Extreme pain losing virginity. Help!

[Calisto]

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[lavenderdove]

Have you been examined by a gynecologist? Some people have very thick hymen membranes that are really hard to penetrate, but they can be stretched over time, and the doctor can write a prescription for devices to do this, or there can be a very quick minor surgery in the doctor's office to cut the membrane under local anesthesia.

 

You must also use a lot of lube in the beginning... and if you're tensing up, it can make it much worse, so you perhaps should go to the doctor and have him take care of this so that you can relax and enjoy the experience rather than dread it.

[lavenderdove]

You also might shop for a dildo or vibrator that is normal penis size, and use lube and gradually work on introducing it and stretching your hymen on your own at home, until you can comfortably insert a dildo/vibrator. Once you can do that, you will be ready to have sex with him.

 

But the quickest/easiest way to fix this is a trip to the doctor.

[Calisto]

Thanks for the response. I am aware that some women can have thicker hymens which is worrying me as I would really like to avoid a trip to the doctor is it normal to have this kind of pain? Am I just being a wimp?

[agent1607307371]

Unless there's been no foreplay and you're not wet then this sounds completely not normal.

 

Go get it checked out.

[Calisto]

oh dear What have been some experiences of first time sex? Anything close to this?

[Gath]

It doesn't have to be any more painful than a shot (or so I've been told, not being a woman). Its extremely important to go slow, and use a good lubrication. Water based ones are usually the best. Use fingers first, then work your way up. Don't expect it to happen quickly.

[orangecounty]

I SO wanted to help you when I read this post because I went through the exact same thing. In my case, I had a very stubborn hymen. My doctor told me that it was best to have the skin tear naturally. So, he prescribed a numbing agent for the area, the first wasn't strong enough and didn't work. I got a second ointment called "Xylocaine Jelly 2%" Worked like a charm! I would highly recommend this, I could not feel the pain and the skin tore naturally.

Good luck, no one should have to go through this when there's a simple solution.

 

ps. I should also mention that I was warmed up enough and relaxed and yet experienced a great deal of pain. If you are lubricated enough and relaxed, chances are your hymen is still quite in tact. Just have your doctor check it out, it's no big deal

[cazmoore]

Well, I can say the first time i had sex as well, it hurt! BUT, I also wasn't turned on, or wet so he was basically putting his penis in me and everything was all dried up. Yeah man, it hurt a LOT.

 

Also, do you know whether or not your hymen is still in tact?

[Calisto]

Thanks everyone. He's been using fingers on me for months, but can only ever get one in. My hymen is still intact, and I'm concerned it might be too thick or something. We're going to try again with lube but it still stings down there from a few days ago and the thought of putting anything up there again makes me squirm! He said I was too tense and kept pushing him back which he says makes it worse. I don't have an abnormally low pain threshold but it was soooo painful, I just couldn't take it!

 

Do you think painkillers/alcohol/numbing gels would work?

[NightLily]

You never mentioned your age but that can also be a factor. Women aren't fully developed at a younger age so even things like using a tampon can be much more painful.

 

I do agree it would be best to not rush things. Get to the point where he can use two fingers before putting yourself through any more pain.. It is also possible it won't hurt as much the next time.

[Calisto]

I'm actually 23 so no issues with development. I thought being a little older might be a factor too, not sure.

[agent1607307371]

If he can only manage one figner, there is a condition called vaginismus that can reult in this. Again, best to consult a doc.

 

Have you ever managed to masturbate with something penetrating you?

[Calisto]

No I haven't tried that, perhaps that is an option too. I'm just not sure if I'm being a total baby here and it's the same way for everyone.

[NightLily]

No you aren't being a baby. I can usually only manage one finger too lol.

 

It could be in part due to his size. Even though it wasn't my first time, the second guy I was sorta with was way way way too painful. As in just not possible.

 

Before that no issue. That lubricant somebody mentioned before sounds like a good idea.. maybe give that a try?

[lavenderdove]

If you can only get one finger in, then you definitely need to stretch yourself first or see a gynecologist to have this taken care of...

 

You should be able to get at least two fingers in comfortably before trying, and definitely use lube even when trying to stretch yourself.

