Partying long distance boyfriend

[Morwynn]

My boyfriend lives in Connecticut, and I live in Kentucky. We've been together for 6 months, with plans to move in together in 3 months. Until then, he goes to parties at least on a weekly basis (especially now that it's summer time, all his friends are graduating, it's his birthday AND his best friend's birthday.......) He drinks heavily in social situations, and occasionally smokes pot. The substances don't help.

He knows I am an extremely jealous and sensitive person because of repeated cheating in my past (Dad left Mom for girl my age, I was cheated on multiple times by multiple boyfriends, etc) But doesn't seem interested in compromising with me on this. Instead, he parties as much as 15 hours a week, sometimes even spending the night at (drunken) girls' houses. Sometimes he's invited to a sleep over at a girl's house where they drank and watched romantic comedies, no other friends invited.

Additionally, his facebook profile is plastered with girls. Sometimes you can scroll all the way down the page with no one but female commenters. One of his female friends openly hit on him despite his and my public relationship. When I expressed how much I didn't like her actions towards him, he chose to spoon drunkenly with her a party that weekend. (he has now broken off talking with her, at least)

I feel like he's just telling me to suck it up and get used to his hours of partying and many, many female friends, his drunkenness, and his being surrounded in drunken girls who are hitting on him.

What can I do to deal with this behaviour????!!!???!!

[Shudder]

What can I do to deal with this behaviour????!!!???!!

 

tell him to f off lol

[HeartGoesOn]

How do you feel you can change him?

[pumpkinmoon]

I wouldn't put up with such behaviour. It doesn't seem like he is willing to leave this sort of lifestyle behind. How old is he?

[misssmithviii]

He's not in a relationship with you... you're in a relationship with him - if that makes any sense. You are not his gf but he's your bf.

 

This is ridiculous behavior... I'd be up and out by now if I were you...

[cazmoore]

Take it from me, you can't change him. He'll party until he's 27 or 28. So, you CAN either suck it up, or move on.

 

Also, you can't displace your issues on him though. You have to work on those before you put blame on him.

[jengh]

Wow, that sounds so much like my ex-boyfriend. Notice the "ex" in that sentence. It was for a reason. You two don't sound socially compatible and I don't blame you one bit for not wanting to put up with that behavior. He obviously has little respect for you if he's SPOONING with other girls. Alcohol is not an excuse for poor behavior.

[OptomisticGirl]

No way would I put with my boyfriend (who lives 4000 miles) sleeping over a girls house while drunk, watching a romantic comedy with her, OR spooning her. Spooning, really?? That's like one of the most intimate things you can do. No. That's cheating to me. It's harsh I know but no. Arms have to be around each other and you have to plastered to each other no. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO.

 

He clearly isn't mature enough to handle a relationship and like misssmithviii said, you are in this relationship, he isn't.

[MikNomis]

This is just messed up, I wonder how you had the will to stay in this relationship this far. Please leave him. And when he calls you afterward asking for a second chance and making a list of promises, please ignore it.

[arcadefire]

He is not relationship material. And you two are moving in together? This can only spell trouble and a lot of fighting.

 

His retaliation against you (by spooning another girl) is so immature and hurtful. Why stay with a guy who can only do these types of things when there is a disagreement? Someone who can't calmly talk things out with you instead?

[Fudgie]

I agree with the others, it doesn't sound like relationship material. Sure, he's young but that is NOT an excuse for this behaviour. It's totally inappropriate for him to be with other girls like that when he's with you, even if it's long distance.

 

Alcohol is never an excuse either.

 

If it's this bad now, what is it going to be like when he moves in with you? Things are not going to improve when you guys start living together. He has no respect for you whatsoever and that will cause a lot of problems. Do you really want to be with a jerk like that?

[WaiKru]

It sounds to me like he's liking the long distance, because he can do whatever he wants with his friends/other people, and still have the comfort of a girlfriend. This is not acceptable. Talk to him and tell him if things don't change you'll have to break it off.