What does this mean???

[pumpkinmoon]

Well he is away for the weekend and I have been considering things lately.

 

I got extremely upset last night because I have been feeling that I just cannot continue with the way things are. It's affecting me mentally and physically. I've already lost half a stone from not being able to eat from all this anxiety I am feeling.

 

I buckled and texted him after ignoring his message to me that day.

 

My text - "Hello. It's not right for me to ignore you. I'd never do that anyway. Just needed time to sort out what to say to you. I'm sorry about all of this. I hope you find someone for you. I know I never say it to you but I have told you my feelings have never changed. I love you and since I met you always have, unfortunately for me I probably always will but that's for me to deal with. Again, I really hope you find the one for you. You being happy would make me happy. I suppose we have some loose ends to tie up and we can do that sometime. (my name) xxx"

 

 

This is what I got back...

 

"I can't even think of things to say. It makes me sad knowing how unhappy you are all the time. I want you to be able to have your own life, not one tailored around my routines. You should be doing stuff you want to do. I only want what's best for you xxx"

 

 

So now I'm confused. What does this mean because I am clueless.

[metrogirl]

I think he's okay with you guys breaking up.

[savignon]

I think he's saying "good choice" as he doesn't want you to waste your time and he knows it's not fair that you taylor your time/needs to suit his.

You did the right thing and it seems you're both ready to move on.

[pumpkinmoon]

I just don't get it though. Just two weeks ago he was talking about moving in together???

[givinggirl]

I'm not really sure I follow either. In your previous post, you said that you only see each other on the weekends. How much contact did you have during the week, phone, email, texting, etc.? It sounds like he may be more social than you are. He thinks you are focusing everything on him and you need to focus more on you? Maybe?

 

I dated a guy who was a social butterfly. He couldn't stand to just be at home. He was out and about in the neighborhood, or standing in the driveway waiting for people to walk by to talk to, finding others outside, etc. Me, on the other hand, was not. I'm more of a homebody, I like to draw, read, do things around the house, find new recipes to make, etc. I only have a few close friends, he had a gazillion friends and could talk everyone's ear off. I was shy. He said, he felt bad for me because he felt I was not happy. He felt I was lonely and said he felt bad when he would go out and I would just sit at home. What he didn't understand is I was perfectly happy with sitting at home doing my thing. We were 2 totally different people.

 

I agree from your previous post and now this one, it is confusing. He didn't seem to care much before and now he feels bad for you?

 

I also have the same problem of not eating when troubled. I know it's hard, but try to eat something, cause it will only make things worse. I find it easier to drink, so I make smoothies and at least I'm getting nutrients.

[Applewhite]

To me it sounds like he doesn't care either way. He will keep doing what he is doing despite he feels bad that when together you lived around his schedule as he says.

 

But he doesn't care one way or another whether you break up. Makes no difference to him.

 

You have to move on.

[savignon]

I just don't get it though. Just two weeks ago he was talking about moving in together???

 

Isn't this the guy who said he's very busy and isn't planning on changing his personal plans for you? I think he's ready for you to go your own way. You said in your last post you knew he would react this way (not really caring). As much as it hurts, it's better to have your fears confirmed so that you can move on.

The bright side is that your anxiety and general upset/worry will subside now that you have the truth and can move on.

[SpottiOtti]

Hi Shoefairy, sorry to hear that you are still going through problems with this guy.

 

I don't think it really matters what he meant or didn't mean, or whether he wants to break up or doesn't. What you need to focus on is what YOU want. Do you want to break up with him? You text to him sounds to me like you were dancing around it, hoping he would beg and plead for you not to end it. And he didn't, and that's why you're confused.

 

Focus on yourself and what you need to keep you happy and healthy. Try not to analyse what he may or may not be thinking about this relationship. I think everyone here is in agreement that it's time for you to move on, and it sounds like you are taking baby steps in that direction, which I think is wonderful. See how much stronger you are than you thought you were? You can do this. It's going to hurt for awhile, and you will grieve, but you will get through it.

 

Take care of yourself, and try to eat something. The smoothie thing is a good idea. I'm rooting for you!!

 

Hugs times a thousand,

Spotti

[pumpkinmoon]

Not really. I mean he has gym and hockey, but he doesn't really go out and socialise much. We're probably equal when it comes to that.

 

Sometimes I go out with friends, sometimes he does and sometimes we go out with his friends.

[einsteins_girl]

TSF, I think you sent that text, thinking that he would respond by saying you are the one for him, declaring his love, and promising to try harder. He didn't do that, and now you're left analyzing the text message for subtext that will tell you what you want to hear. I think he knows this isn't working, and he doesn't want you to be miserable (and he doesn't want to be miserable trying to make you happy).

 

You have to stop sending him messages, hoping it will trigger something in him, because they won't. At this point, if you're going to hint at breaking up with him, you need to be capable of going through with it. The text message you sent him was very passive-aggressive... beating around the bush... not actually saying the words, "We need to break up."

 

I think you need to either gather your strength and just say it... or find a way to deal with this relationship as it is because I don't think it's going to improve. I'm sorry.

