Tatertot Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 Hi, I am new to this site and this is my first post but I am really needing some advice that I can't seem to "google" anywhere else! In the past 13 years I have only been in 2 relationships... 1 for 7 years and 1 for 6 years. But I have recently broken it off with my ex-boyfriend for all sorts of reasons. However the point is I am reallly only interested in long-term relationships.. not flings or rebounds... So I volunteer at a Soup Kitchen that also runs a 6 month recovery program. The program is for men only and they must all put in their time working in the kitchen at some point or another. About a year ago one of the "residents" started his turn in the kitchen and I immediately was drawn to him only because of the constant smile on his face and the joy he portrayed while singing loudly while working... I talked to him very little, but we always exchanged smiles. Eventually we started talking a little more. He invited me to his "graduation" from the program but it was during the working day so I could not get out of work to attend, but I did go by the shelter and drop off a card of congratulations for him. The next time I saw him he thanked me for the card and asked if we could go for coffee... I said no at the time but finally I emailed him and said I wouldn't mind going with him so we did. It was good conversation and a good time, but then I dropped him off and went home. The next few times I saw him at the shelter he asked if we could go again but I said no and eventually he didn't push it anymore, we just talked for a few minutes every couple of weeks when we saw each other there. Finally a couple of months ago I decided I did want to meet him for coffee again, so we went and again it was good conversation and I'm getting to know him better and I do like spending time with him. He invited me to his "1-year" sobriety birthday at the AA meeting that he attends and I didn't commit but told him I would try to make it. I did and he was happy to see me and asked if I could give him a ride home and I said of course I could. Then we stopped for coffee and went for a walk. Before the evening was over he actually leaned over and tried to kiss me. I didn't kiss him. I think I just looked shocked and he then apologized and said he hoped he didn't offend me. I said he didn't, but that I wasn't going to kiss him. (He tried again when I dropped him off but I still refused). We are going to a movie together this weekend and I don't know what to do. The thing is he is 20 years older than me. I know this but he doesn't (although he obviously knows I'm younger than him). It's not like I'm extremely young though, I'm 33 and he is 53. We've both been married once before and we both have no children. I have read numerous forums about starting a relationship with either a large age gap OR a recovering addict, but not both... My question is, are both these things together too much to overcome? I really am not sure. I myself have never so much as touched a cigarette (although he smokes) let alone drugs and I don't drink. He has been recovered for a year... Sorry this is so long, but I thought the background was important.. Thanks. Link to comment
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.