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Is it bad to cut your parents off?


glucoze

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Well, my mother causes me constant grief. I am still young but she has affected me tremendously on a mental and emotional level. Not good at all.

I am seeking therapy for everything. But I am thinking andI want to stick to this idea about cutting her off next year when I move out and begin University.

She won't change. Ever. But is it wrong i mean in your opinion

should I cut her off? Because she will make me miserable she already is.

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Whether it is "wrong" is pretty subjective. I mean if having your mother in your life causes you emotional and psychological harm then of course I'd say cut her out of your life. But I'm sure there is a lot more to the story.

 

You said you are seeking therapy which I think is a great idea. I think you should make this question of cutting your mother out of your life something you explore together with your therapist.

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Well, my mother causes me constant grief. I am still young but she has affected me tremendously on a mental and emotional level. Not good at all.

I am seeking therapy for everything. But I am thinking andI want to stick to this idea about cutting her off next year when I move out and begin University.

She won't change. Ever. But is it wrong i mean in your opinion

should I cut her off? Because she will make me miserable she already is.

 

You only get one mother.

 

I don't know what she's done to you, but I would try to FOCUS on FORGIVENESS, even if that seems REALLY hard.

 

Time has a way of slipping away from us...should you cut her off, you might regret your decision later in life.

 

Just my opinion.

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I've cut family members out of my life before. I have no regrets about it. They were contributing nothing good to my life and far too much bad.

 

However, you're still young and won't want o burn bridges. You may need her support later.

 

Of course, it depends entirely on what she's done to hurt you.

 

I don't want to go into too much detail, but her constant criticisism and vebal abuse is affecting my life. Ever since I was little nothing has changed. Its gotten out of hand that I seeking therapy so I can be better lol

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I don't want to go into too much detail, but her constant criticisism and vebal abuse is affecting my life. Ever since I was little nothing has changed. Its gotten out of hand that I seeking therapy so I can be better lol

 

You may not have to cut her off, but just keep her at an emotional distance. If you don't give her the ability to affect you, it won't matter what she says. It's hard to keep a distance from a mother at your age. But, it gets better once you are on your own. When I moved out, it was the best thing for the relationship with my mother. We are on good terms now, but I'd never put too much faith in her or move back in.

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You may not have to cut her off, but just keep her at an emotional distance. If you don't give her the ability to affect you, it won't matter what she says. It's hard to keep a distance from a mother at your age. But, it gets better once you are on your own. When I moved out, it was the best thing for the relationship with my mother. We are on good terms now, but I'd never put too much faith in her or move back in.

 

I try not to let her affect me but she does. Ugh lol therapy i hear does wonders.

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Do talk about it with your future therapist. Also consider something between totally cutting off and contact. Like, talking to her only once every other week or possibly less. Find internships or jobs somewhere else during the summer or take winter break classes etc if your university has them. You can always continue to lessen the contact as time goes on.

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I try not to let her affect me but she does. Ugh lol therapy i hear does wonders.

 

Don't expect it to fix everything. Depending on what you have been put through it can take years to come to terms with it. If you are to the point of losing functioning I found that there is definitely an initial boost for that. Possibly because of the feeling of hope and accountability. Also make sure you are comfortable with the therapist and if you are not don't be shy to try another.

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Use this as a growth experience. If you just shut her off instead of dealing with the relationship, you create a precedence of running away from your problems. Setting BOUNDARIES is good. There will be a boundary when you are physically apart - but you can also develop other skills, like ending the conversation when it goes south, and other skills. Some people who have abusive mothers later find out that they weren't abusive - they were just telling you things that you didn't want to hear. Others have actual abusive mothers and they learn to have contact with them in a way that doesn't put them in the crux of things - seeing them at group events, etc where there are others around or merely growing and not depending on mom for their personal validation.

 

Not being in her physical space will change a lot, I think too.

 

Another thing, if you are going away to school and your parents are helping you - it could create big problems if you cut them off cold turkey.

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