Met a much younger guy

[peanutbutterandjelly]

So I met a much younger guy online a couple weeks ago. I actually emailed him because I noticed that we shared the same obscure hobby and just wanted to chat about it. After I sent him a message, I looked at his profile more closely and we ended up having a ton of things in common! He emailed me back and then we chatted on IM for a little while. After that, I didnt hear from him for about a week, but he didnt log on to the dating site either, he said he was just busy, finishing school, etc. So he wrote me back and I wrote him back and asked him for his contact info. We ended up iming again for HOURS. like into the early morning. I kept saying that I had to go, and he didnt want me to. lol. He told me that he wants to hang out sometime this week and we even made plans to go hiking. Not set plans though. He said he would email be about a day/time cause he just started a summer job and isnt sure of his schedule.

 

Annnnnyways, this is all fine and good. We have a lot in common and he seems really into me. I have some obscure hobbies and it's pretty rare that I find someone into any of them, nevermind all 3. I mean, thats not necessary but it is nice and we have lots to talk about.

 

the thing is... he is 18!!! He Just graduated HIGH SCHOOL. I'm 25. I have no problem with an age difference really. It's not the number of years that's bothering me, it's mostly that we are at completely different stages in life. I would have no problem dating a guy 7 years older than me. I doubt I would think twice if he was 21 either.. but 18 seems sooooo young!

 

I'm not sure if I should go ahead and meet him or what.

[Catdancer]

Why not? He may be very mature and intelligent. At least give him the benefit of the doubt.

[lila...]

Well I guess it's up to you. I personally wouldn't date anyone younger than 21, just the thought sends shivers down my spine...but you've gotten along great with him online so why not give it a try? What have you got to lose? Don't overthink it right now, it's not like you guys are dating

[JonasWaingaro]

On a dating site at 18, fresh out of High School (last week fresh)? Seems kinda young to be exploring that option. I dunno. But hey, if you're comfortable with it, go for a day date and see. What the heck. Might find a new friend if nothing else. Be safe, have fun.

 

On a different note, you're like the fourth person mentioning an obscure hobby! lol I'm starting to think mine are too mundane!

[fLuiD]

Maybe you don't have to date. If his age is a deal breaker (which it sounds like it is) then thats fine. No harm done in finding someone who has the same interests as you, right?

[Eclipse11]

I personally don't think he's that much younger than you really...it's all in the attitude, age is just a number...if you like him then go for it girl, that's my advice!

[sophie274]

I'm turning 23 in a few months, and I can't imagine dating someone that young. Most of the guys my age I find quite immature, and on it goes for younger men as well. Aside from that, I'm interested in someone who is starting his career like me, trying to make his way in the world, who's over the whole college lifestyle/partying thing, and who's also interested in a long-term relationship with potential for marriage if it works out - which doesn't fit the bill for most 18 year-olds.

[ModernTalking]

I'd say go for it. Like already said, he could well be mature for his age - a lot of guys are. I am 22 and in a relationship with a 27 year old, yet we are at similar life stages.

 

One thing I would be cautious about is the kind of "first date" you are planning - "Hiking". I think most people would say that it helps to be cautious with online dating, and meeting someone in the middle of the woods (potentially) is not exactly "playing it safe". If you meet in a public place for the first date, maybe go for a coffee then you can always save that for the 2nd date.

[teabee]

I was thinking the same thing Modern said about going hiking on a first date.

 

Your whole post had a whole shwack of positive, hopeful, exciting things to say about this guy, and nothing negative--just uncertainty about something that may or may NOT be an issue at all. All signs are pointing to: "give it a chance and see."

[orchidrose]

It's a personal decision. Like teabee said, you did have a ton of positive things to say about him, so I don't see why one little date would hurt. On the other hand, you may find quickly that you have a lot in common in terms of interests, but little else because of the age difference. I'm 23, and I dated a guy just a 18 months younger and we were at totally different stages in life, so I personally would have a tough time dating someone younger again, especially someone who's barely legal! But if you really do get along, it's worth at least a date or two.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

Yes, I will definitely meet him in a public place first for a cup of coffee to see if we hit it off. I was showing him pictures of a great hiking spot near my house and he really wanted to check it out which was why we were talking about hiking.

 

He definitely seems pretty mature for his age, but the different stage of life is really throwing me off. Ideally, I'd like to find someone who I can settle down with within the next couple of years and I don't think that would happen with him, which is why I'm hesitant to meet him in the first place.

