zingergirl Posted April 3, 2010 Share Posted April 3, 2010 Ok - I really need some help on this one. I recently discovered that several parents on my teenage sons' hockey team have been supplying alcohol to team members. My sons are not friends with these kids and don't want to be - they are good kids and have the good sense to stay away from drinking and drugs. However, these parents actually bought liquor for the players at an out-of-town tournament and brought it back to the hotel. At the end of the season they hosted the celebration party and again, served alcohol. The result has been that my sons are completely ostracized. They stayed with me in my room during the tournament and we went out for a nice evening to see the sights rather than join in with the team-mates. The night of the big celebration/end of season party they came home and we had pizza together. I say all of that to point out that we are good and they are safe. However, we have now decided to take them off the team and they will be playing for another team. This is unfortunate because this was the "school" team (although they are not officially part of the school - they wear the colors and use the mascot and call themselves the school team - but the school does not sponsor hockey). However, now my sons have to play far from our house and are not part of the "school" team. I have gone to the board and talked to many parents and everyone just says "well, no one says you or your kids have to do this - it is your choice to not have your kids drink and it is the other parents choice to do that". And let me say - most of these parents are upper middle class, seemingly educated people - but they are clueless. They don't care about liability and they really seem to take pride in their kids isolating my sons. The coaches even attend these parties. Sooooooooo - my question is, am I crazy? Are other parents really allowing this? Am I more strict than other parents (not that I would change). Please someone help me understand this situation and what I can do. I am worried that my child might one day be put in a situation with these kids & parents (they do still see them at school) or that another child might get hurt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greywolf Posted April 3, 2010 Share Posted April 3, 2010 I think if a parent wants to get their kids alcohol, that's ok. I'd rather have my kids drinking with me than going out and getting drunk at parties when they're teenagers. What bothers me about this situation though, is that it sounds like a couple of parents are providing alcohol to other people's children. How many parents are aware of this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glegend Posted April 3, 2010 Share Posted April 3, 2010 I really believe that its way better for kids to get alcohol from parents rather then from any other means. Its usually the kids, who have to buy it with fake id's, or have to sneak it out from their parents liquor chest, that usually get into trouble. As much as I agree with the OP, the response from the school was poor. It is true that its the choice of the child to drink or not drink the substance. However, I feel that this is a matter that should be brought up to the rest of the team members parents. If I had children, I would not like them being provided with alcohol but the parents of the other children. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted April 3, 2010 Share Posted April 3, 2010 where do you live? where i live, it's legal to drink with your parents. in europe this would be typical as well. but the whole thing just sounds a bit irresponsible, well, more than a bit! are the parents actually with them in the room for the parties, or they drop it off and leave? is this legal where you live? i might even consider telling the police. see what they have to say. you sound like a good parent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agent1607307371 Posted April 3, 2010 Share Posted April 3, 2010 How old are these kids? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
treeclimb Posted April 3, 2010 Share Posted April 3, 2010 Im in New Zealand. About 10 years ago they lowered the drinking age here from 20 to 18. It proved to be a disaster. It was changed on the basis that you can do most other things by 18 and 18 year old should be trusted. But it's created several problems. 12 year old alchaholics included. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G-Snap Posted April 3, 2010 Share Posted April 3, 2010 I think you are in the right. I am in the US. Underage drinking is illegal. I would never as a parent provide my kids with alcohol. Sure, they might sneak it behind my back, but i'll be darned if I am going to be the one giving it to them. When kids grow up they look back on how they were raised to model their own lives (and i know I did, i might not have agreed with mom and dad at 16, but their values live on in me as I became an adult). Even if they are rebellious they will usually grow out of it, and if we don't teach them good habits and morals, they might not learn it elsewhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glegend Posted April 3, 2010 Share Posted April 3, 2010 I think you are in the right. I