This wedding stuff is driving me crazy!!!

[GoldenHillGuy]

 

 

Hi all,

 

Been awhile. We're planning, or starting to plan a wedding for Oct, 2011. Everyday for the past month, the conversation has been about the wedding, who's coming, the kids they will bring, finding a venue, the details.......those damned details.

 

Frankly, I can't go on like this! I try to change the subject, but she gets upset like I'm avoiding it. If I miss, or don't respond to an email about the wedding at work, she gets hurt.

 

Will I have to endure 1.5 more years of this madness?

[Sanesoul]

Good lord, the wedding is that far away and she is like this?

 

I planned my wedding in two months, and frankly, the impending life-time marriage mattered way more to me than the one-day celebration.

 

To each his own I guess.

[metrogirl]

Sounds like she wants a huge gala. Be prepared for Bridezilla.

[sophie274]

I planned my wedding in two months, and frankly, the impending life-time marriage mattered way more to me than the one-day celebration.

 

I always think that's a bit unfair - being excited about the wedding doesn't mean you don't understand that the marriage is what's really important. The one doesn't exclude the other.

 

That being said, yes, this sounds really annoying. So you've been engaged for a month, and every day all day is wedding?!

 

I guess my suggestions would be:

- just saying it straight out: "darling, I'm so excited that we're getting married, but it feels like all we've been talking about over the past few months are wedding details, and I'm feeling a bit wedding-ed out. Why don't you tell me about how things are at work/how you're family is doing/how that book you're reading is?"

- trying to set in stone some of the wedding now so you don't have to keep hemming and hawing over things. As in, the size of the wedding/guest list, a policy about children, the type of venue you want. Book whatever needs to be booked early. That should give you a good amount of time before you need to start planning the small stuff like colors and food and cake and flowers, right? So then maybe you can tell her that since you guys have sketched out your "vision", maybe you can take a few months off from wedding planning before attacking the details.

- if desperate, I think I might hire a wedding planner so she could have someone else to talk wedding to all day long. Only half-joking!

[hers]

i'm not even engaged yet and i talk wedding details to my boyfriend all the time haha. i have a word doc full of details. guilty of being your girlfriend. yes.

 

taht said, i know it can be annoying, and i like sophie's advice about telling her your'e excited but want to talk about other things.

 

your girlfriend is probably just excited about it all...some of us girls have dreamed about thsi day for our whole lives. let her have her excitement for a while and then it'll die down, i'm sure.

 

congrats on the engagement, by the way!!

[shuttlefish]

I think that almost every guy who's been ever been married can relate to this. Sometimes it's just a matter of enduring and persevering rather than enjoying for men.

 

This is why guys leap on the idea of eloping.

 

In the end, while you guys are sitting around in the retirement years, watching the grandchildren and complaining about governement, is she still going to remember what colour the centrepieces were....I hope not.

 

Enlist your family (especially the female members) to try to deflect some of this stuff away from you. Go hang out with your future father in law (I bet he understands lol)

[GoldenHillGuy]

Sounds like she wants a huge gala. Be prepared for Bridezilla.

 

HA! I told her she would be.............

 

To be honest, WE are having a small 65 person wedding. On the cheap, or as cheap as we can get it.

 

I think she's just really pissed about my 'lack of enthusiasm'. And I'll be the first to admit, that I don't have many ideas, or really care too much about the details........if that's a good way to say it? I mean, I care........but I just don't know what to do to be honest. She is putting in a lot of time calling around, getting quotes, etc. I feel like I'm just along for the ride, and she probably feels the same way. But, the only thing that REALLY matters to me is the PRICE. Sounds crude, but every $$$$ we spend is taking away from a downpayment on a house.

 

So..............the real question I guess................

 

WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO TO HELP?

[GoldenHillGuy]

i'm not even engaged yet and i talk wedding details to my boyfriend all the time haha. i have a word doc full of details. guilty of being your girlfriend. yes.

 

taht said, i know it can be annoying, and i like sophie's advice about telling her your'e excited but want to talk about other things.

 

your girlfriend is probably just excited about it all...some of us girls have dreamed about thsi day for our whole lives. let her have her excitement for a while and then it'll die down, i'm sure.

 

congrats on the engagement, by the way!!

 

HERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Congrats on the BF too. Is he a keeper?

 

BTW- awesome avatar.........almost as good as mine.

[maalox]

If you are not fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired, with enthusiasm. Take it from me, 14 years later, I'm *still* hearing about the ways I fell short prior to marriage. I mean, I hear about the ways I fall short IN marriage but your gf/wife will remember and if you don't make her happy now, you just might live to regret it.

