I hate most couples!

[stingray]

I hate most couples my age because its disgusting how they treat their single friends. I seem to be getting cut out of all the plans these days because I am single. All my friends are coupled up actually and constantly go on double dates or couples only stuff. So I get left out and am pretty much alone on my own. It's not even like a few of my friends its everyone.

 

I don't need to have a girlfriend, yes I want one and they all know that I am looking for a relationship.

 

Now because of the whole couples thing and not calling me they don't even call me for regular stuff. I always find out by accident and then offcourse I am going to feel bad.

 

I don't have the option right now of finding a new group because school is out and there is no one I can date at work. I don't even really want to do that when I can't get things stable in my life overall.

 

How do I tackle this situation, today I brought up the fact that not inviting me to these normal events bothers me. All I got like well you know about them so whats the big deal now? Well they always used to tell me these things actively as soon as they were planned. I told her it bothered me and she just didnt even bother to respond even though she read my message.

 

Sometimes they push me to bring a date or some one but theres no one so it kind of makes me feel bad I don't have a girlfriend.

 

I can't take this crap anymore, I fix my life and get it stable and then some bs happens. Honestly, whats the point of life if stuff keeps getting messed up and there isn't any stability?

[Shallow]

Honestly, whats the point of life if stuff keeps getting messed up and there isn't any stability?

 

Stable life is an oxymoron. Life, by design, is ups and downs.

 

That said, I know how you feel. However, I don't hate couples, I just prefer not to be around a bunch of them when I'm by myself. It just makes me more miserable to see everyone else so happy with others around them.

 

The only thing you can do is make more single friends and hang around them when everyone else is doing their couples thing, or work harder at getting a date.

[PrincessBOT]

Maybe you can plan somethings and invite them. They can't leave you of the plans if you are the one making the plans. It's a win win because they are your friends so they will want to come and you will be the point of contact so everyone will be calling you to confirm. You will still enjoy yourself because you are hanging out with your friends. Atleast you have the friends, some less fortunate people don't have them.

[stingray]

Stable life is an oxymoron. Life, by design, is ups and downs.

 

That said, I know how you feel. However, I don't hate couples, I just prefer not to be around a bunch of them when I'm by myself. It just makes me more miserable to see everyone else so happy with others around them.

 

The only thing you can do is make more single friends and hang around them when everyone else is doing their couples thing, or work harder at getting a date.

I am not looking for the advice to make more friends, they are just too many preventing factors at the moment. I am looking at ways to confront and deal with this particular situation.

 

Couple need to have more empathy when it comes to their single friends and learn to respect them. Also there isn't any excuse for doing excessive PDA in front of your single friends either!

 

Maybe you can plan somethings and invite them. They can't leave you of the plans if you are the one making the plans. It's a win win because they are your friends so they will want to come and you will be the point of contact. You will still enjoy yourself because you are hanging out with your friends.

Good idea, I have traditionally been the planner of the group so it would flow very well. I am going to give this a try, but I would also like to confront them on some of these issues.

[Clarity]

Are they really your friends if they don't invite you out? Almost all of my good friends are coupled up, but I'm still welcome at their social outings...

[Dako]

Please forgive my assumptions about you, but I'm trying to be helpful.

 

Young people can be lost without a peer group. If you want to see a movie, play, dine out or anything else, getting out there alone will expand your comfort zone. You'll discover a world of friendly waitresses, other singles and people of different ages and lifestyles who also navigate life without the herd.

 

Without depending on a circle of friends you can explore life as a free person. Remove the training wheels and be yourself in the world.

 

Hating couples is an exercise in futility.

[stingray]

Please forgive my assumptions about you, but I'm trying to be helpful.

 

Young people can be lost without a peer group. If you want to see a movie, play, dine out or anything else, getting out there alone will expand your comfort zone. You'll discover a world of friendly waitresses, other singles and people of different ages and lifestyles who also navigate life without the herd.

 

Without depending on a circle of friends you can explore life as a free person. Remove the training wheels and be yourself in the world.

 

Hating couples is an exercise in futility.

I am an extrovert so my personality requires that I always be doing some thing and be the center of the party. My group has always helped me grow in the past and have always been there for me.

[Dako]

I am an extrovert so my personality requires that I always be doing some thing and be the center of the party. My group has always helped me grow in the past and have always been there for me.

 

So you're an extrovert within a group you know?

[itsallgrand]

They don't do anything away from their partners? Odd.

 

How old are you, just out of curiosity and context?

 

A lot of my friends are coupled up as well, and I'm one of the few singles. But the ones who are close with me still make time for one-on-one time, and it's not very often that I get cut out 'cause it is couples.