am in the US. Underage drinking is illegal. I would never as a parent provide my kids with alcohol. Sure, they might sneak it behind my back, but i'll be darned if I am going to be the one giving it to them. When kids grow up they look back on how they were raised to model their own lives (and i know I did, i might not have agreed with mom and dad at 16, but their values live on in me as I became an adult). Even if they are rebellious they will usually grow out of it, and if we don't teach them good habits and morals, they might not learn it elsewhere. To be honest with you I've had alcohol avaliable to me all my life. If I wanted a sip of a drink that my parents were drinking, all I had to do was ask. Sometimes they would offer me. Around the time, I turned 16 my dad would always ask me if I wanted beer or wine with dinner. Majority of the time I stuck with my Coke/Pepsi. Sometimes he would be like here and pour a small portion of beer/wine in a glass. BUT Never had I ever had the thought to get a fake id to go buy some, or even get someone to buy some for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G-Snap Posted April 3, 2010 Share Posted April 3, 2010 To be honest with you I've had alcohol avaliable to me all my life. If I wanted a sip of a drink that my parents were drinking, all I had to do was ask. Sometimes they would offer me. Around the time, I turned 16 my dad would always ask me if I wanted beer or wine with dinner. Majority of the time I stuck with my Coke/Pepsi. Sometimes he would be like here and pour a small portion of beer/wine in a glass. BUT Never had I ever had the thought to get a fake id to go buy some, or even get someone to buy some for me. Might have worked out like that for you my friend Glegend, but I still am a strong opponent for providing underage kids alcohol. You might have turned out one way, which is great, but I knew kids with parents who were very liberal with alcohol and their kids have drinking problems. I just wouldn't be willing to take that chance. My motto is lead by example. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FathomFear Posted April 3, 2010 Share Posted April 3, 2010 How old are these teenages? But anyway, I believe studies have shown that early exposure to alcohol tends to reduce the likelihood of alcholism later on. It becomes less of a forbidden fruit, so to speak. I don't see anything wrong with giving older teenages alcohol in moderation. They'll be surrounded by it the moment they hit university/college anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FathomFear Posted April 3, 2010 Share Posted April 3, 2010 Im in New Zealand. About 10 years ago they lowered the drinking age here from 20 to 18. It proved to be a disaster. It was changed on the basis that you can do most other things by 18 and 18 year old should be trusted. But it's created several problems. 12 year old alchaholics included. How does lowering the age from 20 to 18 create more 12 year old alcoholics? That would still be an illegal age under both age limits. In Canada the legal age is 18 or 19, depending on the province you're in. And then there's Europe... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bear12 Posted April 3, 2010 Share Posted April 3, 2010 But I think we're losing sight of the point here. It's one thing for parents to offer their own kid a glass of wine or beer with dinner on occasion. true, the OP didn't provide all the relevant facts, but i get the sense that the parents are more encouraging/allowing partying/binge drinking while these kids are away from home. i think this is a very, very bad idea for more reasons than i could possibly explain in a paragraph or two! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zingergirl Posted April 3, 2010 Author Share Posted April 3, 2010 It's two different families providing alcohol to the entire team. My sons and a few others do not participate - but most do - and to the best of my knowledge all parents are aware. A few people are "bothered" by it, but no one else will say or do anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zingergirl Posted April 3, 2010 Author Share Posted April 3, 2010 It is not legal. In fact, it is actually illegal to provide your own children alcohol (where I live). The kids are 15 - 18. If they were all seniors in high school wouldn't be so upset (I still wouldn't want my kids to participate - but it wouldn't be so horrible). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zingergirl Posted April 3, 2010 Author Share Posted April 3, 2010 Bear12 hit the nail on the head. My biggest problem is that they are hosting drinking parties. When I was young we did the typical things - tried to get our hand on a 6-pack or two - which would equal one or two beers for each person - Because it is illegal it is difficult to get mass quantities. However, you are correct -these parents are modeling binge drinking. The teenagers leave their house drunk and throwing up. These well-off idiots are alcoholics themselves (they come drunk to every game) and don't seem to see what they are doing. Of course they all hate me and have really nasty things to say about me - which is odd, because all I have done is remove my kids from the situation and speak to the board about the danger of the situation. I haven't named names and haven't called the police (which I could and sometimes think I should). But if something happens to my child - or another child, I will always feel I didn't do enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted April 3, 2010 Share Posted April 3, 2010 link removed link removed in the news this morning. 