 

There is also a chance that you're really tensing up which can be making the problem worse. At 23, you should be seeing a gynecologist anyway, so you should just make an appointment and ask the doctor if there is anything wrong or what they could do to help before putting yourself and your boyfriend thru all this emotional trauma again.

[orangecounty]

Before my hymen broke, I could only manage 1 finger as well. I 100% recommend the numbing gel. It was all just SO easy once we started using it and I really wished we had tried earlier. The reason my doctor was against cutting it in the office, was because it is not a natural tear and so it can cause pain and problems down the road. It's REALLY hard to be calm and relax when you're in that much pain, so going slow and using lots of lube will work eventually, but seems so much more painful for no reason.

[glucoze]

Never had sex so I can't tell you..

I love pain so I dont think it'd be a problem for me..

maybe you should see your gynecologist..

[greywolf]

Do you have anxiety about it? A lot of times that'll make you contract your muscles and it'll hurt a lot. This is going to sound weird, but have you tried pushing out with your vaginal muscles while he's trying to penetrate you? It makes it a lot wider at the entrance.

[Calisto]

Anyone know of any over the counter gels of that type? I understand the suggestions to see a doctor but I'd really like to try all other possibilities before that.

 

I know that after the first time he tried to penetrate I was terrified the times he tried again, and he said I kept pushing him away. It's an unconscious thing though..I tried to relax my muscles but it was too painful not to tense up. I guess I need to be more relaxed before starting.

[sophie274]

Anyone know of any over the counter gels of that type? I understand the suggestions to see a doctor but I'd really like to try all other possibilities before that.

 

I know that after the first time he tried to penetrate I was terrified the times he tried again, and he said I kept pushing him away. It's an unconscious thing though..I tried to relax my muscles but it was too painful not to tense up. I guess I need to be more relaxed before starting.

 

Is there a particular reason you're reluctant to see a doctor?

 

At 23, you should already be having annual exams with pap smears at a gynecologist's office to protect your sexual and reproductive health, and if you have not yet you should schedule an appointment for one now. To me, it makes a lot more sense to get the medical all-clear before you drive yourself silly with pain and frustration. I think I would be a lot more relaxed trying if I knew for sure that there was nothing "wrong" there. Your doctor can also provide a numbing gel that will be much more effective than anything you could find over the counter, if they are even available over the counter.

[orangecounty]

I know both numbing gels that I used had to be prescribed by a doctor. They sell numbing gels for babies who are teething. I'm not sure if that's a good idea or not, you would have to make sure that is safe. Do you not have medical coverage and is that why you're avoiding the doctor?

[lavenderdove]

Yes, you should also be seeing a doctor to consider your birth control options, as condoms alone may not be 100% effective. At your age, and if you are sexually active, you should be seeing a gynecologist to address birth control and sexual health issues such as this and others.

 

Also, even young women get cervical cancer, so you do need to be getting Pap smears to protect your health/life and get early treatment that can save both your life and fertiliity.

[tiredofvampires]

One of my sisters had this problem, and went to a gynecologist, who told her she had what is known as an "imperforate" hymen -- which is one that's too thick and/or seals of the vagina too much to allow anything penis-sized in without significant tearing (which means trying to stretch it, relax, use lube, won't help much). She got the procedure to surgically cut it, under local anesthesia.

 

I am interested, orangecounty, if your doctor said you had an imperforate hymen, too?

 

The reasoning of it being better to naturally have it torn vs. surgically cutting it is interesting, but I'm not sure why it would cause more problems and pain to cut it than tear it. Usually, I'm for "natural" means of doing things, so the xylocaine 2% seems like a real answer.

 

And no, you can't get that over the counter, OP.

[orangecounty]

tiredofvampires,

 

He just suggested that it would be better for it to tear naturally by having intercourse than by cutting it. I'm sure the results would vary from one to another.

 

He didn't say it was "imperforate." It had torn a bit on its own, but it seemed the base of the hymen was thicker and a lot more stubborn and was creating a lot of pain and discomfort. Your sister's case seems a lot more serious than my own. My sister's experience was about the same as my own but she unfortunately never went to the doctor, nor did she have a very understanding boyfriend and went through a lot of unnecessary pain.