 

So I wonder, maybe your friends are just turds. Ok, maybe that isn't fair. !

 

I think if you go out of your way to keep involved with your buds, and if you truly get nothing back....well, it's hard work keeping friends like that with little reward.

 

It's good anyways to keep making new friends of different ages, situations, sex, backgrounds.....then there is always someone to spend time with or who is glad to you and you them.

 

hope you feel better soon. I agree with Shallow too....life is up and down, up and down....that is pretty much the only thing you can count on; change. But it's not so bad if you can anchor yourself so during the downs....things are still basically ok and you never feel like you are all alone in the world.

[abitbroken]

I am an extrovert so my personality requires that I always be doing some thing and be the center of the party. My group has always helped me grow in the past and have always been there for me.

 

So, if you dont have a group to be the center of attention for, you are lost without a paddle? Not all extroverts have to be the center of attention - many merely find it easy to strike up a conversation with a stranger or work a room and graciously give up the floor to others. having to be the center of attention is a different matter. Maybe they are not including you because you always have to be the center, and when there are couples, and they want to give equal attention to their dates or have turns at being the focus of the conversation, you don't do so well. I have many single friends who come along with my boyfriend and I or with other couples and nothing is awkward about it because instead of treating us like "oh no, the couple" conversations are a give and take. Its not all about them.

 

There is nothing to say you can't meet someone to date or make friends. You say you cant because you are working, but there are plenty of places you can meet folks like joining clubs, etc, or even going out of your way to include one of the couples' cute friends to see if you hit it off. You aren't making more friends because you can't, but because you dont want to. You just want this group to go back to having you at the center and it won't happen.

[Shallow]

I am not looking for the advice to make more friends, they are just too many preventing factors at the moment. I am looking at ways to confront and deal with this particular situation.

 

Couple need to have more empathy when it comes to their single friends and learn to respect them. Also there isn't any excuse for doing excessive PDA in front of your single friends either!

 

Empathy is a rare commodity.

 

The only thing that can prevent you from meeting new people is you. If all of your friends are off doing something and you're "alone on your own", then you need a larger pool to choose from.

 

I understand what you're trying to say, you want to hang out with these people. However, I maintain you wouldn't be happy hanging around these people when you're by yourself and they're all with someone. You hinted at this yourself.

[stingray]

They don't do any single thing without their partners, it's disgusting. Honestly, I have been there for every single one of their bad relationships and have nurtured them back. They should at least be good and respectful to me even despite the fact I am single. Aren't I still a person?

 

I am 20 by the way...

 

I feel like doing this to them when I find some one!

 

 

I have always tried my best to be as empathetic and facilitating as possible. I have gotten calls from these friends at 4 AM in the morning crying about a breakup. I always picked up and drove over to their homes and wouldn't leave until they felt better. Even when I dated people I cut down the PDA and made my single friends as comfortable as possible. Hell I even made my girlfriend part of the group so that it was more of a friends setting than anything else.

 

I would like to have a lot of friends, at one time I had a lot that I had trouble fitting them all into my week schedule.

[stingray]

I know when to change my persona and I do it quite well, in this case I have made good friends with all of their signifigant others. When we do hang out, lets just say everyone makes great memories.

 

 

I go to the gym but then again since it is a higher end more expensive club there's no one my age around. I've talked to some of the people and most of them are older 28-32.

 

I like to keep my gym membership at this gym though because of the facilities.

 

Believe me I am always open to new friends, and especially looking to date someone. My friends don't set me up on dates even though when it was mentioned a while back I made it clear I was totally open to it. Nothing was arranged though.

[PrincessBOT]

One thing I've learned is that friendships should not be easily thrown away of disregarded so easily, so I don't agree with finding single friends as a cure all solution. Friendships are relationships and so communication is key, but delivery is very important. I personally think that if you must discuss how you feel that one on one in this case is ideal instead of trying to confront the group.

 

Friendship usually outlast relationships and usually are the support and driving forces that help people through the end of relationships and things like death of a loved ones and other life events. However, friendships go through phases and the couple phase is one of them, but all is not lost because at 20 years old the coupling and uncoupling most likely it will be a revolving door for years to come. At some point you may be one of the coupled again and another friend the single one. I personally think you should just try planning more invites without confronting, but I understand your desire to. So if you speak with them (hopefully one on one) keep that in mind. Good Luck.

[Hermes]

my personality requires that I always be doing some thing and be the center of the party. My group has always helped me grow in the past and have always been there for me.

 

Hey hey NoF.! "always the CENTER of the party"!!!!

 

So it's all about YOU.

