Do I say goodbye?

[mattguy]

Its been just over 3 months since my breakup. I am doing alright, its up and down, but now mostly up now.

 

Anyways ive been on about 3 weeks NC from my ex. Hes tried to contact me but Ive clearly ignored his attempts, it is too painful

 

in 2 weeks he is moving back to his hometown (5 hours away) - I dont know if i can say goodbye AGAIN . the first time nearly killed me when I was dumped. I am afraid seeing him would set me back and make me v. emotional and miss him all over again.

 

at the same time though, we were best friends when we dated and I am afraid I will seem like a bitter jerk if I just ignore the fact that I probably wont ever see him again.

 

what to do ... ?

[BIGIDFSH]

You need to decide which is more detrimental to you, jeopardizing your healing and recovery or him thinking you seem like a bitter jerk? Only you can decide, good luck *hugs*

[Tanzi]

I agree but I think you should be more concerned about your healing than how you appear to your ex. You are entitled to feel bitter (it can't be helped its all part of the process) and you are entitled to make the choices that make it easier for you to heel. I'm sure your ex would understand it is done out of pain rather than hate.

[brainfog]

Why go through it all over again, why bring back that pain. Nothing wrong with taking care of number one here. I say let him go.

 

If you say goodbye and become emotional, clingy or angry than that would make you appear more of a jerk than to just let him go and allow both of you start fresh.

[mattguy]

I agree with you all about looking out for myself. Its just so hard to do this, of course i want to see him again - because i miss him, but he doesnt miss me in the same way so I agree it is pointless. I just dont want to always be remembered as the bitter ex.

[jenmar]

My dilema as well... I dont want to be remembered for my stupid actions when we broke up and after the break up

 

Sometimes I wish I just held my head up high and walked away and never looked back.

Now it bothers me that I left a lasting impression of being completely emotional and ridiculous.

Not that i think he will come back, he isn't going to. but sometimes I think had i acted differently when we broke up he may have.

its like I justified everything he said when we broke up

 

 

Okay sorry for the rant on your thread..emotional day

 

I think your doing great, just look out for you.. that is what is important..

 

I heard somewhere think of what is important in your life at least three times a day- and do you best to build yourl ife around those things.

 

I am sure your ex is not one of them anymore.....

[mattguy]

omggg u read my mind. I REALLY wish i could have just said " alright, if thats what you want..." and walked away with my head held high too. instead I spent 2 months being the most patheric/crazy/manic person in the world. i called, i cried, i drunk dialed, i came to his house ect. i made myself look insane. next time i will keep my dignity. if i could turn back time ... .

[torontonotes]

Well, count me in too. Just earlier today I was telling my sister at how ashamed I am at how I handled things... Why couldn't I have just said, "Ok- Fine" and never contacted him again? Why did I have to make a fool of myself and give him the "upper hand". Ugh. I'm too old for this. I suppose that love isn't love without the foolishness.

[mattguy]

Well, count me in too. Just earlier today I was telling my sister at how ashamed I am at how I handled things... Why couldn't I have just said, "Ok- Fine" and never contacted him again? Why did I have to make a fool of myself and give him the "upper hand". Ugh. I'm too old for this. I suppose that love isn't love without the foolishness.

 

i feel like its never too late to have the upper hand. sure, i made a fool of myself for 2 months... but IM the one who is ignoring HIM now . hes calling me and trying to check up on me but i dont want anything to do with him anymore, i guess it takes time

[Live-N-Learn]

i feel like its never too late to have the upper hand. sure, i made a fool of myself for 2 months... but IM the one who is ignoring HIM now . hes calling me and trying to check up on me but i dont want anything to do with him anymore, i guess it takes time

 

I did the same thing the first month post breakup. I can tell you that until I reached the point of not wanting her back and went NC the ex had the power. Now it is mine and I really don't care.

 

I too look back and wish I knew what I know now. They might have changed there mind and came back. Never make that mistake again.

[No1]

If you say something he will reply. And ask yourself if you are ready to hear from him. And I am proud of you avoiding contact with him despite him trying to contact you. I am sure he is the one thinking if you have moved on with your life. So for that, you deserve a big kudos.

Now, it is polite to say good luck and have a great life. But if you do, be prepared for some responce and will the pain be too great. Follow your heart. What does it say?

[mattguy]

If you say something he will reply. And ask yourself if you are ready to hear from him. And I am proud of you avoiding contact with him despite him trying to contact you. I am sure he is the one thinking if you have moved on with your life. So for that, you deserve a big kudos.

Now, it is polite to say good luck and have a great life. But if you do, be prepared for some responce and will the pain be too great. Follow your heart. What does it say?

i think it is telling me not to say goodbye

[fuddiduddy]

Mattguy,

 

Can you just send him a simple, one-way text? Along the lines, of, "Hey, just sending you this to wish you the best of luck and hope everything works out for you. Take care."

 

If he texts you back, just delete it immediately without even reading it (if you can resist! lol).

 

Seems like a good compromise with what you're feeling.