 

Have a blast. Love her lots. Realize she's excited and let her ride it hard.

[sophie274]

Is there any part of the wedding planning that you're very excited about (not being snarky, seriously)? Like, do you love cake? Do you love music? Do you want to have an awesome rehearsal dinner? I think a good way to show interest is to take responsibility for some part of the planning, something that interests you. For example, if you really care about the music that will be played at the wedding, offer to take charge of that and research bands/DJs. Sure, it's just a party, but it's still YOUR party, and since, as you're keenly aware, you're paying for it, you might as well help make it something you'll definitely enjoy. So get some opinions about salmon vs. peach, and fast! No but really, I think it's important to try and give input, appreciate all the work she's putting (calling around for info and quotes is no fun), ask HER what you can do to help, and try to find an area that you can own and make yours and plan yourself.

 

Don't know why I didn't say it the first time, but CONGRATS! Wonderful news! I assume, of course, that anyone who's ever given you relationship advice on eNA is invited to the wedding ...

[babii doll]

i was kindof similar to your gf, my FI and i have only been engaged a couple of months now but the wedding is in Jan.

 

i would report back to him about the rings, the colors, the tuxes every little detail and he seemed indifferent about it and would give me the "its whatever you want to do babe" response, which would grate my nerves, since its not just my wedding its his as well. the only interest he has in the planning is the cake, food, alcohol, music oh and the honeymoon

 

i could tell it was a bit overwhelming for him that he finally pulled me aside and told me it was becoming a bit much for him. maybe taking a direct approach with her is best.

 

we've now reached a compromise and decided we would meet twice a month and talk about the wedding. instead of it being me bombarding him with wedding details almost everyday.

 

i can see how it can work a guys nerves and youre not getting married until next october.

[GoldenHillGuy]

Is there any part of the wedding planning that you're very excited about (not being snarky, seriously)?

 

Don't know why I didn't say it the first time, but CONGRATS! Wonderful news! I assume, of course, that anyone who's ever given you relationship advice on eNA is invited to the wedding ...

 

The part I'm excited about would be the food, the drinks, the music, and putting together a list for out of towners good places to eat and see. All the rest.........I have no opinion......not that I don't want to get married. Just that.......well, I could elope and be happy.

 

Sure, everyone on ENA can come......just bring $110 per plate for you and each of your guests!

 

i was kindof similar to your gf, my FI and i have only been engaged a couple of months now but the wedding is in Jan.

 

i would report back to him about the rings, the colors, the tuxes every little detail and he seemed indifferent about it and would give me the "its whatever you want to do babe" response, which would grate my nerves, since its not just my wedding its his as well. the only interest he has in the planning is the cake, food, alcohol, music oh and the honeymoon

 

i can see how it can work a guys nerves and youre not getting married until next october.

 

That's what I say...........'do whatever you would like'. That doesn't seem to be a winning phrase.

[babii doll]

That's what I say...........'do whatever you would like'. That doesn't seem to be a winning phrase.

 

saying "doing whatever you like" is the fastest way to annoy a bride-to-be lol. wouldnt recommend it, instead your deflecting.

 

my FI being straight forward with me and pulling me aside to tell me he was overwhelmed made me sympathize a bit and made me pull back on the daily non stop wedding chat.

 

maybe you two can reach a compromise, instead of her coming to you everyday with details. she can give you a update on the plans on or ask for your input once or twice a week if needed.

[sophie274]

The part I'm excited about would be the food, the drinks, the music, and putting together a list for out of towners good places to eat and see. All the rest.........I have no opinion......not that I don't want to get married. Just that.......well, I could elope and be happy.

 

Well that's quite a few things, and really the meat of the "party" part of the wedding. So ask her if you can head up the hunt for delicious food and awesome music, and start doing research and making calls, bargaining, scheduling tastings and testings, etc. It will definitely show interest and take a lot off of her shoulders.

[hers]

Haha yes, he's definitely a keeper. He's wonderful

 

I also agree with babii doll's advice. Maybe the direct approach is best. Let her know you're excited but overwhelmed with it all.

 

Are you still into salsa dancing? Maybe you can talk to her about putting together a good salsa dancing number for the reception. Show her your contributions in subtle ways like that, or tell her you'll put together "things to do/see/eat" packets for your out of town guests. Let her know you're contributing but not saying "whatever you like".

[Sky-Cherries]

Remind her that she's not a princess and it's not her big day.