 

H

[bulletproof]

You are going about this backwards- you are trying to change other people's behavior, when the fact is that you can only change your own. Nobody in the world owes you anything- you thinking that they should do things a certain way or act a certain way means nothing. You can only control your own behavior, so you'd be better off taking the advice of expanding your social group rather than confronting this group of friends with your grievances.

 

I know that when I've had friends confront me or place demands on me in terms of how we spend time together, that's made me want to spend even less time with them. It's not like I won't hear a friend out if he/she has a legitimate gripe- but a confrontation about whether my behavior is acceptable in his/her eyes is not okay.

[Hermes]

Exactly, BulleP.

 

You are going about this backwards- you are trying to change other people's behavior, when the fact is that you can only change your own. Nobody in the world owes you anything- you thinking that they should do things a certain way or act a certain way means nothing. You can only control your own behavior, so you'd be better off taking the advice of expanding your social group rather than confronting this group of friends with your grievances.

 

 

H

[Undyinglova]

lol, tbh this is a good opportunity for you to grow on your own... noone on earth can help you grow like this. suck it up and live with it, basically. You basically just want attention.

If you want to be the centre of the party, get there. You just want everything handed to you. You just want everything to be about you. You want other people to empathize with you. You state that you'll do it to them when you get a gf. Maybe thats what they thought in the past. And now they're acting this way. Maybe you just hate you or you in the future.

As for hating yourself, there's nothing you can do besides changing yourself. But if you dont wanna change yourself, then go get a gf and do that to everyone, thats fine. Nothing in life is free. No matter what your choice is, you have to work for it

[stingray]

Hey hey NoF.! "always the CENTER of the party"!!!!

 

So it's all about YOU.

 

H

Nice how you took one sentence and have overemphasized it as a part of my personality. Wonderful...ENA is supposed to be a place where people receive support. I just feel like I am attacked!

 

lol, tbh this is a good opportunity for you to grow on your own... noone on earth can help you grow like this. suck it up and live with it, basically. You basically just want attention.

If you want to be the centre of the party, get there. You just want everything handed to you. You just want everything to be about you. You want other people to empathize with you. You state that you'll do it to them when you get a gf. Maybe thats what they thought in the past. And now they're acting this way. Maybe you just hate you or you in the future.

As for hating yourself, there's nothing you can do besides changing yourself. But if you dont wanna change yourself, then go get a gf and do that to everyone, thats fine. Nothing in life is free. No matter what your choice is, you have to work for it

Wow, thanks for your help you were so helpful...(sarcasm)

 

Honestly, I don't know why I bothered to post this thread when all I was going to receive was offensive remarks. I have done nothing wrong in this situation and I am feeling insecure because I am in a bad situation. Instead of supporting me and guiding me kindly I am just attacked!

[bulletproof]

I don't think anyone is attacking you. Perhaps you are oversensitive and this is what is affecting your perception of your current situation?

[stingray]

I don't think anyone is attacking you. Perhaps you are oversensitive and this is what is affecting your perception of your current situation?

Wrong again, you guys are making assumptions about me without giving me a chance to further explain.

[bulletproof]

Wrong again, you guys are making assumptions about me without giving me a chance to further explain.

 

What is it that you'd like to further explain?

[BriarRose]

Couples prefer to hang with other couples, that's just life - and it doesn't matter if you are 20 or 50. It will always be that way. If your friends are all coupled up, all you can do is try to make new friends, join new activities, etc.

[stingray]

Couples prefer to hang with other couples, that's just life - and it doesn't matter if you are 20 or 50. It will always be that way. If your friends are all coupled up, all you can do is try to make new friends, join new activities, etc.

I don't believe this is true because I know other couples who are my friends and we have a good time and none of these issues are present. It's okay it looks like some of the relationships in the group are fragmenting already. So maybe there might be relief coming my way shortly...

[abitbroken]

Nice how you took one sentence and have overemphasized it as a part of my personality. Wonderful...ENA is supposed to be a place where people receive support. I just feel like I am attacked!

 

 

Wow, thanks for your help you were so helpful...(sarcasm)

 

Honestly, I don't know why I bothered to post this thread when all I was going to receive was offensive remarks. I have done nothing wrong in this situation and I am feeling insecure because I am in a bad situation. Instead of supporting me and guiding me kindly I am just attacked!

 

You are not being attacked. You are in a situation where you have a choice to get out of or improve it. You are very focused on friends who are not reacting to you in a way that you want, so you have two choices. You can either stop hanging out with these friends or you can look to yourself to change what you are doing or how you are reacting to them because you can only change yourself - not other people. Have you told them how you have felt? People don't know how you feel unless you say.

 

Also, when a relationship is newer folks DO tend to be quite intense with eachother and let everyone else in the world melt away - so perhaps these friends will change as they are in the relationships longer - or not.