My boyfriend and I just broke up!

[Noelia]

I had been dating this guy for almost two years. Although I love him and I know that he loves me as well, we broke up because we are constantly fighting. The fights are stupid, sometimes I think I act like a child, because I want things to always go my way, and he thinks I am being unfair. From the beginning he would always please me but now he thinks that if he lets me do everything I want that he will eventually get tired of me and end up resenting me, so he decided that it would be best to break up. I know that I can be very difficult but he is not perfect. He often gets jealous even if I give him no reason to, also when we fight and I don't want to talk to him he insists on us talking so we end up talking like he wants to. I know it probably sounds like two kids fighting, but I don't know what to do to stop from being so stubborn, I have always been this way. I always get what I want and I can't take no for an answer. I hate for being this way and I want to change, and although I've tried it has been futile. Last night he called me and told me that he loved me and that he wanted to work things out, and I told him I love him as well and also wanted to make things work , but neither of us knew how to fix things. Sometimes I feel like he prefers to do other things than spend time with me, and that upsets me. The funny thing is that at the beginning of our relationship he was the one that wanted to spend a lot of time and he loved me more than I did, and so I would tell him that if he wanted to do things on his own that it was ok, and I said all those things because I didn't love him like I do now, and now I want to see him all the time, and if he can't then I get upset, and tell him that before he would have done anything to see me, and now he's changed. A my crazy? First I wanted my space, and now I don't. I don't know what to do. This is actually my first relationship and I love him so much, we even had plans to eventually get married. I'm 23 and he is 24, please give me some advice.

 

thank you.

[AB38]

first of all, welcome to the forum.

 

If this is your first relationship, don't you want to get it started out on the right foot? There is nothing wrong with being a little stubborn, but in a successful relationship, two people have to find a way to resolve their differences.

 

When you fight, fight constructively. There is always a little give and take. If it's all one sided, then the fight just prolongs itself. You can't have it your way all the time. If you have done something wrong, admit to it and apologize. Trust me, it's not that difficult. We all have to sacrafice a little pride every now and then.

 

He called you and wanted to work things out? "Work Things Out" That in itself is his willingness to compromise. Now it's your turn. Talk about your fights, talk about what causes them. Pretty soon you will be laughing together on how trivial the reasons are.[/b]

[Scout]

It's great that he wants to work things out, and it's great that you recognize your share of the responsibility for why - or rather how - you two fight. As you two embark on the journey together towards a more rewarding relationship, you both would do well to abide by the maxim: Don't Give Up. Don't Give In. Just Give.

[mahlina]

It's good that he wants to work things out. I think that if you guys do start over again, then give the relationship a little bit more 'space' for now. Love him, but give yourselves time to 'recover.' The drama might be a little too overwhelming. It's nice when you've reached to the point where both couples are comfortable enough to get into fights, and work things out, but it's also to keep that 'balance' in a relationship. Perhaps, you guys can still get back, but take it slow. Do your own thing. Let him do his, and then, the more time you guys have apart, doing your own things, finding that 'breathing' room, the more you guys will miss each other, and maybe stop fighting as much. Sometimes, relationships just need a little bit of 'space.' You can still call and check up on each other, but just keep yourself busy in doing your own thing. Find what you are passionate about.

 

And, if you guys do argue again, then calmly talk it out. If that doesn't work either, then walk away for the time being, and let yourselves cool down a little first, then talk. Afterall, relationships are also about 'communication.' If he's willing to put in an effort (in which he does show that he's willing to), then give it another shot. Perhaps this time around, the two of you will learn more about the relationship, and will grow deeply in-love again, as usual. I know what you mean by not wanting to be so serious as much in the beginning of the relationship, then towards the end, you're just the oppossite. I think it's more like we grow attached, which results in 'loving' our partners. Without that attachment, we can't really define love. So, it's a good sign on both of your parts. I see that the two of you somewhat, depend on each other.

 

Whatever it is, keep the romance alive like it used to be in the 'beginning' of the relationship. Give a little more 'space' to the relationship, so that you guys can cool off for the time being. When you're happy and rejouvenated again, perhaps your minds will be a little bit more clear of what's going on, so that you guys can effectively settle your disputes out. Hope this Helps. Much lucK to your relationship.

 

Hang in there,

Mahlina

[Noelia]

I guess a relationship is about give and take, I can't have it my way all the time, although it's really hard when you are used to getting what you want all the time. My boyfriend and I spoke yesterday and he says he wants me back and ofcourse I want to go back with him, but he is also afraid of getting into that fighting routine again, and so a my. However, we both hope that we can try to make this work and I think taking it slow and giving each other some space might be a good idea. Anyways, that's all for now, thank you all for your advice.

 

thank you.

 

have a wonderful day.