17-year old Notre Dame recruit dies from alcohol-related fall at a hotel party. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G-Snap Posted April 3, 2010 Share Posted April 3, 2010 I also didn't think you were talking about a sip of wine or beer but rather supplying alcohol for them to drink freely at a party, and that's just plain wrong. They are underage, its illegal, and is setting them up for poor drinking habits when they get older. But you say the parents are alcoholics themselves, and sadly alcoholics tend to have children who grow up to be the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidehop Posted April 4, 2010 Share Posted April 4, 2010 I agree with G-Snap, my parents never allowed me to sip or dare talk about alcohol, granted in other cultures it's widely accepted and parents teach their children responsible drinking (if there is such thing). It's a big no-no in our household. Not only the fear of kids getting hooked but for them to distinguish what's appropriate and hope they'll do the same when they have their own children. Now you're stuck with a dilemma of reporting this to the local authorities or keeping your mouth shut. Personally I wouldn't hesitate to call if such activity was taking place. It's irresponsible of the parents and like Annie said someone could potentially get seriously hurt or die. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3boys Posted April 5, 2010 Share Posted April 5, 2010 Do they also let the kids drive home after they've been drinking? Probably... I'm with you, it's wrong and I wouldn't want my kids to be around it either. If they were between 18-21, I would probably feel differently, but I wouldn't let ANY of them drive or even get to the point where they were throwing up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zingergirl Posted April 5, 2010 Author Share Posted April 5, 2010 Yes - they do allow kids to drive home. I've heard they offer to have kids spend the night - but many don't. Their last party was on a school night (went on until 2:00 in the morning). It's so strange - I don't think of myself as the "strict" parent. I take my sons to rock concerts and downtown - they watch whatever they want on t.v. and such - but I'm feeling like Ned Flanders. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turnera Posted April 5, 2010 Share Posted April 5, 2010 Yeah, I'd be making an appointment at the next School Board meeting and naming names. I'd also invite the press and let them know what you'll be talking about. Your kids will only be in that school a few years. But at least they (and their friends) will be alive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doc Blaze Posted April 5, 2010 Share Posted April 5, 2010 Yes - they do allow kids to drive home. I've heard they offer to have kids spend the night - but many don't. Their last party was on a school night (went on until 2:00 in the morning). It's so strange - I don't think of myself as the "strict" parent. I take my sons to rock concerts and downtown - they watch whatever they want on t.v. and such - but I'm feeling like Ned Flanders. ^^^ Awesome! everyone is cool about it until someones child dies...then people start to point fingers.... legal limit of a person under 21 is ZERO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
renaissancewoman101 Posted April 5, 2010 Share Posted April 5, 2010 Yeah, I'd be making an appointment at the next School Board meeting and naming names. I'd also invite the press and let them know what you'll be talking about. Your kids will only be in that school a few years. But at least they (and their friends) will be alive. I would keep the kids away from that kind of behavior, but I would NOT go to the school board to name names, mainly because I don't want fallout to come down on the kids (aka getting bullied, name called, etc for "ratting" out their peers). To me, if others want to engage in dubious behavior that is THEIR problem, NOT mines. If I don't want my kids to engage in that type of behavior, I won't let them. End of story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidehop Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 Yeah, I'd be making an appointment at the next School Board meeting and naming names. I'd also invite the press and let them know what you'll be talking about. Your kids will only be in that school a few years. But at least they (and their friends) will be alive. I would probably contact the local law enforcement at the time of such incident, unless you have solid evidence to prove that these parents are doing something illegal it's probably unwise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turnera Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 Didn't they have proof? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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