[orchidrose]

He definitely seems pretty mature for his age, but the different stage of life is really throwing me off. Ideally, I'd like to find someone who I can settle down with within the next couple of years and I don't think that would happen with him, which is why I'm hesitant to meet him in the first place.

 

That's definitely something else to consider - even at 18 months younger, my ex was nowhere near ready to settle down. But again, you're getting a bit ahead of yourself. Just go on a coffee date and see if there's even anything there.

[ModernTalking]

He definitely seems pretty mature for his age, but the different stage of life is really throwing me off. Ideally, I'd like to find someone who I can settle down with within the next couple of years and I don't think that would happen with him, which is why I'm hesitant to meet him in the first place.

 

So many times I use the phrase which will do here "Cross that bridge when you come to it". You've got nothing to lose - Meet him, see how well you get on and go from there.

 

About the whole hesitancy thing, I know for a fact that my current (older) girlfriend was hesitant before meeting me as I'm a bit younger, but when she saw my maturity, we went from there.

[itsallgrand]

Maybe you'll find yourself a good friend, if not a good date. ?

[laboheme]

Honestly, I am skeptical of an 18-year-old being compatible with a 25-year-old. People change a lot from age 18 to age 25. But, as long as you don't go into it with too many expectations, I say go for it. One date won't hurt. Like several people have said, you might make a good friend.

 

Also, if you do end up befriending each other, maybe he has other friends who share your interests but who are at the same stage in life as you.

 

Even if that doesn't pan out and you never see him again, maybe you'll just have a pleasant first date. I've gone on plenty of first dates with people with whom I was not at all compatible and had some great conversations.

 

And if it's atrocious, well, that can always make for a good story!

[peanutbutterandjelly]

yes, I guess theres no harm in just meeting him and seeing what happens. I'm skeptical, but I'm gonna go in with an open mind and no expectations. I'd be happy to have a new friend with similar interests at the very least. Now lets see if he actually contacts me to set up a place/time!

[Cheetarah]

I understand your hesitancy because of the age difference. There's a guy I've known for about two years, and he's 20(I'm 27). He's a great person, very motivated and ambitious, we share a lot of the same interests, and he's got a solid head on his shoulders. We always remained friendly, but it's clear he wants more - And I just can't. I found myself 'coaching' him quite a bit with his last relationship. He wanted to break it off with her and his original plan was to ignore her until she goes away, because he was afraid of the confrontation. I told him if you have any respect for her at all you will do it the right way. To his credit, he did. He handled it wonderfully. I realize a 30 year old guy could do the same just as easy, but I don't know. The lack of experience just sort of doesn't sit right with me.

 

But I love having him in my life, and he is wonderful. If you come out of this having made a new friend, you came out on top.

[Leighton]

Oooh let us know how it goes.. I am curious

[peanutbutterandjelly]

well, he hasn't emailed me or messaged me since the other night to make plans even though he told me wanted to hang out in the next couple of days. He updated his profile since then and has been online, so... meh. I dont understand what's with guys flaking out on me all the time.

[orchidrose]

well, he hasn't emailed me or messaged me since the other night to make plans even though he told me wanted to hang out in the next couple of days. He updated his profile since then and has been online, so... meh. I dont understand what's with guys flaking out on me all the time.

 

I really wouldn't take it personally. I read your other thread, too, and I don't think you're doing anything to scare these guys off and make them flake; this is just dating, unfortunately. This kind of thing is so, so common with online dating, so don't take it as a reflection on you.

 

One thing to be careful about in all dating, online or not, is not to get attached too quickly. I know that you and the camping guy had a lot of long conversations over a few days, and you seemed to have a lot of long conversations with the online guy, too. It's tough not to get excited about someone you're interested in, but just remember that you may never hear from him again. There's no guarantee that a few long conversations will turn into a relationship or even anything at all. Thinking this way, while a bit cynical, will help you not get so down or upset when they disappear.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

yeah, this guy I didnt really have long conversations with... we talked on aim for like a half an hour once and then the other night we did talk for a few hours... but I didnt feel like it was excessive or anything like that. I definitely wasnt"attached" to him, wasn't even sure if I wanted to meet him... but I dont like the feeling of someone sounding so eager and then just disapearing...

 

the camping guy is a total other story, and I agree with you. I did talk with him a lot and spend a lot of time with him and am feeling a little disapointed with how it ended. I feel like he kinda led me on during the weekend though. Mostly I'm a little upset because I really was looking for a friendship fwith him. He was a really cool guy and I'm pretty sure he thought I was pretty cool too and I would really have liked to be friends with him even if he wasn't into me. bleh.

