things in life with her...you don't see her when she is sick, if she has diarrhea, if she is vomitting. You don't see her at her worst moments. You have a memory of her from the simple school days when life wasn't complicated. She is your fantasy and you let the fantasy take over your life. Have you told your wife that you were going behind her back having sex with her friend? If not then your marriage is a lie. She needs to know so that everything can be out in the open. She also needs to know that this is what can happen when she decides to have a threesome. She needs to learn the lesson of what happens when you play with fire. Forget April...she has really just brought showers and thunderstorms into your life.

[rosephase]

She also needs to know that this is what can happen when she decides to have a threesome. She needs to learn the lesson of what happens when you play with fire.

 

There are more healthy threesomes that don't cause issues in relationships then unhealthy ones. You just don't hear about them here. Just like there are a lot of healthy relationships where both partners are happy and working hard, you just don't hear about them here.

 

The threesome wasn't the issue. The lying, cheating and poor communication is the issue.

[Sucker_4_love]

Why did you end the threeway relationship? Did you ever tell your wife that you and her friend had fallen in love? Does your wife know you cheated?

 

At first the threesome was more about the two women's sexual fantasy as it was more about the girl on girl and i would join in. It turned from just sex into everyone being very connected and close emotionally. April saw what kind of man I was and desired a man in her life like me that could romance her and give her cuddle time all to her self every night. (I'm very very romantic) She could not get that from us or me. April is in love with me but she knew she could not have me like she wanted.

 

Secondly, My wife loves April to death, they are best friends, but she started having a hard time with it because she knew that April and I had feelings for each other, we all three have talked about it. I love my wife more and I tell her that but it still hurts her, I can understand that and can't blame her as i would feel the same if roles were reversed.

 

lastly, April wanted to start dating another guy that she had been talking with so we all agreed it was time to stop.

 

My wife does not know that I cheated. I think if I came clean we could work through it but It would ruin the friendship she has with April and I dont want that. Most people cheat because they are unhappy but that is not the case here as I am very happy with my wife. April is a great person but my wife's personality is just better over all as we just get along better.

 

It's Just a crazy situation. The good thing is that we are all still good friends. i'm just trying to figure out how to forget about April when im with my wife. I just want to be able to focus on her 100%. Its is so hard because April was very good in bed and I know how April feels about me! I could never make both women happy. I'm glad that April has found what I think to be a Good man like me ( Even though I'm a scum bag for cheating, I'm not perfect I cant believe I cheated on her.. im an idiot :sad: )

[Sucker_4_love]

You are just in love with two people. It happens.

 

Did you ever think to open your relationship? Did you ever tell your wife you had fallen in love with the other woman? Relationships like that can and do work. In fact I'm in one. minus the cheating. If it's not something you want I would say just give it time.

 

She knows I still have love for April. She knew before we started the threesome relationship. My wife told me before we agreed to do this that she would be ok with it but her feelings changed as things went on. I don't think the open relationship thing would ever work as it would eat at my wife, and I just would not feel comfortable with it. It is just better that we moved on. , I just hope with time it will get better.

[Sucker_4_love]

you are so right. April's personality is lacking some compared to my wife's. Both women are great in bed. for some reason sex was just better with April. Its weird because my wife is loud and wild in bed and could be a porn star but April is quiet tender and more reserved in bed. I don't get it!

 

As for my wife I think that she has learned her lesson. She got her fill for the fantasy and has told me she well never do a threesome again. I just cant tell her I cheated as of now because we are all very close friends. She sits for our kids a lot and we all hang out. Some things are better left unsaid. maybe in the future I will come clean. I know that is cowardly but I really do love her and don't want to see her hurt any more. I don't want to hurt their friendship either as they are best friends and I love both of them. April feels so guilty but I am mostly at fault as she never made the move on me, it was I who suducced her. It is hard to resist something that you love so much, and she loves me a lot ( I was her first love and kiss as well, and we grew up together). I don't blame her for giving in and I respect her for ending it gracefully with me. It was hard as hell for both of us!!!

[lavenderdove]

Ok, April just isn't her best friend if she was willing to behind her back to have sex with you, when you both knew your wife was getting uncomfortable with this.

 

So frankly, keeping April in your lives tormenting you with attraction and being deceitful with your wife for never admitting the behind the back stuff just isn't the right way to go. The right way to get is to get April out of your lives so that you can go back to being a happy bonded couple rather than having continuing lingering negative affects hanging in the air whenever April is around.

 

Sex with April was 'better' because it was newer. All kinds of studies prove that once one is really familiar with a partner, there is less sexual stimualation. Even farmers understand this principle. If they have a bull mating with its usual herd of cow and after awhile he loses interest, if they bring a new cow into the herd, the bull will be going at it again with great vigor, with the new cow and all the other cows. There's a name for this phenomenon but i can't remember it right now. But the newness of sex brings an extra zing and shot of hormones and stimulation and attraction.

 

So a lot of your 'love' feelings are frankly just excitement at having a new cow in the herd so to speak. But humans are very complex socially, and there are more considerations than just sex when you decide who to be with and partner with.

 

You also need to be extremely careful because if April feels guilty and fesses up to your wife one day and you didn't tell her first, your wife may well never trust you again and in fact divorce you for lying and covering this up. There is a great deal of shame involved in discovering infidelity (i.e., your wife will be furious that they two of you not only cheated and had sex behind her back, but also kept this nasty little secret from her liek you're all open and best of friends, when the reality was you were both betraying her and laughing behind her back at it (or so she might imagine).

 

I would consult a marraige counselor about this, but most of them would advise you to come clean with your wife, then cut April out of your lives and never see her again because she turned into such a threat to the marriage, and was willing to 'deceive' her best friend to get at her husband. That just isn't friendship. So what if they have a good laugh together or share shopping or whatever, that was a deep betrayal and one your wife needs to know about.

 

I'd schedule a session alone with a counselor and ask their advice on how to bring this out into the open and save your marriage.