[pumpkinmoon]

Definitely.

 

I don't know what I was hoping for really. I was just at a loss. I know I can't go on like this though any longer. I think of all the hurt he has caused me in the past and I am amazed that I am even still here. It wouldn't be so bad if he had ever made the efort to makeit up to me for causing so much pain over so many incidents involving him that wer very wrong, but he never has.

[SocialStigma]

I agree with poster above ^. I think you were hoping on some level for him to beg for forgiveness and to say that he'll change and be better for you and now you are let down because he basically gave you the green light to break up and is saying he's fine with it.

 

The best thing for you to do right now is to move on with your life as best as possible and cut off contact with him.

[Celestialagape54]

I think he's okay with you guys breaking up.

 

I agree with Metro. He sounds fine with the breakup.

[iBroken]

He is saying he is okay with the breakup.

 

Moving in discussions mean jack. My ex just last friday moved MY bedroom set into the master bedroom in her apartment (she was storing my stuff for me) because she wanted me to feel like I was home, and that the transition to moving in in two months would be easy.

 

We broke up two days later.

[pumpkinmoon]

I see. Why do they even talk about all of that stuff though if they could care less if you were together or not? I mean, I wasn't even instigating conversations about moving in. It was all him. I didn't even want to move in yet anyway.

 

I can't be with someone who doesn't care if they're with me or not. I suppose I was right all along, it was just sex. I know it might sound spiteful, but it would be nice to think that if you broke up with the person your are with, that they would be as devastated as you would be if they broke up with you.

[HeartGoesOn]

It sounds like he's been "checking out of" this relationship for some time now. I think it's time to face reality, and realize that this relationship is one-sided, and you deserve to be treated like an equal partner, and sadly it's not going to happen with him.

[catfeeder]

He was agreeing with the breakup. He felt uncomfortable in the relationship because you were unhappy, and he believes you were too focused on him and doesn't want to carry that.

[pumpkinmoon]

Thanks all. I know you are all right. I just don't know how I'm going to cope or get through this. Already I am sinking into what I was like before when we broke up. I'm getting panicky already.

 

My car still hasn't been fixed by his dad either.

[Juxtapoz]

i was just about to say, you should another text that says something like, "P.S. Please fix my car ASAP. Or else."

[pumpkinmoon]

i was just about to say, you should another text that says something like, "P.S. Please fix my car ASAP. Or else."

 

Well last weekend we took my car to a place his dad contacted. It was a friend of a friend of his dads.

 

When we got there, I'm not joking, it was just two shacks in a carpark just off the road. It wasn't even a proper garage. Just looked like somewhere this man repairs cars for a hobby.

 

I told him I thought it looked dodgy and was worried that it would be a messed up job on my car.

 

We got back to his house and his brother told him that basically the man is crap and he knew people who had work done by him and it wasn't good.

 

BF then told his father and his father said that because his friend said he is ok, then he must be ok.

 

There is no way I can allow it to get done there. BF at the time said if it was a crap job, that he would get it done again but I don't want all that hassle. I want it done properly the first time.

 

Still nothing has been mentioned about my car. I'm going to leave it a few days and then contact him about it and tell him that I am not happy with the place his father chose and that I will be getting quotes and give him the most reasonable one.

 

Is that unreasonable or rude of me?

[diamond78]

They do not get to decide where your car gets fixed...YOU DO. I would be very firm about this....a vehicle doesn't come cheap and you don't want some hack job done to it that'll cause you more problems and headaches later.

 

That is a great idea of going to places you trust...getting an estimate and have them choose the place they can most afford from your list of choices. His family sure is shady...

[pumpkinmoon]

I know. It's like they don't care about anyone but themselves at all. My car was in perfect condition when I left it there. Why should I have a bad job done on it. His dad can afford to have it done properly. If it's not, then I'm going to lose money on it.

[savignon]

Why not just get a ride to the place, pick up your car and bring it to a reputable place you trust? Then afterwards you can send him the bill (or the estimate before the work is done). I wouldn't leave it there and just hope for the best. I'd recommend you go get it and take control of the situation.

[SapphireNoir10]

Its this, I've been there. He knows he is making you unhappy. And he knows he can't make you happy...well more he can't be bothered to put the effort in to make you happy. I guess its draining for him, and the relationship has become strained.

Its better for you this way.

[pumpkinmoon]

Why not just get a ride to the place, pick up your car and bring it to a reputable place you trust? Then afterwards you can send him the bill (or the estimate before the work is done). I wouldn't leave it there and just hope for the best. I'd recommend you go get it and take control of the situation.

 

My car isn't there. When we went to get it seen, he said that we would be taking it sometime next week which is the week just gone, but still nothing has been mentioned, even though I'm not going to take it there. I was too scared to say no at first, but now I don't care. I'm not having it done by someone who doesn't have a clue what they're doing.

 

Ok so he said that they would get it done again if it wasn't a good job, but I can't see that happening. His dad would prob just say, "well we had it done for you, and I see nothing wrong with it".