 

It's just as much your big day as it is hers and if you don't want to talk about how adorable it would be to release doves in a pattern to spell out 'OMG how cute is my dress', then you don't have to.

[d24]

 

Hi all,

 

Been awhile. We're planning, or starting to plan a wedding for Oct, 2011. Everyday for the past month, the conversation has been about the wedding, who's coming, the kids they will bring, finding a venue, the details.......those damned details.

 

Frankly, I can't go on like this! I try to change the subject, but she gets upset like I'm avoiding it. If I miss, or don't respond to an email about the wedding at work, she gets hurt.

 

Will I have to endure 1.5 more years of this madness?

 

We've been planning our wedding since Feb 09 and thankfully the end is now in sight Sep 10.

 

All I can say is, get used to it or put your foot down NOW - else it'll only get worse.

 

Just keep reminding her it's her day and you're happy to go along with whatever she plans, and not to ask your opinion unless she actually wants it. (sometimes I actually picked the most hideous things on purpose to make her see I had 'no taste' and to leave me alone and do it herself mostly lol) Worked for me lol

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

Good to see you around again, congrats on the wedding but I do feel for you. It seems early to be really grinding over the details daily, but maybe it is just initial excitement?

 

The whole thing makes me glad I'm not interested in weddings lol.

[hexaemeron]

Lol, yikes. How many guys sit around dreaming about the details of their wedding? The tux? The venue? None!

 

I'd definitely try to input on things you're interested in but let her know guys don't have the same obsessive interest in details about this.

[diamond78]

 

Hi all,

 

Been awhile. We're planning, or starting to plan a wedding for Oct, 2011. Everyday for the past month, the conversation has been about the wedding, who's coming, the kids they will bring, finding a venue, the details.......those damned details.

 

Frankly, I can't go on like this! I try to change the subject, but she gets upset like I'm avoiding it. If I miss, or don't respond to an email about the wedding at work, she gets hurt.

 

Will I have to endure 1.5 more years of this madness?

 

 

Hells yea!! I am so glad you two are going down this road! Congrats!! Where's my invite??

 

But seriously, this is probably one of the most important days of her life and it's going to be a wild ride until it's over. Maybe you can just let her know that you are pretty much clueless when it comes to weddings, but that you are interested in contributing to x,y, and z areas. Sounds like you might be more interested in the wedding reception details. I would just put in a little bit of effort with that and hopefully she'll see you trying and let up a bit.

 

If you're only having 65 guests, then it shouldn't be too stressful of an event. Good luck and pray for patience! lol

[savagegirl]

LOL Oh wow, it's so far away too! I must admit I started off that way with my fiance too. We got engaged in Feb, the wedding is next March, and the first month or two I was talking weddings like NON STOP. Now I have completely burnt myself out of the topic and realizing that because it's still 10 months away, there isn't really alot I need to do yet! I'm sure she is just super excited, and just be a suuportive fiance and hear her out, talk about what interests you like the food and drinks, and try not to act too bored.

[prettymommy]

GHG.... I just saw this! WOOOOO-HOOOOO!!!!!! So happy for you!

 

Now, in all seriousness... lol.... you got to step it up a bit. A girlfriend of mine is going through a divorce at the moment, and one of the things she keeps mentioning is how her soon-to-be-ex never took any iniative.... and she dates it all the way back to their wedding planning. She talks about how it created A LOT of resentment in her that she was shouldering all the planning on her own, and how now she see now that it was indicative of her husband's view of his role in their marriage; that she was the planner and doer, and he was just a long for the ride and not an active partner in the life they were building together. So if your girl likes a man who takes charge..... you need to get the ball rolling here.

 

I totally relate that wedding planning is probably the last thing you want to do or care about- don't most men feel this way?- but if you make a little effort, it will show that you care about what's important to your girl. So be enthusastic about color choices; feign excitement over cake tastings, and maybe, if you really want to knock her out- call a couple caterers or event venues and get some quotes. But be an active particiapant, even if you feel out of your league. It will get you so many brownie points in the future..... ;-)

 

Glad all is well! So happy for you!

[hexaemeron]

But why should he have to lie to her to make her happy? That's BS. Yes, he should contribute where he feels necessary but by all accounts, she's going Bridezilla on him. I'd just be honest with her.

[Hermes]

I understand you perfectly, GoldenH:

 

Just that.......well, I could elope and be happy.

 

I suppose, count your lucky stars that it is "only" 65 guests and not 300.

 

H

[alidaxx]

The questions have to come to an end sometime, especially since the wedding is not next month haha. Don't upset her, answer her questions, she just seems really excited