Is it OK to keep letters, pictures, gifts etc. from your ex?

[happygal]

My bf and I have been together for almost 4 years, and we love each other and I trust him.

Anyhow he has a couple boxes with letters, cards, pictures etc. from a few of his ex-girlfriends (wish I didn't see that). One side of me says it is packed away in the closet not a big deal. The other side doesn't like it at all Wondering why he keeps hanging on to something that has ended that is in the past, and it isn't like family were you keep memories cause you are still making new ones as well.

 

How do you feel about it? If your are the person that keeps that kind of stuff, what does it do for you?

[doiiiieeezie]

It's okay, I still keep mementos from past relationships because at one time they were a part of my life. If you have been in a loving trusting relationship with him for that long, then rest assured he is not digging up memories to relive the past.

[In the Dark]

I do keep some things of my exes who I was closest with but it's a painful thing just to look at the items.

 

All it reminds me of is how something which seemed so good can turn into something which leaves you with traumatic emotional scars.

 

I personally have no intentions of getting back with my exes.

 

I still have items from an ex from 8 years ago.

 

Don't want to get back with her either.

 

All the items that are kept are the items of the person they were.

Not of the person they are now.

[Batya33]

I kept boxes for many years but when I had to purge my stuff in general to move to a new state, I threw out a lot of that stuff (this is after I was married) but kept some of it. Why would I throw out prom pictures and other photos that include exes but also family, close friends, etc.? I think I kept a few of the gifts ranging from t-shirts to some jewelry - it's such a non-issue I don't even remember. My husband might have some photos somewhere and I know he kept some gifts which is fine with me. There's no trust issue and even if occasionally seeing an item triggers a memory, so what? If I walk 10 blocks in my old neighborhood or my hometown I'll pass a dozen different locations that trigger memories, too.

 

I did have a friend whose fiancee displayed a photo album that included bikini shots of her standing with her ex at a resort. That seemed very tacky.

[Dixi]

I still have some cards, letters and pictures as well as gifts from past relationships, not that I know where they are, in a box up in the attic I guess! They were part of my life once so I guess those things mean something even if I don't look at them, if they represent good times then why get rid? I don't want to get back with any ex, they are all an ex for a reason but that doesn't mean that I would want to forget parts of my life that meant something to me at the time.

 

I guess one way of looking at it is; would you want your partner to get rid of everything you gave them (including the good memories) if your relationship didn't go in the direction you was hoping?

[happygal]

All good points.

I am that person that always cleans out, don't like too much stuff. And I didn't keep anything from my ex boyfriends. For me it is the past and that for a reason, so I see no point in hanging on to those memories, not even in a box, especially that I have no plans to get together with someone to add more memories. The ones in my head are good enough, and yes the ones with family or friend in it are another story.

If our relationship ended, I don't know if I wanted my bf too hold on to our good times in pictures etc. again if it is over it's over, but those are personal options. I just think having some of those personal pictures of ex's like mentioned in bikinis and other very personal ones, I think can only be hurtful for the next relationship.

[Longview01]

I have a shoebox with cards, letters and even a braclet that a ex left round

 

Its good to keep that stuff, it helps me remember those relationships and what went wrong with them and made me the person I am today