 

im not cut out for dating. im really not. and it sucks because I have no other choice. I still feel like if I could just go on one date, I would start to feel better about the whole thing, but I have been meeting lots of guys online and in real life and it never leads to a date or anything. I have to admit that I feel worse about myself now than I did when I actively started dating again. I'm really not sure how change my attitude about it. I try not to care, but I still end up feeling hurt when no one will even give me a chance and take me on a date.

[orchidrose]

im not cut out for dating. im really not. and it sucks because I have no other choice. I still feel like if I could just go on one date, I would start to feel better about the whole thing, but I have been meeting lots of guys online and in real life and it never leads to a date or anything. I have to admit that I feel worse about myself now than I did when I actively started dating again. I'm really not sure how change my attitude about it. I try not to care, but I still end up feeling hurt when no one will even give me a chance and take me on a date.

 

It's totally natural to feel hurt and upset when it feels like no one's giving you a chance. The really good thing is that you're continuing to put yourself out there and try to meet people. One thing I've found that's helped me is not thinking of it is a means to an end. If I go do a social activity, I make sure that it's something I'll enjoy regardless of whether or not I meet a guy who asks me out. If I go on a date, I tell myself to just enjoy (or try to!) a night out, instead of think that I'm getting myself into a relationship. It helps keep my expectations low, so I'm pleasantly surprised when and if something more comes out of it.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

It's totally natural to feel hurt and upset when it feels like no one's giving you a chance. The really good thing is that you're continuing to put yourself out there and try to meet people. One thing I've found that's helped me is not thinking of it is a means to an end. If I go do a social activity, I make sure that it's something I'll enjoy regardless of whether or not I meet a guy who asks me out. If I go on a date, I tell myself to just enjoy (or try to!) a night out, instead of think that I'm getting myself into a relationship. It helps keep my expectations low, so I'm pleasantly surprised when and if something more comes out of it.

 

yeah, I make sure I try to have a good time no matter what. That weekend when I went camping, i was going to meet some old friends who i hadnt seen in a year and just happened to meet someone. I wasnt expecting that to happen at all, and even though he's obviously not into me, I had a really good time overall and have some good memories, so I'm stil happy about that.

 

I think it's hard because my best friend is in the same situation as me and we usuall go out together. She is about 20 lbs lighter than me and has beautiful red hair and always seems to attract guys. she's the one that convinced me to do online dating because she was getting TONS of messages (and apparently thought I would too). I love her to death, but it's hard to deal with sometimes. Last night we went to a campfire and there was a guy that I was interested in. He was obviously interested in her. At the end of the night, she asked me if i thought he seemed like a good guy and how she got the vibe he was into her, etc. Of course I told her yes and how I thought he was into her too. He invited her to his party on saturday and she's really excited about it now. It's just really frustrating.

 

today she was talking to me about online dating and how annoying it is that so many of these guys are asking her out so soon, when she doesnt want to date them, she justs wants to flirt and chat. She's not looking for anything serious. I would love if someone just asked me for a date or asked me for my number. She said she was thinking about canceling her account because so many of the guys seemed "way too serious about online dating". No one seems serious at all to me. I barely talk to anyone on the site and when I do talk to them, they flake out.

 

*sigh*. Sorry, that turned into a rant and I know that I shoudnt compare myself to my best friend, but it's really been bothering me lately. I just really needed to get that all out.

[pl3asehelp]

I've had player friends in the past and most of the time you don't stand a chance in their company. Easier to try meet people without a magnet around. Not saying it's right or wrong or whatever, but to increase your chances, don't go out with a single friend who is going to always get the guy out of your group.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

I've had player friends in the past and most of the time you don't stand a chance in their company. Easier to try meet people without a magnet around. Not saying it's right or wrong or whatever, but to increase your chances, don't go out with a single friend who is going to always get the guy out of your group.

 

She's a really nice girl, but she isn't looking for anything serious and just happens to be more attractive than me, that's all. I love her to death and I know that she only wants the best for me and would be soooo happy if I met a great guy. It's just beyond our control I guess. It's hard because I really only have 2 good friends and she is the only one that is single and the person i feel most close to in the world. Maybe I should spend more time making single girl friends instead of trying to meet guys. I dont really feel comfortable going out to social events completely by myself. I will sometimes, but it's much more fun to go with a friend and she is the only one.